yelyahnaloj

[yelyahnaloj]

Maria F***ing Prophetissa

Sarah Rochelle Williams has dark brown puppy eyes and a round sassy face, that hasn´t changed much from middle school. Her thick, wavy dark hair was contained in her hoody as she eats mac and cheese and draws comics. When she isn´t drawing, she enjoys playing Pokémon and practicing advanced mathematics, like a real nerd. At age 19, she lives with her mother and paternal grandmother in an antique caravan on a forested five acre property in Washington state. She´d lived there all her life.

Sarah´s mother, Tansy, and grandmother, Hildegard, raised Sarah themselves, their love for each other having as much to do with it as their love for the child. Tansy didn´t know she was a lesbian when she met William Williams. To anyone else´s knowledge, she seemed in love with him. Cornered him down in junior high, spent half of high school at his house. Anyone´s guess why they broke up, probably to do with the baby.

Tansy had a different story: She had met Hildegard first, on a field trip. Hildegard had wild, frizzy hair and a strong, sturdy stature. She was giving a tour of the local community garden. She always spoke frank. So when she saw Tansy off by her self, she told her “I descended from generations of nomads. My ancestors were in diaspora across Europe for generations before immigrating to America. Don´t think I´m shy about living on the outskirts.¨ They spent the rest of the trip talking about folk remedies and traditional knowledge amongst different cultures. 

[yelyahnaloj]

(Stream of consciousness writing found in a notebook from 2016)

Maude is my best friend. I remember when I was in middle school and I saw a list of students and I saw the name “Maude Moss” and I asked the teacher who she was I remember Maude making the joke about the giant canarie saying “here, kitty kitty” I remember that her favoite animal is cats and I tried piling her arms with cat nonfiction books that she tooke politely I was weirded out by how nice she was like she genuinely cared I thought she had a crush on me and I remember thinking of her and associating her with clocks for some reason like if I were to make her a character she’d control time and I remember she wanted to separate from her parents hippie tendencies she likes victorian houses and is into steampunk and I remember thinking it is amazing she exists and she like dragons and mermaids and percy Jackson books and She used to climb that one tree in her bachyard and she fangirl’s over stuff to escape she has social anxiety she was a shy girl when I met her I talked to her because I felt for her lonliness and she turned out to be the sweetest friend I knew she’s grown up and asserted her independence she’s such a sweet person but she tries to be strong she hides in her head in imagination in fiction she’s insecure in her abilities and afraid of people disliking her so she tries to be Perfect I wish she’d let go and trust I won’t abandon her and her other friends wouldn’t be true if they abandon her she’s insecure in her parents marraige she has nightmares about heading back home and nightmares about heading back to school and she dreams a lot she is stuck in her habits afraid to grow at times trying to play it safe it’s a scary world out there but it’s okay. I want her to be safe but I want her to live to but I am proud of her I’m proud of her accomplishments in school and I hope she never has to compromise what she wants to be I don’t see her much anymore but life changes I still fell the same about her and I’m glad she’s in my life I still haven’t made her card but I’m procrastinating not because I don’t want to do it but because it will be less accurate for what I feel about her I feel forever in her debt and I wish she would open up to me like I have her but she’s afraid and feels unworthy but I care and I knows I do I wish I could see her and hold her again, but It won’t be for a while I feel vurnerable all of the sudden by a little bit she is one of the people I feel most secure around much in a way like my mother but I must grow up see more horizons I’m not dependent on Maude but she’ll always be there and have a place in my heart.

@sunflowerzombie

[yelyahnaloj]

#free association #pretending to make sense #reflecting what I see #moodboard for my what my dashboard vibes are like

[yelyahnaloj]

Fold the Laundry

Fold the laundry, break the ice.

Pour the detergent, roll the dice.

You’ll never know if you’ve never tried. 

You're waiting for a day that'll never arrive. Put your clothes on the line, in your head you've tried and tried.

Will you do another cycle or retreat?

The worst is in your head, it’ll be alright.

Fold the laundry, break the ice.

[yelyahnaloj]

Dublin's Writer's Museum (permanently closed)

Medieval Crime Museum

Zoological Museum of the Zoological Institute of the Russian Academy of Sciences

Museum of Broken Relationships

Kaunas Museum for the Blind

San Servolo Insane Asylum Museum

Museum of Soviet Arcade Games

Explorers Museum

Dr. Guislain Museum

Mercator Museum

Tesla's Birthplace Museum

Black Museum (permanently closed)

Oxford Museum of the History of Science

Captain Cook Birthplace Museum

Cat's Museum and Indoor Zoo

All these museums were found on Atlas Obscura, sometimes I use this website to find interesting places either where I am traveling or where I live.

