bpdarlingx

[bpdarlingx]

not giving up is the bravest thing you can do in this life.

[bpdarlingx]

[bpdarlingx]

When someone says "you're not that su1c1d4l, if you were, you'd already be gone"

[bpdarlingx]

[bpdarlingx]

This what I mean when I say I got war on my mind:

[bpdarlingx]

please please please when something good happens, let yourself feel good! be proud of yourself, revel in that joy, bask in the happiness. you deserve it! you deserve to feel good!!

[bpdarlingx]

I’ve been trying to get back into the private psych ward I usually go to for almost 6 months - every day I’ve been barely holding on and now my meds are starting to not be effective AGAIN.

I know the mental health system in Australia is overrun and underfunded but it’s never been this hard to get in for an inpatient stay. In the past I would’ve flagged with my psychiatrist that I was going into/ already in a Bipolar episode and within a fortnight I’d be in hospital - much safer & being monitored; but I feel completely abandoned by the system.

It means I will most likely have to go back to the public psych ward through the ER which is so traumatising & in public there is no therapy available, it’s literally just a holding pen where they up your meds and the second you’re remotely stable they discharge you.

I am getting desperate but the hospital is full so there’s literally nothing I can do but white knuckle it, up my meds unsupervised and basically hope for the best.

I’ve been clean from sh for over a year but I’m so damn close to relapsing, I can’t cope & am wondering what the point of private health insurance is if I can’t even access the services I need when I need it urgently. Anyways that’s my rant :(

“are you ok?”

(hasn’t been eating or sleeping, constantly switching between insane panic and dissociation) “sure”

#psych ward #mental health care #mental health inpatient #mental health rant

[bpdarlingx]

noo brain don't start missing things you've outgrown please ahah

[bpdarlingx]

The version of yourself that you might’ve been… if someone had stood up for you.

there’s a misconception that grief only happens when we lose people. this is not true. we can grieve circumstances, relationships, missed opportunities. in fact, sometimes when you find yourself plagued with waves of emotion from sadness to melancholy you may be grieving yourself. the version of yourself that you might have been if things had been different, or if only you had said something, or if someone had stood up for you.

[bpdarlingx]

Reading anything about BPD and knowing it definitely wasn’t written by someone with BPD but someone who got hurt by a person with it :(

Unfortunately, I think stigmatised disorder (personality disorders, psychotic disorders, etc) culture is realising something you experience has a name and finally feeling seen, but you go to google it for more resources and only find people talking about how horrible and morally evil you are for daring to have that symptom you never chose in the first place.

#bpd relatable #bpd anger #bpd awareness #bpd blog #bpd stuff #bpd problems #bpd vent

[bpdarlingx]

bitches will be like "i'm fighting demons" and the demon is their own appetite.

[bpdarlingx]

whatever didn't kill me turned me into this

[bpdarlingx]

people will be all like "don't make jokes about mental illnesses!", "stop being weird about psychotic or manic people" and then turn around and make a post about a person they saw who was psychotic, manic, etc. and laugh at them and tell their friends about how craaazy of an experience it was.

[bpdarlingx]

I’m lost.

#bpd vent #bpd problems #actually mentally ill #borderpolar #chronic mental illness #actually cptsd #bipolar 1 #bipolar disorder #actually borderline #bpd anger #bpd blog #neurodivergent #late diagnosed adhd

[bpdarlingx]

The interior of my mind atm.

#bpd vent #bpd problems #actually mentally ill #borderpolar #chronic mental illness #actually cptsd #bipolar 1 #bipolar disorder #actually borderline #bpd anger #bpd relatable #bpd blog #ed not ed sheeran #ed harm reduction #edn0s

[bpdarlingx]

having to make yourself flare up right before a doctor appointment so you have a little bit more of a chance of them believing you is honestly one of the biggest fuck the health system

[bpdarlingx]

Saw my mental health nurse today and got told I “didn’t fit the profile of an anorex!c because I could hold a convocation & still ate sometimes”.

When I explained it’s a mental illness, I have all the symptoms & my BMI meets DSM-5 criteria for AN-R, she told me to (and this is a DIRECT quote) “stop reading into illnesses too much or you’ll manifest them” — like please tell me WHERE you were taught that 🫠😭🤦🏼‍♀️

Anyways, now I have to see her fortnightly for weigh-ins which is not a vibe. Times like this I’m so grateful for the community on tumblr to talk to & validate that the things health professionals say are usual BS. 🩷🤠

#ed not ed sheeran #ed harm reduction