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velveetawabbit · 1 year

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Fuck You Very Much Microsoft

Alright, Void, so, we both know how much I love to complain. I have a new ire: microsoft. I'll give you however long you give yourself to try and guess what specific thing is salting my gravy so heavily...

Cool, good job, did you guess their supposed "customizable" usage? Good job if you did, better luck next time if you didn't. There was nothing to win but a brief sense of satisfaction, so fret not.

Anywho, back to the main guff: I'm mad that microsoft keeps making less and less shit MOVEABLE. I like my task bar on the side of the screen like a proper sociopath, and these fucks TOOK IT AWAY. Why? Who knows!

There's features like where certain things pop up and the way the window looks that I wish to have. Or at least LESS THAN 5 SECONDS TO SIT THERE. Dude, it feels and sounds ridiculous to bitch about 5 seconds, but when you're a dumbass like me who keeps moving my mouse over that stupid pop-up that I don't need to take any information from and resetting that 5 second timer until it's been 30 seconds and I feel like a raging impatient moron.

Just give me the option to take it away. Or make the pop ups smaller! Or not even pop up! But oh....

Oh nooo....

If we let users make their laptops nigh impossible to use for any random stranger then it's the end of the world. I want it to feel like walking on an alien planet when someone tries to use my computer. I want everyone to feel like someone hopping the fence from apple to another competing brand or vice versa, even if they too use windows. It's what works for my stupid cluttered messed up brain, and to keep having my preferences railroaded into some bullshit consistency across devices that's unneeded. I don't want my crap acting or looking like apple, it's specifically WHY I don't have those products, but each and every year some tech conglomerate decides to gargle another tech conglomerates testicles a little longer and all the products slowly share fewer and fewer differences so that these mega billion dollar companies can just inhale that much more from the masses on the brink of poverty. (It's for SURE human nature to be greedy dumbasses, these companies seem to behave like the cash cow milks forever.

IDK about y'all, but if you look at the *gestures everywhere* I currently have in my 5 year plan to make sure I have a solid bartering stash, because money is losing it's meaning in so many places or spasming in and out of reality via 1's and 0's. It's my form of stuffing my money in my mattress, okay? I'll look like a dumbass or a genius, and I'm waiting with baited breath to see which I'm proven to be. [Not really, who tf actually wants to struggle though an apocalypse?? No easy power, constant danger, all sorts of bullshit. If you like that shit, y'all can get it by just fucking backwoods hiking, so maybe just do that instead of bringing us into it]

Anyways, I'm just salted about having things once in my control taken away from me for no real reason. I'll get over it like I always do, but if someone wants to trip those uber rich dunder heads when they're walking up the stairs, that'd be greeaattt /s

#fuck corporations #fight me companies #I'm salty #Greedy people gonna greed

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velveetawabbit · 1 year

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Neutral Bodies and why I have one: the novel (for some godforsaken reason)

TW; speaking of past fatphobia, mentions of eating disorders (Is that the right stuff? Is that the right place to put it? The Void, if you could possibly give feedback on this one, it would be lovely.)

Ahem, Hello again, Void. *flourishes a crate which has crudely handwritten words "SOAP BOX" presented on all sides by ragged pieces of paper. Each misshaped rectangle is heavily taped to the sides as though caught in a tape-spiders web, setting it gently on the ground, then steps up onto it with certainty while addressing the vast endlessness of 1's and 0's*

I don't have a memory where I wasn't medically overweight or obese. (very low food quality up until about 15 pretty much) I once felt shame and envy at all the "pretty and skinny" girls, because at the time I was literally the only overweight kid in my entire class from 4-6 grade. The body hatred continued. My mother was nothing but a hinder, as she was fueling that hatred bonfire through passionate vicarious living that overall damaged my health in many varieties.

But, in middle school (my area it's only grade 7-8/12-14 years old) there was suddenly more kids my size hanging around, and I ended up friends with several of them. I compared myself to them constantly, and felt such a hungry need to be accepted that I sort of leaned into being obese, and also took less care of myself in tandem.

Very good combo, amazing, you should try it /sarcasm

In high school, I finally met people who were bigger than I was, and it blew my mind as much as showed a dirty spotlight on myself because at first I saw them and thought "ew", just like everyone else had at me my entire life. For sure mentally stomping down instead of lifting up, I held onto the "ew" thought.

Slowly, it faded, because I finally got to see and understand that you can be friends and have fun with anyone regardless of how they look or their backgrounds. It also helped that my mother moved away from me and I got to live with my grandmother (thus the jump in food quality~ #GoGrandma). One HUGE ding in the overall positive high school experience (I did and currently do theatre) was the pressure to look a certain way in order to receive a role (It's still there, but not nearly as distressing in my neck of the woods, thankfully).

