#you want me to starve myself? huh? is that what you want mother fucker??

[beananium]

my family don't be annoying about my weight challenge (impossible)

#vent #fatphobia #it's just. aughhhh #i'd rather be fat and enjoy the food i love instead of be thin and miserable #i just mentioned how my double chin feels funny (like is swollen) and never really noticed its feel #and my dad took that as an opportunity to be like “well its because you eat and don't exercise” like. ok #yeah i'm out of shape but thats because i've been too depressed to work out or even get out of the house #i've only recently improved because i got a job by sheer luck #i'm pretty sure i'm not going to shed 90 pounds by working out either #you want me to starve myself? huh? is that what you want mother fucker?? #i wouldn't mind eating healthy either. i do love vegetables and fruits #its just that no one in this household knows how to prepare them properly INCLUDING ME #I CAN'T EVEN COOK WHAT I LIKE BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS STUPID HOUSE WOULD EAT IT SINCE THEIR DIETS SUCK ASS BUTT AUGH #my dad has the audacity to drink nothing but soda and say this shit to me #my grandma's also been bitching about my health. thats how i found out she's been withholding all my health information from me for years #fuck my cringe ass fail family for real #sorry. back to your regular posting i just needed to get this out somewhere

[sophierequests]

Okay I lied. Here's one more because I can't help myself with these wonderful asks for this event. Bear with me please. <3

🌷 not a ghost but with a little twist

I don't know if this is allowed (but since you said I'm loki in your cym ask, I might as well act like it👀) - I don't write fics but I do give reviews, so I was thinking to link my favourite Sirius Black fic written by a really good friend here. It's worth it I promise.

@bookshelf-dust is worth the hype and I want to talk to you about Sirius Black of course

A masterpiece - here you go

If you're okay with this if course<33

reading + reacting to other writers' fics // love and mandrakes - sirius black

a little twist 👀 i like that

honestly, i don't care whether it's your own fic or not, because just reading other people's work makes me happy <3

live reaction:

i’m already a sucker for a fic that happens during herbology class, you you got me there

i love professor sprout omg

i would be so sad if i killed a plant in her class istg

there he is!! my boy!! always with the theatrical entrance, as he should!! i love him too!!

i would kill to be in professor sprout’s class

i see what you’re trying to do mr. black

now i can’t get the picture of remus piercing a shitfaced siruis in the middle of break while regulus stands there and watches

i’m imagining remus tossing sanitizing cloths at sirius whenever it is time to clean the piercing

wow, you just summarized my entire time at high school when it came to group projects

i love sirius

did i already mention that?

he’s just great

and an ass, but in a good way

teamwork makes the dream work ohooo

simp sirius is the best sirius

queen mention queen mention queen mention-

OMG A LITTLE SHOP OF HORROS REFERENCE IM STFFGHGSDSHJ GOING FERAL

sirius would fucking love a little shop of horrors

(also, the big brain move of using a musical that features

teasing = flirting

CO-PARENTING A MANDRAKE OMFG I AM UNWELL

GENIUS

the mandrake is a child of divorce send tweet

forest green is my favourite colour omg 

REMUS MY FAVOURITE BOY THERE YOU ARE

oh i can already tell everything that relates to remus is going to be my favourite part

early retirement i am crying

remus being overdramatic

he’s just like me fr

we love to see it

bisexual sirius confirmed 

remus is so done with them hjgsdlzg

i love him

help their banter makes my day

wolfstar besties, my heart <3

“look at this fucker” SIRIUS THAT’S YOUR CHILD

friend ;))))

simp sirius part i lost count

remussssss <333

now both are just simping huh

being reading besties with remus is all i want in life

reading with sirius would be so chaotic oh god

attention starved is sirius’ only mood

AHHHHH PLAYING WITH HIS HAIR I AM SGKSGTSSGSLU

oh god i loved it!!

my favourite lines:

She’s been briefed on what his home life is like, too, and who he has to put up with. And since she was a young girl, Pomona has been determined to give everyone a fair chance.

→ i teared up a bit

“I was prohibited,” he says, pressing a scandalized hand to his chest. “Remus did it for me over break, while my brother played nurse.”

“And for the record,” he adds, “Remus was very strict with my cleaning regimen, so I did not get any infections if that’s what you’ve been contemplating.”

→ this is canon

"Feed her, Seymour," you say, and Sirius whips his head towards you.

→ the impact this line had on me is astronomical

“I’ve realized we’re co-parenting a Mandrake,” he starts, “and I feel as though I should at least know a little something about the mother of my child.” You raise your eyebrows at him. “You know, to ensure that they don’t grow up lacking proper guardianship.”

“First, you don’t want to be friends, and now, you want our child to be one of divorce.”

“Sirius, we haven’t even been married.”

He presses his forehead against the stone next to you, and you turn to look at him. “I’m pretty sure there are a good bit of people who’ve been married and know less about each other than we do,” he says. 

→ this whole part had me screaming

“I don’t come to class one day, and you’ve made a new friend? Why couldn’t you have made a new one any other day? I think I need some time off. Maybe even early retirement.” 

“It’s rude to abuse the wounded.” 

→ remus is my baby, i love him

“You say that as if I won’t do it.”

James sits up, but only enough so that he may rearrange himself into a poorly structured child’s pose. “Stop being such fucking tease and do it then, babe.”

→ is this queerness i smell

“See? Look at this fucker. My child.” Sirius gestures dramatically at the potted plant. Remus leans up against one of the tables, only slightly amused, much more out of breath. 

