Cosmere books as bad news headlines
• "Young woman of questionable parentage kills god after eating copious amounts of metal"
• "Apple voice assistant marries mute rainbow god after sister defeats army of undead alongside hobo and talking sword"
• "City of zombies saved by angry man in armor and friendly chef's niece"
• "Depressed people snort lightning, use it to fight lobsters the size of battleships." (idea credit to @Elisabeth_Wheatley on YouTube)
• "Cowboy makes deal with the new god"
• "Girl and mouse boyfriend undo curse on cabin boy"
• "Man cheats death by stabbing his own eye, forms intergalactic gang"
• "Young woman stacks rocks to destroy computer"
• "Dehydrated young man unites senators against himself"
• "Man with PTSD breaks All the Rules, upsets mentor while running from sunrise"
• "Man(??) avoids eternal punishment from several sources while roasting everyone in existence"
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So I'm finally getting around to reading Yumi and the Nightmare Painter, and I'm just saying, if one of my coworkers who was always depressed and wanted to be left alone suddenly got replaced by his "sister" who he's never mentioned and (in the accompanying artwork) looks very similar to him, who has no clothes of her own just using his, and bursts into tears when another girl offers to take her shopping, my first guess would definitely not be "Painter's soul is tied to a magical girl from another planet"
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Ranking Various Cosmere Fantasy Swears
If there's one thing Brandon Sanderson likes, it's avoiding any real swear words in favor of Fantasy Swears. I am genuinely a huge fan of this technique. So here how I'd rank some of the ones I can remember! (And thanks to 17th Shard [here and here] and to Reddit for compiling some lists!).
#14: Colors (Warbreaker)
This one feels a little bit...lazy, I guess? Like yes, Warbreaker's magic is color-dependent, so colors are a big part of the world-building, so I guess it makes sense that people use it as a swear. But it feels like if, in fantasy USA, people swore by "eagles" all the time: "Eagles! I dropped my hamburger!"
#13: Moons (Tress of the Emerald Sea)
I mean same problem as with "colors"! Yes, the moons are a big aspect of the worldbuilding, but it just feels like a semi-boring swear. Although maybe that's just the swear that Tress tends to use.
#12: Shadows/Shades (Shadows for Silence/Sunlit Man)
Okay, maybe this one is a bit boring, but anything Threndy-related gets extra credit from me. So therefore I think this is one of the least boring of the "basically boring descriptors of world building elements" swears.
#11: By the Lord Ruler (Mistborn)
I mean...eh. This one is world specific, but it's basically like swearing by god only in this case the god is the Lord Ruler, right? It makes sense 'n' all but isn't as interesting as some of the later ones.
#10: By the Survivor's Scars (Mistborn)
This one is better because it's more specific--Kelsier's scars are rich with meaning, and swearing by them does feel like it carries cultural weight.
#9: By Harmony's Armbands (Mistborn)
Putting them all in a line like this...I just like how they get ever more specific. Now we're swearing by Harmony's feruchemical armlets? Okay!
#8: God Beyond (Shadows for Silence)
I mean, Threnody is, like, haunted by a god's corpse, so I think any of their god-related swears are more interesting as a result.
#7: Nights / Nights afire (Emperor's Soul)
I like this one because I just don't know what it refers to and it seems kinda creepy. What are nights on fire for??
#6: Rust and Ruin (Mistborn)
Frankly, the alliteration gets this one extra points. And "Rust and Ruin!" just feels like a good thing to shout when you've stubbed your toe.
#5: Storms/storming/Stormfather (Stormlight Archive)
I know this one SHOULD lose points for being exactly the sort of boring descriptive swear I maligned above...but I enjoy this one simply because it's such a clear linguistic stand-in for "fuck" and that leads to such amusing translations as "Kaladin Fuckblessed" or the "Fuckfather" and that just never stops being funny to me.
#4: Herald body parts (Stormlight Archive)
I didn't notice until looking at various compiled lists of Cosmere Fantasy Swears, but Rosharans really like to swear by specific Herald body parts, huh? From here: Kelek's breadth, Kelek's tongue, Ash's eyes, Ishar's soul, Nalan's hand, Pali's mind, Talat's hand...I'm a fan of this. It's interesting and feels culturally relevant.
#3: Glories Within (Stormlight Archive)
This one is just Szeth so far, but people speculate it's probably a Shin curse. That makes it interesting to me since we don't know a whole lot about the Shin. What inner glory are they using to swear?
#2: Starving (Stormlight Archive)
This one is pretty similar to "Storming," I suppose, in being a pretty clear linguistic stand-in for "fucking." But I just like that the food-obsessed Lift has her own personal swear relating to starvation.
#1: Lowly/Highly (Yumi and the Nightmare Painter)
I'm a big fan of the lowly/highly thing from Yumi & the Nightmare Painter, where words can be linguistically marked as meant in either a high way (complimentary) or a low way (insultingly). It's fun worldbuilding and leads to some comic beats in the novel. Plus, this post tickled me greatly: https://www.tumblr.com/cabinetcreature/722030379790401536?source=share. It's so true!
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