For high school drama, an overweight girl being good for nothing more than overweight mom archetypes, ugly nerds, or just the physical butt of mean-spirited jokes was embarrassing and made me feel unlovable. (Did NOT help that my teacher was a petty ass queen of a man who cherry picked his favorites and then flaunted his lack of care *coughabilitycough* in acting by being excessively blatant about it. He for sure planned his season based on them. Those favorites felt bad about it too :( none of us really held any grudges because of it.)

College came and I barely even cared about weight, I still felt unlovable and ugly due to my weight, but I took care to change my poor first impressions of others once I got to know them. Sure, I still would think "ew" when meeting people, but I gave myself a moment to do better and let that person be more than their appearance. I still fumble but I think I'm doing great.

A lot of those college theatre folks and friends really loved themselves, opened my head up to mental wellness, and got me more comfortable in my skin. I wasn't active, sure, but it made it easier to participate in physical activities, because there wasn't any pressure to be losing weight from peers, and in hindsight, as I was writing this I realized I was also very separated from constant advertisements. In college I streamed everything in some commercial-free fashion, unlike most of my life thus far where my main source of entertainment was received through cable television.

*the SOAP BOX creaks and squeaks noisily for a few moments as weight is shifted and a heavy sigh is heaved*

Then it started to tilt over the other way once I'd moved on to the working field. The body positivity movement was picking up, and now I had people getting in my space telling me how pretty I am and stuff. It was really frustrating, because it felt much like applauding someone with Down Syndrome just for going to the store by themselves when they're a perfectly functional adult who doesn't need you infantilizing them.

Other people now felt the need to try and heal an insecurity for me that, at the time, I had already slowly started to get over. It ramped back up my self hatred because: now I'm overweight, and people feel the need to go out of their way to tell me how beautiful I am, which could be just as harmful as mocking someone for their level of obesity. (I'm like, boss level btw) (But also wjen you talk like that to people you're literally one slight snort away from coming off as a total jackass sometimes, and it sucks that the You I'm talking to has not an ounce of an idea who they are. :T)

For me it for sure was harmful, especially because it was always people smaller than me, people I considered skinny and beautiful snapping their necks to try and virtue signal to themselves or the world that they didn't think fat people were monsters.

Then, I had people, for the first time, romantically interested in me because of my OBESITY. je ne sais w h a t ???

I am currently trying to maintain a more healthy weight due to incredible knee damage, so I've been on a health journey, one that has also resulted in steady slow weight loss. That got me walked out on one date, and ghosted the rest (RIP, but not really, lol). Even so, those brief moments made me wonder if I was being an idiot for putting in all this effort in my health because now I'm the only person who wants to treat my obesity! (Besides, you know, my doctor)

It felt like all I was again, was a fat person. But now I'm some commodity for society instead of some gross animal.

Fret not though.

Now I have a nice mental toolbox, and I took all this unasked for feedback from strangers about my weight in some abstract fashion and just chucked it right into the mental shredder. None of those people likely cared about me, they cared about themselves and feeling like a good person, which, understandable and same, but it can go overboard easily; as most well intentioned things tend to do anyways.

I entered n e u t r a l i t y.

WOAH.

My body is there to get me around, go do this stuff, experience this thing; my happy little cozy home for my neurons and synapsis to live for a time. It's got these nifty fingers and stuff, eyes are kinda shit, knees are shit... sorry my body has had it R O U G H, like I'm anecdotal proof that cheap preservative rich foods permanently damage you beyond just heart disease and obesity. My GI system is decimated, I'm fighting with my stomach acid and lower intestines constantly. I legit theorize the health problems I have are more caused by the plethora of poorly regulated preservatives and food dyes than poor early life nutrition and obesity. If I get stomach or intestinal cancer I'm going to explode from vindication.

*A screen suddenly snaps into existence from above, a non-existent film projector drops down, a video of a grainy commercial ala early 2000's begins to play. A tired looking old man sits in a sweater, speaking shortly of his troubles and health concerns, and then mentions the sorts of food he'd once enjoyed so much, specifying brands, and then finally drops into the meat of this ad:

If you or a loved once have been diagnosed with /odd but serious to say name of GI specific illness here/ due to heavy ingestion of the listed ingredients or food brands and products, please, call the number below to see if you qualify for reimbursement for your care.

