thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.
The final boss of “learning social skills” is seeing someone online say something about a special interest of yours that’d be the literal perfect opportunity for you to talk about it but deciding not to do it because the person made the comment so long ago it’d be kind of weird to reply now. If you can restrain yourself, you’ll be awarded the “King of Acting Normal” prize on national television by the president. Or so I’m told.
It's unfortunate how often the solution to a problem is just talking to people. You'd think it could be something easier like making a comprehensive chart or list, or reading everything you can find on the subject, but no, so often you can do all that and you still have to talk to people.
VOTE: WHICH RANDOM OLD NICHE DESIGN AESTHETIC IS THE COOLEST TO YOU????
Mission School / Supergraphic Ultramodern / Wacky Pomo / Contempo Eclectic / Groovival / Cyberdelia / Neoclassical Pomo / Cassette Futurism / Pulp Fantasy / Radical Surrealism / Rad Dog aka Neon Surf / Whimsigothic
doing this because im very autistic about old design styles and im curious what other people who dont have as much knowledge on the subject prefer. more popular or relatively popular design styles like frutiger aero, vaporwave, global village coffeehouse etc have been excluded from this poll as theres already a lot of people who are aware of those design styles and favor them already. this is more to see what specifically current audiences prefer in terms of "nostalgic old aesthetics" and what could potentially be the next Big Trendy Aesthetic in online culture (or at least the makings of one) ^_^ feel free to rb
x files studies but this time I tired to achieve that VHS feeling. I very vaguely remember watching some episodes as a kid, and I think this is as close as I've ever got to recreating that memory of a small, grainy tv in a dark room