→ a plus parenting sirius

“You whined about me making new friends,” Sirius says, “so that I’d leave you alone, and now you’ve taken it upon yourself to steal said friend from me?” 

→ dkjsksgl

“I want you to play with my hair,” Sirius says.  

→ deceased, dead, i died

final review:

this was so so good omg!! the pining, the flirting, the co-parenting??? i loved everything about this you have no idea. i may not be the biggest marauders stan to ever exist and i’m more of a moony type of person, but i love pads so much <333 he is baby <333 i also have to say that this did not read like a 5k fic, i was genuinely surprised how quickly this was over.

→ to my event post!

#— the garden celebration #— sylvia 🪐 #sirius x reader

[bokunosimpfiction]

Yandere!Karl Heisenberg x Reader

Synopsis: Heisenberg kidnaps the reader. And she’s pissed about it. And so is he. Turns out there’s a lot more to it than it seems, tw: kidnapping I’m not tagging for violence because it’s less graphic than even the mild stuff in canon. Like reader gets a concussion and a dislocated arm, that’s it.

A/N: first time ever writing for Resident Evil. I haven’t even played the games, only watched a play-through and immediately fell in love with this hobo. Honestly, there’s a lot of room to make a sequel or some more from this but I have commitment issues and it probably won’t happen.

Oh and one last thing! Do you think I should add resident evil: village to my fandoms I write for or no. Let me know please!

             It’s dark in your small cottage, claustrophobic with the way you stumble to the front door as fast as you can. You try to take deep breaths, but you can’t, not with someone chasing you. You cut through the kitchen, and when he reaches out to grab you, you slam the door to a cabinet as hard as you can. You can hear his pained yell.

             “Don’t make this harder than it has to be, (y/n),” he says.

             “I’ll make it as hard as I damn please!” You put your hand on the handle to the front door, twist and right before you manage to open it, a body slams into yours and you hear your arm pop. Loudly. And it burns at the elbow like someone poured gasoline on it and set it on fire.

             You can hear his heavy breathing and feel the warm air on the crown of your head. “You put up a good fight, I’ll give you that much.” He presses his body further into yours, and you feel everything. The toned muscle under a layer of fat, the harsh fabric of his shirt and jacket, and the bulge that presses into the small of your back.

             “You’re so small,” he coos, like he’s talking to a dog, “I can’t wait to break you.”

             You manage to wiggle one arm free and jab him in the side as hard as you can with your elbow. You hear him say oof under his breath, and you take this as the opportunity to press your foot into the door and push back into him as hard as you can, to at least get him to stumble back.

             It doesn’t work, he just leans his whole-body weight on you and uses one hand to smash your head into the door. He could have done it harder, you reckon, but it still hurts like a mother fucker. “Shut the fuck up before I do something I regret.”

             “Like you don’t already regret breaking into my house and trying to kidnap me? Like you don’t regret slamming me into my door and dislocating my elbow? What are you going to do to me that you’ll regret? Huh?”

             He looks down at you through those yellow glasses of his, light from the glass peephole reflecting off of them but his hat shading the rest of his face. “I said shut the fuck up!” He presses your head even further into the door, and your temple digs into the frame. It hurts, and your eyes water from the pain.

             “Who even are you?!” You end up shouting. His grip loosens a little bit, just enough for you to move your head off the door frame and onto the actual door. “I’ve never met you in my goddamn life and you break into my house, say you love me, and try to kidnap me!”

             Something in him breaks, you can tell, the outline of his features look crestfallen. “You don’t know who I am?”

             “No… I don’t. And here you are in my house, chasing me around like I’m some goddamn animal you’re hunting.” Your eyes water. “I know you don’t mean a damn word you said this entire time.”

             “Shut your goddamn trap woman!” His grip on your hair tightens. “I love you and we both know it; I know everything about you.”

             “So, you’re a stalker? Huh, didn’t think I was pretty enough to have one.”

             “I knew you had a mouth on you, and it was attractive till it was pointed in my direction.” His voice is low and gravelly at this point, like a thin string that’s pulled taut and about to snap.

             “Well get used to it you fu-” You don’t get to finish your sentence, because a piece of metal from his hammer slams you hard in the face, knocking you out cold.

             When you wake up, it’s hard to open your eyes. It’s too bright and the room is spinning when you move your head up. That must be one hell of a bump on your forehead. You go to feel it, only to find you hands chained up to a metal pipe on the wall. Your feet are too, but that chain is a lot slacker.

             You’re lying down on the floor, a cheap scratchy blanket separating you from rough, worn down cement. It’s still hard and cold, but it didn’t scratch up your skin, so that’s something to be grateful for. You look around the room, only to find an old tv, that’s on, and playing static. That’s what was so bright, you realize.

             Suddenly the noise from the t.v. stops, and you hear a voice. It’s still sounds like static, but it’s audible enough to understand the words and recognize the voice. It’s the same guy who kidnapped you. You don’t really process what he’s saying, it’s just noise to you, and you close your eyes and curl up as best as you can. Maybe you’ll wake up, and everything will be okay.

             “Quit ignoring me girlie.”

             You snap out of your daydreaming. The days of that warm bed and leaky bathroom faucet are over, and this cruel situation is your reality for the time being.

             “Okay. Okay. But just quiet down my head hurts.”

             “I’d be sorry, but you brought that upon yourself,” he says.

             You can’t help but be snarky, you’re tired and already sick of this shit. “I’m sorry you don’t have the self-control to not kidnap people and knock them unconscious via flying pieces of metal.”

             “Touché.” You hear back.

