#~V: Cuddlepile

[thevalicemultiverse]

🌌 How are you doing?

Forgotten Vows!Victor: [holding his sketchbook] Fine -- just working on a new drawing of a butterfly.

Secundus!Victor: [holding a caterpillar, grinning] Checking on my latest experiment! This one's part of a new strain of bioluminescent butterflies -- should glow orange instead of yellow.

Catch Us!Victor: [wiping the blood off his straight razor] Well, Alice and I just ended the life of another arse who preys on the weak and innocent, so I'm doing well, but I do need to run very soon.

Cuddlepile!Victor: [holding some popcorn] Great -- it's movie night! We're having a Ghostbusters marathon in just a moment!

Inevitable High School!Victor: [being towed along by a small pack of dogs] I may have overbooked this particular Saturday! Heel! Heel!

Aperture!Victor: [doodling unflattering pictures of Cave Johnson on a clipboard] How do you think I'm doing? Just another day in "paradise..."

Londerland Bloodlines!Victor: [looking maybe a bit too happy for someone who is licking blood off his lips] Alice just gave me my blood for the fortnight, so I'm doing wonderful, thank you for asking.

Fallout!Victor: [working on his Two-Shot combat rifle] No one's shooting me right now, and I just found a whole pack of duct tape in that house over there, so life is pretty good at this moment.

Technicolor Phase!Victor: [painting a picture on an easel] Lovely -- just doing some painting. It's a lot easier now that I can see more of the colors.

Valicer In The Dark!Victor: [studying a vial of electroplasm] Trying to figure out how I infuse this into a butterfly...if I can just crack it, I could so much good with that greenhouse down the road...

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Forgotten Vows #~V: Secundus #~V: Catch Us If You Can #~V: Cuddlepile #~V: Inevitable High School #~V: Aperture Wage Slave #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~V: Fallout Of Darkness #~V: Technicolor Phase #~V: Valicer In The Dark #answer across universes #~C: Victor Van Dort #((that SHOULD be every verse I currently have active #as you can see the Victors are all keeping busy in various ways #some more wholesome than others)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[insoucicnce-aa]

[ I'm loving all this Angelisa content on my dash!! Can we have five headcanons about her habits/daily routines? ]

facts about angelisa | @despairforme

i. smack the alarm clock until it stops ringing, and lays there contemplating whether or not keeping her GPA where its at is worth it. kinda just curls back up underneath her blankets, only for a few minutes then she’s out of bed, shuffling to the bathroom to brush her teeth, pee, shower. she legit doesn’t bother with her hair most days. just lets it be short and tousled. 

ii. after drying off and cycling through clothing that might or might not be comfortable to wear all day. she finally settles on a t-shirt with some sassy slogan and a pair of jeans and sneakers or boots.

iii. after finally settling on an outfit, she eats a hearty breakfast and heads to class. though she usually has to make a u-turn because she either forgot her phone or her bag.

iv. on her way to uni, she stops to feed strays and talk to any squirrels that happen into her path. 

v. gets to class, sits in her usual spot, and studies for any exams that might be coming up. when classes and such is over, she usually heads straight to the shelter. angelisa would love to spend all day there, but there’s always homework and such to get to, so she ends up sad af and just wants to cuddlepile with the animals. 

#ahhhh thank you toby! i love her so much #i didnt realize i would but damn she's so precious like wtf #despairforme #🌻◦ ✧ ✩ 》put on your war paint! #🍰. ◦ ✧ ✩( angelisa hcs. ) ᵖᶤᵉᶜᵉˢ ᵒᶠ ʰˑᵉˑʳ

[cakesandfail]

Ok so THREE ships for the shipping post, pick and chose @ your discretion on grounds of this is a bit extra. •Vimes/Vetinari/Sybil •Moist von Lipwig/Adora Bell Dearheart •William/Otto/Sacharissa

buckle up friendo if we’re gonna be Extra then I’m answering every goddamn question, obviously some of these are 21st century Earth things so... just pretend they all live in London instead of Ankh-Morpork for those, I guess

