albinowolf16504

[albinowolf16504]

Star Boy - Clay x Tony Pt 1

Summary: Clay is surrounded in dark thoughts and Tony's there

Trigger Warning: SH, and gayness

The dark night was paired with a light breeze sending a small chill down my spine and my feet pushed the pedals of my bike. Looking up at the sky I smiled at the full moon beamed down on my face. The sound of an engine creeping up beside me. Tensing up I slowly brought my head down praying silently that it wasn’t Bryce or any of his goons. My body relaxed slightly at the sight of the red mustang belonging to tony.

“Clay? What are you doing out so late?” Tony said after rolling down  the passenger window. There was slight worry laced into his voice. Hearing his voice i relaxed a little more. I was planning on going to the cliff and stargazing like I had then done what has now been made a ritual of sorts. Realising i haven't answered him i reply with a mini lie not wanting to reveal the dark plague my mind slowly dies in. 

“Im heading to stargaze.” i didn't look at tony but it was directed to him. I knew that if I looked at him he’d somehow know what was going through my head and i didnt want him to somehow catch the dark plague that affected everyone who gets close to me. It's also the reason I can't tell him I love him. I was pulled from my thoughts by the hand that had come to rest on my handlebars. In the loud noise of my thoughts I hadn't realised that both Tony and I had come to a stop. Tony was now also standing in front of me blocking me from continuing on my way. 

“Put your bike in the back clay. I'll take you to wherever it is you're going.” he smiled up at me. The dark thoughts that were plaguing my mind seemed to stop and shrink away. Nodding my head I got off my bike and put it in the back then hopped into the passenger seat. Laying my head against the window my thoughts slowly drifted me away. Tony did the same hopping into the drivers.

“You ok Clay?” Tony asked, putting a hand on my shoulder. I mov to look at his hand, the black sea of thoughts draining away by the warmth of his hand. I felt as blush slowly made its way along my face. 

“Yea I'm fine.” I mumbled berating myself in my head. Tony gave a squeezed no convinced with my answer but didn't push. 

The drive was silent when I opened my mouth to give directions. My thoughts now only consisted of the boy beside me. The way his hands moved the wheel the way his rings shone with the light from the moon. I wondered how it would feel to hold his hand or lay with him and just let all my worries and thoughts leave. I didn't let myself fall down the hole it was making knowing all it would do is bring more pain. I know I like tony but the last time I liked someone they died. Tony parked had parked the car and i hadn't realised until he was waving a hand in front of my face. I blinked away my thoughts and got out of the car, Tony doing the same. Walking I sat on the bench by the edge and leaned my head up looking at the stars. Tony sat beside me. There was only about a minute of silence and watching the stars before Tony spoke.

“Clay?” rolling my head around to face him. He was sitting facing toward me with his head on his hand. His eyes looked at me with care and worry. I groaned internally knowing I was the cause of it.

“Clay, will you be at school tomorrow?” he asked, his mouth moving fluently. For a split second I wondered what it would feel like to kiss him or how it would feel to have them on my body. I shut the thoughts down as quickly as they started. 

“Yes ill be going to school tomorrow. Why?” i say meekly 

“Well you haven't been to class in almost a week, and to top it off you haven't answered my texts.” he said, his eyes searching my face. I looked at him with no emotion on my face.

“Sorry i just didn't feel like talking to people.” i say with a blank voice 

I turned back to watch the sky however , still feeling Tony's eyes on me. We stayed like that for only 30 minutes till Tony decided he would take me home. The drive was silent yet again no words exchanged. My thoughts slowly started to flood with thoughts. Not so good thoughts. I was drifting in the flood of thoughts that only broke after I saw us park outside my house. I got out of the car and pulled my bike out the back. I hadn't realised Tony had gotten out of the car until I had turned to close the door and found it already closed and the boy leaning against it arms crossed and eyes watching me like a hawk. 

“Goodnight tony.” i say just staring at his white shirt 

“Goodnight Clay.” he walked toward me grabbing my chin and made me look into his eyes.

“You'll be at school tomorrow,” he said. His action mixed with his words made me blush and my mind blank beside a few unholy thoughts. Tony released my face and gave me a light push toward the door. 

