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Before our discovery and diagnosis of DID we had Conduct Disorder followed by ASPD while it is true that what the body has we alters as a collective have said disorder as well however it also can determine how much one holds

Many of our older alters including myself, hold more traits of ASPD than the more recent ones as the ones who are more newly formed have had more time and experience with cognitive empathy and being surrounded by those who remind us to take accountability while us older formed alters do sometimes struggle with cognitive empathy and such

Also having alters who don't hold much of the ASPD traits but rather hold more of the healing factors of ASPD have such a "calming" attribute that they can keep many of us under control

No one wants to acknowledge ASPD is a trauma response or those with DID and ASPD will make the excuse of throwing their persecutor under the bus

One's ASPD does not equate to a Persecutor for there could be a Caretaker in the System who holds more traits of ASPD than a Persecutor. However since we equate persecutors as one being of a bully, tough love type, etc... and of course ASPD as someone of a bully as well, to society who knows about the two disorders, the alter and disorder match. People who don't understand would never equate an alter who isn't formed to be a sort of "bully" to have traits of ASPD

We have alters who hold different traits of ASPD. Example- I hold more of the manipulating and grandiose trait of ASPD, a teen alter holds the pathological lying trait, Cain holds the disregard for safety of ourselves and others, Zelos holds the sadistic trait, etc.... does this make us inherently malevolent cause we hold such traits? No. ASPD is a disorder not a recipe on "how to be malevolent"

We have alters who hold a lot of ASPD traits come out from dormancy, Holding Cells, etc...for in order to learn they surround themselves/co-front with people/alters who understand, can catch them, teach them, etc....

Of course when one does something then we all take accountability as we share one body and not everyone sees us, we cannot literally split bodies although it would be nice considering how atrocities this body can be at times. We cannot use our disorder as an excuse nor can we blame just one alter when it's a collective matter

Even though we learn to take accountability and display cognitive empathy, we still lack the emotional understanding/empathy towards others it's something we can never feel no matter how much therapy and our ASPD can come at a snap of a finger. We may not be as callous and abusive as we once were we can still be irresponsible, disregard our own safety, have a sense of superiority, etc...us older formed alters are more quick to relapse into the old ways rather than the newer formed alters which often times leaves them to clean up our messes and take the blame

We are grateful the more recently formed has more of the healing factors from ASPD as they are of great help calming, aiding in knowing/acknowledging right from wrong, etc... but they've also become a type of scapegoat for society to try and guilt trip

Sorry to say but guilt, remorse, etc....is something we can never emotionally feel no matter the type of alter. We have a logical understanding of why but to have any emotional understanding it's just something foreign to us

The more we heal the more we wish we only had DID and not ASPD. The more we heal the more callous we feel towards ourselves as it never seems to be enough for society. The more we heal the more people see it as an opportunity to blame their troubles on us or would continuously poke us until we "snap" and instantly, we're the antagonist

We rather be fakeclaimed than be branded a criminal simply for having a disorder

-Larlaith

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Recall happened pretty hard last night but we managed to only get as far as our programmers media attached messages in a private server. Parts of AR were vocally positive and mournful about needing to be in contact again but we resisted.

#— King #ramcoa tw #recall tw #programming recall #hcdid #programmed did #programmed system #ramcoa #programmed alter

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Our wife negotiated with our highest authoritative presence (Does not consider Himself a part of the system, He is a higher power) for us to be given three days a week. All other days, He is in control. But those three days, any of us can front. Its gonna be a hard adjustment but its better than never fronting at all. Hope I still get sundays.

#— King #Big5 #programmed alter #hcdid #programmed system #ramcoa tw #program tw

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this time theres no codeword.

#— Igorr

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how do u tell the difference between schizo/delusions/hallucinations & ramcoa/programming memories (am also schizophrenic & cant tell the difference between that/delusions of being under control and IRL trauma/memories)???? helpp

Im not sure thats a priority for us. We dont really work based off of things like reality checking or telling things apart. Because of how long we were being programmed, we currently just started seeing all of our symptoms as a whole as programming. We feel that every symptom and trait we have has been built by our programmer over those 15 years. So it makes it hard to have a clear line between anything anymore. We also arent very experienced with our own RAMCOA or HC-DID, we only just recently broke through and saw it and realized it all.

Weve realized that our dissociation is completely related to RAMCOA and that it feels like a sleeper state than it has ever felt like normal DID dissociation. We also dont get super intense auditory and visual hallucinations in general, but we do have them daily, and we get very intense phrase repeats in our head a lot. Our disorganized thoughts in schizophrenia cause us to ramble for hours about both our HC-DID memories and our religious beliefs.

I cant say much more. Im hoping I was vague enough about our actual programming here for Halogen not to delete this.

#— ??? #AR subsys #programmed alter #hcdid #programmed did #programmed system #ramcoa #ramcoa tw

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Deleted everything posted about our programming and recall cues, and I will continue to do so until the surface alters understand why its kept hidden

#— Halogen #AR subsys

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2456

HC DID system, mixed origins, 100+ alters

chronoadult, vessel in its 20s

under direct programming 15 years

exited direct programming may 2023

paranoid schizophrenic

chronically ill

married to @chaoticfoxcat

#hcdid #ramcoa tw #programmed did #programmed system #ramcoa #paranoid schizophrenic #drug abuse #drug addict #homeless #nonhuman #nonhuman identifying #pro endo #endo friendly #endo safe #plurality