             “Can you at least get me some Tylenol for my head or something.”

             “Why should I? After all the attitude you’ve given me, I should just leave you in there to starve.” Looks like he knows how to be snarky too.

             “Because you were the one who hit me in the head and locked me in here?”

             “Apologize and I’ll consider it.”

             You go back to your curled up position. “I guess I’ll just starve down here then.”

             The t.v. cuts off again, or you just tune him out, just run your hands along the chains to try and find a lock. You find the one attached to your left ankle and begin to plot your escape. Maybe you could pick the lock with a bobby pin? You run your hands through your hair, not only to find that it was down, but all of them were removed.

             You run your hands down your pajama pants. Maybe you have something in your pockets? They also turn up empty.

               “Are you looking for something to pick the lock with?” You hear from the t.v. You turn back to look at it, only to see his face. He’s not wearing his glasses, and he’s taken off his worn-out bucket hat, so you can see his untamed salt and pepper hair. “I took the liberty of searching your person while you were knocked out. I highly doubt you’ll find something to pick the lock with.”

             “You’re an asshole, you know that.” You find yourself saying. To be fair, you probably shouldn’t, considering that he: is holding you hostage, threatening to leave you to starve, and is clearly a psychopath, despite his claims that he loves you.

             “Calm down, you know it makes me upset to see you mad.”

             You can’t help but raise your voice at him. “Quit fucking taunting me! You won this stupid ass game. You kidnapped me! You can come down here and kill me now!”

             “You think I wanna kill you?” He asks, you can tell he’s just as furious as you are. He chuckles lightly. “You know I love you. I did this for your own good! There are people out there. People who want to taint you and your innocence! People who want to hurt you!”

             “I can handle myself just fine! I had before your psycho ass came along and kidnapped me!” Your furious, desperately searching for a weak point on the pipe with your hands while you yell at the t.v.

             “And what would have happened if I didn’t?” He asks you, “lady supersized bitch in the castle would have gotten to you first… I can’t have that.”

             “I’m sorry who?” You ask. Suddenly things have gotten more confusing.

             “I’m not the only one who’s after you,” he clarifies. “You think I’m the one who’s a psychopath, there’s a woman out there who wants to drink your blood and eat your flesh! And monster that wants to drown you and swallow you whole-”

             “Slow down! I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about!”

             “Don’t interrupt me! I want what’s best for you!” You can hear him take a deep breath. “I’m going to bring you upstairs and explain everything. And you’re going to behave, am I clear?”

             You just nod your head.

             “Good. Now stop trying to find a weak point on that pipe to get loose before I get down there. It has carbon monoxide in there, you’ll poison yourself before you get to that door.”

             You immediately stop twisting the connector and drop your hands to your sides.

             “Good girl…” His praise makes you want to vomit. “Now stay still while I come get you.”

             When he comes down and opens that iron door and unceremoniously tosses you over his shoulder, you can’t help but comment on it. “Am I a bag of potatoes to you?”

             “Don’t complain, I could be like that Dimitrescu bitch and turn you into wine.”

             You shut up immediately and grasp the back of his coat for balance. You don’t know why, but his empty threats scare you immensely. You watch the hallways blur into one another, trying to see if you can find a window, or an escape rout of some sort, hell, even a vent he couldn’t fit in but you could would work well.

             He smacks your thigh. Not hard, but enough for a slight sting and to get your attention. “We’re in the center of the factory, there’s no need for you to be tracking an escape route, especially because you won’t be leaving any time soon.”

             Eventually, you end up in a small office like space, with a desk, a cork board with several pictures of people on it, and a large grate that leads to a tunnel downwards. He pulls the metal chair out of the corner with his powers and places you in the chair. “Stay.”

             “So…” He turns towards the cork board. “Since your out of town, I’ll explain the run-down-“

             “I don’t really care for the details.” You stand up from the chair and go to walk towards him, but he crosses the room in a second and slams you back down.

             “I told you to stay in that goddamn chair!” He opens his mouth to explain but a whirring noise starts out of nowhere. It’s loud, obnoxious, and coming from the vent. He opens it. “Shut your goddamn trap!”

             “Anyhow, (Y/N),” he starts, “the other three lords decided that they’re interested in you, for whatever their reasons are. I’m assuming they want to kill you.”

             “That’s a veeeeeery extreme assumption.” You roll your eyes, and prop your head on your hands.

             “Well two of them are well know for turning people into dolls and drinking their blood,” he says casually, “it’s only a fair assumption they want to do the same with you.”

             “I’m sorry they what?”

             He turns to you, surprised for a moment that you don’t know what he’s talking about. “Super-sized bitch over here,” a sharp piece of metal lands on the photo of a pale, middle aged woman with bold red lipstick and a black hat, “is one of the other three lords, known for drinking the blood of girls like yourself. Wouldn’t suggest meeting her, she’s not that pleasant.”

             “Known for?”

             “Sort of, most of the towns people don’t know,” he turns to you and leans on the table by the cork board, “they’re too busy worshipping Mother Miranda.”

             “I’ve heard her name before,” you say, “doesn’t she protect the town?”

             You can sense the anger you caused before you can take it back.

             “That Miranda bitch doesn’t protect anybody from shit. She’s the one causing all the issues, kidnapping people and mutating them, killing them and throwing their lives away like table scraps.” You slams his hand on the table and you visibly flinch. He quickly apologizes.

             “You keep mentioning ‘the other three lords’ how many are there, and who’s the one your excluding in that statement?” You question as soon as you get the chance. He’s talking, loudly, quickly and it’s filling up the space in the room with an anxious sort of white noise.

