yueiyun

[yueiyun]

It's been too long and yet not long enough. Time passes as a tangible mass that Dan Feng wades through bearing shackles and weights. And though he wishes to roll over and die, he feels an even greater urge to cry out and finish what they started. Yingxing is dead. Baihang is dead. What is the point of anything but reminding the Luofu of the suffering it caused?

Dan Feng stares unblinkingly at the shadows flickering around the corner. Only the sound of infrequent shuffling and the steady impact of water dropplets colliding with the floor disturb the tense tranquil. That is, until a voice reaches out to him.

Despite his prolonged solitude, Dan Feng doesn't startle. Instead, he turns his eyes upward toward the intruder, remaining otherwise motionless. This isn't the first time someone managed to slip past the guards. The last instance was willfully ignored, members of the Sanctus Medicus stripping him for parts that never grew back quite right. Will this be another opportunist? How unfortunate for them that pain alone cannot deter Dan Feng. He is far too used to it.

"I am," he says lowly, his voice rough from disuse. "Are you here to change that? Or do you wish to gorge yourself on my suffering?"

@yueiyun -- ;

Something happened, Al-Haytham. I just need you to trust me on this.

When Nuncio opened a mirror portal for him to be transported through, Al-Haytham wasn't sure what to expect. Swimming in pure darkness, it dawned on him that this was a dungeon of some kind. The forlorn dripping of water from the ceiling to the flagstones below resonated eerily, the velvety darkness shrouding all in a flightless view. Why Su had urged him to come here, he wasn't sure. But as he wandered the desolate corridors, devoid of life, Su's silence spoke louder as a feeling of deja-vu plagued him.

Then, it was via a single shaft of moonlight that he saw someone fettered in shackles, a paroxysm of agony if it ever existed. Quiet alarm filled Al-Haytham's psyche, but what came next chilled him.

This, it's... too familiar. I've seen this before a hundred times--

"Are you alive?" Al-Haytham beseeched the prone High Elder, modulating his voice so the guards wouldn't hear so easily.

Let's make it one less time, then.

#alhazen #oh this is /very/ interesting #thanks for the starter!

[yueiyun]

@ofluminance | cont.

she should.. respect his feelings, but, stelle knew better than that. she knew him better than that, or at least, she thought she did.. maybe that's just what this was? with everything that they've done thus far, part of the journey was stelle finding herself. it was only natural that she'd grown closer to their little family in the process - they were all she knew. but the love and admiration she felt for march was so different than the way her heart beat louder inside chest any time she'd spent with dan heng. maybe she shouldn't have said anything at all. .. yet, the answer dan heng provides. it's not what stelle expects to hear, but it also doesn't feel.. like him. & that's what has stelle, annoyed and bothered. " do you think they're any easier for me? " knitting her brows together, stelle shakes her head. " it wasn't too long ago that i didn't even know who i was. honestly, i still don't. getting angry, that was the easy thing to do.. but dealing with it? that's been the hard part. " moving to stand and leave the room, stelle regrets ever even opening her mouth in the first place. she knows rejection well, doesn't make it hurt any less. still, who was dan heng to tell her what she could and couldn't feel? hurt, amber eyes linger, still brimming with so much frustration. " you're kidding me, right? do you.. hear yourself? .. " a pause for stelle to sigh, and rub her temple." listen, i may not be the smartest or the best with words - but.. you are. you're incredible, dan heng. march and i would be back at square one without you. you're kind, you care so much about others, you're strong, and you're so intelligent. i'd be lying if i said i hadn't admired you from the moment we met. " with one last longing look, stelle drops her gaze - way to make a fool of yourself." if you don't feel anything for me, at least know i would never want you feeling any less about yourself. " running a hand through her hair, stelle shuts her eyes and turns for the door. " i'll leave you to your research. sorry, that i disturbed you. .. night. "

Dan Heng hears what she's saying. He gets it, her frustration, and he feels properly chastized for his earlier words. Causing her discomfort is the last thing he wants, but that's precisely why he saw the need to speak up in the first place. While he's...flattered that a person as bright and headstrong as Stelle could admire a person so objectively awkward and incomplete such as him, he still struggles to accept her feelings. They haven't known each other that long. Or, no, that in of itself isn't the issue. Dan Heng hasn't been open with her or the Express members about what exactly he is running from. Would she still feel the same if she knew how much of a coward he is?

Before he can untangle the words circling his brain, Stelle makes to leave. It shouldn't come as a surprise, but it does. Dan Heng reaches out without a conscious thought, grabbing her wrist. "Wait," he says, only to find he doesn't know how to follow up his plea. No matter Stelle's assessment of him, Dan Heng feels everything but smart right now. He's...such an asshole, isn't he?