The screen suddenly snaps out of existence again, moving on as though nothing had happened*

Suddenly I didn't think about how I'd look like when I lost weight, or gained weight or faded out all the stretchmarks or acne scars like I used to. I was shelling out hundreds of dollars chasing that mask of beauty to hide under until that point, and prying off that stupid mask and throwing it away felt SO GOOD. Way good. 10/10 would recommend!!

Now when I go try on clothes, I don't go "oh, but my fat looks weird :(" or anything like that.

When I feel myself a wriggling and a jiggling as I hoof it around, IDGAF. (Unless chafe occurs, all bets are off when mama's thighs be feeling like fresh fries)

Don't fit in that chair? Aha, standings not a problem!

I don't think negative things about myself. I still verbally rag on myself all the time, it keeps me humble and makes it easy to laugh at my little mistakes and dumb flaws, but in no way does it mean I hate myself.

I'm hilarious and I'm a walking joke, fuck-you-very-much.

I loathe that so many people have felt the need to project that personal trauma onto me by jumping to my own defense; as though I don't know who I am and what I'm about.

I just want folks to be better self aware, and slower to fixate on others to try and forget about their own problems. A big ask, I am very aware, so I don't keep any hopes up on that social climate change.

I took on more consciousness about when I was projecting myself on others, and took it as the feedback it was and grew like a weed, and I hang in there just as aggressively too. I couldn't hurt my feelings if I tried because I love myself more than other peoples insecurities.

*both hands lift up to eith side to form impromptu hand puppets*

Left Hand: Good job me!

Right hand: Thanks me!

*high fives and hands drop back down to sides*

In the end, I still kinda hate the body positivity movement, especially because I don't think people realize how much they tell on themselves when they always look at the biggest person in the room when bringing up body positivity. As I am often that person, I notice.

Every. Single. Time.

Luckily the movement has better meshed with corporations, and social media found more things to froth at the mouth over, so I no longer have people tossing themselves on non-existent swords for my sake when I don't even know them, but still, if you do this: you stop that. >:Y

Going from "Ew" to "Oh you're so brave" was more insulting than empowering, for me it was often super fake. If you genuinely can't find a compliment, don't force it. Sincerity makes the manners, not the words.

You can for sure still feel like a good person without inadvertently being the bad person tho. My friend suggested it to me, hopefully more people would consider more neutral ways to brighten other people's day, things those people can change all the time easily: clothing, hair style/length, footwear, accessories, tattoos, etc. (I think hair color and eye color also fall under here, but it could be in more of a grey area due to semi-permanence)

The observation while quick, should at least be more than two seconds.

Bonus effort if you pick a key feature of said focus of compliment, because that's putting in some actual effort to uplift someone else.

Example: Woah, I love your bag, you rock it great!

You got this, those-that-need-this-the-most-who-wont-ever-see-this-ever!

#obesity #bodypositivity #body neutrality #body negativity #cringe humor #fight me #don't actually tho

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velveetawabbit · 1 year

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Why Are Parent's Such Incredible Fuckheads?

Good Afternoon, Void, hope your continued existential crisis is going well enough.

I work in SpEd as a paraprofessional (the ones you see supporting in classrooms most of the time, and also teaching in those little classrooms) and it's a joy, especially because I'm with the littles~

Some of these kids may be actual assholes, but currently they aren't going to always be like that if we give them the needed skills every human should have to function. There's many parents who are stupendous advocates who see us as allies so we can both help each other succeed, but there's always a handful that HATE their Special Needs child. The type who are first to drop of their child, and always late to pick them up. The type who blame everyone for any issues they have, even ones they are refusing to accept help to fix.

There are parents who've barked at us for "parenting" their child, but are clearly mentally ill (consistent delusions of grandeur, insists the family is exceptional geniuses who have been studied by the government. The kid's failing in many subjects and parents demand we better support their child, but also forbid us from any negative consequences. "Our child learns more from positive reinforcement" is the reasoning, but pretty sure they just don't give a shit about their kid and think this move will keep us from calling them almost daily as that is the last tier in the negative consequence cake we dig through with this kid. That kid must've had a hollow leg or some shit, they're an expert at bothering others and being a giant "look at me, I'm so funny hahahaha" piece of shit.

