thoughtsotw

[thoughtsotw]

A note from my multiversal self.

I have this reoccurring dream.

I'd just be this kid again, inside my childhood home.

I stayed in my parent's room, there were two TVs, a big closet right at the door.

Across it was our bathroom.

The room was so familiar, but it feels so lost to me now.

I'd wake up from these dreams, disappointed inside my studio 'apartment'

I believe in the multiverse theory.

I think these dreams are from my multiversal self.

Who still had all these things.

He is encouraging me, that one day I'll have those things again.

[thoughtsotw]

Lights

Nights spent starring at a black sky,

Wondering where all the stars went to hide

Thoughts of going to the moon,

Asking our little-big friend for an answer

Only to be met with silence

Countless nights,

A blank sky

Above the city lights

The stars made by human hands,

Wishing we would find our place in them

Looking for the light inside of us,

That will drown the entire fucking universe

[thoughtsotw]

Little things

It's those little every-day things that make you realize you miss someone.

My dad and I always do this thing, where we update each other on what new "thing" is in our respective cities.

Like new malls, shops, or events.

There was a new mall getting built in my city, my first instinct was to pull out my phone to take a picture of the construction site and send it to my dad.

Then I realized I couldn't sent it to anyone.

Those little things.

A way for life to say "Hah! Gotcha!"

"You do miss them after all."

[thoughtsotw]

I've tied myself around a bunch of explosives,

I call my own undoing

I hold the trigger on my right arm

I know I can set this off with my words

And I become nothing

[thoughtsotw]

Sunshine

I remember you singing this song the first time I told you "I love you"

I remember how sweet that moment was -- I know, even how hard we want things to go back like before, the both of us have changed.

We can never really go back nor do we have to -- let's just start something new. I know it’s the hardest thing for us to do.

No guarantees this will end any better. There is a world out there where it would, a world out there where it wouldn't. I don't know which world we live in now.

What I do know is this right here. This is my favorite place. Walking by your side, on busy streets. Listening to your stories, all of them. I get that warm feeling when you talk about the things that bring you joy. And when you feel stressed out or sad, I want to listen, to know all the details so I'll know exactly how to hold your hand through it.

I love getting lost in the waves of your hair. Jolting on your laughter and smiles. It’s forever nice to see your face brighten up -- like sunshine.

But I know you’re far from sunshine, you never were made of sunshine. I didn't expect you to be that way ever. Saw all your thunderstorms, earthquakes and fireworks. I intend to hold your hand despite all that, because despite all that I still love you all the same.

We rarely think highly of ourselves. But you are my sunshine, maybe not the kind you see in movies, hear in songs or written about in poetry.

You are my very own kind of sunshine

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

[thoughtsotw]

I want to know the smallest details

Of the things that bother you

So I know exactly

How to hold your hand

And get you through all of it

[thoughtsotw]

I remember you humming a song,

All I thought was "Beautiful"

I remember that sweet smile of yours,

Beautiful.

I remember how you fall asleep,

Just about anywhere

Again, Beautiful

I remember how your hair gets messy

Evey time you wake up

And you look so beautiful

How calm your voice is when you greet me,

How you hold my hand a little tighter

And lean in for a kiss

Parts to a moment

I can only describe as "Beautiful"

And when we're away,

I can imagine the warm feeling of you

All the times that made you happy,

All the times you overcame your demons

I can imagine you reaching your goals

Changing people,

Changing the world

To be there by your side

When all of that happens

That would

be

beautiful

[thoughtsotw]

Parallel Worlds

There is a world out there,

Where the two of us never met

I wonder what that world would be like,

How that would feel?

To not know someone like you

I bet there is also another world out there,

Where these two hearts of ours

Didn’t attract each other like opposite poles of magnet

Each willing to just leave

And forget the other

Another world out there,

Where things did get better

Where we held our hands for the first time,

During our first Sun rise

And never let each other go

There is a world out there,

Where the both of us would wake up

To the sound of a daughter’s laughter

Where we’d go down stairs, pet our dog, and cook breakfast

Imagine

A world out there

Where we’d actually eat breakfast?

I wonder which of those worlds

Are we living in now?

[thoughtsotw]

Letting go, Thunder storms, and home

How do I let go...

Of hands that calm

Thunder storms inside a heart

That longs for that feeling,

Of home

Every time her head rests upon my shoulders

[thoughtsotw]

Reminder

I like the way she reminds me

that I'm more than my worries

my doubts

fears

and every bad thing in-between

It's the tone of her thoughts

that resonate within empty minds

kind words

and pretty things

that keep me going

I love the way she reminds me

that I am more than what others think about me

that I'm actually worth the time and effort

to convince a smile on a face

[thoughtsotw]

Words

"You are all the good words I can think of"

[thoughtsotw]

Rush

"I've ways been rushing from place to place, but when it comes to you, I want to slow down, stop -- make sure things last longer"

[thoughtsotw]

Smiles

"I love the way your eyes get lost when you laugh, and how I get lost when you smile"

[thoughtsotw]

Thunderstorms

"You took the thunderstorms inside my heart and replaced them with butterflies in my stomach"

[thoughtsotw]

Anxiety, Bestfriend - Lover

Anxiety is like your bestfriend,

He is always there when you need him the most

He will held your hand during big presentations,

Make those shivers louder,

He'll slowly creep up to your neck and whisper to your left ear

"Whatever you say is worthless, it is all a mistake and makes no sense"

Anxiety is like a sponteneous boyfriend

He'll surprise you when you leased expect it,

When you're on a night out with friensa,

He'll come barging in with bouquet of all your regrets and box of chocolates with all the mistakes you've made, you're gonna make... and our making right now.

Anxiety is like a father waiting home,

After a long day, when you take down a heavy bag full of tired, a brief case of stress and clothes heavy on all your worries

He'll come charging in,

Gunz a blazing

With words as sharp as swords

Tear down through your most vulnerable self

When you are alone with your thoughts,

He'll wrap you around his arms made of self-doubt...

But what we do not now,

Is how anxiety has a friend of his own

I call her hope.

She's the friend in the corner of the classroom,

Edging you on

Giving you pointers on what to do next

And she has this thousand-watt smile plastered across her face and you know that smile won't stop unless it's in your face as well

If anxiety gave you a bouquet and a box of chocolates,

Hope will give you a whole garden

With flowers speaking all the good things that you are now

And all the good things that you will become

And hope is a like a mother

With a calm voice,

She'll tell you "It's alright"

"It's okay to be heavy sometimes. It's okay to hope. Do all the sad things, I'll store the happiness and give to you when you need it."

Hope is always there for you

And she wishes you knew that.

[thoughtsotw]

Oh, how sweet of the sky To turn itself, Into cotton candy https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu3TqgXhbws/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ai17u3dn0vty

[thoughtsotw]

I lost my toothbrush this morning, How silly of me I lost my car keys as I rushed My ass down to work Took a wrong turn, Another wrong left Was I supposed to go right? How silly am I... I was late for 5 mins, Because I lost my ID In my own friggin bag.. A meeting welcomed me, I got lost as to where it was held I sat in a chair for 2 hours, My wits losing its grasp With all the pie charts and graphs I was losing my mind, But silly to think The right back home was filled with no mistakes. Car keys, check. ID, check Left turn, correct Right turn, perfect There you were, The home that was waiting for me I was never lost I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. Thanks @fransvasmari for all the pretty art. https://www.instagram.com/p/BtWMWfChMFD/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=o6p4cmjslten