vik-fluff

[vik-fluff]

✨ Hocus Pocus, I cannot focus ✨

[vik-fluff]

Jaaap turning them into a suit and honestly I am absolutely in love so far

He seems to turn out better than expected 💕

#furry #furry aesthetic #fursuit #fursona #fursuit head #furrycore #catlover #cute neko

[vik-fluff]

I think I haven't showed you my persona

So literally me as a cat haha

Ofc my fursona is still vik and I won't give him away!

He represents me but in a different way than Noel

I gave them the name Noel since my parents thought about naming me that and I love how neutral it is

I also gave them my hair like a dark brown hair in some sort of bun/fluffy Ness with blue strains in the front

Also they are a tuxedo cat since they are known as the husky of cats

What make them kinda different what I used to represent autism and more dog like behavior

I always had some sort of connection to tuxedo cats and I think I now kinda know why

All in all I love how the design turned out

Hope you like it too!

#furry #furry aesthetic #furrycore #fursuit head #fursuit #fursona

[vik-fluff]

“Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.”

— George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

[vik-fluff]

Nobody cares

[vik-fluff]

You×me?

We just laid down together and smoked

Music was playing in the background

The song that played were our favorite song

You grabbed my hand softly

I blushed a little but you didn't notice it

We watched the stars

The weather was perfect for stargazing

Kinda romantic if you think of it

I like you I said

You giggled and ask where that came from but still said you like me too

I told you I just said out loud what I was thinking

We laid there for hours

Best night of my life

#aesthetic #story #the owl house

[vik-fluff]

[vik-fluff]

And suddenly everything starts to look unreal.

You stand in front of your friend and even they don't feel real

You look in the mirror and see someone but this someone seems to be not you

One day I will reply in just a second but the nother day it will take me hours

Maybe you won't notice I am ill but

I will . I will always feel it

I hate being ill and don't know what to do

[vik-fluff]

Maybe we are -

[vik-fluff]

Pov : u are sitting next to me in the car <3

♥︎ I love you ♥︎

#furry #furry aesthetic #furrycore #fursuit #fursuit head #tiktok

[vik-fluff]

>>overdosing over you<<

Vent (TW I guess?)

Well-

I got a new psychological doctor (idk in German there are 3 different version of psychological doctors and I am honestly not really sure which kind it is zwz sorry 4 that)

Honestly she kinda reminds me of the first one I've had back in 8th grade not as horrible as her but still

At least she seems to be kinda empathetic and trys to help me in sort of ways like doctors appointments and stuff like that

BUT GIRL STOP

I have the feeling she never really listens or want to listen to the things I have or want to say

She just prescribed me new meds .-.

I mean in fact I am glad the new ones seem to be more for my actual problems (sertralin) than the old ones (fluoxetin)

However I still don't really trust her (I mean she prescribed me Olazapin for sleeping better ixuevduebdb that's actually a neurological medication-)

And honestly it makes me sad that she didn't listen since I have the feeling talking about my trauma etc would be very important atm since my mental health got worse

But well just some new meds (this actually what she somewhat wanted since we first met .. at least it seems like it)

I miss my old therapist to be honest-

She was the first one of the doctors I really trusted

Damn

I really miss her

[vik-fluff]

[vik-fluff]

I have no one to show this to So

I Post it here :> took the autism RAADS (I think it's called like this) test

Well

It would explain why people often tell me I am (acting) weird

[vik-fluff]

I can't handle change

The only reason why I haven't moved out (into a wg since I can't afford an own apartment) is because I am afraid of change

I know how toxic this ^home^ is and how bad it makes me feel

It's like a zoo

An unhappy animal that actually has everything but is in a to small place and is always watched by humans

Getting everything they need or even don't

Getting food and toys and whatever

But they will never be happy

But I still can't go

I have been in this zoo my entire life

I wanna be free not be watched care for myself and get my own food but

Would that make me happy

Will it solve my problems?

Will I not feel watched the whole entire time?

Will I be even more scared than I am now ?

Still to scared to use the bathroom since someone could scream at you for being in there longer than 5 minutes?

How am I supposed to live when I don't even know how

How do I make food

How do I deal with a whole apartment aspecially if I am alone

What if I won't feel comfortable or at home since I know I won't stay there forever

None of the people who tried to help me to get out of the zoo cage gave me an answer

They were just mad at me asking questions if this is really the right thing

I know it would be but

My autistic behavior is to afraid to have so many changes at once

I am so confused and unsure what to do

It is what I want

What I want more than anything but it is also the thing I don't want at all because I am too afraid of it

And what about the people? Who would even want me in their apartment

I wouldn't know anyone what would scare me even more

I would probably be so scared that I couldn't leave my room or even my bed or the place I seem to feel most comfortable

I am not like you

I know absolutely nothing about any of this but you just won't understand

I have the feeling you are not even trying-

You hate me for my decision I understand I'm sorry I again lost my own battle

One thing have you ever thought about this

what about animals ?

Would animals leave their zoo cage if the doors would be open?

[vik-fluff]

No Sleep

I stopped counting the days I tried to sleep and still stayed awake till 2 am because I can't sleep

My thoughts are getting louder and my music that normally comforts me and helps me sleep gets quieter and quieter and quieter till I can barely hear it

I tried headphones

Different music

No music

Tried the purest of quietness I could get but

Nothing helps

I am staying awake

Rolling over and over

Cuddling my comfort plushies and everything and

Nothing works anymore

My thoughts seem ti get louder every day and aspecially night

I think

I never missed therapy as much as I do right now

And my meds that I think helped me at least a little everyday

I don't need to get up early at the moment since school hasn't started yet

But

I am still afraid school starts soon

And I can't deal with nearly no sleep getting up at 6 am go to school and then go to work till at least 8 pm

It nearly killed me

But even doing nothing kills me

Everything kills me

No matter what

I kinda just accepted it

I will never be purely be happy no matter what I do

Even in the moments I am the closest to happiness I feel it lingering

Sometimes even nearly makes me cry

Why are you so quiet?

I am sorry I am trapped in this cage

This cage of sadness and I barely even know why I am sad since everything seems to be perfect in that moment and when I look into your eyes my world should be fine but all that happens is seeing a reflection of myself and seeing my world slowly falling apart

I reached so many goals

I should be happy

I should be proud

But all that I feel is stress and sadness

The monster

This tiny bit'h that will always follow me and sit on my shoulders whispering the bad things I try to press down

The things that aren't even real

But they feel real and my brain starts to believe them

I am sorry

[vik-fluff]

TW VENT ART

Based of the song strawberry shortcake from Melanie Martinez

SA

Nothing more to say

#Spotify

[vik-fluff]

HANAHAKI DISEASE

15.11. -

Missing you-

Some sort of vent drawing -

Honestly I really like this drawing

Stay safe </3

#vent post #furry #furry aesthetic #furrycore #fursona #vent #vent blog #Spotify