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im crying.

Don’t ask someone with dementia if they “know your name” or “remember you”

If I can, I always opt to ditch my name tag in a dementia care environment. I let my friends with dementia decide what my name is: I’ve been Susan, Gwendolyn, and various peoples’ kids. I’ve been so many identities to my residents, too: a coworker, a boss, a student, a sibling, a friend from home, and more. 

Don’t ask your friend with dementia if they “remember your name” — especially if that person is your parent, spouse, or other family member. It’s quite likely to embarrass them if they can’t place you, and, frankly, it doesn’t really matter what your name is. What matters is how they feel about you.

Here’s my absolute favorite story about what I call, “Timeline Confusion”:

Alicia danced down the hallway, both hands steadily on her walker. She moved her hips from side to side, singing a little song, and smiled at everyone she passed. Her son, Nick, was walking next to her.

Nick was probably one of the best caregivers I’d ever met. It wasn’t just that he visited his mother often, it was how he visited her. He was patient and kind—really, he just understood dementia care. He got it.

Alicia was what I like to call, “pleasantly confused.” She thought it was a different year than it was, liked to sing and dance, and generally enjoyed her life.

One day, I approached the pair as they walked quietly down the hall. Alicia smiled and nodded at everyone she passed, sometimes whispering a, “How do you do!”

“Hey, Alicia,” I said. “We’re having a piano player come in to sing and play music for us. Would you like to come listen?”

“Ah, yes!” she smiled back. “My husband is a great singer,” she said, motioning to her son.

Nick smiled and did not correct her. He put his hand gently on her shoulder and said to me, “We’ll be over there soon.”

I saw Nick again a few minutes later while his mom was occupied with some other residents. “Nick,” I said. “Does your mom usually think that you’re her husband?”

Nick said something that I’ll never forget.

“Sometimes I’m me, sometimes I’m my brother, sometimes I’m my dad, and sometimes I’m just a friend. But she always knows that she loves me,” he smiled.

Nick had nailed it. He understood that, because his mom thought it was 1960, she would have trouble placing him on a timeline.

He knew that his mom recognized him and he knew that she loved him. However, because of her dementia, she thought it was a different year. And, in that year, he would’ve been a teenager.

Using context clues (however mixed up the clues were) Alicia had determined that Nick was her husband: he was the right age, he sure sounded and looked like her husband, and she believed that her son was a young man.

This is the concept that I like to call timeline confusion. It’s not that your loved one doesn’t recognize you, it’s that they can’t place you on a timeline.

What matters is how they feel about you. Not your name or your exact identity.

#dementia

[temixrp]

Happy Valentine’s Day, lovers. Take care of each other and yourselves.

[temixrp]

Common Micro aggressions: African Americans and/or Black People

Anonymous asked: What are some common micro-aggressions that a black american will regularly have to deal with?

Behold! This masterpost of common micro-aggressions towards African Americans and/or people in the African Diaspora.

A Few Facts:

Micro-aggressions are the “little” incidents of racism that may not be so obviously racist, but come from a place of ignorance or stereotyped views

Micro-aggressions can be perpetuated by White people as well as fellow Black people and People of Color.

Several of these may be applicable to other People of Color.

We (Black mods writing this) live in different Westernized countries & have personally experienced every one of these or know someone who has.

For a fuller understanding of micro aggressions and the affects it has on individuals overtime, please see this: “These incidents may appear small…”

Use of microaggressions in writing

This is just to give a thorough understanding of some of the things a Black person (often in America or other western countries) deals with.

Unless writing about racism, we would not recommend overpacking your Black character with every one of these experiences, or at least not within the narrative.  

Sprinkling in a few here and there is acceptable and adds realism.

Do not forget to include reactions to these micro-aggressions and when they occur, show they’re not okay somehow in the text.

The micro aggressions tag has plenty of applicable advice.

General Micro-aggressions

People excusing blackface.

Having our grammar and annunciation corrected.

“I don’t see you as a Black person/ I don’t see colour.”

Calling Black people ghetto, thugs, rachet, sassy, urban…

People debating why they should be allowed to say the n-word.

Then saying the n-word anyway.

Whispering, spitting, or stumbling over the word "Black” as if it’s a curse.

Refusing to pronounce your name right, or just calling you by a different name that’s easier.

Alternatively, “jokingly” calling you a “ghetto” name.

Constantly mixing up unrelated and not even resembling Black people, because you know.. ‘Black people all look the same.’

Dismissing our experiences as “just overreacting,” defending the wronging party, or using our plight to talk about one’s own experience (e.g. “well as a gay man i’ve got it rough…”).

