tittysmith - Tumblr blog

tittysmith · 10 days

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he sounded like that wasn't the first time he needed to do that

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tittysmith · 11 days

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got into a pretty gnarly car accident ✌️☺️✌️ so my vehicle baby is no more~

and my neck is sore the next day~

but all the officers were very sweet and delighted to work with me~ as my car lit on fire~

joking that they had to write a citation for such a pleasant girl…. on 4/20…..

#story time

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tittysmith · 13 days

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10 or 11 little ducks have been spotted crossing the dash board

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tittysmith · 13 days

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hell yea man flip that mushroom !!!!!

#bbrhfjrjj he’s so great i love his special interests #senshi and falin are top tier #easily likeable #marcille…….dead weight #maybe when she’s old as hell she’ll be more carefree

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tittysmith · 13 days

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One time I was explaining to my dad how unfair it is that every big city has at least a couple gay bars but there are only like 20ish lesbian bars left in the country and he responded with "That's cause gay men have a good party culture. Lesbians don't have time to party, they're too busy debating the sociological implications of things and studying for postgrad degrees" and as much as I wanted to tell him he was out of line for that, as a lesbian who spends all her free time on Tumblr debating sociological implications and messaging other lesbians in discord servers where everyone has a PhD or masters for some reason I felt like I might not be the best person to make that argument

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tittysmith · 13 days

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my sweet boy is asking me to play an hour of warframe and i’m like no lol. mommy’s busy reading chapter 1 of Arai Sumiko’s The Real Momoka (Same creator as the one for "The Guy She Was Interested in Wasn't a Guy At All")

#thank god for me snapping to reality. i can’t take how weird i get after scrolling through sillyposts and like…#i feel like an institution just tried to gremlinize me #ugh i feel so weird #i’m prone to swimming too far into hornyposts and opinions and educational issues #i need to sit upright and stretch and make some coffee and enjoy sunlight and wholesome yuri

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tittysmith · 13 days

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I can’t state enough how beneficial it was to work at the sex shop as my first retail job. We were encouraged to practice shutting down inappropriate behavior and it became a well practiced skill set. I had a flat stare, icy tones of disapproval, and a demeanor of untouchable scorn to back it all up. I could get the most hardened of perverts to back off or leave in a matter of sentences if they harassed staff or other customers.

When I moved on to selling mattresses I came prepared to handle pretty much any situation with the unruffled calm of someone who has asked Santa to stop touching himself and leave. To my vast surprise it was a skill I needed on the regular at the mattress store. For whatever reason men thought it was the height of entertainment to sexually harass me because I was young and cheerful.

They would always quickly learn they’d picked the wrong target.

One day a man strolled in, sizing me up as he came. He saw a young, tiny, afab person alone in the store and came to a stop way too close. He used his height to leer down at me and said, “I’m looking for a new headboard. Which ones are the best for sex?”

It was so stupid. He looked down at me with half lidded eyes and the grin of a man who owns an unmarked white van. He probably expected me to laugh uncomfortably or act flustered. He wanted to feel tall and powerful or maybe even sexy.

He was not expecting what he got. My face stretched into what could technically be described as a smile but was more accurately a threat display. The temperature in the room plummeted as I dropped all warmth in my demeanor. He took a half step back, suddenly aware that he was alone in a room with me.

“Well, sir, that depends on what kind of sex you’re having. If you are looking for a headboard that is grippeable, I suggest this model. The metal is rounded and wouldn’t hurt a hand gripping it tightly. However if you want something that you can secure with restraints, I recommend this wooden one as the slats are wide and quite sturdy.”

He looked liked I’d hit him over the head with a board and stared down at me blankly, taken aback by the authoritative way that I discussed the merits of his lackluster sex life. I met his eyes, a veiled threat in mine, and said, “Which one will you be purchasing?”

He tucked his tail between his legs and bought the metal one. I pulled up a thin layer of friendliness as I rang him up but he had the chastened air of a man who just ran straight into an iron pole.

Another time a man crawled up onto a tempurpedic and thrusted into an invisible partner. He gave a cocky look over his shoulder, sure that he was going to discomfit me as he asked, “How are these babies for fucking?”

I gave him a deadpan look and and said, “That depends on if you’re someone who has to rely on the bounce of springs for your thrusts. Memory foam beds are nicer on knees and joints for positions like doggy style but they absorb a lot of kinetic energy.”

He visibly deflated and got down off the bed with a vaguely ashamed air.

He bought a spring mattress.

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tittysmith · 13 days

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please stop reblogging sylvia plath poetry

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tittysmith · 13 days

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