bloggy-mcphoneface

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

Anyways, Heres a gripe I have with a common piece of advice

“Don’t compare yourself to others, you don’t know whats really going on”,

This makes no sense to me?? I don’t care at all what inner life they may or may not have. I want what I can see clearly just by looking at them.

You can express this CLEARLY to a Cock Ball Therapist and they’ll just repeat themselves Like you didn’t hear them the first time

#i guess i’m the only person who’s envy is 100% pure #Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a scam seriously #(this is more about friends. Anyone can get a significant other if they’re willing to sacrifice their dignity i mean look at straight women$

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

genq when is it my turn for things to be easy. I might as well be horribly sick I have nothing to show for my health. I am helpless and A lost cause

#i am the type of person i’d cut off because they can’t change. It’s in my code to be a Waste #and a parasite and a perpetual victim #Being harsh doesn’t work being sweet doesn’t work #being motivated?? intrinsic motivation? Not likely. Not unless i’m too far gone to think Any part of me needs changing #Its a self perpetuating cycle of fraud and failure i’ve had it

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

i’ve had tightrope dreams (nightmares) basically my whole life about driving along a Small road (sometimes underneath theres water, or im just high enough that falling would be bad news). And Actually ???

#Kind of perfect. I don’t have a car tho #thematically its perfect

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

it kind of sucks remembering I have to die soon, I only really have a few more months if that.

I’ll just be having a good time and i’ll remember. Its very “oh yeah I guess I don’t have to consider that anymore, do i?” But its also So Cathartic

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

My parents don’t deserve successful, happy children so i’m not gonna do anything. My tolerance for Misery is high enough to continue being weak until I die.

#don’t talk to me about Healing. If people can throw their lives away being Swifties I can throw my life away being vindictive #Yes actually- Other peoples happiness can at times dampen my own #I wish the people that say Narcissists should be euthanized would just frame it as a conservative talking point already

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

i think i wasn’t born to love or all that stuff, Resentment and jealousy thats all that comes natural to me. I keep looking and thats been a pattern of behavior since I was born.

Not jealousy in a way that motivates me of course, that’d be too convenient.

Reaching Incel levels of pathetic, fortunately i’m too Prideful and Vain to huff and snort Copium like those freaks do. I acknowledge that i’m the problem

#i wish the inside of my head could be Noncomplex and barren. I bet thats so nice

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

im all “i should put myself out there” but then i do and remember that being ignored or neglected for even the shortest period of time makes me evil and I simply do not have the patience for building relationships

#Its like ‘ohh right i hate and resent everybody in the world’ #my emotions have me by the neck. Then someone does talk to me and it makes me even more mad #where were you before I started feeling ignored? #im like a peepaw who needs to be reminded why I can’t walk #its getting to where i can’t stand hearing anyone talk about anything. I don’t want to relate to you. I don’t feel bad for you.

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

Interesting to me that some ppl miss the friends and partners who are out of their lives and start romanticizing their memory. Everyone I used to know is dead to me. Even habits of theirs I rediscover in other people are repulsive to be honest

#prob why im miserable #‘At least you’ve got the good memories’ ‘❌ loud incorrect buzzer’

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

its extremely hard to not be a narcissist when everyone around you takes pride in being dumb as a rock and having the complexity of a Stick figure

#‘hey that’s factually wrong’ ‘You think too hard thats why you have no friends’ #like with that in consideration how is it pathological to think im better then most people #or worse when i’m doing the NOBLE thing and pointing out when something someone says is rooted in misogyny or racism all hell breaks loose #im convinced egotypicism is just not taking anything personally because you’re so dumb

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

right? like he didn’t see you as a person because you were a woman thats a whole other thing

"my ex was a narcissist!" and it's just a random dude who can't take accountability because patriarchy

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

Noted;; Opinion rejected:

Thoughts ≠ actions. Feelings ≠ actions. Feelings and thoughts ≠ Treatment of others. You acknowledge this in your post and proceed to call people insufferable jerks for having and sharing their disordered thoughts and feelings.

You check out our posts for inspo to write fucking hazbin hotel fanfiction, and felt you ought to share your two cents. And inform us that you believe we are insufferable and deserve to be stigmatized. (no examples of us actually doing anything wrong, Just having low empathy)

From what you’ve shat onto my screen. You want us to, in our own spaces, sanitize our experiences so we don’t commit your perceived thought crimes. So that you will respect us, and think we’re good people.

Hows this for civil. Fuck you. Please take these feelings and opinions on how we should present ourselves in our spaces and shove them back up your ass.

I have a simple rule. If you are nice to me I’ll be nice to you, but god man, sometimes out of curiosity I’ll check cluster B tags (mainly for potential fanfic inspiration, if I’m gonna write about Alastor I may as well TRY to be accurate) and hoo boy some of you people are the most insufferable assholes I’ve ever fucking seen in my life.

