thetherobio

[thetherobio]

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William S. Burroughs,  in the introduction of his novel ‘Naked Lunch’, claims Jack Kerouac, his fellow Beat Pioneer, suggested the book’s title, maintaining that “It means exactly what the words say: naked lunch, a frozen moment when everyone sees what is on the end of every fork." Alan Ginsberg, the third literary iconoclast in that particular group of authors, was said to have misread the title of the manuscript, which was, purportedly, ‘Naked Lust’.   Either story works for me, because, as an overweight, middle aged white man, I admit that I lust for whatever is on the end of my every fork on any given frozen moment of my life.  

Lunch is an abbreviation taken from the more formal North English Word ‘Luncheon,’ derived from the Anglo-Saxon word nunchin, meaning ‘Noon Drink’, a tradition carried on in the Financial District of Manhattan with the 80% tax-deductible ‘3 Martini Lunch’.  Which is probably why the Stock Market is so fucked up.  

Lunch is the popular pastime of groups of middle aged women immortalized by Steven Sondheim, in his  song ‘Ladies Who Lunch’ from his Musical ‘Company.’ The most famous rendition performed by Elaine Stritch, a venerable Broadway Diva, (or  Old Bag, depending on your point of view) whose voice might actually make you LOSE your lunch.

But since 1580 AD, the word has been used to describe the meal taken between two more substantial meals.  

However, there are parts of the world where Lunchisthe main meal of the day.  In some countries, such as Germany, Portugal, Hungary, parts of Eastern and Southeastern Europe and Asia, lunch is when a person really chows down.

In Bengal, where a traditional lunch is a SEVEN course meal, consisting of vegetables in a coconut sauce, a vegetable curry over rice, a fish curry over rice, a meat curry over rice, deep-fried sweet semolina balls, yogurt, and capped off with ‘Paan’, which is a bitter leaf which acts as the final palate cleanser.  Even a fat bastard like me think that’s just a bit much.  You shove all that shit down your piehole, you’re not going back to work.  You’re napping for about 4 hours.

In Scotland, a country whose sole contributions to humanity are Golf and Whiskey, the NUMBER ONE lunch item, popular to the point where it almost qualifies as The National Dish, is a deep fried Mars Bar.  Let me repeat that.  THE NUMBER ONE LUNCH ITEM IN SCOTLAND IS A FUCKING DEEP FRIED MARS BAR.  Which is not altogether that surprising, when you consider that their most famous dish is Haggis, a savory pudding containing sheep's pluck (heart, liver, and lungs); minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and cooked encased in the animal's stomach.   It’s my contention that this is why they began distilling scotch in the first place, because you’d have to be pretty fucking drunk to eat that shit.

Here, in North America, lunch is a moderate meal, generally consumed between 11 AM and 2 PM, depending on your hours.  It’s usually a quick meal, if not taken at a restaurant, office cafeteria or food cart, then brought from home and eaten at your desk.  The majority of children bring theirs to school in a brown paper bag, in which is usually a sandwich, (traditionally bologna, cheese, tunafish or peanut butter and jelly) and a piece of fruit which is almost always used to barter for something better, like a cookie.  My mother used to habitually pack me a smoked turkey on white bread with mayo.  Not exactly barterable, especially because it looked like a sliced raw baby sandwich, although I think raw sliced baby would probably taste a shit ton better than that that Anemic, Light Pink Colored Processed Mystery Meat.  I know it was supposed to be turkey, but, if it was, I’d bet my next lunch check it was from the neck.

At least in this country, Lunch is really only one of three meals between Breakfast and Dinner.  One on either side of the feast the very entity you are reading celebrates.  

One is ‘Brunch’, which is a hybrid of a late breakfast and early lunch, hence the compound name. It is almost always served on weekends, and involves standard morning fare: eggs, bacon, pancakes, et. al, combined with menu items that are usually reserved for later in the day;  various carved meats and seafood items from the raw bar) The latter, arguably, is merely included to justify day drinking. Which is the only reason anybody ever goes to Brunch.  (“Bloody Marys and Mimosas!  They’re not ‘Drink Drinks’!  They’re both based on Breakfast Juices!’ )  

The second meal between Breakfast and Dinner is ‘The Early Bird Special’.  There should be an asterisk alongside the phrase, as it is, in reality, actually a dinner, albeit one that is eaten not more than one hour after 3 O’clock.  ‘The Early Bird Special’ is not just a meal, it’s a phenomenon.  

Because,

1 - It’s usually only found in areas located in warmer climes.

2 - It is generally only available at mass market chain restaurants known for being open 24 hours a day and feature menu items with cute names like ‘Moon Over My Hammy’, and

3 - The demographic of those who partake in it is traditionally one that resides in retirement communities: Men wearing green polyester pants hiked up to their nipples and women sporting angora sweaters draped around their slight, bony shoulders.

Seemingly, it’s the bargain offered by the restaurant on the meal that holds the allure. There appears to be no person over the age of 62 who can resist the temptation of Pot Roast and Gravy, Mashed Potatoes and Creamed Corn, with choice of soup or salad, coffee or soft drink and dessert of the day, even if it means they have to take it between 2:59 and 3:59, and they’ve just finished lunch at 2.

But at whatever time, in whatever form it’s embraced, Lunch is the magical meal that is universally adored.  No matter the country, culture or creed, the siren call of the break in the middle of the day to consume sustenance to keep us going until the last school bell rings or we punch out on the time clock, is anticipated with great eagerness.  

In the pages that follow, we will discuss how this culinary gift of God is done in the different parts of this country.  We will explore menu items germane to specific geographical locations, and how the fare varies from State to State.   Some of the opinions voiced between these covers will, no doubt, be fraught with controversy, causing passionate, sometimes hostile debate over which city has the better hot dog, what constitutes a ‘chili’, or the proper way to eat a slice.

But in the end, it is my fervent hope that we can all find common ground in the delightfully diverse meal that, ultimately, unites us all.

So...have your girl call my girl. 

 Let’s do lunch.

#food #foodblogger #foodgasm #lunch #lunchtime #lunchbox