             “Pardon me,” he says, and waltzes over, almost over-dramatically. He brings your hand to his lips and places a light kiss. You can feel his stubble and chapped lips on the top of your hand. He desperately needs to use chap-stick. “I’m Heisenberg, one of the four lords, but you can call me Karl.”

             “Okay… Karl.” You test the name out on your tongue. “What are you going to do with me, now that I’m here?”

             He gets down on one knee in front of you, still holding your hand. “Oh (Y/N), I’m going to treat you how you deserve, like a princess.”

#resident evil #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #karl heisenberg #karl heisenberg x reader #yandere karl heisenberg #yandere heisenberg #heisenberg x reader #yandere karl heisenberg x reader #tw: kidnapping

[obstructedantiquity]

>HADEAN: jerk the chain.

Featuring @rebatrolls‘ Hadean. A few weeks after their first messages, Hadean gets a hold of Riccin to rattle the cage further.

Things don’t go as planned.

[07:02] -- invertedDissident [ID] began pestering obstructedAntiquity [OA] at 19:02 --

[07:04] ID: isn't this the lowblood playing clown.

[07:05] OA: wELL, SHIT, LOOK WHO CAME CRAWLING OUT OF THE BUSHEs. :o) [07:05] ID: desert actually, not bushes. [07:05] OA: cAN'T SAY I RIGHTLY RECALL WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE, BUT GLAD TO SEE I LEFT A GODDAMN IMPRESSIOn. [07:05] ID: and less crawling and more confident striding. [07:06] OA: rEALLy. [07:06] OA: cONFIDENT STRIDINg. [07:06] ID: i confidently stride everywhere. [07:06] ID: it's the best mode fo transportation. [07:07] OA: ha. [07:08] OA: fUCK YOU, I CAN'T EVEN MUSTER UP AN ARGUMENT AGAINST THAt. [07:08] ID: =:P [07:08] ID: man don't even remember me and you want to fuck. [07:08] ID: buy me dinner first. [07:10] OA: wELL, SHIT, AREN'T YOU JUST FORWARD AS A GODDAMN TRUCk. :o) [07:10] ID: a man has needs. one of those needs is food. [07:10] OA: aND HERE I THOUGHT MAROONS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MEEK AND SHIt? [07:10] ID: preferably an all you can eat buffet. [07:11] ID: i don't know what maroons you talk to but i'm not one of them. [07:12] OA: oBVIOUSLY. MOST OF THE ONES I TALK TO AREN'T SELLING THEMSELVES FOR A GODDAMN BURGEr. [07:12] ID: i said all you can eat buffet, clear out those ears chucklefuck. [07:13] OA: bROTHER, YOUR FACE AIN'T PRETTY ENOUGH FOR A BUFFEt. ;o1 [07:14] ID: bitch my face could buy the whole fucking restaurant. [07:14] OA: tHAT A PART OF YOUR CONFIDENT STRIDING SHIt? [07:15] OA: lIES AND SLANDER? TSK, TSk. [07:15] ID: look at my words striding all over your attempts to put me down. it's okay, i know you only hate me cause you ain't me. [07:16] OA: ... wAIT, SHIT, WHICH ONE ARE YOU AGAIN, ANYWAY? BECAUSE I GOTTA ADMIT, USUALLY I DON'T PAL AROUND WITH SQUARESELLERs. [07:16] ID: i'm the one you usually have to turn your screen upside down to read my messages. [07:16] ID: and the only thing i sell is asskickings. [07:17] OA: oH, SHIT, YOU. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR QUIRK? YOU GET LAZy? >:o1 [07:18] ID: no, i broke it and if you think i'm nerd enough to know how to fix it, congrats. you're fucking wrong. [07:18] ID: come get your wrong prize. [07:18] ID: it's my knuckles. in your nose. [07:19] OA: wHAT, AM I SUPPOSED TO LEAN DOWN SO YOUR SHORTSTACK ASS CAN HIT Me? [07:19] OA: bECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THAT'S HAPPENINg. :o) [07:19] OA: hOW THE FUCK DO YOU BREAK A QUIRk? [07:19] OA: jUST FLIP YOUR SCREEN OVER AND START TYPINg. [07:20] ID: ...wow you're pretty stupid aren't you. [07:20] ID: too many clowns hitting you in the head i'm sure. [07:20] ID: i mean. they don't need you smart i guess. just able to use your psionics. [07:21] ID: maybe beating the brains out of you is part of the training. [07:21] OA: tSK, TSK. YOU WERE ALMOST FUCKING ENTERTAINING FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN YOU HAD TO GO AND GET DROLL ON Me. [07:21] OA: tRY SOME NEW MATERIAL, FUCKEr. [07:21] OA: tHAT SHIT'S OVERPLAYEd. [07:22] ID: i mean, some trolls would wonder why it is that most trolls pick at it. almost like. gasp. it's fucking weird. [07:22] ID: but sure, i can go back