thisisdore
Dore’s Inner World
Sideblog for Dore's World. To be used as my own personal archive for my life.https://doresworld.blogspot.com/
268 posts
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30/04/24
Today was strange. Aware of all the bad, but struggling to do the good, patching up bullet wounds with a plaster.
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I am currently in a phase of hating everything. My sleep is poor, no matter what I eat I feel sick, it’s cold and grey and gloomy, no sign of Spring, I spend each day doom scrolling and doom watching and just making myself feel worse. When I wake up in the morning I grab my phone, which then makes the entire day disappear as that’s all I can seem to do. I’m not consuming good content, I’m consuming so much hatred and misery. I’m almost 24 and I feel trapped. I can’t go out to the shops, I have to make sure I have a plan, and make sure I have all my medical supplies packed in my bag, and I need to make sure I bring a snack, or plan a way to get a snack if I start to feel sick. Going out is exhausting. I have to get dressed which hurts, I have to use my wheelchair which is exhausting and doesn’t fit in most shops. I can’t just go out. I’m in a never ending cycle of wasting money on things I tell myself I need, but surely I could’ve waited and saved for it rather than acting impulsively. I’m typing this after spending over six hours scrolling. My eyes burn, my throat is dry because why would I move to get a drink when I can just watch one more clip, I feel sick, but that’s no surprise because lately everything is making me feel sick. Have I mentioned the grey skies? It’s raining and windy and stormy. It’s almost May and I want to hibernate. There’s so many books I want to read but reading seems to much effort, I feel like I can’t concentrate on anything anymore, I want to work in my notebooks, I want to draw and paint, I want to watch the things that have been on my list for years, I want to make those journal pages. I’m craving sunshine and a smoothie. I’m craving a long walk in the woods. I’m craving literally anything but continuing to lay here scrolling, only to go to bed and not be able to sleep because I haven’t done anything all day, which means I sleep bad, which means when I wake up tomorrow feeling sick and tired I will just reach for my phone again. It’s never ending. I only have bad days. The good ones are so rare. I can’t even seem to do the bare minimum anymore. I’m tired. I’ve had enough. I don’t want to keep going like this, but I know I will. I know I’ll wake up tomorrow and grab my phone and the cycle will continue.
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28/04/24
I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Read a small essay on why you should read children’s books, and started reading ‘On Agoraphobia’ which is already far too relatable.
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27/04/24
Today was filled with cleaning, resting, cleaning some more, cuddles, evening walks, and finally some me time (as my dog snores in the background making me aware that I’m not alone)
#ThisIsDore#daily post#dog walking#currently reading#a clash of kings#journaling#dog cuddles#busy day#nature pics#evening walks#winnie the pooh
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26/04/24
Slept badly due to being in a lot of pain, and took the morning slow. Worked on a new blog post (and posted it), didn’t have a very good lunch but I did have a good pudding (it was just vanilla yoghurt with chocolate drizzled on top but so so good), post lunch my dad and I spent a few hours in the garden clearing it up and doing some planting (and looking a at the new growth on my fir tree called Norman), once back inside I made myself a milkshake of sorts, then did some digital notebook work, before spending a few hours cleaning the house as my dad had done some messy renovation. Writing this as my dog is cuddled up with me watching CSI, and hoping that I get some good sleep tonight.
#ThisIsDore#daily post#busy day#dog cuddles#gardening#house cleaning#fir tree#little treats#chocolate milkshake#new blog post
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25/04/24
Today was a super long and expensive day - but seeing how happy my dog was with her new bed made it worthwhile.
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24/04/24
Today has been a real mixed bag. Morning started iffy but I worked on some notebook things, and then spent most of the afternoon reading, whilst also fighting the doomscrolling urge. It was a quick walk this evening but still enjoyable. Really hoping that I sleep well.
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23/04/24
Today wasn’t so good, but I did manage to do some good things for tomorrow me.
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22/04/24
I enjoyed today. Managed my AM routine, went out for a walk about town, spent some time reading once back home, and of course my evening walk - no sunset today as it’s been raining all day - I did however get to watch in awe at the lambs and sheep as they were so close to me. Tucked up in bed now, and looking forward to journaling and reading.
#ThisIsDore#daily post#dog walking#dog cuddles#nature photography#english countryside#nature walk#rainy day#what’s in my bag#cassetes#cassette player#reading#currently reading#typography
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21/04/24
The only photos I took today were during our walk.
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20/04/24
Today was also not so good, but I did get to write a letter to a dear friend so maybe it also wasn’t so bad.
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19/04/24
Today also wasn’t very good - spent most of the day in a lot of pain and feeling very sick, but I did let myself have a little treat for making it through the week as it’s been unexpectedly rough, and I also went on a small evening walk.
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18/04/24
Today didn’t start well, but after a few hours of making my misery worse I headed outside to have a drink and do some physical reading as it’s been so long - I also soaked up the sunshine and frigid air as I haven’t been outside for a few days. I then tidied the house up, and did an abysmal job stitching this Velcro up on my Cinnamarol’s onesie (you can tell why I got kicked out of GCSE Textiles), post lunch I redid the lounge layout as there’s been a few issues with how it was - my dog was not happy about it at all - once done I read a little before following my PM routine. I’m now hoping to read some more in hopes of sleeping a little easier tonight.
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16/04/24 - 17/04/24
Things have been going well for so long that I kind of forgot that the lifelong clinical depression was even a thing.
#ThisIsDore#daily post#dog cuddles#slow day#bad mental health#the antidepressants have been working so well that I kind of forgot how bad things can get for me
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15/04/24
Another slow and steady day. Wrote a few blog posts, enjoyed my evening walk, and enjoyed some journaling.
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14/04/24
Today was much slower than the past few days, but it was still wonderful. Did my AM routine, read a few pages, made my favourite lunch, and had a little treat, did some journaling, then read for the rest of the afternoon, did my usual evening routine, then headed out on my sunset walk which has quickly become one of the best parts of my day - I mean come on!! Look at that landscape, and look at those sheep and lambs!!
Anyway once back home I cleaned up before getting ready for bed, which involved trying to stretch on my yoga mat that my dog was using as a pillow, I’m now doing some journaling and planning to set the week up as best as I can.
#ThisIsDore#daily post#dog walking#journaling#slow day#gentle day#Sunsets#sunset walk#lambs#sheep#kindle reading#risotto#little treats
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13/04/24
Today has been another wonderful day. Enjoyed breakfast outside after doing my morning routine, had my everything shower, and made my bed, worked on my notebooks, watched some TV, then out for our evening walk as the sun set. Currently in bed journaling, then a little bit of reading, before (hopefully) getting a good nights sleep.
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