By the time we eat the rich, we’ll be cooking them on our only funeral pyre.
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I’d rather be zero instead of one.
Having potential is
so much better
than being measured.
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I feel so empty I could burst.
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Why did I carefully curate myself to be someone I’m unhappy to live with
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There’s a storm coming.
I wish I could serenade you,
And it be beautiful—
My soul resonates so beautifully for you,
All golden and horrible
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I don't know that kisses heal wounds faster, but fairytales taught me they're worth suffering for.
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All these years I have mistaken your cologne for oxygen and now I don't know how to breathe
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I am like the universe,
I am selectively ruthless.
Selectively kind, selectively dark, selectively bright
Selectively quiet, selectively horizon-sharp
or merciless or mercifully toothless
So hot and so fucking cold, selectively explosive
Selectively bold. Selectively. Yes, selectively.
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Being alive is like walking a road of wicks. And being blamed for the ignition when you trip.
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“There is a monster in us all. Some of them are simply bold enough to breach our surface.”
— Noor Shirazie, Into the Wildfire: Battle Scars
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But it’s something.
He said stop wanting and start
Accepting - I have been stuck
In such ennui that I have mistaken
Nothing for Satisfaction and won
der why I’m still catching mascara
before it stains the rug.
The thing he won’t tell you -
The pills won't work, won't save you.
sadness is just a response to the Nothing.
And nothing. And nothing. And nothing is still there,
sipping your serotonin cyanide Remorselessly.
Supercilious and silly. Unsatisfiable. Disconnected Circuits.
I have only accepted that it’s difficult
To want / or not want.
Because dissatisfaction is a response to living: to choice, to feelings, and needs.
Even Longing, in the end, is just fond unease.
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Sometimes I wish I had a better memory. But I've probably mercifully forgotten a million things that would have otherwise kept me up at night. Lost histories and small victories.
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can I sit in the room with you
With no movies or songs playing
Can I be in the room with you, gently whispering, laughing, complaining?
Can I be in the room with you, can I be quiet? I fly-fish for your glances.
I cast my lines from my chest. I would like the hook to hurt you
as much as it hurts me.
Can I be in the room with you?
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Virginia Woolf // Night and Day
[text id - what if I told you I’m incapable of tolerating my own heart?]
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What I wouldn’t give to be that kid across the room.
First day of school. I wish I didn’t know who I was yet.
I wish, nervous but optimistic, I could become again.
God, I wish I could be that kid across the room again.
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