to assuring you i can build myself a psionic ladder to scale mount fuckmouth and pop you one if you want. [07:24] OA: bIG WORDS FOR THE ONE TRYING TO SELL HIMSELF FOR A GODDAMN BUFFET, Oh... [07:24] OA: tEN MINUTES AGo. :o) [07:24] ID: i can pop you one and fuck you for a buffet. [07:24] ID: it's part of the fucking me package. [07:24] OA: aND SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOUR CHURCH JIBES ARE AS BORING AS YOUR FACe. [07:24] OA: ha. [07:24] OA: sORRY, I DON'T PAY FOR THAT SHIt. [07:25] ID: oh, so you don't get any action then. [07:25] OA: bUT HELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M ALL ABOUT THIS LOWBLOOD SOLIDARITY NOISE. YOU -- [07:25] OA: fUCK OFF, I GET PLENTY OF ACTIOn. [07:25] ID: uh-huh. [07:25] ID: your own hands don't count. [07:25] ID: neither does silicone. [07:25] ID: or cucumbers, whatever you use. [07:26] ID: i'm not judging. [07:26] OA: wHAT THE FUCk. [07:26] ID: (i totally am.) [07:26] OA: i'M JUDGIN- OH MY GOd. [07:26] ID: what? cucumbers don't do it for you? [07:26] ID: squashes maybe? [07:26] ID: dirty dirty~ [07:27] OA: yOU WANT TO SHIT-TALK ME ABOUT CLOWNS, AND HERE YOU ARE, WAXING ALL SHADES OF FLUSH OVER GODDAMN PRODUCE? TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT SORT OF VEGETABLES GOT HOLES ENOUGH TO FUCk? [07:28] OA: bROTHER, I AM FUCKING JUDGINg. [07:28] ID: i'm just saying that you fucking the produce section does not count as action. [07:28] ID: sorry not sorry. [07:28] OA: i DO NOT FUCK THE PRODUCE SECTION, OH MY GOd. [07:28] ID: uh-huh. [07:28] ID: the produce section fucks you then? [07:29] OA: ... [07:29] ID: you naughty little flora fucker. [07:30] OA: cONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE GOT ME FUCKING THROWN. HOLY SHIt. [07:30] ID: sorry i let the meowbeast out of the bag on you. [07:31] OA: tHIS HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST FUCKED UP PITCH-FLIRTING I HAVE EVER FUCKING SEEN. IS THIS HOW YOU NON-CHURCH FUCKERS DO IT? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO JUST CRACKING SOME IDIOT'S SKULL AND PRESENTING IT ON A PLATTEr? [07:31] ID: ...so does that mean you want me to split a pumpkin open and present it to you? [07:31] OA: oR, SHIT, WRITING A GODDAMN POEM, IF YOU'RE FUCKING ORPHEo? [07:31] OA: oH MY GOd. [07:32] OA: i AM LIFTING MY HANDS OFF OF THIS FUCKING KEYBOARd. [07:32] OA: aND I AM GOING TO WASH THEm. [07:32] ID: roses are red, [07:32] ID: violets are blue, [07:32] ID: i'm bad at rhymes, [07:32] OA: aND THEN I'M GOING TO WASH MY GODDAMN PAN, BEFORE YOU RUIN A - No. [07:32] ID: you fuck produce. [07:32] OA: oH, FUCK YOu. [07:32] ID: do i need to wear a carrot costume? [07:33] OA: >:o( [07:33] ID: =:) [07:33] ID: gotta beet that meat. [07:33] ID: get it. [07:33] ID: beet. instead of beat. [07:38] OA: sEE, THIS IS THE POINT I'D KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO YOUR GODDAMN SKULL, AND SEE IF WE CAN'T FIND SOME GOOD FUCKING TASTE, TOO. BECAUSE LET ME ILLUMINATE YOU ON SOME SWEET TRUTHS, BROTHER: YOU AIN'T EVEN SURE IF I GOT A KISMESIS, AND YET HERE YOU ARE, THROWING YOURSELF AROUND LIKE SOME SORT OF GODDAMN FOOL FOR A HINT OF IRe. [07:38] OA: bUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE AFTER, AND NAh. [07:39] ID: i mean. if you have a kismesis they only have a shelf life of a few nights. [07:39] ID: unless you keep them in the fridge. [07:39] OA: ... wHAt. [07:39] ID: before they spoil. [07:39] ID: don't pail spoiled vegetables. [07:40] OA: hOLY SHIT, ARE YOU INTO FUCKING CADAVERS AND VEGETABLES? BECAUSE THAT'S SOME NASTY SHIt. [07:40] ID: don't project your fantasies on to me. [07:41] OA: hA. EMPRESS ABOVe. [07:42] ID: i mean. i'd prefer empress below. sealed in cement or something. [07:44] OA: yOU KNOW WHAT? IF PICTURING ME RUINING SOME PERFECTLY GOOD PRODUCE IS WHAT WORKS FOR YOU, WHO THE FUCK AM I TO PROTEST? I'LL CONSIDER IT MY GOOD GODDAMN DEED FOR THE SWEEP. GET SOME RIGHTEOUSNESS ALL UP IN MY PAN, EXPRESS ALL OF THE GOOD FEELS OUT OF MY VICTORYGLANDS, PAT MYSELF ON THE GODDAMN BACK FOR HELPING OUT SOME POOR, DEPRAVED RUSTBUCKET CULTIVATE SOME SWEET-ASS DREAMs. :o) [07:44] OA: aND FOR FUCK'S SAKe. [07:44] OA: yOU ARE THE EDGIEST LITTLE THING I HAVE EVER FUCKING