yohmye

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"Reflections in Real Time" CD Sleeve

Design

Creative Direction by Kish Robinson

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So per the usual I am back on the tumblr app for iOS upon being met with intense distress of the coming of age kind. I’ve applied to grad school and gotten into grad school and definitely know I need to go o grad school (now or never or I’ll literally never go). It’s come down between UC Berkeley and my Alma mater and I have to give the Berkeley people a response tomorrow (today). At first I was very conflicted because I still haven’t heard back from my top choice and I didn’t want to make any decisions without knowing all of my options. But now that’s neither here nor there. Right now I honestly think that the program at my old school is the better option for my career and more in line with what I hope to do in the future. I’m still sussing it out because it is partially a journalism degree but if my understanding of the program is correct then it’s correct for me. I’d very much love to accept the berkeley people’s offer as I sometimes truly desperately feel like I need a change in the form of moving to an entirely different state but I’m not sure if I can let my self do that for probably 60k debt and also a program that isn’t hugely relevant to what I want to do in the future. I like the Columbia program but I’m also not like thrilled of having been there done that same campus but worse bc I’ll be living with my parents. And I feel like a lot of my attraction to Berkeley is fueled by my insecurities around aging and my comfort zone like it feels very much like oh I know I’d rather stay inside tonight but having fomo about a party I don’t really want to go to but feel like I need to go to help not be so sheltered like to fix my being sheltered. And then I’m partially like well yeah I feel insecure but isn’t that like a valid biological response? Like when you’re sad that’s telling you that you need to take action on something and maybe my insecurity is telling me that I should take action and stop being a comfort zone freak but I’d only entertain that if the shit at Berkeley was shit I’d actually wanna do. Like I went there to visit last Friday and it was like mad industrial shit and physical prototyping and idk like it could be fun but I remember very saliently being like oh yeah this is a chop maybe. And like I had fun in the morning but the rest of the day the vibes were just kinda low and I felt weird and out of it idk like it feels like I’m bullying myself into doing something that isn’t really right for me only because I feel like I need to. And I can understand taking a risk but shit for a program I don’t even like like that? Just to live in Cali and take studio courses? Maybe if I wasn’t going into mad debt then sure but I mean jeez. Like again part of me feels like I’m making excuses for staying inside my comfort zone but then I’m like no I know that I’d go if it wasn’t just so much shit that wasn’t really working for me. Like shit I’d pop out if they were giving out full rides. Like idk I’m just grieving mad hard for what I would’ve liked to be a profound change in my life but listen I’m sure I’ll get to experience Cali or other places without having major fucking debt so for now I’ll grieve or idk maybe some weird shit happens when I wake up tomorrow morning gnnnnnn

#note #journal

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Hey party people

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Lorna Simpson

via: black visual impulse

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Happened again but this is a week after the fact and I’m mostly over it but I am so so sooooo bored now I miss little boyfriend to text and talk to

Somehow find my way back to tumblr after everytime a nigga enacts some horrible level of cruelty against me and I have a Scorpio Venus episode

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When I grow up I’m gon buy me a house

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Fatou, Marseille 2021

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When Toni Morrison said the grandeur of life is the attempt, not the solution… And how she went on to explain that it’s about behaving as beautifully as one can under completely impossible circumstances. The power that has, you know? It’s really just the making room for what breathes in the presence of the attempt. In the coming-to-be. 

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p9wer st9ckers.

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Does anyone love me

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sleazenation

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Somehow find my way back to tumblr after everytime a nigga enacts some horrible level of cruelty against me and I have a Scorpio Venus episode

#note