bradandchris - Tumblr blog

bradandchris · 3 days

Text

To ensure his dominance and a score each day, European heart throb and first male Cover Girl Gustavio liked to say technically true but silly things like, he was ‘only into twinks when he was banging them.’

Oh. That Gustavio. You think he’s bad? You should meet his straight French cousin Gaston!

41 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 10 days

Text

Chris’ favorite color was RAINBOW!! …Obviously, his boyfriend Brad’s favorite color was clear.

We don’t see him. Do you?

Well… That was yet another post that inexplicably disappeared from Tumblr. There have been so many we lost count over here at BradandChris.com.

Thanks a lot censor bots!!!

PS - Our differentiator as the gays is SEX! Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. SEX!!!!

Stop it already.

No really. Stop. Sex is our thing.

I’m telling you people jealousy is nothing to sneeze at. This kinda stuff doesn’t happen bi-accident.

BTW - have you seen that one? No real accidents there as it’s scripted, just lots of bad acting. Bi-accident 2 tho was a huge improvement. We do mean HUGE.

27 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 11 days

Text

Brad looooved volunteering as candy stripper at Cedars-Sinai!

Wait a second. Was his butt hot or chili?

Oh. Brad could tell this could get real sticky real fast like homemade flapjacks. What he needed to do was to ask his bf Chris before his hand got stuck.

Click!

Well, it was a good thing the elevator was headed to the first floor. The ER would know how to unstuck him.

215 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 15 days

Text

Just the Fashion Tip #1436

When doing curls at the gym never underestimate the importance of form-fitting.

Yes. That’s form followed by fitting with both words working in tandem. Got that? Most people forget the ‘fitting.’ It is such an amateur move.

Ok. Let’s concentrate now.

…Is this that kid Slater from Saved By The Bell?

Tight look

43 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 25 days

Text

Chris wondered if it was possible to face just part of the music.

Brad took another look in the mirror.

Geez. Should he just let it all hang out?

The red contraption was a gift but pretty little things like this always came with questionable obligation as an erotic dancer. This was especially true for all things pleather or ketchup red.

This was obviously a double doozy. Who does a person do in this situation? It was always a race to the finish with his big tippers. That never actually bothered Brad as a speedy coming to head meant a higher turnover. That was a very good thing for an erotic dancer like himself.

Well, no matter who stood behind Chris or how much behind he got himself, one thing was for sure. The silky silver lining in this new t-back was about to give him a raging head start.

Brad snapped the selfie just in time.

Wow. That was a hot shot.

You know, if there ever was a big fat wiener here, it might just be his!

36 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 25 days

Text

It was wild! The grass was yey high not an hour ago. What could have happened?

Brad and Chris’ exposure due lack of clothing was usually assumed to be unconsciously on purpose by most. Super attractive people did this sort of thing, at least according to the masses. Outside of sleeping, Brad and Chris in reality were always conscious of their generous exposure because they never bothered to cover up.

At 19 am the two were wide awake and the cutting and removal of the grass was clearly not their doing. Jose tended to Brad and Chris’ garden on Tuesdays, and it was… well, not that day of the week.

It was at that moment Brad’s smart phone went off in the distance. Not a moment after, their neighbor Luke appeared with Brad’s phone in hand. Luke informed the two he got a new pair of specs from the Binoculars Club of The Month Club in the mail. Apparently, he cut the grass as a favor for himself. It was the only time Luke was happy to see the mailman come early.

Luke pointed out that the mailman dropped packages off at Brad and Chris’s just before his ruining any chance of coming over fully loaded. The two were always rocking their morning workout on the front porch in thongs and Luke felt like he was left hanging.

To help rectify the situation, Luke thought it may be a fun idea if Brad and Chris could make their t-backs reversible. It might drop a hint for the mailman to switch up his route. Their neighbor then invited Brad and Chris’s thoughts.

