#wow wasnt expecting jj lin to give me such vibes to continue this wip SOBS

[rindough]

tw. angst, enemies w/ benefits, uncertainties, uni au!, ok i think bladies quite ooc in here, not FULL ON proofread, yingxing used for his nickname, anyways sorry bladie qwq

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"i want to take us a step further."

"and i don't want to."

blade takes a breath, possibly too sharp in as he now feels the icy cold in the back of his throat. eyes shut at the growing headache of a situation, he reaches out to you, only for you to swat his hand away.

"you need to understand, ying xing." you furrow your eyebrows. you're not ready yet, or more like... you're scared to fall even harder for the man before you. "i don't plan to... i don't plan to become 'friendly' with you. i don't plan to go from whatever this is to a couple, no."

"we stay, and we will stay, as what we are currently." you emphasized, "i want to stay competitive with you. i want to fight with you, i want to compete with you. i need a driving force-"

"wouldn't that break us apart even further?" blade cuts in, "wouldn't what all we've done together, day or night, staying at each other's houses, spending time together... wouldn't it all be futile? wouldn't what we have become nothing?"

"i want to get close to you, y/n." he speaks, quietly this time. "you don't need competition to act as your driving force, i can be your driving force, we can be each others' driving force."

with no other choice, down towards the floor you looked. he was right, you don't need competition. but just... what if-

what if one day, you guys can no longer see each other eye to eye. the only reason why you're both seeing each other, eye to eye, hands at each other's neck, was due to your determination to secure that top spot. that top spot in your class, trying to maintain a steady as possible "No. 1 student" streak.

if it weren't for your 'accidental' one night stand,

two night stand,

three,

four,

five-

they're simply just 'what if's, right?

"i care about you, y/n, and you know you do too. why don't you see that? why must you set a distance between us?"

much to your dismay, he was right. what you are doing is setting you guys apart, but maybe it's all for the best. to save yourselves from heartache and... you don't want to lose the privilege of being beside him, to talk to him, feel him, kiss him

"i know what you're thinking y/n, but it isn't going to do us any favor." the tall man turns away from you, walking towards the window, his gaze resting on your reflection on the wet glass pane. words gather by the back of his throat, walking on this new road is going to be hard. but what is there to lose?

he doesn't get it, there' s only a semester left to your courses. and after this you're done.

do you... not want to see him anymore?

were your 'stay with me's and that look in your eyes all anything but real? or has he been studying and indulging in your ambiguous relationship too much that he had blinded himself with his own hallucinations?

maybe you aren't even on the same page as him, maybe... he's been heading forward alone all along.

his thoughts cut short when he feels that familiar warmth on his shoulder. peering at your shorter figure, his heart aches again that day at the way your thumb grazes his clothed skin.

"give me time to think, ying xing." you quietly said. "we'll settle this soon, focus on your test tomorrow, alright?"

"... okay."

it was a tough decision for you to make, after all, the both of you know full well how heavy both the rewards and consequences of love can be.

with that, he watches you leave him once again, your absence lingering along with his shadow back to his home.

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©  2024 rindough, do not repost or plagiarize.

#blade x reader #blade hsr #ying xing x reader #ying xing hsr #hsr x reader #blade angst #hsr angst #honkai star rail x reader #wow wasnt expecting jj lin to give me such vibes to continue this wip SOBS