here we fucking go

1. Vimes/Vetinari/Sybil

who hogs the duvet Sam does. Dude is a big fan of pillows, I can’t imagine he’d be any different re: duvetswho texts/rings to check how their day is going Sybil. Sam is v bad at technology and Havelock just sends memes while watching committees happenwho’s the most creative when it comes to gifts Havelock, if by ‘creative’ you mean ‘devious and prone to trolling’who gets up first in the morning Havelock, though let’s be honest, none of them has anything remotely approaching a normal sleep patternwho suggests new things in bed this is definitely Sybil and there’s nothing that will ever convince me otherwisewho cries at movies S A Mwho gives unprompted massages that is an extremely bad idea when two out of three people in the relationship are (justifiably) paranoidwho fusses over the other when they’re sick Sam is the absolute worst for this, as we all found out in Feet of Claywho gets jealous easiest Sam. His self-esteem is terrible and he can hardly believe that one smart, cute, fancy rich person would want him, let alone two. Things can be dificult. He does his best.who has the most embarrassing taste in music I mean I’m pretty sure Havelock wins this one by reading sheet music, the weirdowho collects something unusual ...how unusual are farty dragons? (it’s Sybil regardless, even if the dragons aren’t unusual for Ankh-Morpork she does also have a house full of random tat)who takes the longest to get ready if they’re going out it’s Sybil because she’s got Undergarments(tm) and makeup and a wig to sort out, but if it’s a normal day it’s Havelock because let’s be honest, anyone with a beard like that is definitely a little bit vain and fussy about itwho is the most tidy and organised Mr shiny-circular-saw-brain himself, Havelock Vetinariwho gets most excited about the holidays 100% Sybil (and Sam a bit too, secretly, now he’s in a position to enjoy them)who is the big spoon/little spoon Sam is always the littlest spoon and he loves itwho gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports lmaoooo this is Havelock for sure, he’s clearly one of those people who won’t do anything in public unless he knows he won’t fuck it upwho starts the most arguments this is Sam’s favourite hobbywho suggests that they buy a pet Sybil and Havelock just kind of acquire them tbh, and Sam gave up doing anything about it years agowhat couple traditions they have 25th May is special- it’s Young Sam’s birthday and of course the anniversary of the revolution, so Uncle Havelock comes round for tea and then goes to Small Gods with old Sam, and then stays the night, conveniently disappearing early enough in the morning that nobody else knows he was therewhat tv shows they watch together listen. listen. if they were in modern London they’d be watching the Supervet and getting emotional about it. fite me. also Sybil and Havelock watch nerdy gameshows like Only Connect and University Challenge, but Sam is not here for that at allwhat other couple they hang out with bold of you to assume any of these nerds have any other friendshow they spend time together as a couple does almost getting murdered count because that does happen a lot. Otherwise: naps at bizarre times of the day, fighting over the newspaper, carriage journeys home from parties where they bitch about everyone they hate (ie everyone else who was there)who made the first move Sybil, for every single context where making the first move was necessarywho brings flowers home Havelock does because he’s a ‘show affection through gifts’ sort of person and also a huge nerd who probably knows all about floriographywho is the best cook fucking nobody lol they’re all useless

2. Moist/Adora

who hogs the duvet Adora. And there’s nothing Moist can do about it.who texts/rings to check how their day is going Moist, because he’s a nice cheerful sort of boy (and also likes to be annoying)who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts ...probably Moist? He’s pretty imaginative, I think- that’s not to say that Adora wouldn’t find him good gifts, but his would be more ‘out there’ without being wrongwho gets up first in the morning Adora, unless she’s on nights or Moist has been summoned by his surrogate dad Vetinariwho suggests new things in bed hahahaha ADORAwho cries at movies both of them. Adora will never admit this to anybody.who gives unprompted massages Moist, but only once they’ve been married long enough that he knows when he definitely won’t get stomped onwho fusses over the other when they’re sick I honestly think they’re both the kind of people who are like ‘get the fuck away from me’ when they’re ill so probably nobodywho gets jealous easiest Adora. She’s not worried about Moist, but he’s a very charming dude and other people need to Watch It.who has the most embarrassing taste in music Moist is a big Spandau Ballet fan and you know itwho collects something unusual look, Moist doesn’t actively collect weird shit, weird shit just happens to come into his possessionwho takes the longest to get ready Moist. Just fucking look at him. He wears a gold suit.who is the most tidy and organised Adora, but this does not extend to her private space at all, and their bedroom is a disaster areawho gets most excited about the holidays M o i s twho is the big spoon/little spoon I... think it’s probably Moist. Yeah. Moist.who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports Adora is the kind of person who’d even try to fight Vetinari if she had to, so.who starts the most arguments see above lmaowho suggests that they buy a pet Moist does, because for all that he complained, he got quite attached to Mr Fusspotwhat couple traditions they have uhhhhh idk if it’s a tradition so much as a regular date night but they definitely go dancing together when they have timewhat tv shows they watch together they hate-watch The Apprentice, and Undercover Boss, and Dragons Den- basically anything where they can judge other people’s ability to run a businesswhat other couple they hang out with work people, mostly. Sometimes they have to socialise with Sam and Sybil, which is a bit unfortunate for Moist and Sam, but Adora and Sybil find their respective idiots very cute when they’re all cross so it tends to work out okayhow they spend time together as a couple the aforementioned hate-watching marathons and dancing. I think they’re probably one of the few canon couples that actually has date nights.who made the first move Moist. It’s canon. He’s a dipshit, but it did sort of work.who brings flowers home Moist does, because he thinks it’s a good idea to do it regularly so Adora won’t assume he’s fucked up every timewho is the best cook Moist- he once spent three months as a cook in a pub while laying low after a scam. It’s not amazing gourmet food, but it’s alright.