It wasn’t the worst idea and not exactly the best. Brad and Chris tentatively agreed to give it a go once Brad had his phone back. It was weird how it jumped from the front porch into Luke’s hands all by itself. How they missed Luke machete his way through the side lawn, no one could fully understand either.

After a bit of back and forth Brad, had his phone and questions outnumber answers. Chris wondered if there was ever really a question to begin with. Brad couldn’t figure out how Luke got his phone to ring, and Luke forgot why he came over.

Well despite all the mystery that morning, one thing was always certain. Whenever things were off for Brad and Chris, like a bad neighbor, perv Luke was there.

And that he was.

7 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 1 month

Text

Gustavio liked his meat pink.

4 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 2 months

Text

Brad knew he was pretty. No news there.

…but was he AI pretty?

He didn’t feel real real real. While there, Brad didn’t know how to feel real real in the first place. Did anyone know?

In the spirit of keeping it real Brad’s boyfriend Chris answered with a stark “No.” Chris then went on to explain not a single soul had a clue as to why we were all on this tiny planet hurtling through interstellar space at ungodly speeds.

After three seconds of pouted silence, Brad demanded to know once again if he was not pretty but AI pretty.

Chris said Brad was ‘as plastic as they come’ not after pointing out plastic was as real as anything else. “You want to get real Brad? Just look at our oceans. Even sea salt was loaded with microplastics now. Nothing out of the ocean was safe. It was pink Himalayan or bust.”

Before Chris could go any further, Brad announced that he decided he’d ask their friend Becky when she got back from the taco stand. She was straight so could hypothetically give a straight answer. It wasn’t ideal but his boyfriend’s roundabout just wasn’t cutting it.

Brad then paused to look around. “Where was Becky anyway?

Chris replied, “Really Brad? Really?!?”

That’s when Becky sauntered up from behind Chris with a basket of fresh steamy tacos. She asked the boys for the last time if they were really down for eating all this given they were both out. It was quite a spread and the meat had the same consistency as cottage cheese but it wasn’t Taco Bell nor its knock off Taco Bueno. It was some local man from Pennsylvania who made them. His name was Hanz Bergenstein. That stuck out to Becky for some reason.

Brand and Chris were very quick to respond that they were not up or down with the taco scene.

Becky thought this might be the case. Pulling her sunglasses down to the tip of her nose so she could make eye contact with Brad and Chris, Becky mentioned it was a good thing it was a Saturday. There was no way they’d be sitting next to a group of stuntmen from the Monster Truck Show tomorrow. It was one night only and always on a Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

No one knew why the day of the show needed to be repeated three times when it actually occurred in the evening. The Monster Truck Show never started before 5-5:30pm so the organizers wouldn’t be inclined to extend the truck rally and inadvertently cause a mass suffocation in an unsuspecting domed stadium.

As it was, everyone would get light headed just one hour in. The show was absolutely terrible but the fumes more than made up for it. Mix in the beer and Red Bull, and it didn’t matter what was going on. That’s a good time despite any controversy. To that Becky asked Brad and Chris “Was 5pm technically still daytime?”

Brad pointed out it was a slightly delicate yes and no situation which included the whole daylight savings mess and that seemed like a lot for a casual day at the pool. Chris agreed and then threw in a memo stating that spring forward/fall back thing just needed to die already. Becky said it was one of many horrifying things that would die naturally with the Boomers as they finally made their way out.

With that, the controversy tabled itself for another time. Becky then announced she needed to take advantage of the situation so she could get the stuntmen to take advantage of her.

Flipping her hair in a tizzy Becky then spun a perfect 180 to showcase her taco basket to the heterosexuals. The three men let out a faint gasp.

Becky was real real real and felt teal real real too. Before fully launching herself gaily forward into the world of straights Becky paused to give Brad an answer to a question he had yet to ask of her.

“Brad, you’re not AI pretty. You’re REAL pretty! P.S. you’re REAL pretty too Chris.”

Awe! Becky was the real deal!!!

