HANDE ERÇEL, SEN CAL KAPIMI ( 33 ) .
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aquvmarines:
despite josie’s joke, and mack’s (slightly forced) laugh in response, it’s never been more clear there’s something wrong. the halo of bright warmth she usually wears as a second skin is gone and in its place is a fog of wintry grey that frosts the air of her dorm. a chill settles over mack, and he’s quick to tell himself it’s just nerves. “no you won’t.” the response is automatic, he’s well aware she hasn’t slept like a baby in years, and she’s not going to start when she’s alone in her dorm with multiple students missing. then, his brain goes back over her words; her sigh. is she annoyed that he’s here? had he spent the last two weeks attempting to correct the way he’d overstepped only to force himself back into a space he’s not wanted the first chance he gets? there’s likely a million people she’d rather have comfort her, why else would she be pushing him away? basile’s probably on his way over, and she just wants to get mack out of her hair. it’s almost second nature to push again. mack is about to insist that no, she’s not alright, he knows her better than to believe that for a second. but he doesn’t. he’s spent every day since new year’s second guessing every interaction they’ve ever had, and the remaining unease chokes him before he can get another word out. maybe josie’s being honest with him. she’s insisting that she’s fine because she is, and this whole time he’s been making up stories in his head, seeing a place for him in her life where there isn’t one. she probably hasn’t even missed him since new year’s, and there’s no way she had been making herself crazy the way he had. is he as bad as his mom? is he so scared of losing her that he’s suffocating her? is he holding on to something that’s already slipped through his fingers? realization settles over him; the fog isn’t hers; it’s his. mack’s insecurities have smothered her warm light and left them both in the cold. his eyes drop, embarrassment tightening in his chest, but he forces himself to keep his tone level, chill. “aye, ‘course you are. just thought i should check in. but i can go if you want, maybe swing by a few of the others’ places.”
if the tension between them wasn’t apparent before, it’s damn near palpable in the short distance between them, more so with each civil comment they manage to spare. and still she is indignant, stubbornly so, when he calls her out so easily on her lie. ❝ i could. ❞ but even she knows she’s just saying it to say it, at this point, and she doesn’t deny the truth of his statement, either. it's hard for josie to forget how well he knows her, how he has seen her sunniest of days and darkest of nights, and yet it is a fact that only cause her heart to clench tighter in her chest. because there is ice that threatens to creep through her veins, that continues to beat back the sunshine she usually wears so well, and she’s begging for him to know that whatever chill creeps into her tone is not directed towards him. she’s not upset with him, not in the slightest, didn’t think she could be even if she tried, but jealousy is cruel and it’s been snapping at her heels for enough days that she’s resorted to trying to freeze her feelings inside, instead. she wasn’t trying to freeze him out, too, but it almost felt easier to push him beyond arms distance than to come to terms with it, especially when all she wanted was to pull him closer. and there was a nagging part of josie’s thoughts that told her he did not feel the same, one that she had no reason to doubt when memories of the chateau creep back in. it’s why they hadn’t seen each other since new year’s, isn’t it ? he’d realized she’d inserted herself too much into his life, tossed herself back in the comfort of his company that has always been more home than any four walls have ever been, and she failed to realize that maybe she’d been in the way of him doing the things he wanted to do. having his own space again, seeing and dating people. had she just wedged herself back into his life because he was safety and warmth and every happy memory worth having ? did she need him more than he needed her ? it is a bitter thought and cruel reality wrapped all in one and it’s what keeps her from shaking her head, what keeps her from taking it all back and just asking him to stay. because josie has always pushed aside what she wants for the sake of other people, and mack was no exception. ❝ sure, yeah, i appreciate you checking in. i’m sure vanessa would appreciate the same, and i should probably actually start unpacking. besides, i’m sure it’ll be nice to have your bed back to yourself, yeah ? ❞ without me suffocating you in your own space ?
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HANDE ERÇEL via INSTAGRAM.
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rhystcylor:
@ambvrs !
THINGS FEEL RATHER heavy, a sting of dread seems to linger across the entire campus like a fog creeping against the ground. coming back from chamonix and immediately being put on a lockdown due to another missing person case is nothing short of nerve-wracking. it’s times like this, as rhys stands above josie in an empty practice room in the music building, eyes intent as they watch josie play the grand piano, that almost brings solace to the whole situation. NORMALCY. jesus, they could all use some sense of normalcy nowadays. her playing slows and rhys nods, then turns away and lets her finish. "is this what happens when we actually practice piano during these lessons?“ he teases while he turns on his feet to face her again. he grins— it’s a feeble attempt at poking fun despite the circumstances.