#2015 #journal #odd museums #europe #atlas obscura #on this day

[yelyahnaloj]

Evil solo leveling like. I will stay connected with my friends and family and form meaningful relationships with others 👹

[yelyahnaloj]

Right now tumblr feels like speaking to the gods. Like what message does it have for me now...

[yelyahnaloj]

Am I safe to go back home, or am I still on the run?

[yelyahnaloj]

Baa

[yelyahnaloj]

Question though, does that mean my friend Luca isn't real? Or what's up with that?

[yelyahnaloj]

Why is it I just feel adoration?

[yelyahnaloj]

I see things way too literally... I guess I really need a lit class.

[yelyahnaloj]

Are you still going to kill me?

I'm flattered and all,

I think it is a pertinent question, though...

[yelyahnaloj]

This was my diary entry from 6 years ago. It´s chilling to think about because this diary entry shows what I was really thinking, yet when my friend asked me how my day was, I replied ¨Meh¨. Yet, knowing the headspace I was in, she knew how to say the right things. This clever pun has stuck with me ever since. 

I was inspired to create a design with my friend´s quote:

If you want to support the mental health of queers, you can purchase this design on a t-shirt on Bonfire. Proceeds go to the Trevor Project. 

Transcription of diary entry:

Keep reading

#there's this shirt I have been wearing for a while #i think it is getting to my head

[yelyahnaloj]

@deerydear I think where a lot of the miscommunication is, and I wasn't sure how to address it, started back when I was trying to look up who Garv is for the context and found this post, which I had already read months ago but forgot about. I forgot how dark the posts used to get. At the same time, I was also posting a lot of posts with personal information kinda hoping to learn more about yourself, but I didn't know if I was being pushy and maybe you just wanted to be a more anonymous blogger. So between those two things I made a post making fun of myself for giving out a lot of information. Which got the reply that you were worried about me sometimes, which I felt defensive by but not sure how to address it. So the selkie meme post had multiple meanings, but was particularly a response to the comment partially meaning that people don't necessarily have to be passively along for the ride to their downfall or to become something they are not, that they could set boundaries or opt out when they realize they are uncomfortable or unsafe (I guess regarding internet safety or something), but given my mood at the time and the joke, I purposely made it seem intense/spooky. That seemed to provoke a stronger response from you than I was expecting, and although I partially understood the posts about Ratatouille, I still kept reading it over and over trying out different ways to interpret it. Rereading it after watching the serial killer youtube videos put me in a weird mood, and I noticed that your posts got more aggressive as well. So there just seems to be a lot of reactions and confusion and it seems to get worse, and the context, probably on both sides, is unclear. Or something IDK.

[yelyahnaloj]

Don't ask what I actually think or you'll just get a dumb answer:

Assassination obviously...

Hide and smash electronics in the woods, sleep under an uprooted tree where no one can find you, almost convince yourself to drop out of school to skip town, being suspicious of passersby's that they are in on the plot and that is why they are speaking into their phone or watch while looking at you as they pass. 24 hours later, I realize I maayybee came to the wrong conclusions. Despite everything it was almost fun, like a challenge and nature was beautiful, but I also ended up dehydrated, damp and sleep deprived. I couldn't smash my phone, so I might be able to recover it if I find out where I stashed it...

On a different note, I observed a new deer behavior while sitting in the woods. It looked right at me and nodded. Then moved a little and nodded again. It moved somewhere else and looked at me again, eventually ran off. I googled the behavior and it says:

As mentioned, the head bob (up and down or side to side) is another movement. While this technically isn’t a signal to other deer, other deer certainly understand that it sees something it doesn’t like. While the common belief is that deer are doing this to fake out their target, it’s more likely they are trying to see it from multiple angles to piece the image together; as deer see much differently than we do.

#“figured it out what you were trying to tell me. there were signs this whole time. you... are going to kill me...” #I don't know why my brain is glitching #i kinda wonder if it is the season because this month last year I kept freaking out about different issues #like thinking my food and water was going to poison or harm me #or maybe it is the stress of getting to the end of the school year

[yelyahnaloj]

A couple days ago I saw this and freaked out and blocked it

The username referenced this character: https://lagooncompany.fandom.com/wiki/Revy

#Maybe paranoid