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No, because I’m actually right.

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lazy

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Jason keeps him humble

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okay focusing on NATASHA when Peggy and Steve were reuniting was really a choice wasn't it

#un fucking believable #They tried to Bucky-fy Nat #the shear animosity radiating from me I'd equivalent to the pain in nat's eyes #peggynat #let peggynat be cannon thou cowardly fiends

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IT’S THAT TIME

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #percy jackson disney+ #bingo card #bingo #IT’S HAPPENING #EVERYBODY STAY CALM

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#Look at me cackling AT the grave they made and were buried in #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #sally jackson

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ANNABETH CHASE MY BELOVED

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Percy Jackson in a nutshell

#percy jackson #pjotv #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo tv show #percy jackson tv series #pjo #pjo series #Poor guy #But yeah literally no one tells Percy anything ever #YAY THE SERIES WAS GOOD

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#STOP THEY'RE LITERALLY PERFECT #OH MY GOD

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Annabeth’s got a plan. Percy’s on it. When it’s time, he’s gonna be ready. I know it.

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Bruce Wayne: *sitting by his desk and reviewing papers*

*telephone rings*

Bruce Wayne: Hello?

Talia al Ghul: Beloved, hello.

Bruce Wayne: Talia, hello to you too. To what do I owe the pleasure?

Talia al Ghul: I'm calling about our son. He's not answering my calls and he's turned off his tracker again.

Bruce Wayne: Isn't he at that tournament, on Lazarus Island? Talia, Damian's been—

Talia al Ghul: I know where Damian is. We're in contact and he visited father recently. I didn't ask about him, I'm asking about Jason.

Bruce Wayne: Jason?

Talia al Ghul: Yes, Jason, our son. Where is he?

Bruce Wayne:

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My command of facts is more like Calvin's.

And he even remembers to use the appropriate hyphen in "super-heroes."

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batfam being cryptids: boring, over done, theyre just some people in masks if you shot them theyre done-zo

flash fam being cryptids: new, exiciting, they are intrinsically tied to an eldritch multiversal force that gives them the power to change the very fabric of time *by Accident* and that when not harnessed properly will Kill them and possibly destroy entire universes 

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My brain thinking of yet another dumb JayRoy oneshot, idgaf if this has already been done before let me live my life

I think it would really be funny if after watching Lilo and Stitch for the umpteenth time with Lian, Roy got magically inspired to annoy the shit out of Jason by insisting Stitch and Jason share a lot in common. I'm mostly picturing him texting Jason a bunch of random Stitch images and memes like this:

Roy: Did you see the photo that's been circulating of Red Hood?

Jason: No?

Roy: Here let me send it

Roy:

Jason: I'm going to shoot your kneecaps

Roy: Well I think you look great 😀

More nonsense under the cut because my brain won't shut up about this dumb idea

Roy: It you

Jason: ????

Roy: You looked really cozy this morning

Jason: And your first thought was to Google a picture of Stitch in pajamas?

Roy: You're practically twins!

Jason: I'm never coming over again

Roy: I already told Lian you'd take her to the aquarium

Jason: Of fucking course you did

Roy: 😜

Jason: What time do you need me?

Roy: We can talk about it some more

Roy: I didn't specify when

Jason: Yeah but she's probably bugging you like crazy about when I'm going to take her

Roy: Oh she definitely is

Jason: Didn't really think that one through, did you?

Roy: Nope 😮‍💨

Jason: Ha!

Roy: Holy shit Dick just showed me the photos we took when we first met!!!!

Jason: We took photos?

Roy:

Jason: Fuck

Jason: OFF

Roy: What? I think we look great! 😁

Jason: You're the most annoying piece of shit I've ever met

Roy: And you're my angel 😘❤️

Jason: You're so goddamn embarrassing

Jason: ❤️

Jason: Hey are you awake yet?

Roy:

Jason: Nevermind

Roy:

Jason: Suffer

Roy:

Jason: I'm begging you to watch a different movie

Roy: Don't lie

Roy: You totally laughed just now

Jason: Maybe

Roy: 😁❤️

Jason: ❤️

Roy:

Jason: You are super fucking late to this one

Roy: What?! No! 😠

Jason: Everyone's been sending me versions of this stupid meme since I started showing up to family dinners again

Roy: That's hilarious! 🤣🤣

Jason: It's annoying

Roy: It just means they love you ❤️❤️

Roy: And also that I'm not the only one who sees the resemblance 😉

Jason: It means you all have shit humor

Roy: And that we love you 😁

Jason: You've been spending too much time with Dick

Roy:

Jason: Do I even want to know?

Roy: It's us pulling up to Ollie's for Thanksgiving

Jason: Of course it is

Jason: How could I not have immediately known that?

Jason: Wait

Jason: Did you just invite me to Thanksgiving with your family?

Roy: Yep 😉

Roy: And I already told Dinah you'd make a side dish

Jason: Fuck that I can do more than a goddamn side dish

Roy: I'll let her know

Jason: I know how to cook a fucking turkey

Roy: I know you do

Roy: But nobody expects a guest to bring the main course to Thanksgiving, Jaybird

Jason: Does anyone have any allergies?

Roy: 😮‍💨😁 I don't think so, but I'll check real quick

Roy: Hey thanks again for showing up for Reading Time at Lian's school

Roy: I know it was really last minute and it was a lot to ask you to drop everything all of a sudden

Jason: I wouldn't have said yes if it was a problem, Roy

Roy: I know but I still appreciate you helping out

Jason: Don't mention it

Roy: Lian said she had a lot of fun 😁

Jason: I'm glad

Roy: Oh yeah Lian's teacher told me she was taking pictures of all the parents that came to Reading Time

Roy: She sent me one of you reading to Lian and her class if you wanna see

Jason: Sure

Roy:

Jason: I can't believe I fell for that

Roy: I'm just as surprised as you are

Roy: No but she did actually take some photos

Roy: I'll send them over now

Jason: Ok

Roy:

Jason: GODDAMNIT ROY

Roy: 😁😜

Roy: Ok ok I promise I'll show you the real ones later tonight

Roy: Jaybird?

Roy: Well I thought it was funny

Jason: You're lucky I actually like you

Roy: Aw! I like you too! 😀

Jason: ❤️

Roy: ❤️

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#FIGHTING THE CURSE TONIGHT

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Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation���, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

But by GOD is he trying.