"that sounded really good, josie. i know it’s a bitch to play it over and over but i hope it’s helping, and i hope you can hear the improvement like i can.” he glances over his shoulder at the door, maybe a bit too quickly, before he looks back at the amber. "i’m half expecting someone to burst through the door and tell us we’re past curfew or some shit. i reserved this room for another–" he glances at his phone. "–another ten minutes. we can call it quits early, if you want.“
it feels like they are slipping lower and lower into an indefinite limbo, no answers to be found and increased security measures that make her feel more claustrophobic than safe. as if there wasn’t enough to worry about between classes and exams and already having one missing society member, but now a fellow and entirely unrelated student was missing and it seemed no one was safe. it is hard for her to wish for things to go back to normal if she didn’t even know what was supposed to be normal anymore. it’s hard to tell if josie’s tempo had slowed due to gradual close of the piece or if it was because her thoughts were too far elsewhere to make it through again, but the last note lingers long enough to meet his words, josie’s eyes lift to meet his own. ❝ you mean that actual music happens when you actually practice it ? ❞ and she managed a small smile in response, her next words an obvious tease in return. ❝ who would of thought the two of us would ever manage that ? ❞
❝ it could sound better, ❞ she offers with a small sigh, offering the words of her mother before she even realizes it. some things, josie supposed, she still held on to too tightly. ❝ i don’t mind the repetition so much, just waiting for the day you realize i’m a lost cause. ❞ it’s a deliberate tease, a certain warmth and lightness that has been harder to wear around campus these days. her gaze is trained where her fingers brush lightly atop the keys in an absent pattern, gaze lifting to meet his own at his words. ❝ a ridiculous curfew, at that. or that the room or the building is off limits, or we’re actually supposed to return to dorm room solitude indefinitely. ❞ and as much as she knows that perhaps they should make the most of their practice time, josie’s all too eager to agree to leave early. ❝ i think i’ve let this piece occupy enough of my brain for today. i was thinking about grabbing a hot chocolate, care to join ? ❞
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𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦 ➥ 𝒎𝒊𝒂 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒐𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒔 ❣️
mia: suitcase dividers sound great! if you have any ideas on what to use as curtains i would love to hear your take
mia: i also am wondering what to use for my lighting
mia: honestly this calls for a full sit-down brainstorming meeting i think
mia: oh my god wait have you seen the tiny cooking videos
mia: i should go watch one right now to get inspired
josie: oh yes, what do you have in the way of thin shirts ? i know it was cold, but if you're going for the breezy curtain look, i think those would definitely do the job !
josie: i could pick u up some of those tiny tea lights ? the electric ones ? and u can have one in every corner of your room !
josie: i can be over asap ?? it really does deserve a full mapping out
josie: oh my god YES i love tiny cooking videos ?? mostly just the tiny kitchen and tiny utensils but still i do love the tininess of it all
josie: what would be your first tiny meal i'm very curious
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𝐭𝐞��𝐭 — 𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂 🌻
vanessa: i need my josie fix and my bottomless mimosa fix so yes love that
vanessa: saturday work for you? ♥️ we can meet at the usual
josie: i could never deny you your josie fix or me my vanessa fix 🧡 and mimosas make everything better !!
josie: saturday absolutely works for me ! nothing better than seeing u as a present ! yes absolutely, do we wanna say 10:30ish ? same table ?
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𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦 ➥ 𝒎𝒊𝒂 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒐𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒔 ❣️
mia: i'm saying the word right now
mia: i might just turn my suitcase into a bed and sleep amongst my ski clothes, i feel like they're padded enough to be comfortable
mia: in 1-2 business days maybe it'll be my home, with one side as my room and living room
mia: and the other side as my kitchen and bathroom
josie: On my way! to your pocket as we speak
josie: i do have it on good authority that ski jackets make excellent pillows, so you may be on to something there
josie: do you need me to bring you little suitcase dividers so you can make sure you're using enough space ?? have you considered using the living room as your bedroom ?
josie: i can bring some snacks to cushion your kitchen side, the sweet and soft ones 😌
josie: like tiny little cakes !!
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HANDE ERÇEL, SEN CAL KAPIMI ( 33 ) .
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aquvmarines:
things are weird between mack and josie. they’ve hardly gone two hours without talking to each other since reuniting, but it’s been two weeks since they’ve had a real conversation. it’s mack’s fault, of course, for basically attacking her face on new year’s eve when he knew she would only ever see him as a friend. and now, he’s forced to reconcile his feelings with the reality of the situation. he doesn’t know if he’s ready to see her again; he still hasn’t prepared an apology for allowing his love for her to seep into their friendship and overstepping basically every single boundary, but his response to her texts come without a single thought for his own feelings. it doesn’t matter how awkward things are between them, he knows exactly how she gets, and he isn’t going to let her be alone when he knows she would never ask anyone for company. outside her door, he goes to let himself in, as he always does, but his hand stops on the doorknob. is he allowed to do that still? they had hardly seen each other, despite living in the same chalet. he knocks, and immediately regrets it; the formality of it only reinforcing how they have shifted. “hi,” he replies, just barely resisting the urge to wrap his arms around her as he steps into her dorm. “‘m sorry for inviting myself over, i just…” his voice trails off as he searches his mind for a joke; something about separation anxiety, or brandon missing her, or him needing a better audience than his roommates, but he comes up empty, forced to settle on the truth. “i didn’t want you to be alone.”