Telling racist jokes and calling you sensitive when you don’t find it funny.

“______  is the new civil rights movement!” Black folks are still fighting for their rights, so…

Media

Fox news (xD)

Caricatured depictions of Black people on TV.

Casting calls for Black people only tailored for “race roles.”

Media treating white criminals and killers better than Black victims (see these headlines).

Stereotypes

Assuming you only listen to rap/hip-hop/r&b.

Assuming you love chicken, Kool-aid, and/or smoke weed.

Assuming you’re good at sports.

Assuming there’s no father in the picture in Black families.

Assuming all Black people (see: young girls) have children.

Calling Black people who don’t conform to preconceived images of Blackness “less black,” acting white or an “oreo.”

AAVE

Non-Black People mimicking/imitating AAVE.

People falling into AAVE when talking to Black People.

“Why don’t Black people speak real English instead of ‘ebonics’?”

Insults/doubting intelligence:

You’re so articulate!”

“You take advanced classes?!”

“How did she get into that [prestigious school and/or program]?”

“They only got x because they’re Black/Affirmative action.”

Assuming a Black person (usually male) attends college because of a sports scholarship.

Counselors discouraging Black students to take prestigious coursework, assuming it’s too difficult for them.

Respectability politics:

“You’re a credit to your race.”

“I’m glad you’re not like those other Black people. You’re not ghetto or listen to that rap stuff..”

Tone policing: dismissing someone’s reaction/argument/etc. because they are too “emotional.” Thinking that we need to be calm in order to be taken seriously.

Pitting African immigrants against African Americans, especially those coming to America for education, aka “Good Blacks.”

Beauty Standards and Dating

“You’re pretty for a Black girl.”

“You’re pretty! Are you mixed?”

“I don’t usually date/aren’t attracted to Black people.”

Calling attraction to Black people “jungle fever.”

Fetishization/Othering

People asking you what you are or where you’re really from.

Referring to Black people or our features as “exotic.”

Referring to Black people’s skin as chocolate or other foods.

Assuming dark skin doesn’t need sunscreen. Like other humans, we do!

Black Women/Misogynoir

Saying Black women are ”strong, independent and don’t need no man.“

Calling Black women ”sassy“ or angry if she shows passion/emotion.

Overreactions/exaggerating our actions. This often involves assigning aggression where there is none. (Black person speaking firmly is yelling. A Black woman disagrees with someone: “why are you attacking me?”)  

Referring to white and non-black women as "girls” and “women” while calling Black women “Females.”

Men who apply courtesy to white women (holding doors, giving up seat) but don’t apply the same to Black women.

Referring to Black women on government assistance as “welfare queens” (While ignoring that white people, white women especially, get more government assistance than Black people in the USA).

“Black women All woman are beautiful.” (Stop. That. Please.)

Hair

People touching/petting your hair without consent.

“So is that your real hair? Are those extensions?”

Calling natural black hair unprofessional.

White people appropriating Black hair styles (dreads, twists, etc) and being praised as edgy, while it’s “ghetto, unprofessional, and unclean” on our own heads.

Poverty Assumptions:

“Do you live in the ghetto?”

“Can you afford that?”

“Here are the value prices of this product…”

Racial Profiling + Criminalization:

Crossing the street to avoid passing Black men/people.

Following in stores, assuming Black people are stealing.

Moving aside when we pass, clutching purse, locking doors.

Asking Black people for I.D. when paying with card (while white people are not asked).

Being pulled over + arrested at astonishingly higher rates than white people.

~Mods Colette and Alice

[temixrp]

if you are being held by a police officer at a protest today, make a lot of noise. ask if you are being detained. hope your fellow protestors will swarm you like they did in LA. preventing police from arresting people is critical. have your important numbers (friends, family, doctors, legal aid) written down in multiple places. prepare for the worst case scenario even if you feel you’re being unnecessarily thorough. figure out who your street medics are and keep an eye on them, as they often are targeted by police for arrest.

[temixrp]

if you are white, if you are able-bodied, if you’re a leftist, if you’re a liberal, if you have a nice fucking job with nice fucking benefits and can afford an apartment downtown—now’s the time to show up for black protestors. don’t let it just be the marginalized (especially black people, mostly black people) on the front lines right now. if you have privilege, you are needed at this moment to use it.

[temixrp]

https://www.instagram.com/thedailypolitique

[temixrp]

“Cis” and “TERF” aren’t slurs, but claiming that they are over and over again until the mainstream press is unwilling to use them because they want to avoid controversy is a wonderful way of denying a marginalised group the vocabulary to discuss their own oppression. This is, of course, 100% the point.