And just like that, Becky was off like like her swimsuit in 45 minutes. It would take Brad and Chris a good ten to get theirs off mostly because both felt slightly bloated from smelling the tacos. It took four of those minutes just to realize the taco stand was only ten feet away.

Obviously, tacos were evil.

What Brad and Chris needed was a tall cool glass or two of cucumber water. To Brad and Chris’ delight they gulped down three that day. Let’s just say it was a very hot afternoon to every degree.

Mmmmm… cucumber.

8 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 2 months

Text

Just The Fashion Tip #39: Use minimum fabric for maximum vibes.

230 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 2 months

Text

Chris was cool with it just so long as there was one red flag. Things got messy when that became plural.

That’s when Chris asked his boyfriend Brad if he was speaking in tongues. He was pretty sure he still had one. Maybe Brad could count for him.

8 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 2 months

Text

Chris wasn’t from South Africa but he was pretty sure you wanted to go there. (Wink wink)

4 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 2 months

Text

That’s funny.

Chris didn’t remember putting on a yellow Speedo this morning…

58 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 2 months

Text

Brad and Chris’s neighbor Luke was Skankatonian from his Mothers side. His Father was just plain dirty. They were celebrating 30 years tomorrow and Luke held not a clue what to get them.

He decided to get creative. Maybe nature would inspire him with a cloud that looked like something…

Three minutes later, it would dawn on Luke that he wasn’t in that thruple so he was off the hook. This came as quite the relief as it was it was completely sunny in Los Angeles that day and the sky would likely remain clear until June Gloom hit sometime in late May.

Luke couldn’t do math but he was fairly certain that would not have given him enough time to come up with a gift. Now why again was he standing up and staring at the sky?

Oh. That’s right… Luke was showing off his new strawberry swimmers to Brad, Chris, and Becky. They all thought Gustavio might like them better lying on the pool deck.

That made sense to Luke as Gustavio was a raging top and a mind blowing one at that. The man was legendary in bed and thankfully loose. If the Euro heart throb did anyone twice or used both hands it meant he had a very good time.

Brad and Chris knew this already. Luke on the other hand was hoping to join the club. He’d only hooked up with Gustavio once. It was the second time that was really supposed to blow, blow you away. Luke wanted admission to that club.

Becky didn’t think that would be a problem. Much to everyone’s surprise, she revealed knowing Gustavio twice upon a dream when he last came to California to investigate the Maybelline controversy. Apparently Gustavio played multiple categories of Trivial Pursuit.

The news left the three boys speechless for two minutes and thirty four seconds. It was a new group record. It was also how Luke and Becky discovered they were perfect opposites in a shared deep rooted humiliation fetish. It was always a matter of when.

2K notes · View notes

bradandchris · 2 months

Text

Chris was one juicy fruit

Just the Fashion Tip #482: It’s gay to be gay.

41 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 2 months

Text

Brad and Chris were in love… with the Speedo Plant Print Plant Factory Store just off the 405 in Orange County. Full coverage practically half off!

In case you’re wondering. Yes. It can never be too gay.

58 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 2 months

Text

Screw organic! These up and down horizontal stripes really made Brad feel skinny.

109 notes · View notes

bradandchris · 2 months

Photo

Chris’ was getting upset. He just bought those swimmers too.

UGH! They weren’t easy to find the first time. If it weren’t for the sale sign, Chris never would have never seen them at the Speedo Plant Print Plant Factory Store.

The weirdest part was his unit was also missing. How the hell did that fall off? And, how did he not feel something like that?!?

Mystery abounded.

Chris tried to remain calm. What he needed to do was come up with a plan.

After taking two deep breaths Chris decided to give himself two more minutes of searching. If his suit or his balls didn’t show up then he’d call in his boyfriend Brad for help.

Chris then looked up at the sky, crossed his fingers, and hoped to Cher. Sure enough, Chris’ swimmers showed up less than a minute later when he stood up in the shallows and put his hands on his hips.

Ta-da!!!

4K notes · View notes