"I haven't been entirely honest with you," is what he settles on. "I dont--" His heart is racing. He doesn't want to lose her, not any of them. "I don't want to refuse you. But I wouldn't feel right stringing you along without telling you about my past." And he does care for her, he realizes. Not as a brother or companion but as something else. It scares him, and he tightens his hold around Stelle's wrist without realizing. "Would you be willing to hear me out first?"

#ofluminance #i love your take on stelle #she's so good :3

[yueiyun]

🙌 Blade to DH- you can decide in which way : ))))

It's comfortable. It's agonizing. It's lovely. Dan Heng watches Blade with heavy-lidded eyes, his limbs hanging limply by his side. Though he could still move, he finds that he doesn't want to. This game isn't one he enjoys playing, and Blade always did say that he wanted Dan Heng to stop running. And so, he does. He struggles for breath as that pressure around his throat grows stronger, but he isn't afraid. Surely, he should be, and yet he only experiences calm. He doesn't think Blade will kill him. He doesn't think he's felt so secure in another person before, not ever.

Dan Heng's vision is starting to swim. He doesn't know whose tears are being shed, but he knows there's no reason to mourn what could have been.

#iiryoku #i had a plan for this originally #but then i forgot #so welp #i this like this direction though #a lot #strangulation tw

[yueiyun]

Oh, I survived btw. I think.

I haven't even arrived at work yet and am already prepared to strangle someone. If I survive this week, I deserve a fucking medal.

#––– ❛ in medias res 【 ooc. 】 #not to be dramatic #but i deserve to be dramatic sometimes

[yueiyun]

-big lion general is gonna fall asleep against dan heng's shoulder-

He's being squished. No, smothered. Jing Yuan's hair is everywhere - in his face, his mouth, his nose. At least it's soft? And that smell... It's familiar, strangely so. Could it be possible that the one before him had noted this same scent once? Or is he, perhaps, overthinking it?

Whether or not he is, Dan Heng loses himself long enough to survive the initial smothering and frees himself with a shake of his head. The general stays leaning against him though, a comforting weight pressing down on Dan Heng's shoulder.

He's warm, and Dan Heng thinks it pleasant.

#sagnaevi

[yueiyun]

i loved you so much and i couldn’t save you. do you know what that’s like, when your hands aren’t stable enough to hold something so important. to watch your own reflection drop everything precious in this world into the fire. do you know what it’s like to burn alongside, whispering, please, i tried, i swear to god that i tried

#––– ❛ ad libitum 【 musings. 】 #––– ❛ ad acta 【 queue. 】

[yueiyun]

I haven't even arrived at work yet and am already prepared to strangle someone. If I survive this week, I deserve a fucking medal.

#––– ❛ in medias res 【 ooc. 】 #for legal reasons etc etc

[yueiyun]

Since it's Sunday--

BDSM test

Dan Feng:

87% Submissive 78% Switch 78% Degradee 76% Rope bunny 75% Brat 74% Primal (Prey) 69% Rigger 68% Masochist 65% Experimentalist 63% Dominant 61% Brat tamer 60% Primal (Hunter) 50% Slave 45% Sadist 44% Vanilla 41% Voyeur 37% Exhibitionist 32% Non-monogamist 22% Pet 21% Master/Mistress 13% Degrader 9% Daddy/Mommy 9% Owner 0% Ageplayer 0% Boy/Girl

Dan Heng:

94% Submissive 79% Brat 79% Degradee 78% Rope bunny 70% Primal (Prey) 70% Masochist 69% Exhibitionist 54% Vanilla 46% Slave 45% Experimentalist 36% Pet 30% Non-monogamist 27% Switch 27% Voyeur 11% Dominant 11% Primal (Hunter) 8% Rigger 0% Daddy/Mommy 0% Ageplayer 0% Brat tamer 0% Degrader 0% Boy/Girl 0% Master/Mistress 0% Owner 0% Sadist

#––– ❛ scientia aere perennius 【 headcanon. 】 #not fully set on dh's preferences #might need to redo it after a while to see if something changed #nsft

[yueiyun]

[rubs my face against you like a cat]

#––– ❛ ad libitum 【 musings. 】 #––– ❛ ad acta 【 queue. 】 #cat-coded cat

[yueiyun]

I done wrote today. And now I'll be mentally dead for approximately 10 system hours. Adios. Bye-bye. Gute Nacht. I must sleep.

#––– ❛ in medias res 【 ooc. 】 #df is killing me #like oh my god #-head in hands-

[yueiyun]

How often can a soul shatter before it turns to dust? Dan Feng gave away his heart, the very same that now beats in Yingxing's chest, but he still feels it break with every second that he allows himself to ponder their current situation. He feels so much at once, constantly thinking of both the good and the bad they endured, the role Dan Feng played in derailing their lives, whether Yingxing will hate him if he ever remembers all of it, the sweetness of his words be damned.