I get into the house and upstairs to my room. I flop on my bed and listen as tony's car pulls out from in front of my house. I don't know what it is but as soon as his car was out of ear shot all my thoughts came bashing into my head. Small lone tears slid down my face. Thoughts about how i had let hanna down how i had hurt everyone. As well as how now I am betraying Hannah by falling in love with tony. The tears came quicker and the thoughts became heavier. I lazly looked around the room, my eyes landing on the small mint box I keep on my desk. I slowly move to grab it from my desk. Opening it I look at its content and grab the lighter that lay atop the few blades I keep in there. 

~~ WARNING ~~

I go and lock my door then take off my sweater laying it on my bed exposing the white bandage patch just above my left hip.  I remove that bandage and look at the five burn patches I have placed into my skin all in different stages of healing. I flick the lighter on and move it under the rest of the burn. The flame bites into my skin. I wince and slowly count back from 5. Each number slowly stops the flood of dark thoughts bringing me peace. I drop the lighter and just slide to the floor and lean my head back on my bed feeling the after pain and the trickle of blood but no thoughts. I get up and bandage the new wounds and then I lay in bed and sleep quickly.

#gay #clony #clay jensen #Tony #clayxtony #Tonyxclay #13 reasons why #mxm #sh #lighter

[albinowolf16504]

i need ideas plzz

hey y'all!

i would greatly appreciate if any ideas or thought you want written out please tell me. even if its apart of another fandom.

#fanfic writer #fic prompt

[albinowolf16504]

battle scares ~ Morgan x reid x Aaron X M!sh!reader

A/N: hey y'all feel free to give request I can write anything. if you'd like you can check out some of my work on watt pad as I do write on there as well.

Wattpad : @Shadow_wolf16504

Summery: y/n struggles with sh and his boyfriends find out and do their best to help him

Trigger warning: cutting, depression, homosexuality, gay, polyamory, mention of autism, and loud music.

you're in your bathroom at 3am crying the thoughts you tried so hard to get rid of returning with force. your found yourself on the bathroom floor in only your sweatpants, your torso bare your old and new scars on your arms on display, only adding fuel to your worsening thoughts.

you should have killed yourself when you had the chance

your only a burden to everyone

you boyfriends don't love you they pity you

the thought becomes louder and more frequent you try to drown it out with loud music, but no luck. you try to think of a way to help but only come to one conclusion. cutting. crawling toward your sink, you open a drawer and pull out an old small 'necklace' case. opening it you see the multitude of blades. grabbing one you take your place back against the wall next to the speaker.

'your a pussy you wouldn't cut'

'your too weak to cut'

'your a pathetic excuse for a man'

slowly you drag the blade across your forearm drawing a line of red with your silver blade over the old white lines and the other scabbed red lines. you get 6 cuts in blood running down your arm to your fingers then dripping down onto the floor. leaning your head against the wall behind you, you let out a sigh of your thought seeping away with the blood. After sitting for ten minutes in the silence on your head you stand putting the blade back into the case then back into the drawer. pulling out some gauze and bandage wrap you wash your forearm wincing slightly as the sting of the water hits the fresh wounds. Once the bloods gone you place the gauze and wrap your arms. Sleepiness quickly seeps its way into your body and you turn off your music, clean up the blood on the floor then lay in your bed covering yourself in the blankets trying to get some sleep before work tomorrow.

— – – – – – – – – – – – – – 

As you wake up you can feel the throbs starting to come from your angry forearms. You sit up, turn off your alarm cursing as the movement cracks open some of the new scabs. You swing your feet over the edge of the huge bed so they can rest on the cold floor. After rubbing your eyes and stretching you grab clothes and head to the bathroom. Your thoughts were still silent from your breakdown a couple hours earlier so you were fine in the shower only winching as you washed over your new cuts. After you shower you wrap your arms in new clean gauze and bandages then throw on your black hoodie and cargo jeans. You made sure to grab one of Aaron's hoodies as it was 2 sizes too big so you knew it would hide the bandages well. Leaving the bead room you walked to your door and put on your military boots, grabbed your keys, and helmet then left the gloomy apartment. 

– – – — – – – – – – –

You pulled up to the BAU office turning off you loud bike and getting off. You quickly made your way into the office and took the elevator up. Once the ding for your floor was sounded you stepped out into the floor automatically being spotted by your other boyfriend Reid who was waiting for you with a cup of coffee.

“You make him wait for you! Your so lazy”

You shoved the thought to the back of your mind accepting the cup from your boyfriend's hand. You started walking toward your desk Reid going on about some random subject. You didn't hear much of it, making a b-line to your desk only to stop and give Derek a quick kiss on the head as you pass by. As you sat at your desk Reid made a spot for him on the counter behind you. 