3. William/Otto/Sacharissa

who hogs the duvet Sacharissa, because she’s the smallest and the first to get coldwho texts/rings to check how their day is going All of them- they’re journalists, they’re always in contact all the time. In a Roundworld AU they’d have a whatsapp groupwho’s the most creative when it comes to gifts Williamwho gets up first in the morning I think this probably depends on what they’re doing, but it’s definitely not Otto hahawho suggests new things in bed Otto isn’t necessarily going to suggest them outright, but he’s definitely dropped hints about things he used to get up to back in the daywho cries at movies William. He thinks the others don’t know. They do.who gives unprompted massages I’m not sure? This seems like a William thing but he’s also extremely awkward. I think it would be him once they were established as a trio.who fusses over the other when they’re sick Otto- he worries about the other two because they’re mortal and because he’s just generally an anxious kind of dudewho gets jealous easiest William. He’s a bit insecure about his place in the world and, well, Sacharissa is so pretty and Otto is a vampire which makes him automatically 500% sexier to everyone everywhere, clearly anyone hanging around them wants to take his place. (Spoiler: they don’t.)who has the most embarrassing taste in music Sacharissa strikes me as a big 90s pop fan idekwho collects something unusual Otto is definitely a nerd about old cameras/iconographswho takes the longest to get ready I think possibly Sacharissa just because girl clothes take longer- otherwise I don’t think there’s much in it. They’re all pretty sensible people.who is the most tidy and organised William has a stick up his butt about everything ever, so definitely himwho gets most excited about the holidays Otto does, because he finally has someone to celebrate with who isn’t going to get eaten (behave.)who is the big spoon/little spoon this varies a lot, I think? I just kind of assumed they usually end up in a big old cuddlepilewho gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports William. He went to boarding school and even though he hated it, it’s bound to have had some effect on himwho starts the most arguments ...also William lmaowho suggests that they buy a pet Sacharissa. She thinks both Wuffles and Mr Fusspot are very cute.what couple traditions they have They get a takeaway whenever they’ve stayed late at work together to finish a big story. Otto can’t eat it, obviously, but he likes to just sit with the others and hang out. It’s nice.what tv shows they watch together absolutely no news programmes at all, ever. Lots of low-energy stuff like How It’s Made so they don’t have to use any brainpower.what other couple they hang out with sometimes Gunilla and Boddony join in with the takeaway nightshow they spend time together as a couple running about like loons after the next story, mostlywho made the first move William with Sacharissa, Sacharissa with Ottowho brings flowers home Sacharissa does- mostly just because she likes having them aroundwho is the best cook Otto made a point of learning to cook so he could do something nice for his favourite people. He had lessons and everything. He has to wear gloves to handle the garlic, but it’s worth it.

#ask meme #sybil and the boys #mr slightly damp #news nerds #winterbirb

[wykedtrolls]

Rohati for Pail pale cull, options are caisyo, lesion and veekoh

[ hmm ]

[ veekoh is really nice !!! she’s really funny’n she seems v comfortable with pale relationships so i guess i’d have to go with pale for her ][ she seems like she gives nice hugs 10/10 would cuddlepile ] ( ` v `)

[ lesion is cool ] ( ` v `)[ or at least he looks cool !!! he has really nice hair n he’s def like 100000000 leagues out of mine but ][ pail i guess ??? ][ shit i hope nobody reads these that would be so embarrassing ] ( “ ` ~ `)

[ caisyo uh ][ he’s got some serious vibes going for him doesn’t he ??? ][ cull ][ idk i’m not known for a strong sense’a intuition but he uh ... he sets me real on edge ][ now i r e a l l y hope nobody reads these ] ( ”` - `)

#rohati things #answered #croptoptrolls

[thevalicemultiverse]

People who use all pronouns are playing 3D chess. I mean they can’t misgender you if you use all the genders!

