xantaty

[xantaty]

I wish the world would stop spinning so I could breath.

#tw selfhate #drugblr #cocain #coke lines #benzo baby #percpalace #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh implied #tw self destruction #tw weed #ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #mentally fucked #actually mentally ill #mental illness #mentally exhausted

[xantaty]

The world won’t stop when I die. Only mine will.

#tw selfhate #tw sui vent #tw sui threat #tw sui talk #tw sui attempt #suic1de #tw sui ideation #tw sui implied #sui vent #drugblr #cocain #coke lines #benzo baby #percpalace #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh implied #tw self destruction #tw weed #actually mentally ill #mentally fucked #mentally exhausted

[xantaty]

I got coke yesterday, idk if it’s the fact I haven’t used it in almost a month or what but I took a fat ass line before work. I threw up almost immediately. I haven’t been sleeping well the last few days. I feel like I’m genuinely going insane.. should I take a brake? I wanted this tbh but I’m getting worried. I’m getting close to the edge. My mind feels like a jigsaw puzzle and non of the pieces are fitting together. I had a dream last night. Abt killing someone. It wasn’t anyone I know irl but it felt real. Me dismembering a body… I don’t think it’s normal to have suicidal or homicidal thoughts, is it? I don’t think I’ll act on them… at least not killing somebody other than myself. My mind has been running in loops. How? How am I gonna end things. Time is running out. Perhaps I am losing my mind. I have no one to talk to abt this stuff it seems like everyone in my family is doing good. I wish I would have died a long time ago. It’s gonna hurt so many ppl once they know I’m gone… I just wanna do it in the least painful way possible. I

#tw selfhate #drugblr #cocain #coke lines #benzo baby #percpalace #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh implied #tw self destruction #tw weed #tw sui vent #tw sui threat #tw sui talk #tw sui attempt #tw sui ideation #suic1de #tw sui implied

[xantaty]

would you drink bleach with me and die on the bathroom floor together

[xantaty]

I have therapy in an hour I think I’m going to talk abt my sui- idl thoughts yk? I just can’t deal lately. I feel so suffocated. Idk if it’s the drug use or the lack of sleep but I can’t remember Tuesday… I don’t remember being at work I just.. I keep thinking and it comes up blank. Fuck my head hurts… I need coke- and a new blade. Ugh I love the fact the Molly fucks with appetite so I haven’t eaten much the last few days I’m really hoping to not eat this whole weeks. I just wanna see the numbers go down.. just please.

I can last on c4 and Molly for at least another day right?

#tw selfhate #drugblr #cocain #coke lines #benzo baby #percpalace #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh implied #tw self destruction #tw weed #ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #ed tmblr #tw restrictive ed #tw ed diet

[xantaty]

I fucking love Molly, it’s literally the only drug get hypes me up for sh. I literally have no appetite and I’ve been smoking sativa all night. Lowkey waiting for my coke…

#tw selfhate #drugblr #cocain #coke lines #benzo baby #percpalace #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh implied #tw self destruction #tw weed #tw sh destructive behaviour #sh cvt #ed not ed sheeran #tw sh related

[xantaty]

Still up I’m high as hell and not tired at all

I was able to cut my shifts so I’m off tn my Molly and coke are supposed to get here tomorrow I’m hoping they do. I wanna go on a 4 day bender see how long I can handle not sleeping. Longest I’ve gone is 36 hours. I wanna see if I can go 2 days

[xantaty]

Finally home. Ugh fuck I work Thursday now. My manager is sick and needs a cover and since I was originally supposed to work I have to go in. 😭 it fine its whatever at least I have tn to get fucked up. A line of Molly and some fat joints. I’m still waiting for my coke hopefully it’s here tmr I don’t think imma sleep tn I’ll probably just clean or Smth I have nth to do.

#tw selfhate #drugblr #cocain #coke lines #benzo baby #percpalace #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh implied #tw self destruction #tw weed #tw sucidal ideation #tw disordered eating #tw substance abuse #tw drugs #rant post

[xantaty]

I was able to cut my shifts so I’m off tn my Molly and coke are supposed to get here tomorrow I’m hoping they do. I wanna go on a 4 day bender see how long I can handle not sleeping. Longest I’ve gone is 36 hours. I wanna see if I can go 2 days

#tw selfhate #drugblr #cocain #coke lines #benzo baby #percpalace #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh implied #tw self destruction #tw weed

[xantaty]

Happy 420. Gonna smoke through my cart and stay up Im gonna try to get a little sleep deprivation see how long I can stay awake

#tw selfhate #drugblr #cocain #coke lines #benzo baby #percpalace #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh implied #tw self destruction #tw weed

[xantaty]

I have more shifts next week 4 closing shifts. I wanna get into the routine of sleeping, getting high, and going to work. I’m done w uni for now so I’ll have too much time on my hands. If I sleep 9 hours work for 8 I could spend 6 hours getting fucked up yk?

#tw selfhate #drugblr #cocain #coke lines #benzo baby #percpalace #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh implied #tw self destruction #tw weed

[xantaty]

Doing drugs bc showing up to his house isn’t okay anymore..

#tw selfhate #drugblr #cocain #coke lines #benzo baby #percpalace #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh implied #tw self destruction #tw weed #tw self h4rm #tw sa implied #tw sa

[xantaty]

Ik I probably should pay rent but once won’t kill me roght? Even if it’s just a few days late I think ill be okay… ugh I just want coke… I work Smth out…

#tw selfhate #drugblr #cocain #coke lines #benzo baby #percpalace #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh implied #tw self destruction #tw weed #drug addikt #addicti #drug addiction #addiction

[xantaty]

This guy has been talking to for the last couple of months is sorta like my plug… I tell him what I want send him the money and a few days later it’s at my front door. He’s trying to convince me to only get a gram of Coke. Saying that I should take it slow. He doesn’t know how much I hate myself. I want to get an eighth so I can spin out go really fucking hard. He also doesn’t want me doing acid right now. I think I’ll 10 tabs.

I want him to like me but I’d rather get fucked up instead.

He weighs 130 and is 5’11 😭 a whole foot taller than me at im 90 pounds heavier I should kms I’m giving myself 12 weeks to lose some weight I’ll go on a coke binge. No food only drugs….

#tw selfhate #drugblr #cocain #coke lines #benzo baby #percpalace #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh implied #tw self destruction #tw weed

[xantaty]

Over 22 cuts <3

Cutting myself every time I fuck up at work tn. It’s only been an hour and 4 new cuts 2 on my stomach and 2 on my hand. I only have a 4 hour shift. At this rate I’ll be going home a mess.,, I’m ok with that tbh

#tw sh destructive behaviour #cutspo #baby cvts #i want to cvt #cvtaddict #sh cvt #i wanna cvt

[xantaty]

Cutting myself every time I fuck up at work tn. It’s only been an hour and 4 new cuts 2 on my stomach and 2 on my hand. I only have a 4 hour shift. At this rate I’ll be going home a mess.,, I’m ok with that tbh

#tw selfhate #tw sh destructive behaviour #tw sh in tags #tw restrictive ed #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh related #baby cvts

[xantaty]

This might sound desperate, but I genuinely want somebody to encourage my sh…

#tw selfhate #tw sh implied #tw sh destructive behaviour #tw sh related