theactualnews

[theactualnews]

OPINION: The November election should be cancelled

Not Donald Trump, Editor-in-chief

With the current pandemic going on, many people are questioning whether it’s safe to go to the polls in November or if they should resort to mail-in voting. The correct answer is neither. It’s not safe to vote in the polls, especially with Asians having the right to vote, the carriers of this virus. There’s also the big problem of allowing Muslims to vote, as they are known to all be terrorists and will kill us all. Mail-in voting, on the other hand, leads to voter fraud, which the fake news pretends it doesn’t. It’s especially important we don’t allow mail-in voting to ensure that as many Dumbocrats as possible don’t get the opportunity to vote. The best option, which provides no risks, is to cancel the election all together. This ensures that the virus isn’t spread, prevents voter fraud, and ensures our government doesn’t fall in the hands of a rapist. We need a president like Donald Trump and we can’t risk losing him while our economy is recovering, which was obviously not his fault and was all the Dumbocrats fault. Allowing them the White House will lead to the fall of our country and the rise of communism. Biden will also likely legalize raping women, which our president has never done or spoke of doing such awful things. We cannot risk voter fraud or deaths, so we cannot hold an election this year.

#MAGA #KAG #trump2020 #Libtards #Conservative #Satire

[theactualnews]

BREAKING: Trump hypes pot brownies as “a promising cure to the virus”

Sam Tyre, Staff Reporter

In his latest press briefing, President Trump brought up the latest in the search for a Wuhan Lab Communist Virus cure: marijuana. 

“Our administration has made a great discovery today, one of the greatest. And it tastes good. I have a hunch it cures the virus. People like it. They say it has made them feel better, like they were basically cured. It’s great. A big achievement.” When a Fake News reporter asked him if he was prescribed the treatment, he responded, “I discussed with him, a great man, and he said it was the best. It would make me feel really great. And I respect him, he’s a respectable man. He’s great.” 

He refused to comment on who he was referring to. Our reporter asked if he recommended that others take marijuana as well. He replied, 

“It’s great. It makes me really good. And happy. I feel great. I think everyone should, they should look into trying some of this cure. It seems to work, I’ve been told. I feel great. I use it in food, helps it go down easier. You can cook it in brownies. Have you heard of that, Doctor? It’s in brownies. You can, it can be cooked. It’s great. The best cure. I think everyone should be looking into taking it.” 

To gather more information on this new discovery, we spoke to a chiropractor, Micheal Rhoads. 

“I think it’s very promising. The President has been doing some thorough research, and it seems to be quite effective. There are some side effects, yes, but it still appears to help people. Several people have reported improved symptoms to disease, and it’s a good thing to look into. I think our President is doing a great job, and I hope we will have less interference by the Democrats. They keep attacking the President’s cures. He’s trying to save the country. He’s doing a great job. I have a medical degree, so I should know.” 

Most recently, some labs are investigating the effectiveness of this new treatment when combined with some other drugs, methamphetamine and crack cocaine. We hope to see some positive results from the study and expect a vaccine in the coming weeks.

#MAGA #KAG #WuhanLabCommunistVirus #PotBrownies #VirusCure #Satire

[theactualnews]

EXPOSED: Obama discovered to be a fraud, just Osama Bin Laden in disguise

Connor Spiracy - Staff Reporter In the latest news of the Obamagate scandal, or should I say Osamagate, a leaked document from Hilary Clinton’s emails confirmed that Osama Bin Laden arrived in the United States on September 11, 2001, when he flew a plane into the World Trade Center in the world’s worst terrorist attack. He took on the name Obama to mask his identity, and in an effort to destroy our great Christian nation, ran for president. In her email, Clinton discussed a mandatory assault rifle buyback by the government in order to create a Democrat terrorist group that would kill all white evangelicals and make Islam the official religion of America. This is an attack on the separation of non-Christian church and state. Joe Biden, Biden short for Bin Laden, is assisting Obama in his attempts to take over our country by also running for president. And even worse, is aiming to change our nation to a Chinese communist nation. In his latest atrocity, he has created a virus similar to the common cold in Wuhan and recruited all Asian Americans to spread it while he proceeded to work with the evil Democrats to revoke our freedoms and destroy our economy so we have no choice but to bow to their Chinese communist dictatorship. Our proud Christian nation must fight back with our assault rifles with 30 round magazines, defending our free nation from all Asians and Muslims. We cannot let the Chinese Muslim terrorists win.

#MAGA #KAG #CommunismBad #ObamaGate #OsamaGate

[theactualnews]

SUCCESS: Donald Trump delivers blow to the Chinese virus

Cucker Tarlson, Senior Reporter In our latest interview with President Trump, we discussed his latest victory in battle against the Wuhan Lab Communist Virus.

President Trump: “It was a great battle, my administration fought hard. We lost many lives, but that is the cost of war. This country was lucky to have me as their leader or the Democrats would call the virus threat a Republican hoax. They are Fake News! They worked with China to spread the Chinese virus. Biden is responsible for all of these unnecessary deaths. We must use our second amendment rights to kill all dumbocrats. They are making America communist again, not great again. They are ruining our image. We must continue working with Russia to defeat the Democratic Party in the election and protect our country from the communists trying to take over.” 

He proceeded to praise the Wuhan Lab Communist Virus Task Force for their great research on Clorox and tanning beds in their efforts to help defeat the invisible enemy. He also mentioned that he has initiated an investigation into Obamagate, the worst political scandal since President Water.

#MAGA #KAG #Wuhan Lab Communist Lab #Dumbocrats #Obamagate #The Actual News #Satire