“y/n.” Reid said from behind you, breaking the sleepy fog that was surrounding you head.

“Yeah . sorry still a little tired” you replied with a fake smile plastered on your face. Reid didn't look convinced.

“I asked if you're ok.” Reid repeated. You just nodded and replied with the ‘im fine’. You didn't hear a reply from Reid but you guessed that he may have just nodded his head, but you couldn't tell you were already starting on the pile of paperwork on your desk.

‘Look at you making them worry. You're such a burden.’ 

Reid left you to your work and you continued to keep your thoughts at bay. Aaron had come out of his office after about an hour of you arriving. Walking up to you he kissed you on the head and then walked over to Reid and morgan. After about 10 minutes Aaron clapped his hands together getting the team's attention.

“Let's take the rest of the day off guys.” There were happy cheers from everyone on the team. You close the report you were currently working on and grab your helmet from under your desk. Everyone was huddled together talking about a night out. You started to walk past them when Morgan caught your arm in his hand gently. You winced slightly but quickly covered it up hoping he didn't tell. 

“We’re all going to the bar you should join.” he said, letting go of my arm.

“No i'm alright ill just spoil the fun. You guys have fun though.” you smiled and headed to the elevator. Once the door closed your thoughts flooded in.

‘So pathetic they had to invite you because they feel bad’

‘You couldn't even finish your work.’

‘Lazy bitch’

You reach the parking lot, put your helmet on and get on your bike and speed home.

Once your home and your thoughts start up again and you again turn on music trying to drown out the thoughts but again fails and ends up sitting on your bathroom floor shirt off cutting again. After a bunch of new cuts you look down and you know you went too far because you slowly start to drift into blackness. The last thing you hear before you blackout is his boyfriend's Reid, Morgen, and Aaron barge into the bathroom. 

After a while you wake up on your couch, your arms wrapped tightly in bandages and sleeping on Morgan's body. Morgan's arm wrapped around you protectively. Aaron and Reid are on the floor next to each other talking about you, saddened by the fact they couldn't tell you  are  in pain and that you felt you couldn't talk to them. They couldn't tell you were awake yet so you just tried to cuddle closer to morgen.

“Afternoon Moonlight.” Morgan said, rubbing a hand up and down my back. You let out a groan, getting a half hearted chuckle from the men in the room. A Crushing feeling of shame and guilt hits you and you start to cry slightly, your face hidden in Morgan's chest. 

‘YOU BURDEN!’ your thoughts yell out. You cry slightly harder than Morgan hugging you closer sitting up with you on his lap. Aaron and Reid come in to hug you as well. Whispering sweet things in your ear. Somehow their sweet whispers slice up the thoughts and get rid of them.your crying stops but they don't move for a while. Then Morgan hands you to Aaron as if you weighed nothithing. Morgan got up and left somewhere but Aaron and Reid stayed next to you. Once your tears stopped you sat up. You couldn't make eye contact with any of them so  you just started to play with Aarons tie. Morgan returned with 4 mugs of hot chocolate, placing them on the coffee table in front. Morgan sat down and opened his arm beckoning you to him. You got up from Aarons lap and walked over sitting in Morgan's lap. Talking one of the mugs you took a sip, Aaron and Reid took places by the table and after some silence Reid was the first to speak.

“Baby why didn't you say something?” he looked down at his hands Aaron quickly grabbing one and holding on to it. You continued to look down.

“I don't want to be more of a burden you you guys.” you mumbled.

“You are not a burden to moonlight.” Morgan said, planting a kiss on the top of your head then wrapped his arms around your stomach hugging you close to him.

“He's the right little wolf. You're not a burden. You're a strong man who can take a lot but asking for help or even just having someone to listen to doesn't make you a burden.” Aaron said Morgan's fingers found their way under your chin and he gently lifted your head to face him directly.

“Moonlight. What's going on?” Morgan asked. After some more silence you spoke.

“Sometimes…... .sometimes it just get loud. My thoughts get loud. I used to be able to drown them out with music but they've become louder. I couldn't find a way to stop them until….until i used my cutting. Again.” They were all silent.

“There is a 34% higher rating in autistic males self harming compared to non autistic males.” Reid said.