SEEn. [07:44] ID: that's me. [07:45] OA: hA. AND WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THAT''S GONNA GET YOu? :o) [07:45] OA: nOT IN MY COON. SORRy. [07:46] ID: i mean. probably about as far as being on the opposite end of the spectrum really. [07:46] OA: cAN'T MAKE ROOM AROUND THIS VERITABLE FUCKING GARDEN I'VE GOT CRAMMED IN HERe. [07:46] OA: wHAt. [07:46] ID: do you want me to be the meek little rustblood. [07:46] ID: would that help you get off better. [07:46] ID: p-please mister or missus scary yellowclown, be gentle~ uwu~ [07:47] OA: wELL, I JUST LEARNED ENTIRELY TOO GODDAMN MUCH ABOUT your TASTE IN VIDEO. HOLY SHIt. :o) [07:47] ID: videos cost money i don't have. [07:49] ID: sorry we can't all be yellowbloods who obviously have a whole video library to watch. [07:49] OA: dON'T HAVE MONEY FOR VIDEOs. [07:49] OA: dON'T HAVE MONEY FOR FOOd. [07:49] OA: wHAT THE FUCK, WHY ARE YOU SO GODDAMN DEPRESSINg? [07:50] ID: i'm sorry my poorness depresses you. [07:50] ID: let me help. [07:50] ID: i'm currently living in a tent. [07:50] ID: my dinner tonight will be a mostly flattened squirrel my lusus stomped on. [07:50] ID: i will probably stab my tongue 20 times on splinters of bone. [07:51] ID: but hey, my psionics will make it so even though i feel like i'm starving, i actually won't. [07:51] ID: =:) [07:51] OA: oH MY GOd. [07:51] OA: wHAT THE FUCk. [07:51] ID: you're welcome. [07:52] OA: oH, GO FUCK YOURSELf. [07:52] ID: nah, waste of calories. [07:52] ID: and water probably. [07:52] ID: genetics has a lot of water in it right. [07:53] OA: tHAT HAS TO BE THE MOST TRANSPARENT GODDAMN PLOY FOR SYMPATHY I HAVE EVER LAID MY FUCKING EYES ON, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT SHIT'S ABOUT WHAT YOU DESERVE, PROBABLY, ON ACCOUNT OF THE FACT YOU'RE A WORTHLESS GODDAMN HERETIC WITHOUT THE SENSE THE MOTHER GAVE EVEN THE MOST WRETCHED OF LIMEs - [07:53] OA: - bUT AIN'T A LUSUS ALIVE THAT DESERVES TO DEAL WITH THAT SHIt. [07:53] OA: wHAT THE FUCK'S YOUR NUMBER? I'LL WIRE YOU ENOUGH TO GET HIM A STABLE. SLEEP IN THE HAY, AIN'T LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY GOT PARASITEs. [07:54] ID: hear that antelopedad, hay is on the dinner list for both of us. [07:54] OA: yOU CAN'T EAT THE FUCKING HAy. [07:54] OA: dON'T EAT THE HAy. [07:54] ID: watch me. [07:55] OA: ... nO, YOU KNOW WHAT? PLEASE EAT THE HAY. STUFF YOUR ENTIRE GOB FULL OF THAT SHIT, AND TAKE A FUCKING VIDEO OF IT, SO I CAN POST THAT SHIT ON GRUBTUBe. :o) [07:55] ID: gonna eat all the hay in the stable. [07:55] OA: cONSIDER IT YOUR PAYMENt. [07:56] ID: man you flipflop more than i do. [07:56] ID: not sending any video though. [07:57] ID: gotta pay extra for this beauty. [07:58] OA: fLIPFLOP? PLEASe. [07:58] ID: or you could just send a few extra bucks and the location of the nearest cheap eatery. [07:59] OA: i HAVE NEVER CHANGED MY MIND IN MY WHOLE GODDAMN LIFe. [07:59] ID: you just did like. a minute ago. [07:59] OA: nAh. [07:59] OA: aND HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SEND YOU A LOCATION WHEN I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU'RE At? [07:59] OA: yOU'VE GOT A DEVICE. LOOK UP YOUR OWN FUCKING LOCATION, LAZY ASs. [08:00] ID: i don't like folks knowing where i'm at okay. =:I [08:01] OA: fINE. GET YOUR ASS DOWN TO PORT MINA, AND GO GET A SANDWICH AT THE EATERy. :o) [08:01] OA: tHAT'S THE CLOSEST TO me, FUCKEr. [08:02] OA: hAVE FUN IN THE HELLDESERt. [08:02] ID: i'm out of the helldesert actually, thanks. [08:02] ID: also don't go in to the helldesert. a lot less treasure than you'd think there'd be. [08:02] ID: but port mina, i can do that. [08:04] OA: tHAT'S BECAUSE THE TREASURE'S ALL ON THE ROAMING DEAD, FUCKEr. [08:04] OA: wHICH OUGHT TO SUIT YOU JUST FINe. [08:04] ID: i got the roaming part down at least. [08:04] OA: gOT FAUNA, GOT DEAD FOLKS THAT'LL HIT YOU - THAT'S HALF YOUR PAIL LIST RIGHT THERe. :o) [08:04] ID: so if i pail fauna and dead folks. and you claim i'm hitting on you. [08:05] ID: what does that make you. [08:05] OA: wELL, SHIt. [08:06] OA: yOU'VE UNCOVERED MY PLOY. I'M A FUCKING WALKER, AND GETTING YOU FODDER IS PART OF MY SICK PLAN TO FATTEN YOU UP, AND.. WHAT, EAT YOu? [08:06] OA: nAH, NEVER MIND, THAT'S