the-ordinary-doctor

[the-ordinary-doctor]

Thank you @the-crippled-angel-guild and everyone who got me to 250 reblogs! OK. MOD CHET HERE. WHAT THE F U C K IS GOING ON

|God, why is my stupid fucking post about eating shredded cheese for 0 reason the most popular post ive ever made on this blog for an OC i have but rarely ever use-| |WHY DID THE COLLECTIVE TUMBLR BRAINCELL GO "oh, post about cheese? REBLOG AND LIKE MM YES I TOO LVOE CHEESE"| |I DID NOT INTEND FOR THE CHEESE POST TO BECOME THE SOLE REASON WHY THIS SIDEBLOG IS INNATELY ALIVE-|

#250 reblogs #tumblr milestone #thank you

[the-ordinary-doctor]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[the-ordinary-doctor]

Thank you @the-crippled-angel-guild and everyone who got me to 100 reblogs! OK. WHAT THE FUCK.

|God, why is my stupid fucking post about eating shredded cheese for 0 reason the most popular post ive ever made on this blog for an OC i have but rarely ever use-| |WHY DID THE COLLECTIVE TUMBLR BRAINCELL GO "oh, post about cheese? REBLOG AND LIKE MM YES I TOO LVOE CHEESE"| |I DID NOT INTEND FOR THE CHEESE POST TO BECOME THE SOLE REASON WHY THIS SIDEBLOG IS INNATELY ALIVE-|

#100 reblogs #tumblr milestone

[the-ordinary-doctor]

WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE-

WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE- I DONT WANT TO BE TUMBLR FAMOUS-

NONONONONO

WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT

|God, why is my stupid fucking post about eating shredded cheese for 0 reason the most popular post ive ever made on this blog for an OC i have but rarely ever use-| |WHY DID THE COLLECTIVE TUMBLR BRAINCELL GO "oh, post about cheese? REBLOG AND LIKE MM YES I TOO LVOE CHEESE"| |I DID NOT INTEND FOR THE CHEESE POST TO BECOME THE SOLE REASON WHY THIS SIDEBLOG IS INNATELY ALIVE-|

[the-ordinary-doctor]

W-WHAT... WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID I COME BACK TO 99+ NOTIFICATIONS

-mod chet

[the-ordinary-doctor]

y o u w h a t

|God, why is my stupid fucking post about eating shredded cheese for 0 reason the most popular post ive ever made on this blog for an OC i have but rarely ever use-| |WHY DID THE COLLECTIVE TUMBLR BRAINCELL GO "oh, post about cheese? REBLOG AND LIKE MM YES I TOO LVOE CHEESE"| |I DID NOT INTEND FOR THE CHEESE POST TO BECOME THE SOLE REASON WHY THIS SIDEBLOG IS INNATELY ALIVE-|

[the-ordinary-doctor]

who are you people- HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE- I KEEP FINDING PEOPLE I DONT KNOW REBLOGGING MY STUPID AHH POSTS ON MY BLOGS AND I AM SO CONFUSED NOT TO SOUND RUDE BY THAT I DO NOT MIND AT ALL i JUST SUCK REALLY BADLY AT SOCIALIZING WITH PEOPLE-

I’m just one of Mixtape’s friends lol-

But

I WANT WAFFLE FRIES

#coolio! #:D

[the-ordinary-doctor]

|God, why is my stupid fucking post about eating shredded cheese for 0 reason the most popular post ive ever made on this blog for an OC i have but rarely ever use-| |WHY DID THE COLLECTIVE TUMBLR BRAINCELL GO "oh, post about cheese? REBLOG AND LIKE MM YES I TOO LVOE CHEESE"| |I DID NOT INTEND FOR THE CHEESE POST TO BECOME THE SOLE REASON WHY THIS SIDEBLOG IS INNATELY ALIVE-|

#IT KEEPS GROWING- #H E L P

[the-ordinary-doctor]

What the actual fuck is going on

(Hey, I’m not in the best fucking mood right now so I’m gonna make this nice, short and sweet.)

(There’s an anon going around pretending to be @/minusgangtime and @/brooke2valley, sending irl self harm photos, saying racial fucking slurs like the hard r, n word!! “Reporting” people for the dumbest shit and telling my friends that they deserve to be fucking raped!! There also encouraging suicide, are trans phobic and are threatening to find out where people fucking live!!!)

(IM NOT EVEN FUCKING EXAGGERATING, HERES THE PROOF!!:

(ALSO!!! APPARENTLY THEYRE DOING THIS SHIT FOR A FUCKING FACE REVEAL!!!)

(IM DONE!! IM ACTUALLY FUCKING DONE WITH THIS ABSOLUTELY BULLSHIT!! GET A FUCKING LIFE YOU BITCH MADE COWARD OF AN ANON!! GO OUTSIDE AND LEARN SOME FUCKING DECENCY INSTEAD OF LURKING IN YOUR MOTHERS BASEMENT LIKE THE FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE YOU ARE!!!)

(GET OUT OF ME AND MY FRIENDS LIVES FOR GOOD YOU INHUMANE, MAIDENLESS, TRANSPHOBIC, BASEMENT DWELLING, DISGRACE OF WHATEVER FAMILY YOUR APART OF!!!)

[the-ordinary-doctor]

Reblog to give a nonbinary person a warm cup of soup.

[the-ordinary-doctor]

you should delete the ask doxing the person ó-ò

ok-

[the-ordinary-doctor]

(oh i just had to reload the page. well. that works i guess.)

(Well shit. Guess i have to do that now.) (also, is it just me or can you not put a question mark in someones askbox for some reason? Its been preventing me from fucking sending someone an ask regarding their AU and ive tried finding a way to fix it damn near everywhere. help pls)

[the-ordinary-doctor]

(Well shit. Guess i have to do that now.) (also, is it just me or can you not put a question mark in someones askbox for some reason? Its been preventing me from fucking sending someone an ask regarding their AU and ive tried finding a way to fix it damn near everywhere. help pls)

[the-ordinary-doctor]

(Hey all, mod cent here....) (Why do you like the cheese post so much? i am so fucking confused) (Like seriously it has double the amount of reblogs and likes than anything else I've ever posted across like 18 roleplay/character sideblogs I have. And my main.

#if this stupid post about CHEESE hits 50 notes im going to make a dumb post like this every thursday if i can. #because funny. #anyways #mod cent out. yippee

[the-ordinary-doctor]

|At least i have not been PMseymoured. At least there is that.| ... ... |I have nothing else to add.|

|Yall ever just... Eat fucking... cheese? for no reason whatsoever?|

[the-ordinary-doctor]

|interesting story.| |also, I have 0 idea how or why this post exploded so much. it is beyond my understanding at this point.|

|Yall ever just... Eat fucking... cheese? for no reason whatsoever?|

#like seriously how did you all get here #on a dumb meme post #about CHEESE #i did not make this with the intention of it going viral.

[the-ordinary-doctor]

|A-|

|WELL. THAT WAS UNEXPECTED-| |i DID NOT EXPECT THAT POST ABOUT CHEESE TO SUDDENLY ENTER ORBIT. THATS... I CANNOT SHOW MY APPRECIATION ENOUGH-|

#hey all #mod cent here #just wanna say THANK YOU VERY MUCH #I DID NOT EXPECT MY BAD MEME TO SUDDENLY EXPLODE. THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU #anyways #back to existing