Smiler: There is a certain freedom in making sure the bigots can't casually misgender you, I'm sure! I'm happy with my they/them, but I salute all those who looked at the pronouns on offer and went "yes."

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Cuddlepile #~T: Running Headlong Into The Bullshit #all pronouns 3D chess #~C: Smiler Alton #((those people know what they are about)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Familiars are service animals for witches.

Alice: ...now I'm picturing a familiar that is genuinely a traditional service animal. Why couldn't a blind witch use a seeing-eye dog as her familiar, or one with anxiety issues her therapy animal? Would make life a lot easier, wouldn't it?

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Cuddlepile #~T: Girls Love Girls And Boys #service familiars #~C: Alice Liddell #((I mean I think it's a cool idea #imagine it's been done before #at least I hope it has)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

In my experience, the book banning timeline is as follows:

"We don't want (insert challenged book) in school libraries."

"We don't want it in ANY libraries."

"We don't want it in bookstores."

"We don't want it to exist period."

Alice: [nods] That's because the people trying to ban the book would like to skip to "we don't want it to exist period," but know that they'll have more luck if they start with "but think of the children!" and then wear us down through the intermediate steps. Wankers.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Cuddlepile #~T: Girls Love Girls And Boys #book banning timeline #~C: Alice Liddell #((that is the way of things anon #and it sucks)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Nope it’s real. See! *shows you a video of the trailer*

Alice: [stares at the trailer] What the everloving...look, I understand that some people want to reimagine things, but -- I guess you have to like this sort of horror? And Winnie the Pooh. [pause] Or maybe you have to hate Winnie the Pooh, one or the other.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Cuddlepile #~T: Girls Love Girls And Boys #pooh blood and honey #~C: Alice Liddell #((can't bring myself to actually watch the trailer as I'm sure I won't like it #I'm not really a fan of slasher horror like that #even when it's NOT Winnie The Pooh #but I think I can guess the gist of it)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

To some, You Gotta Spend Money to Make Money means bribe people to look the other way.

Victor: And by "some," we mean my parents.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Cuddlepile #~T: Girls Love Girls And Boys #you gotta bribe money to make money #~C: Victor Van Dort #((William and Nell are both 'throw money at the problem until it goes away' people #Victor is not particularly impressed with this approach)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

"Congratulations, you are a statistical improbability! To be born, on this day, in that year, in universe, within that part of the galaxy, on that planet...[Letter continues to denote place of birth in increasing specificity]...is nothing short of a miracle! And that makes you special :). In celebration of this, enjoy this delightful confectionary! Signed, Dr. Daniel B. Arkham, P.H.D."

*The letter is accompanied by a package of small, blue gummy mushrooms. Somehow, they pulse with a dim light. A label on the package reads "Gummy Glowshrooms, Raspberry Flavor"*

Alice: [looking between the letter, which is freakishly specific about the circumstances of her birth, and the softly glowing gummy mushrooms] I am -- concerned, to understate the matter most grossly.

Victor: [also looking at the package] I -- I assume they're not radioactive?

Smiler: I really, really want to eat one.

Alice: Please don't until we find a way to guarantee they're safe for consumption.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Cuddlepile #~T: Running Headlong Into The Bullshit #gummy glowshroom birthday wishes #~C: Victor Van Dort #~C: Alice Liddell #~C: Smiler Alton #((meanwhile in the Fallout of Darkness verse #both Victor and Alice immediately suspect Daniel is in fact some kind of ghoul who worked for Nuka-Cola #because them making glowing gummies is TOTALLY in their wheelhouse #I could see it as a promotional stunt for Nuka-Quantum #but yes Smiler don't eat the glowshrooms RIGHT away #even if you think it'll give you a cool glowing mouth :p)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Remember when Andrew Wakefield sued Brian Deer? This would turn out to be the worst mistake he ever made in his life. Because Wakefield's libel case was related to accusations of what he did during the study, that meant that the records of what happened in the study were evidence in the case now. I mean, how else were they gonna prove it was libel or not? The judge agreed that Deer had to be granted access to the confidential, unredacted medical records of the children in the study. By trying to sue a journalist into shutting up, Wakefield had accidentally given him permission to see EVERYTHING! Deer recalls being sat in a room with his lawyer, reading the medical records of the children and other records of what happened in the study, while Wakefield's legal team were rushing to get a cab to take them to the courthouse, so they could drop the suit and stop him reading it as fast as they could.

