angry-gremilin

[angry-gremilin]

I am so fucking tired I do so much for who I love I try to be the best to do my best I put all my love in what I do but is never enough.

I always have to change more to do more to be more.

Why I am never enough?

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw vent #vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destructive behavior #tw trauma #tw self destruction #tw sui ideation

[angry-gremilin]

Why do I feel such intense dread?

Like things are going to be ruined at any moment, and I don't know how and why...

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw vent #vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destruction #tw self destructive behavior #tw trauma

[angry-gremilin]

Love can be like a chain or poison when given to the wrong person and like the most sweet and sublime thing when given to the right person.

Sometimes we choose to associate and to give our love to people that don't deserve it, sometimes we don't really have a choice.

And sometimes the right person just pops into your life and you need to learn how to fly so you can meet with them.

I have both in my life right now. I am bound to the wrong person and want to fly to the right person. I just need to learn how to fly.

And I need it before I give up on my life.

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw vent #vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destruction #tw self destructive behavior #tw trauma #tw sui ideation

[angry-gremilin]

Do you have any tips on drawing stuff like gore and blood and…things like that-? :’)

I don't think I'll be able to give you much advice besides telling you to look at those drawn "anatomy guides" stuff, or look at other artist's gore art

[angry-gremilin]

I just so tired of living in favor of someone that won't even notice that I care.

I going away from where I am I going to break the fucking cycle.

Not only for me, for healing but because I going to show that I can.

I was never a pretty princess, I never wanted to be one, I always preferred the dragons and vampires and other similar monsters, so it's time to be one.

It's going to be hard, I know, but I prefer to suffer alone than to suffer heart breaks every week.

#vent post #vent #tw depression #tw vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destructive behavior #tw trauma #family trauma #breaking the cycle #if no one else does it i will #gonna be like the hero I created by myself when i was twelve

[angry-gremilin]

I kinda of wish to be a vampire, just so I could disappear into the night and forget at least 70% of my current life.

[angry-gremilin]

I really like I can spend two fucking days making things for then, working my fucking ass off doing something I have even fucking allergies and it's good.

But as soon as I rest in the fucking day I was told I could rest for my hard work I am a egotistical asshole who only care for myself....

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw vent #vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destruction #tw self destructive behavior #tw trauma #tw sui ideation

[angry-gremilin]

I just hate to live at the disposal of someone else 24/7 specially since this person is someone who wants everything to be her way everytime but wild not even tell me what the fuck she wants.

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw self destructive behavior #tw vent #vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destruction #tw trauma #tw sui ideation

[angry-gremilin]

I just feel so fucking tired all the time I giving all my energy to someone that just don't even appreciate my efforts and always seems they don't need while being constantly calling me to help on something

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw vent #vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destruction #tw trauma

[angry-gremilin]

I am just so afraid of everything, I fear like one day I gonna wake up and discover that I lost what I loved the most.

Why do I always lose everything?

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw self destructive behavior #tw vent #vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destruction #tw trauma #tw sui ideation

[angry-gremilin]

#I never been so called out by something so true #four years old Jeepers Creepers #Also Dracula and Interview the Vampire

[angry-gremilin]

Sometimes I just wanted to know what I did wrong you know? Just to know why I am so much more hated

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw self destructive behavior #tw vent #vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destruction #tw trauma #tw sui ideation

[angry-gremilin]

I just wanted to be enough to be sufficient to be loved to be recognized for people to see what I am doing.

But no, I am not. I am never enough. I always needed to be more to be better.

Why the fuck I need to be perfect?

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw self destructive behavior #tw vent #vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destruction #tw trauma #tw sui ideation

[angry-gremilin]

I always see everyone who talks about trauma, mental health, and childhood trauma, saying you should see what you wanted thar you didn't have in your childhood.

But nobody ever tells what to do when the only thing you want is love, to be loved to be wanted.

Like how in the fuck I can give love to myself if not only I been denied it but thought that I didn't deserve, like how can I learn to give love to myself if I always have that voice in my head remembering me of all the reasons why I don't deserve love.

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw self destructive behavior #tw vent #vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destruction #tw trauma #tw sui ideation

[angry-gremilin]

I just want to go away, leave, and never look back, I wish I could just vanish in the night away from everything and everyone I know.

But I feel chained I feel trapped I feel bound to this cage.

Please let me out. Please, I begging let me out before I can really do more against me.

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw self destructive behavior #vent #tw childhood trauma #tw vent #tw self destruction #tw trauma #tw sui ideation

[angry-gremilin]

Love is a beautiful curse, it can hurt it can sting and it can heal.

The family I grew up and that should love me unconditionally don't, they are quick to point flaws to insult me to scream and to say just how much of a failure I am.

But at the same time, I have someone else, my love. He isn't perfect, and he can make mistakes many times, but it is his sweet embrace that makes so I can keep going and not give up.

But if my family love me like they claim why they always accuse anything that makes me happy?

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw self destructive behavior #vent #tw vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destruction #tw trauma #tw sui ideation

[angry-gremilin]

If everything is so fine, like people tell me, why do I feel such a strong sense of dread?

#tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #vent post #tw self destructive behavior #tw vent #vent #tw childhood trauma #tw self destruction #tw trauma