it’s almost funny that two years apart yielded an easier reunion than one after two weeks of actively avoiding each other under the same roof. or, at the very least, josie had been avoiding him. it was one thing for her to spend the time coming to terms with how she felt for mack, certain that if she’d given herself enough time, just best friends would’ve been okay with her. and for the most part, it would be, but jealousy at what she’d seen had twisted its ugly roots in her heart that made it much more difficult to move past. josie tells herself she can move past the part of her that believes he doesn’t feel the same, but she can’t handle the ache that comes with missing his constant presence in her life, nor the one that comes with the knowledge that even the universe was content on keeping them apart after months of living together. it is weird, and oh, how she hates it. their first conversation is one she’s spent the better part of two weeks rehearsing in her head, as if getting the perfect lie down to a silence made up for the fact that it was one. because how did she tell her best friend she loved him when he was interested in someone else ? best friends to practically strangers was never the narrative they were supposed to settle on, hard enough to when they knew each other so well. it’s why he was here, wasn’t it ? because he knows how to see right through the brave face and warm smile she offers to everyone else ? josie closes the door behind him and its like the room feels smaller somehow. ❝ that’s never stopped you before, ❞ as if the joke would make it easier for to meet his gaze or move past the sudden barrier that exists between them ─ but it doesn’t. josie is endeared by his concern, as she always is, though it doesn’t stop the small sigh that she manages in response. ❝ i’ve always been pretty good at alone, and no loud roommates to keep me up at night ? i’ll sleep like a baby, ❞ and this lie, at least, has always been as easy as breathing. ❝ you didn’t have to come by, y’ken, i’m alright. ❞ i just miss you because it feels like we’re worlds apart.
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𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦 ➥ 𝒎𝒊𝒂 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒐𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒔 ❣️
mia: i've always wanted a pocket sized josie i can take everywhere with me!!!
mia: i'm most likely going to live out of it but also my apartment is a lot smaller than the manor
mia: so i'm going to be complaining about how much space it takes up in 1-2 business days
josie: just say the word and i'll hop in your pocket, we can have our great airport escape moment 🧡
josie: just double your suitcases as a closet and pillows and then you have two for one
josie: all of my stuff is currently half-camped in the living room, i figure that can just be it's home right now
josie: in 1-2 business days i will suggest also using it as a table, u decide what kind
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𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭 — 𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂 🌻
vanessa: why do i feel like it's been literally forever since i've seen you?
vanessa: let's hang soon ♥️
josie: i know, it's so weird, we literally spent a month under the same roof ??
josie: i wasn't feeling too great towards the end, though, so that probably didn't help ☹️
josie: maybe we should do brunch ? i could go for a bottomless mimosa
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if u could punch one celebrity in the face with no repercussions who would u pick and why?
❝ jack gleeson, especially in game of thrones. there’s not a moment in which i didn’t think his face was completely punchable. ❞
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Hande Ercel as Eda Yildiz
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have you ever faked an org*sm
❝ oh, yes. ❞
send me ‘ have you evers ’ and i can only reply with ‘ yes ’ or ' no. '
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status : closed for @aquvmarines !
location : josie’s dorm 🧡
josie missed the comfort of the chateau the moment they left, the closeness of the rest of the society and the ability to pretend, for just a moment, that everything wasn’t amiss. but their return to strathmore reminds her all - too - well that nothing was normal, and that there seemed to be something new to worry about each day. weirder still is that she felt safer in a foreign country than she does in a dorm room she’s meant to have been calling home, catching one roommate on her way out. josie expected she’d still stay with her boyfriend, and promised to remind her about ra check - in, and was less surprised still to find that her second roommate had officially moved home to her parents in light of a second missing persons. and just like that, it was as empty and as lonely as it had ever been, and things were weird between her and the one person she wished was here. poised at the kitchen counter for the better part of the evening, there’s an uneasy that’s worked its way into her chest, because the thought of sleeping completely alone again was not one she was all too fond of, though it’s accompanied by a flutter of nerves at mack’s text. it is reassuring, but it seems about as much as they’ve said to each other in two weeks. and when the expected knock comes ─ weird still, considering he’s never had to ─ josie still manages to jump a little. she has to push herself on her tiptoes to confirm it’s him, but the second she does, the door is opened almost too eagerly, though coherent thought doesn’t seem to do the same despite the creeping relief at having mack here. ❝ hi. ❞
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