I don't think parents realize that those kids will have that naturally resolved by bullying later in life, or isolation. I promise you, most teachers try real hard, but not everyone will tell on their bullies, and some of those bullies are really good at keeping it subtle and really passive aggressive. [My anecdote is how when I was in elementary, the girls in my class bullied me by never talking to me outside of commands and letting (making) me carry their bags and follow them around at recess. Teachers never caught on and stopped it because I too was a SpEd kid and didn't have any clue until hindsight kicked in. To them it likely looked like I was happy doing all of that, because back then I was, but yeah I was super bullied in passive aggressive ways like that]

Shame is natures consequence to inappropriate behavior, and I dislike any parent setting their kid up to fail by convincing them it's fine to be "shameless". Can it hurt their feelings sometimes? Stress them out or make them cry? Yes! They will face this even more harshly as adults, so it's very good that they have these experiences while there's lot's of learning time for them. As a parent, your kid will only have as good as self esteem as you give them, which requires effort and time and money, which a LOT of parents, especially in Utah, don't generally have.

Seriously, I feel so bad that some of my students are being molded into "that kid", you know, the weird or annoying kid you always hated because they made school harder for you? Yeah, being helpless to try and curb that behavior is maddening. I really think people should pass a fucking test to have kids, I am exhausted dealing with narcissistic, lazy, entitled, ignorant (your child isn't a retard, and neither are any of my other students, you miserable cow), aggressive, and helpless parents.

Yeah... that's how the first week back from winter break has been!

Yay~! /s

To add to my struggles, I also live in a religious pile of shit, it's a state called Utah, and as someone who is non-religious there are so many things that are normalized here that boggle the mind. One of them of which

L O A T H E

Many of the parents here will ruin the fun of two dozen kids because their dumbass thinks coloring a picture of a witch will suddenly make them worship Satan, or watching Harry Potter will make them turn to witchcraft, all sorts of dumb shit. Bruh, they're kids and YOUR kids, if you think coloring a picture or seeing a movie will so easily damage your teachings, then maybe your teachings are really weak in reasoning.

But I digress, the main theme of today's post:

Why Religious People Need To Leave The Arts Alone: A memoir

So, living in Utah my entire life, I've been stuck dealing with a bunch of sheltered babies in the bodies of teenagers and adults. The kinds of people who find offense in the most basic parts of humanity, those feeble minded fucks who imagined up VidAngel, you know. Pearl clutching snowflakes who think they can control the human experience and lives of others.

You see this en masse in the arts. Really, and I don't understand WHY.

Now, you see, at first you'd think "Huh, what's wrong with religious people expressing themselves? They have just as much a right to do so!" but that's not where they stop, they go on to rip up other peoples hard work, they go full Chinese government on musicals and movies and shows, it's aggravating.

It's one thing to not want your kid to swear, that's fine, there's tons of replacement words. It doesn't change that we all know what swear word it's supposed to be, but whatever helps you sleep at night.

The rest of their requests are spineless bullshit.

Mormons have some fucking gripe with shoulders, you'd think they were actually puritans with how fucking out of their way they go to make even non religious people dress to their standards. So any costumes that were sleeveless, strapless, halter topped, or any sort of thing shorter than a cap sleeve, those costumes were fucked up by having sleeves either added, or you had to wear a fucking t shirt under it. (Do you know how fucking lame it felt to tap dance in a super pretty and really cool flapper girl dress, but have on a fucking black tshirt underneath that made the dress catch on my torso funny? I felt like I was six, not seventeen.)

They got a problem with men having facial hair or long hair in general, you know, the Disney standard. That's changed some a bit in the last few years at least. (To be that bitch, I'm ever so mildly annoyed that of course it's the men's issues that are relaxed first.)

The last biggest thing is the aversion of anything romantic/sexual, ESPECIALLY if between unmarried people. I agree with the sexual stuff, no, the sixteen year old doesn't need to shake her tits or ass at the audience like an adult would preforming this role.

But to have a stroke over, GASP, the mention of premarital relations is fucking obnoxious.

Now, the trigger for this bitching:

I volunteer to help with our schools show choir. It's great, there's a lot of kids clearly more in it because their parents have a desperate need for vicarious living (I empathize kiddos), but overall a gaggle of A-for-Effort and You've-Been-Training-Your-Whole-Life-For-This kids who make ya smile. We're prepping the set list for the spring concert, and today our finalizing was fucking ruined. Why?

Because Grease Lightning is inappropriate for children, somehow. No seriously, we'd already done a rough run to see how the kids liked it (you know, they gotta like it to perform it) and they all LOVED it! So exciting! "We're gonna get to wear leather jackets?!?!?!?!" "A car race?!!??!" "We're gonna look so cool!!!!!" "SOLO'S WOOOO!!!"

Lot's of energy, simple arms and legs and all of that to get a good rough sketch of what it might look like several months from now, kids love it, and the key we found is in their range! Hell yes! Our musical review flavored show choir concert was set!