“Well how about we try to help you.” Aaron said “what if we make a list of things you can do instead of harming yourself? How does that sound, little wolf?” Aaron reached out, taking your hand. You nodded and for the next 20 minutes you and your boyfriends made a list of things to do for when you feel the need to harm yourself. The first one was calling them then there was stuff like, rolling up in a blanket,reading, sleeping, rubber band, writing the thought etc. after that was done you were passed over to Reid so that Aaron and morgan can make dinner for the 4 of you. The rest of the night was filled with cuddles, games, kisses, and more fun.

#aaron x male reader #aaron hotchner #morgan x male reader #derek morgan #spencer reid #reid x male reader #sh #y/n #Reid x sh reader #Morgan x sh reader #Aaron X sh reader #mxmxmxm #autisum #gay #polyamory #criminal minds #fanfic

[albinowolf16504]

Our Boy ~ Reid, Morgan, Aaron, X trans!male!Reader

Summery: you got top surgery done while your lover boys were on a mission. when they return to find you at home recovering. they end up pampering you for a bit before falling asleep together.

Warning: poly relations, top surgery recovery, homosexuality.

you're in your bathroom at 3am crying the thoughts you tried so hard to get rid of returning with force. your found yourself on the bathroom floor in only your sweatpants, your torso bare your old and new scars on your arms on display, only adding fuel to your worsening thoughts.

you should have killed yourself when you had the chance

your only a burden to everyone

you boyfriends don't love you they pity you

the thought becomes louder and more frequent you try to drown it out with loud music, but no luck. you try to think of a way to help but only come to one conclusion. cutting. crawling toward your sink, you open a drawer and pull out an old small 'necklace' case. opening it you see the multitude of blades. grabbing one you take your place back against the wall next to the speaker.

'your a pussy you wouldn't cut'

'your too weak to cut'

'your a pathetic excuse for a man'

slowly you drag the blade across your forearm drawing a line of red with your silver blade over the old white lines and the other scabbed red lines. you get 6 cuts in blood running down your arm to your fingers then dripping down onto the floor. leaning your head against the wall behind you, you let out a sigh of your thought seeping away with the blood. After sitting for ten minutes in the silence on your head you stand putting the blade back into the case then back into the drawer. pulling out some gauze and bandage wrap you wash your forearm wincing slightly as the sting of the water hits the fresh wounds. Once the bloods gone you place the gauze and wrap your arms. Sleepiness quickly seeps its way into your body and you turn off your music, clean up the blood on the floor then lay in your bed covering yourself in the blankets trying to get some sleep before work tomorrow.

— – – – – – – – – – – – – – 

As you wake up you can feel the throbs starting to come from your angry forearms. You sit up, turn off your alarm cursing as the movement cracks open some of the new scabs. You swing your feet over the edge of the huge bed so they can rest on the cold floor. After rubbing your eyes and stretching you grab clothes and head to the bathroom. Your thoughts were still silent from your breakdown a couple hours earlier so you were fine in the shower only winching as you washed over your new cuts. After you shower you wrap your arms in new clean gauze and bandages then throw on your black hoodie and cargo jeans. You made sure to grab one of Aaron's hoodies as it was 2 sizes too big so you knew it would hide the bandages well. Leaving the bead room you walked to your door and put on your military boots, grabbed your keys, and helmet then left the gloomy apartment. 

– – – — – – – – – – –

You pulled up to the BAU office turning off you loud bike and getting off. You quickly made your way into the office and took the elevator up. Once the ding for your floor was sounded you stepped out into the floor automatically being spotted by your other boyfriend Reid who was waiting for you with a cup of coffee.

“You make him wait for you! Your so lazy”

You shoved the thought to the back of your mind accepting the cup from your boyfriend's hand. You started walking toward your desk Reid going on about some random subject. You didn't hear much of it, making a b-line to your desk only to stop and give Derek a quick kiss on the head as you pass by. As you sat at your desk Reid made a spot for him on the counter behind you. 

“y/n.” Reid said from behind you, breaking the sleepy fog that was surrounding you head.

“Yeah . sorry still a little tired” you replied with a fake smile plastered on your face. Reid didn't look convinced.

“I asked if you're ok.” Reid repeated. You just nodded and replied with the ‘im fine’. You didn't hear a reply from Reid but you guessed that he may have just nodded his head, but you couldn't tell you were already starting on the pile of paperwork on your desk.

‘Look at you making them worry. You're such a burden.’ 