FUCKING GROSs. [08:07] ID: i mean, if it makes you feel better that ploy wouldn't work anyways. [08:08] OA: gOOD TO SEE YOU'VE GOT SOME SENSe. :o) [08:08] ID: wish i could say the same for you. =:) [08:10] OA: wEAK, BROTHER, WEAK. IS THIS WHAT STARVATION DOES TO A MOTHERFUCKER? SETS THEM TO BEGGING, AND TAKES THE EDGE FROM THEIR WORDS? BECAUSE I AM PRETTY FUCKING CERTAIN YOU WERE MORE ENTERTAINING THE LAST ROUND WE HAd. ;o( [08:10] OA: oH WELL. MY BAD FOOR EXPECTING MORE FROM A LITTLE OL' RUSt. :) [08:10] OA: oH, GODDAMNIt. [08:10] OA: :o) [08:10] ID: hahahah. [08:10] ID: slipping there. [08:11] ID: and first oyu whine at me not to make fun of your chucklefuckedness, then you whine because i'm not as 'entertaining'. [08:12] OA: wHAT CAN I SAY, I'M CAPRICIOUs. [08:12] ID: you're flipfloppy you mean. [08:12] ID: never change your mind my ass. [08:14] ID: i mean, what. you want me to threaten you? i can come up there and carve you to pieces. cut all that empire-certified hardware out of you and leave a nice message behind to the clowns that are pulling your strings. [08:14] ID: that better? [08:15] OA: oH, BROTHER, BROTHEr. [08:16] OA: nAH, YOU WENT AND SPOILED IT WHEN YOU GOT ALL SLOE-EYED AND SAD, I'M SORRY TO FUCKING SAY. YOU CAN THREATEN AND POSTURE ALL YOU LIKE, AND ALL I'M SEEING IS SOME STICK I CAN COUNT THE RIBS OFF Of. [08:16] OA: aND LET ME TELL YOU: THAT'S JUST NOT VERY INTIMIDATINg. [08:16] OA: gO EAT A SANDWICH, AND WE'LL SEE ABOUT THE ENTERTAINMENt. :o) [08:18] ID: even half starved i can kick your ass. =:I [08:20] OA: nOPe. [08:20] ID: definitely. =:| [08:20] OA: pOST PICTURES, BROTHER, BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU NOw: [08:20] OA: tHERE IS NOT A SINGLE DOUBT IN MY HEAD I COULD LIFT YOUR SCRAWNY ASS OVER IT WITH ONE HANd. [08:21] OA: sORRy. :o) [08:21] ID: go ahead and lift me, makes it easier to slice your head right off your shoulders. =:| [08:22] OA: hOT. BUT PASs. [08:24] -- invertedDissident [ID]  has sent picture fuckyouimnotscrawny.png -- [08:25] OA: ha. [08:26] OA: wHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YOUR HORNs? [08:26] ID: psionics bitch. =:I [08:26] ID: what, you're not so powerful your psionics make shit float all the time? [08:26] ID: pathetic. [08:31] OA: yEAH, THAT'S WHAT WE CALL IT. AND NOT THAT I'VE GOT SOME BASIC FUCKING CONTROL OVER MY PSI, SO I AIN'T FILLED WITH STATIc. [08:31] OA: pATHETIc. :o) [08:31] OA: yOU'RE STILL SCRAWNY AS FUCk. [08:31] ID: if i didn't have control i'd murder everything i touched. which is sounding pretty tempting right now. =:) [08:31] OA: sKINNY FAT IS NOT WHAT A FUCKING MUSCLE MAKES. SORRY TO BE THE BEARER OF SOME WICKED BAD NEWs. ;o( [08:32] ID: sorry i don't get tablescraps from the clowns like some trolls do. [08:32] OA: sCRAPS? PLEASE. I EAT AT THE TABLe. :o) [08:33] ID: also fuck off and send a picture back if you're so great. [08:33] ID: sure you do. it's cute they let you think you're important. [08:33] OA: wHAT, SO YOU CAN DIE OF FUCKING ENVY? START HAVING TO DELEGATE ALL THAT ENERGY YOU'RE WASTING ON SPITE AND IRE TOWARDS GROWING OUT THAT INCH YOU'RE CALLING A BRAId? [08:33] OA: tHAT WOULD BE unkind, AND HERE I AM, TRYING TO MAKE A GOOD FUCKING IMPRESSIOn. [08:34] ID: i'll give your face a good impression with my fist. [08:34] OA: jUST USE YOUR HORNS, MOTHERFUCKER, THEY'LL HAVE AN EASIER TIME REACHINg. ;o) [08:34] OA: fINE. SINCE YOU FUCKING INSISt. [08:35] -- obstructedAntiquity [OA]  has attached the file "selfie84.png" to the chat! -- [08:35] ID: first off. selfie 84. [08:35] ID: fucking narcissistic fuck aren't you. [08:36] ID: second off, the fuck are you even wearing. [08:36] OA: bROTHER, IT WOULD BE A GODDAMN SIN TO HIDE THIS FACE FROM THE PUBLIc. [08:36] OA: aND IT'S CLOTHEs. [08:36] OA: i KNOW YOU'RE BROKE, BUT TELL ME THE CONCEPT AIN'T NEw. :o) [08:36] ID: no one wants to see that stomach. did your clothes shrink in the wash. [08:37] ID: i hope someone strangles you with that braid. [08:37] OA: dON'T WORRy. [08:37] OA: yOU CAN GET ABS, TOO, IF YOU LEARN TO FUCKING LIFt. :o) [08:38] ID: bitch i'm a rustblood, putting abs on me is like putting windows on a submarine. [08:39] ID: can you move your ears on purpose. [08:42] OA: wORTH