But nooooo, no no, Grease Lightning is not appropriate. Just the song.

We don't like, watch the show or give any much context, the kids don't really need it to sing and dance. They can barely do that at the same time and you think these poor kiddos are trying to balance a proper CHARACTER on top of it? Let's set them up for success please, lol.

But Utah legit has a fucking problem with those kinds of shows: Grease, Footloose, Bye Bye Birdie, all of those classics that are fun, spunky, energetic, but still a bit of conflict and angst, easy entertainment!

Drinking. Smoking. Swearing. Pretending to be drunk or otherwise inebriated. Pretending to kill/attack someone. All of it is pretend, fake, but also not shit they don't see in the real world. There's still beer ads and alcohol usage in many many many places, even in songs the parents LET THEM LISTEN TO w h a t.

There's still smokers, and vapers, and now there's even fucking weed!

People still wear tube tops and short shorts and all sorts of revealing shit just to be comfortable, especially in a DESERT.

There's swearing everywhere, but also your kid for sure, 100% knows what all the swear words are, because the parents that don't give a shit if their kids know tell them. Idiots.

And the fake violence is literally ALL these cute little shits do: Cops and robbers, soldiers/army, Squid Games, Death touch, Monster destruction, huggywuggy chase, they do all of that every recess. Then the video games, and you know, cartoon violence in general, so seriously, suck my metaphorical dick on that sort of pearl clutching.

I hate that next week I'm going to have to tell them the song has been cut, and I wish we could fucking single that parent out, because it's only O N E parent (technically set of parents, out of 46) who disagrees with the song in it's current child friendly form.

Remember all those "Oh fuck you" moments where one piece of shit person ruined it for everyone, but only because the authority permitted it? Like that one kid keeping everyone in from recess, or the one kid keeping kids from getting through their lessons at a decent pace because the teacher has to keep stopping to fucking deal with them? The ones that made you heave a groan and roll your eyes and hate your teacher?

Yeah, that's this, but some 3rd party fuck who inserted their kid into performing while apparently not realizing that their entire gripe with it is fucking insane and unrealistic, which is ironic considering that it's all about fictitious little stories.

I want these shit ass parents to understand that in a perfect world, they wouldn't be allowed to reproduce because God would've made them sterile. (Proof he doesn't exist lmao)

They're people who prefer ignorance, plus more insultingly AND worryingly, try to force this ignorance onto others. It's not like some food allergy, it's a fucking choice to pitch a bitch fit about innocuous things, and I'm tired of dealing with the parents, as a teenager trying to enjoy performing in High School (And feeling like a loser when my costume had to have some fucking tshirt underneath it) and then in College where the Department Head enforced it because "the community wouldn't agree to this sort of thing", and now as I teach and support students myself, I'M the poor fuck who has to be the bad guy and ruin fun shit for kids.

I seriously wish people like this would just fucking homeschool then, if they're so concerned about their child being heavily sheltered. You've sent them to fucking P U B L I C S C H O O L you moron. Just because the activity or curriculum is "heathen" free doesn't mean your kid isn't surrounded by heathens constantly, making friends with them, learning bad words and potty jokes, and all sorts of shit.

But I suppose that just religious people in general. (Those of you who aren't like these kinds of losers know who you are, obviously. But of course the ones who need to hear it most never fucking listen)

I've met tons of normal people who, even having served a mission and been incredibly devout, shed their garments to properly perform, dance, swim- just like anyone else. To them it's no different from any uniform. Just as in some careers you must get very dressed up, some you need to be dressed down. I just want to publicly shame these imbeciles, because clearly no one did it early enough to correct the behavior naturally when they were younger.

Most times, luckily, the kids don't really know what they're missing. But man to see those kids and how poorly they function as adults, and how easily taken advantage of they are, it kills me. I could prevent it, we could all prevent it, but no, in sixteen whatever some unlikable puritan fucks got kicked out of every country willing to house them, so they went to somewhere "uninhabited" to be fucks by themselves, then unwitting travelers and immigrants got suckered in by them or even just their community habits spread out more and more and spawned a whole bunch of baby religions or bumped them up to popularity, and now we're here. I hate H E R E.

But, as it goes,

I'll deal with it using as much grace as available to me, and find a new way to get the kids pumped. We've decided to just let the kids give us suggestions and see if maybe some of them might have plausible ideas! We think it'll help them perk right up. Silver lining~

Enjoy the mouthful, Void, it's been fun, see you when I see you~

#mormons #sycophants #censorship #theatre #i hate it here

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