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forgot all british people look alike because i keep running into random british men and thinking theyre kit wisp and wanting to punch them

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unflinching

#curls up in a ball and withers away

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never understood the transphobic argument that dysphoria is just hating your body because it so obviously comes from someone whos never experienced it. dysphoria is so different from dysmorphia or just hating your body. and i feel like people always take the aspect of ‘no i love myself and my body thats why dysphoria is clearly unrelated!!’ but its not even that cause like i hate myself and my body but its a SEPARATE sensation from dysphoria. dysphoria isn’t like disgust or loathing its more like a Wrongness. like bugs crawling under ur skin. whereas hating your body makes you feel small from hating how big you are . its 2 different sensations

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i want to wear boxers so bad god

#idk if this tmi. whoc ares #so jealous of my best friend who essentially pressured their mum into letting them wear boxers for years now #if i did that it would Raise Questions #(well flr them the questions r answered theyre fully out . im Not lol. lmao. haha )

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the lecturer at this campus tour looks exactly like techno :(

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once again. the internet and mcytblr/twt included Loves the ‘french workers rights spirit’ until they are confronted to said workers rights in opposition to their interests

#im not talking about the Actual issue cause that’s complicated. im solely talking about fans’ Reactions and Attitude towards it

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i just got my first uni rejection it feels kinda weird

#Like i knew i wouldn’t get into this one its super competitive + idrc so i did the essays a day before #its not even that i wanted to get in really its jusr . Weirdbad innit

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i need to be put down

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jesus christ im dramatic Anyway sorry good night

#literally nothing bad or noteworthy has ever happened 2 me i dont know why im like this or why i make it sound worse #Hacks up blood how do you learn to stfu #fuck #sorry

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have gotten zero work done since i got home friday and i have so much to do but i spent all pf yesterday and this evening just scrolling while my brain yells at me and now im losing it realising how much i needed to get done (which i was perfectly aware of) So basically a normal week

#and so the cycle continues ! shoots myself #every sunday evening its like this #actually fucking unbearable i want to blow up my brain Why are you like this #do i need to get tested or am i just lazy Probably lazy Wahoo yippee

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how to stop being annoying no borax no glue

#froths at tje mouth Sorry i cant stand myself either if that helps xx

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the disclaimer disease is such a thing though. cant post anything if i dont feel ive sufficiently covered every single base of possible disagreement or flaw that could be pointed out . i would make a terrible youtuber my intros would just be NOW I KNOW ... ALTHOUGH.... THOUGH ITS DEFINITELY TRUE THAT.... etc

#even hwen i interact with people i feel the urge to put a disclaimer #just like HEY ! i am aware this sucks Sorry about that its all ive got to offer you #something something obsession with self awareness idfk

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2 months tomorrow Shoots myself . how many months do you think it will take for me not to think about this shit every single fucking day cause im getting pretty tired of it

#literally everyones moved on i want to do the same so bad #Anyway . sorry for constantly posting about that man. like i keep saying i do not know how to not be thinking ab it daily #on one hand just not posting about it may help with the forgetting part #on the other hand it feels like im about to explode every time and yapping on tumblr defuses it kindof #so .Who knows

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are u ever sick w longing. and i don't just mean romantic longing. i mean longing for a place you barely get to see, longing for friends you no longer have, longing for feelings you might have left behind in your childhood, longing for creativity, longing for a rich and more expansive life, longing for less inhibition. longing for more passion. longing for ur life to be so incandescent w something it thaws all the frost in ur bones. are u ever so consumed w it it rends ur heart in two. do u understand me

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these days i can't open my camera roll and scroll back further than february (unless i scroll back to like. early 2020 and before) without feeling like im walking on a minefield

#BAM concert pic BAM sweaty button up pic BAM a meme BAM an edit

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tbh im still thinking of when i called my best friend that day when we were still unsure if it was him the stream was about and i explained and like i know damn well you could Hear how upset i was and they laughed . Like i know they didnt mean anything wrong theyre not a mean person and they tried their best to listen cause they knew i was upset but.man. idk. i already get embarrassed so fucking quickly talking about anything remotely vulnerable . im Very Fucking Aware of how ridiculous it is for online creators stuff to be one of the things that upsets me the most especially when they have Actual real life shit to deal with but man. sorry ill just never open up again lolz

#im the problem here i know #Like if i outright went 'hey it makes me upset when you do this' they'll stop like i said theyre never intentionally hurtful #but lmao as if im doing that ever #its just weird cause its like they Know how important this stuff is to me but its always #not mocking just Slightly like. bewildered #which is fair #to be fair theyre probably just fucking sick of hearing me talk about minecraft streamers all the time #ive tried really hard to cut it back in the past few months cause like they were clearly done with me #but i dont think i was very successful Lmao