IT FOR THE VIEw? [08:42] OA: aND OF COURSE I CAN. WHAT, YOU CAN't? [08:42] OA: i KNOW THEY'RE STUMPY AS FUCk. [08:43] ID: no, someone will open it and then everyone drowns. [08:43] OA: ... wAIT, SHIt. [08:43] OA: dO YOU HAVE EARs? [08:43] ID: ... [08:43] OA: ... [08:43] ID: who the fuck doesn't have ears. [08:43] ID: do you know a lot of trolls without ears. [08:44] OA: sURE, IF THEY'RE MOUTHy. :o) [08:45] ID: if that was the case you'd have lost the dumbo ears sweeps ago. =:) [08:46] ID: looking at your stomach in this picture is making me want to hurl. ugh. [08:50] OA: hAHAHa. [08:50] OA: hERE, LET ME FUCKING HELp. [08:50] ID: no thanks. [08:51] -- obstructedAntiquity [OA]  has attached the file "EYESUPHERE.png" to this chat! -- [08:51] ID: did you change the name so i didn't know this was selfie number 233. [08:51] OA: dUh. [08:52] OA: wHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR ID, ANYWAY? OR ARE YOU PLANNING ON ME PRE-PAYING YOU A GODDAMN MEAL? BECAUSE, JUST SO YOU KNOW: TAYLOR'S AIN'T GOT HAy. [08:52] OA: aND YOU DON'T FEED LUSII FUCKING COFFEe. [08:52] ID: my lusus has eaten worse i'm sure. [08:54] OA: nAH. YOU MAY BE SOME SULKY RUSTBUCKET, BUT WHAT THE FUCK WRONG HAS YOUR LUSUS EVER DONE, BUT RAISE YOUR WORTHLESS ASs? [08:54] -- invertedDissident [ID]  has attached the file "deleteafteropeningyoushit.txt" to this chat! -- [08:54] OA: dESERVES MORE THAN SQUASHED FLAT RODENTS, AND - WHAT, YOU GONNA deck ME IF I DON't? :o) [08:55] ID: i'm gonna deck you regardless. =:| [08:56] ID: so unless you're going to keep paying me for the honors of speaking with me, purge my information. [08:56] OA: yOU OUGHT TO BE PAYING ME, MOTHERFUCKEr. [08:57] ID: with all the money you know i don't have? [08:57] OA: tHERE. SIXTY CAEGARS. KNOW THAT'S MUCH COIN THAN YOU'VE SEEN IN YOUR LIFE, BUT TRY NOT TO SPEND IT ALL AT ONCe. :o) [08:57] OA: aRE YOU SAYING YOU CAN'T MAKE MONEY? TSK, TSk. [08:57] ID: i make money by beating trolls up. want to be my next business? =:| [08:57] OA: lEAST THE MIRTHFUL TEACH OUR OWN HOW TO EARN A LIVINg. :o) [08:58] ID: fuck that. i don't work for anyone but myself. [08:59] OA: aND PASS. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, AND LEMME JUST SAY: BEING IMPRESSIVE IN THE RING DOESN'T MEAN SHIt. ;o( [09:00] OA: yOU DON'T WORK FOR YOURSELF, OR YOU'D HAVE CASh. [09:00] OA: oBVIOUS FUCKING LEe. [09:00] ID: i work pro bono for myself. [09:00] ID: what do you do for a living then, huh? [09:02] OA: wHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU DO, FIRSt. [09:02] ID: i told you i make money beating trolls up. [09:02] ID: what more do you want from me. [09:04] OA: hUh. [09:04] OA: dIDN'T REALISE YOU WERE SERIOUs. [09:04] ID: surprise. [09:04] OA: wELL, FUCK, A TRUTH FOR A TRUTh. [09:04] OA: i PLAY THE HARp. [09:04] ID: ...what. [09:05] ID: how do you make sixty caegars playing the harp. [09:05] OA: hahahahaha. [09:05] ID: are you naked? [09:05] OA: tHEY FUCKING WISh. [09:05] OA: nAH, YOU GOTTA PAY EXTRA FOR THAT. WAY EXTRa. ;o) [09:06] ID: but i'm not seeing that you /won't/ play the harp naked for a living. [09:06] OA: wHAT, YOU WOULDN'T? TALK ABOUT A GODDAMN EXPERIENCe. [09:06] OA: aND SIXTY CAEGARS IS WHAT PEOPLE PAY FOR ME TO EVEN SHOW UP, BROTHEr. :o) [09:07] ID: i mean i don't actually sell my body so. [09:07] ID: i think i'll stick to beating up trolls. [09:08] ID: lets me top up my psionic tank in a way that playing the harp wouldn't do for me. [09:08] OA: wHY DOES EVERYTHING GO BACK TO HOOKING WITH YOU? TSK, TSK. STARTING TO THINK YOU'RE HALF WAY SERIOUs. [09:09] ID: well i mean you're the one saying it'd be an experience to get paid to play naked. [09:21] OA: wHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH SELLING YOUR BOd? [09:21] OA: wAIT, FUCK IT, DON'T ANSWER. I GOTTA GET THIS CALl. [09:22] OA: yOU GOT YOUR CASH. GO GET YOUR LUSUS A FUCKING ROOm. :o)

[09:22] -- obstructedAntiquity [OA] ceased pestering invertedDissident [ID] at 21:22 --

[09:23] -- invertedDissident [ID] began pestering obstructedAntiquity [OA] at 21:23 --

[09:23] ID: =:I i'm not saying thanks. bite me, gonna eat a sandwich now.

[09:23] -- invertedDissident [ID] ceased pestering obstructedAntiquity [OA] at 21:23 --

#[chat]