Most agonizingly, Dan Feng thinks about how he had felt Yingxing die, first the once, then again and again and again--

He sobs. Again. His throat hurts, and he feels angry for it, for his body. He clenches his fists against Yingxing's back, just barely finding the control not to dig his claws into his beloved's flesh. He would bite him if it meant he got to taste his life on his tongue, his warmth engulfing Dan Feng inside and out. Distantly, he thinks he may have lost more of himself than he realized. (If only Yingxing knew, would he still hold him so sweetly? Would he still promise forever? Dan Feng doesn't know.)

Dan Feng bites the fabric of Yingxing's collar instead of his flesh, thereby muffling his sounds and preventing himself from tearing them both apart. He can't let himself think or else he won't be able to hold himself together - already, it's too much.

Fervently, Dan Feng drags his palms along Yingxing's spine, the back of his lungs. Cloudhymn seeps into him, checking and searching for hurt, for anything Dan Feng could mend. He hurt him before, so so much, is the reason why he had to endure--

"Ah." What he feels beneath his searching fingers, humming within the magic, can't be understood. It can be explained, perhaps, but Dan Feng no longer understands the parts that Yingxing is made of. A mortal no longer, Yingxing won't need to face death the same way he once did. The frenzy driving Dan Feng's actions stills, and he instead slumps against the ground fully, slack as a doll. What a good thing Yingxing positioned them like this. Yes, Yingxing always knew what was best for them. (If only Dan Feng had listened to him--)

Exhaling deeply, Dan Feng closes his eyes, then swallows dryly before nudging his face against Yingxing's jaw. His love is so lovely, so strong. He's better than anyone else has ever been. "An aeon gazed upon you," Dan Feng says. "But I saw you first. I saw you." His greatness, his heart, his love.

Just now noting the dampness of their clothes, Dan Feng draws the wetness from Yingxing's coat. (He doesn't once consider doing the same for his own robe.) The water swirls around them, almost playfully. It dances for him, again.

Dan Feng laughs. It's all Yingxing's. Is all mine.

Yingxing could understand - Dan Feng didn't need say anything for him to understand, what it meant to the male, that his memories hadn't resurfaced yet. He had, so far, fumbled in darkness of his mind for them, only to catch a glimpse here and there. Yingxing desired, so badly, to pull them out from that darkness that had been left within his mind, where an absence could be felt from the memories that were no longer there, to the point of it feeling like a night-sky without stars. It felt like someone had taken them and hid them away and yet, he saw them in the nearby depths, felt them in each touch and heard them in each sound, that left those familiar lips. A deep hurt - a heartbreaking crack, had formed within his chest upon hearing the way Dan Feng spoke, despite also feeling a sense of relief at the knowledge, that his beloved, would tell him of those missing memories, which would perhaps result them to resurface and click into the place, where they belonged.

A silence danced in the air as Yingxing observed his beloved, who awoke such intense feelings, that were almost too big for his chest. Was this how he had always felt? So breathless? So full? To the point of overflowing? It felt... overwhelming and yet, the emanator desired more, but more than anything, he desired for the man within his arms to understand, just how he felt ⸺ so there would be no doubt between them. Especially upon feeling the trembling within his arms, which were protectively wrapped around the only person in this universe, who he desired ⸺ who made the organ within his chest beat. It filled the male, with immense pain to listen to the way that sadness coated every word, something that awoke such deep anger, that felt like it set fire to his veins and yet, Yingxing remained still before he wrapped his arms more securely around the trembling body. If it was a desire, he would protect Dan Feng against the entire universe. Leaning in, he let his lips rest near one of the nearby ears as he spoke calmly, despite the way the organ within was weeping.

❝ Never apologize for this... never apologize for your desire to express, what you feel. I will never leave, if that is your desire, because never mind what, you will always be my reason, Dan Feng, with or without my memories, for the feelings left by them, despite their absence, tells me, where I belong; which is right here... with you. ❞

It was the truth and always would be the truth, never mind how many times he would be brought back to life.

❝ Of course, always, ❞

was spoken softly as fair lips graced the nearby ear before Yingxing laid down and pulled his beloved close - to shield him from the world and all those, who had brought them such pain. Once they had both rested... he would deliver his punishment to those, who had done this and made them wish, they had taken the opportunity to beg for their forgiveness. Perhaps then... he would deliver his punishment with a hint of mercy.