Reid left you to your work and you continued to keep your thoughts at bay. Aaron had come out of his office after about an hour of you arriving. Walking up to you he kissed you on the head and then walked over to Reid and morgan. After about 10 minutes Aaron clapped his hands together getting the team's attention.

“Let's take the rest of the day off guys.” There were happy cheers from everyone on the team. You close the report you were currently working on and grab your helmet from under your desk. Everyone was huddled together talking about a night out. You started to walk past them when Morgan caught your arm in his hand gently. You winced slightly but quickly covered it up hoping he didn't tell. 

“We’re all going to the bar you should join.” he said, letting go of my arm.

“No i'm alright ill just spoil the fun. You guys have fun though.” you smiled and headed to the elevator. Once the door closed your thoughts flooded in.

‘So pathetic they had to invite you because they feel bad’

‘You couldn't even finish your work.’

‘Lazy bitch’

You reach the parking lot, put your helmet on and get on your bike and speed home.

Once your home and your thoughts start up again and you again turn on music trying to drown out the thoughts but again fails and ends up sitting on your bathroom floor shirt off cutting again. After a bunch of new cuts you look down and you know you went too far because you slowly start to drift into blackness. The last thing you hear before you blackout is his boyfriend's Reid, Morgen, and Aaron barge into the bathroom. 

After a while you wake up on your couch, your arms wrapped tightly in bandages and sleeping on Morgan's body. Morgan's arm wrapped around you protectively. Aaron and Reid are on the floor next to each other talking about you, saddened by the fact they couldn't tell you  are  in pain and that you felt you couldn't talk to them. They couldn't tell you were awake yet so you just tried to cuddle closer to morgen.

“Afternoon Moonlight.” Morgan said, rubbing a hand up and down my back. You let out a groan, getting a half hearted chuckle from the men in the room. A Crushing feeling of shame and guilt hits you and you start to cry slightly, your face hidden in Morgan's chest. 

‘YOU BURDEN!’ your thoughts yell out. You cry slightly harder than Morgan hugging you closer sitting up with you on his lap. Aaron and Reid come in to hug you as well. Whispering sweet things in your ear. Somehow their sweet whispers slice up the thoughts and get rid of them.your crying stops but they don't move for a while. Then Morgan hands you to Aaron as if you weighed nothithing. Morgan got up and left somewhere but Aaron and Reid stayed next to you. Once your tears stopped you sat up. You couldn't make eye contact with any of them so  you just started to play with Aarons tie. Morgan returned with 4 mugs of hot chocolate, placing them on the coffee table in front. Morgan sat down and opened his arm beckoning you to him. You got up from Aarons lap and walked over sitting in Morgan's lap. Talking one of the mugs you took a sip, Aaron and Reid took places by the table and after some silence Reid was the first to speak.

“Baby why didn't you say something?” he looked down at his hands Aaron quickly grabbing one and holding on to it. You continued to look down.

“I don't want to be more of a burden you you guys.” you mumbled.

“You are not a burden to moonlight.” Morgan said, planting a kiss on the top of your head then wrapped his arms around your stomach hugging you close to him.

“He's the right little wolf. You're not a burden. You're a strong man who can take a lot but asking for help or even just having someone to listen to doesn't make you a burden.” Aaron said Morgan's fingers found their way under your chin and he gently lifted your head to face him directly.

“Moonlight. What's going on?” Morgan asked. After some more silence you spoke.

“Sometimes…... .sometimes it just get loud. My thoughts get loud. I used to be able to drown them out with music but they've become louder. I couldn't find a way to stop them until….until i used my cutting. Again.” They were all silent.

“There is a 34% higher rating in autistic males self harming compared to non autistic males.” Reid said.

“Well how about we try to help you.” Aaron said “what if we make a list of things you can do instead of harming yourself? How does that sound, little wolf?” Aaron reached out, taking your hand. You nodded and for the next 20 minutes you and your boyfriends made a list of things to do for when you feel the need to harm yourself. The first one was calling them then there was stuff like, rolling up in a blanket,reading, sleeping, rubber band, writing the thought etc. after that was done you were passed over to Reid so that Aaron and morgan can make dinner for the 4 of you. The rest of the night was filled with cuddles, games, kisses, and more fun.

#aaron hotchner #spencer reid #derek morgan #criminal minds #gay #trans male reader #mxmxmxm #polyamory #post op #agent reid #agent morgan #agent hotchner #y/n #Reid x male reader #Morgan x male reader #Aaron X male reader