bro comes up to me in walmart. im just minding my own business, tryin to buy some toaster strudels. the bro points out my panic shirt. begins the most fragile attempt in history at fangating.
some of his better comments:
“i hate how many fake fans there are these days”
“girls just like them because they think the lead singer is hot”
“ive been a fan for three years. almost saw them in concert once”
“the singer’s name is brendon urie, btw”
i just keep browsing the strudel section and nod vaguely cause ya girl is hungry and doesn’t have time for fuckboi behavior.
bro takes this as an invitation to keep talking. i can smell his axe body spray from three feet away. suffocation nearly ensues.
“so who is your favorite member?” he asked, trying to fluster me or something, idfk. “out of the original group, i mean. brendon doesn’t count bc i already told you about him”
at this point im drowning in the scent of axe. i have nearly become axe. it has absorbed my entire being. im irritated, i just want to pay for my toasted diabetes and get out of here. so i decide to fuck wit him a bit
i told him that my favorite member was brent wilson. obviously this is false. he is literally nobodys favorite member. but i smile, look him in the eyes and say brent, and expect the bro to laugh or something and b like “wut”
this fucker.
“i said a member of the original band. are you sure youre even a fan? theres jon walker, spencer smith, brendon urie, and ryan ross”
i almost cried. whipped out my phone, googled brent goddamn wilson(which probably hasnt been searched by anyone since late 2006) and showed the bro.
ive never seen a human being backpedal so fast. he actually pulled out the “i was just testing u” excuse.
i smiled, asked if he was sure he was even a fan, and told him to do more research next time he decided to pull this stunt.
he kept talking and trying to salvage his rep as i walked away, my strudels in hand, as imaginary explosions and fanfare played in my head.
dont fuk wit me on panic trivia. i could tell u blood types and zodiac signs without breaking a sweat
The creator of the Blurryface artwork, Brandon Rike, wrote a whole blog entry about what all of it meant and why he and Tyler chose to create it in the way that they did. (4/4)