#iiryoku #i-- #i don't even know what to say #df has lost his mind a little #and i have a feeling it'll stay that way #he hears what yingxing is saying #but also not?? #idk but words be wording i guess

[yueiyun]

Truth be told, Dan Heng doesn't know. He didn't keep track of time as he sat there, playing with Caelus' hair. The motion was clearly soothing to Caelus, but also to him, allowing his shoulders to drop and heartbeat to slow. Vidyadhara are known for their calm constitution, but Dan Heng isn't immune to everyday stresses. Really, it's strange how a subtle touch like this can cause so strong a change in one's emotion. Later, he will need to read up on this phenomenon. (Hormonal reactions should be a good starting point - oxytocin, surely? He remembered reading about it long ago: the body's chemical reaction to being held. Dan Heng doesn't have many reference points to compare, but surely it feels something like this?)

His hand briefly stills as he holds Caelus' gaze, noticing the crystaline reactions dancing within his irises. They remind of him stars, a vast horizon flickering in front of a glowing sun. It should be illegal to have eyes that striking, in all fairness. Soon enough, however, Dan Heng regains his composure and continues his ministrations. Enshrouded by the night's stillness, exchanging such casual, almost tender affection doesn't feel so out of place. It's comfortable, and Dan Heng finds he doesn't want to stop. "It's okay," he says, and it is. "I didn't plan on lying down anyway. Did you have a nightmare? You were fidgetting in your sleep."

⸺ @yueiyun RANDOM ASK. / ALWAYS ACCEPTING.

"Caelus?" Dan Heng had noticed him pass the archives a while ago, but despite the late hour, his friend hadn't yet made his way back to his room. It's not like Dan Heng is worried per se, but he still thinks it unusual, to say the least. When he peaks his head into the kitchen area, he finds Caelus passed out on the table, hair all mussed and cheek pressed against the patterned wood. Dan Heng approaches with a soundless sigh and runs his fingers through gray locks in an effort to smooth them down. Dan Heng briefly considers carrying Caelus to bed, but he'd loathe to wake him up. It really looks like he is needing the rest. After pondering the problem, Dan Heng fetches himself a glass of water and sits down at the table next to Caelus. And if he keeps brushing his fingers along his fellow trailblazer's scalp, no one's there to see but him.

It was one of those nights ⸺ the nights that he had grown familiar to due to how often they happened. Yes, there were nights, where he was allowed peace, where he could sleep and have gentle dreams, but they were few and far between. Having yet not found a way to calm his nightmares, it was something Caelus had slowly come to accept to simply be, a part of how he worked. For all he knew, it could have something to do with the stellaron within him ⸺ after all, he had heard it speak before in tempting whispers, so it wouldn't be far-fetched if it also fed him memories in the form of nightmares as it seemingly, was always portrayed as something negative ⸺ cancer of all worlds and all that.

Having decided to go to the kitchen, Caelus sat there for a while before he felt his eyes grow heavy. Perhaps it would be okay... if he just.... relaxed a bit here.

Unknown to Caelus, his body completely relaxes as soon as those familiar digits graced his scalp. A soothing sensation settled within his scarred chest and whichever nightmare that had been creeping in, quickly vanish and for a while, rest came easy. That was, until, the trailblazer slowly woke up. Golden depths opened weakly and warmth filled the exhausted male as his tired depths settled on none other than Dan Heng. A sleepy smile was soon aimed at the elder as he continued to lay on the wooden surface, feeling very content. Meanwhile, a soft tint appeared on the fair features due to the action of those gentle digits.

❝ Have I been out long? I apologize, if I made you sit here for long... ❞

What he wasn't sorry about, was the way that he leaned slightly into the moving digits.

#iiryoku

[yueiyun]

"Come home to me" kind of love

#––– ❛ ad libitum 【 musings. 】 #––– ❛ ad acta 【 queue. 】

[yueiyun]

My head is achy, so I'll prob hit the hay early. It's funny cause I slept a solid 10-11 hours last night, but I guess it shows I'm needing it. (Cursed be the monthly time of ouch.) Muse is high, so I'm hoping to get on-dash writing done tomorrow <3

#––– ❛ in medias res 【 ooc. 】 #take care lovelies~

[yueiyun]

...This shady fucker literally never leaves my team regardless of what dps I use. Still surprised me though!

I shared my Trailblaze Blessings with you! Click on the link to view your Star Rail Anniversary Data Report, and claim rewards such as Stellar jades and Fuels! https://act.hoyoverse.com/sr/event/e20240426anniversary-so6swc/index.html?wish_invite_code=GE4GQZ8ZHN&hyl_presentation_style=fullscreen&hyl_landscape=true&hyl_hide_status_bar=true&hyl_auth_required=true

#––– ❛ in medias res 【 ooc. 】

[yueiyun]

#––– ❛ video et taceo 【 gallery. 】 #––– ❛ ad acta 【 queue. 】 #iiryoku

[yueiyun]

James Baldwin, from Another Country

#––– ❛ ad libitum 【 musings. 】 #––– ❛ ad acta 【 queue. 】