Alice: Wakefield was that arse who tried to prove that vaccines cause autism, wasn't he? Or at least was the one squawking about it the loudest? Well, I'm glad that he was stupid enough to sue Mr. Deer for libel, allowing him to see the full, unredacted records. I only wish his stupid ideas hadn't caught on with others.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Cuddlepile #~T: Girls Love Girls And Boys #wakefield vs deer #~C: Alice Liddell #((I hope Wakefield suffers embarrassment after embarrassment for the rest of his goddamn life #fucking scumbag >( ))

[thevalicemultiverse]

Big Bird almost died in the Challenger disaster.

Alice: . . .I beg your pardon, what???

Victor: [baffled, searching on his phone] That has to be a -- it's not.

Alice: I need an explanation. Please.

Victor: Simply put, NASA invited Big Bird onto the Challenger, as a way to help teach kids about space, but the plan was never approved -- the puppeteer, Carroll Spinney, was sure that it was because the costume was simply too big. Which, uh, ended up saving his life.

Alice: That is -- wow.

Victor: [nods] Yeah.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #tw: death mention #~V: Cuddlepile #~T: Girls Love Girls And Boys #big bird and challenger #~C: Victor Van Dort #~C: Alice Liddell #((sentences I did NOT expect to read today #like holy shit #I am so glad that the costume was too big and they never went any further with the plan #yikes :( )) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Do people who bitch about pronouns not realize they are unironically advocating for caveman-speak? Cause how the fuck else do you remove them?

Smiler: [big, annoyed grin] Oh, I wish they were advocating for caveman-speak, because that would be a lot more fun than what they're actually doing! Smiler hate idiots that work to make other people unhappy by refusing to remember certain combinations of letters to refer to other people!

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Cuddlepile #~T: Running Headlong Into The Bullshit #caveman speak vs pronouns #~C: Smiler Alton #((yeaaah Smiler as a they/them nonbinary person has run into this occasionally #and it ticks them off every time #like why is it such a big deal #just refer to people the way they wish to be referred to)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

I dont know what labor day is and at this point im too afraid to ask.

Americans are just saying things.

Do you give birth?

then you cant wear white the day after.

Alice: [laughs] I do have to wonder if there are mothers who have tried to have their babies on Labor Day...

Victor: [chuckles] That would be funny...but no, I looked it up, and it's all about celebrating the accomplishments of labor unions and workers in the US. Like International Worker's Day, but on the first Monday in September instead of May 1st. [scrolling his phone] I have yet to figure out why you can't wear white after it, though.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Cuddlepile #~T: Girls Love Girls And Boys #what labor day is #~C: Victor Van Dort #~C: Alice Liddell #((it was almost May 1st here too but that date proved too close for comfort to a famous riot in Haymarket for President Cleveland #so September it is #Oh and I looked up the white thing #apparently it's to do with Labor Day being kind of the cultural end of summer #it's when you switched out your light summer wear for the heavier darker colors of winter #it's hardly a hard-and-fast fashion rule though)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Hey guys, I’m the waiter.

Like, I’m just really patient. I don’t actually work here.

Victor: [clearly unsure whether this is a joke from someone who WILL turn out to be their actual waiter, or from some random passerby who thinks they're funny]

Alice: Har har -- if you're not the waiter, could you direct us to where we could find one? I feel like we've been waiting here ourselves for a while. . .

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Cuddlepile #~T: Girls Love Girls And Boys #the waiting not waiter #~C: Victor Van Dort #~C: Alice Liddell #((this feels like the kind of joke a waiter might make in a certain kind of restaurant #so yeah Victor is unsure where this joke is going #Alice meanwhile is just 'I am hungry and would like order plz')) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

“I love chai tea.”

“What did you say? "Chai tea?!" "Chai" means "tea", bro! You're saying "tea tea!" Would I ask you for a coffee-coffee with room for cream-cream?!”

"I don't drink coffee, so I'm not sure of this, but I would not be surprised if there was a coffee drink out there whose fancy name literally meant 'coffee coffee,'" Alice says. "People do love borrowing words from other languages, even if they already have their own word for the thing."

"I'm -- reasonably sure there's a hill somewhere that is genuinely called Hill Hill if you translate the name literally?" Victor says, face scrunched up in thought.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Cuddlepile #~T: Girls Love Girls And Boys #chai tea and coffee coffee #~C: Victor Van Dort #~C: Alice Liddell #((this also feels like kissing cousins with the 'ATM machine' quibble #look humans gonna name things repetitively #I swear I have heard of Hill Hill but I can't recall WHERE #I am reasonably certain it exists in our world though)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue