thelavenderlife
the lavender life
Sometimes not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world.
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I may be small but I’ve got giant plans to shine as brightly as the sun.
Mindi Dickstein, “Astonishing”,
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besides haley stepping on a slug and finding a possum living in the firewood, this was the epitome of an ideal summer night
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I’m not sure what I’ll do, but — well, I want to go places and see people.
F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Ice Palace and Other Stories
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Listen — are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?
Mary Oliver, Have You Ever Tried To Enter The Long Black Branches
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I haven’t been here recently.
I am not sure why, exactly. The best I can say is that life somehow, true to it’s annoying habit, got in the way.
My job kept me incredibly busy. Not always in a good way, either. As I rounded out my first full year in this new speciality... I am still restless. My work is weirdly humbling and fulfilling, while at the same time makes me want to run away and never return.
We’ve been having lots of conversations about life and happiness lately, he and I. So much is yet to come, and I don’t think I want to be in this job for the rest of my life. I worked so fucking hard for that degree and certification. I lost sleep, lost my appetite, ignored a lot of friends, but straight-up nailed my board exam. I was “successful.” But to what end? To have my job drive me to tears?
I don’t know. Maybe I’m at the edge of a quarter-life crisis. Maybe I’m being a stereotypical millennial. Maybe I should update my resume. Maybe it’s just my uninspiring location. Maybe it’s the stress of this particular position, and not the job title itself.
Regardless of what it is... I find my brain pushing back against this life I’ve actively built for myself. I’ve started keeping note of the things that make me sit up and that ignite that long-dormant curiosity in my gut. These things are varied and don’t really have a clear connection to one another. Maybe I can somehow devise a way to connect the dots?
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