[temixrp]

The Sandwich of Consent

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Identifying fascists and their friends on tumblr

Most important step--who do they reblog from? If they reblog from fascists, they're a fascist. Look out for the following things in URLs/bios/posts. If you see it, it MIGHT be unintentional, but 95% of the time the person is a reactionary.

NOT A COMPLETE LIST. More can be found on the Anti-Defamation League's website. Feel free to add your own.

Antisemitic Dogwhistles:

(((Triple parentheses)))--used by antisemites to identify Jewish names

"Cultural Marxists"--means Jews

"The mysterious, wealthy elites"--means Jews

"Powerful satanic pedophiles"--means Jews

"XYZ Jew or rich person is secretly a lizard/robot/alien"--hearkens to the Jews control the world narrative

Generalized statements about Israel as a major global power/influencing the US

"Controlled media"

"International bankers"

Referencing "certain people on the east coast of the US"

"New York intellectual"

"Dual loyalty"

Overt fixation on the Rothschilds/George Soros

Depictions of unlikeable people as having hooded eyelids, dark curly hair, large hooked noses

"Controlling the masses, puppet master, mastermind"

References to or depictions of the happy merchant

ZOG/Zionist Occupied Government

Nonspecific language and rhetoric often used by fascists/friends of fascists:

Cumbrain

Smoothbrain--eugenicist phrasing

Correcting for overpopulation--ecofascist rhetoric

Degenerate

Social Darwinism/survival of the fittest/natural selection

Traditional values

Symbology to double check:

Scandinavian symbology (inc. Norse runes)

American front cross

Celtic cross

Depictions of German soldiers (w/ or w/o swastika)

Imperial German flag

Iron Cross

Eagle (akin to Nazi eagle)

Pepe the Frog (for real)

Wojak (paying attention to any other symbols added to it or showing a deformed head/damaged brain)

URLs + Self-identifiers to be wary of:

Trad/traditional/traditionalist

Monarchist

Punished

Risen

Nationalist

Crucified

Aryan

Unforgiven

Patriarch

Patriot

Fallen

Chad

Egalitarian

Unrepentant

Prussia/Prussian

Liberty

Anglican

Catholicism/saints/church (yep)

Numbers to look at:

83

14 88 (together or individually)

#holy shit #so happy this was put on my dash by a good lad

[temixrp]

hollywood be like “Africans”

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A few adjustments.   

[temixrp]

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim's belief.

Instances may range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. The term originated from the 1938 Patrick Hamilton play Gaslight and its 1940 and 1944 film adaptations, in which the gas-fueled lights in a character's home are dimmed when he turns the attic lights brighter while he searches the attic at night. He convinces his wife that she is imagining the change. The term has been used in clinical and research literature, as well as in political commentary.

[temixrp]

And now you can pirate her shit guilt free!

with the new round of JK rowling being a transphobic prick rolling out, I think it’s important to reference what I call the H.P. Lovecraft rule. Fans of Lovecraft’s stuff openly acknowledge that he was remarkably racist and that his shitty beliefs bled into his work, whether through metaphors or more blatant pieces of the text, while also enjoying the monster concepts and such that he created. They use critical thinking when approaching his work and acknowledge . In my opinion, it’s fine for people to still like Harry Potter, it’s just important to acknowledge that the Rowling’s own shitty beliefs also bled into her work (the house elves ‘enjoying’ slavery, the sexism, the antisemitism with the goblins, laughable attempt at gay inclusion, lycanthropy being compared to AIDS, etc.). I really don’t think it’s bad for anyone to still enjoy the franchise, it’s just really important to use critical thinking when consuming it, which is true of any media really.

Also I know there are people who are going to drop it all together, and honestly valid, can’t blame ya, it’s just that I saw a post saying ‘you can’t separate it from her beliefs!’ and I just wanted to point out the truth in that while ALSO pointing out that it doesn’t mean people have to quit it altogether - they just need to be smart in their consumption. If someone says something along the lines of, “JK Rowling sucks but the series is still perfect, I’ll just pretend she didn’t write it,” then that’s not critical thinking. That’s just trying to make yourself feel better and pretend there’s nothing wrong with it instead of admitting there are things absolutely wrong with it and that the thing you like is flawed.

[temixrp]

Turns out that antifascism in 2019 looks like doctors being arrested for trying to vaccinate children being held in a concentration camp to keep more of them from dying. 

#this #shit #has #me #FURIOUS