Now of course, for clarity’s sake, if you are willing to be kind and respectful, if you are capable of being civil, then I have no issue with you, but I’m not gonna mince words and fucking pretend like society has a stigma against those disorders for no reason at all.

Just saying, when I see posts like “I love when people vent to me! It makes me feel so much better about myself!” It makes me want to punch them.

I don’t think anyone is inherently a bad person or whatever and I know those disorders arise mostly due to trauma at a young age, but just because you have trauma that doesn’t give you a right to be a fucking asshole.

When I see people use their disorder as an excuse to be a fucking piece of shit to people for no good reason I’m tempted to become the most ableist person in response. If you want respect from others you can’t just act however the fuck you want. I don’t give a fuck what’s wrong with you, if you’re being an asshole, you’re gonna get treated the same way back.

Honestly that goes for anyone who uses any kind of disability as an excuse to be a dick now that I think about it.

Tho I will say I think calling emotional abuse narcissistic abuse is fucking retarded, as if people with NPD are particularly more abusive than other kinds of people. We don’t say that shit for every other disorder do we?

Like, if someone is an asshole to the people around them when they’re drunk, do we call that alcoholic person abuse or whatever? No. Hell we don’t say that for other Cluster B disorders (AFAIK) like we don’t say ASPD abuse or BPD abuse or whatever the hell.

What someone’s disorder is, is honestly irrelevant, abuse is abuse either way.

And you know what, I’ll be fair, I think there’s far more value in someone’s good actions if they have to actively choose to do them. Like it’s easy to let’s say, comfort someone if you’re already empathetic, it doesn’t take any effort. But if you have lower empathy, and you still try to be kind to those around you, I honestly think there’s more value in that, and thus it should be more appreciated.

Sheesh, I hope I don’t sound infantilizing or some shit. Like “yay! You managed to not be an asshole today! Gold star ⭐️ 😊 good job!” Or some shit.

Like I don’t think they should get a gold star or whatever for doing what is honestly basic fucking shit, but it’s only so basic to us egotypicals (I’m ngl such a term makes me wanna roll my eyes but that’s only cuz I have empathy to begin with) cuz…yknow, we were lucky enough to not have shitty fucking childhoods or whatever it is that causes people to be like that.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with acknowledging their efforts, I don’t think they need to be fucking showered with praise or nothing, but I think a simple thank you suffices. It’s not easy to be a ‘good’ person when it doesn’t come naturally.

But all that matters is that they try.

The fact that my favorite character is Alastor, I dunno, it kinda just makes me think on shit like this cuz I overthink fucking everything.

Like realistically I’m pretty sure if I met someone like him irl I would run for the hills. But it doesn’t feel fair to me to write off an entire group of people because of something they can’t control. It’s not their fault they are the way they are. But maybe having sympathy for them is a waste of time if they continue hurting others and refuse to better themselves. But there’s definitely something tragic in being different in a way that scares others off. It’s not like people with those disorders just become total monsters out of the blue right?

I dunno I’m just rambling. Maybe I’m just being an idiot, a bleeding heart where it isn’t needed, I dunno.

Nonetheless my point still stands, act like a fucking jerk and you can’t be surprised if no one respects you in return.

Sorry if this is really unfocused I just have thoughts.

#this just in Egotypicals (accurate word. derogatory in this case) want us to stop being disordered what else is new. #Oh unless we’re little red demons who swear too much and sing shitty lame little songs and make sex jokes. Then we’re fine. #Also its not even a little bit empathetic that you don’t believe Egotypicals should be labeled

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

i think the worst feeling in the whole world is knowing that if I got what I wanted it wouldn’t make me happy, because it’d only be done to appease me and everyone’s actually annoyed or neutral. Like I could never express my actual desires or feelings because its so frivolous to everyone else.

#idk if this is pd related its just 😐 #vent blog

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

I’m starting to understand myself better by being less dismissive of my pd. But might I say it is a chore needing a captive audience

It’s a chore for everyone else its a chore for me. I could get good at something but i can never maintain my position in groups because I always feel condescended to by more experienced/skilled hobbyists.

I’m trying to look into the method i’ve seen about learning to “make your own supply” but I don’t know. It’s all about as useful to me as those self-help tips about how you “need to be happy alone in order to be happy with others”. I am happy alone where I don’t have to deal with people, I’m just not fulfilled become a more vile and cantankerous individual then I already am. oh well i guess this is a vent

#npd safe #actually npd #npd things #vent post #i’d love to pretend i was happier before i could put it into words but I knew something was wrong with me so it isn’t true.

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

texts posts get on my nerves sometimes, like “you guys need to __” Actually I don’t HAVE to do shit. I’m gonna narrow my horizons and start social programs explicitly to get writers and artists off drugs and use Classical conditioning to get them into sanitized mainstream peeslosh

[bloggy-mcphoneface]

a bean burrito would cure all of my ailments

NPD tumblr is like taking a big bite of a fucking delicious burrito with extra cheese and onions and beans