#women who are giant weirdos my beloved

[synthville]

the thing is.

raffi isn’t half as strange or off-putting as she could be. given how she processes things and her vices she really should be so much more of an audacious eccentric obsessive schemer (love) and also just the biggest liar to ever do it. meddlesome as hell but it comes back to bite.

she’s got all the connects but also she’s been banned from multiple planets. it’s fine. she didn’t want to go back to any of them anyway. her access was revoked so why does she know so much about seemingly unconnected classified events and titbits. why don’t you. she happened upon that information. as one does. what’s with all the questions. smooth talks her way in and out of stupid situations daily because she can’t leave well enough alone and just has to get answers. she does not get her answers. rabbit holes that spawn labyrinths. whatever the futuristic version of a red string board is. rios breaking into her quarters because it’s been days and she’s replicated an alarming amount of wine but very little food and he hates the EMH but the nosey holo is right this cannot stand. she tries to be present because it was her idea to visit that one spa like planet in the first place but it’s physically impossible for her not to bring up whatever theory it is that’s plaguing her this time around. there’s something just outside her periphery and once she connects the dots she’ll let it go. really. the great pretender. an actual reckoning with her addiction and what’s at the root of it. why constantly numbing herself with various substances didn’t actually work. she can fool everyone but not herself. at least not well. all the fallout with people she loves that now want nothing to do with her (gabe?? hello that thread alone is so much) because of all the times she recklessly dismissed or used them for her own means all the while convincing herself it was about the big picture. being real with herself about the reality of starfleet and why she wants in so badly anyway. greater good huh. her tricked out encrypted tech because why accept bland federation equipment or adhere to legal limits when she can make things that much more fun with a little tweaking. that unassuming little trailer is fortified as fuck. eyescan fingerprint alphasymbolic code physical lock to even get past the front door. and obviously her tech self destructs upon intrusion this isn’t amateur hour. she might be living in a semi utopia but you still not about to catch her slipping. any and all conversations between cybernetist agnes jurati and intelligence officer raffaela musiker. rios needs them to stop making unauthorized changes to la sirena and cut it out with the emergency holo roundtables. everything to do with her and seven but twice the stubborn gay ridiculousness and entwinement. everyone is alive and well and in their rightful timelines. salivating. she’s barely putting in her weird girl hours and already people can’t take it imagine if they just leaned into making her a possessive obsessive little freak (positive!) and wrote/depicted everything with care? the layers. a hyper-competent-women-with-massive-issues-lover’s dream and the nasty bros and bigots who can’t fathom anyone other than a bland white guy as deserving of complexity or relevance would die on the spot amen. id EAT.

#raffi musiker #women who are giant weirdos my beloved #it’s not like she’s the first trek character with Personality but instead of #building an alter to her lmao #she’s rebuked #this world. it ain’t right… #thinking st jean luc was gon be anything but old man woes #very silly behaviour on my part😭 #but i couldn’t just not fall for raffi like that was never going to happen #she’s just. character of all time #this is the last time i get roped into a show riddled with unrealized potential (lying) #although whenever the show does climb out of jlps ass and remembers other characters need to be more than just ornamental #there are glimpses (some this season even) of how things could be if she was able to step into her power and it’s amazing lol #the moment for ultra forgiving self sacrificing black woman therapist friend has ended it’s time for arrogant freaks who are doing their be #& im not gon do it but making a series rewrite a passion project sounds like a GREAT way to tickle my crazy #lasirenas #.rfi

[mordellestories]

The Babes with the Power

A Beetlejuice/Labirynth crossover.

Drabble on Ao3 by mordelle

Summary: All Jareth wants to do is mope in peace, but he is faced with an unwanted guest. A certain poltergeist finds himself in the Fae Realm and needs to find a way into the Goblin King's good graces if there is to be any hope of finding his way back to his bride he unintentionally left at the altar. Can Betelgeuse con his way out this pickle? Not without finding some common ground with his Royal Glitterness, that's for sure. (AN: Rated M for language and handsy-ness. Post both films and utterly ridiculous.)

He was moping. Again. He had every right to his melancholic melodrama, thank you very much, because who wouldn’t curse their very existence after having been scorned by the person you had offered the very world to? True, their meeting was not supposed to take place until much later in Sarah’s life. She was a child for goodness sake! So immature. So whiny and predictable and he could not understand how she’d ever mature enough to catch his interest. Mortals grew older, but not necessarily wiser. However, she had said the words and he had to oblige. Those were the rules. And then it had happened. Somehow, she had gotten under his skin and he could see why his precious crystals had shown him they were fated to be together. Why had the gods hurried their meeting? Jareth was unsure. Perhaps it was to open his heart to her. Or maybe it was to curb her less than attractive, naive qualities. It hardly mattered now, the Goblin King had pledged his heart and soul to an ungrateful, spoiled, infuriating, beautiful, witty, powerful—

“WHERE THE FUCK AM I NOW?!” A grating voice blared and echoed in the unusually empty throne room.

Jareth snapped his head up to find a solitary figure wearing a grimy striped suit, smack in the middle of the large room, back facing him. The intruder growled and gesticulated wildly at the air right before whirling around. The unwanted guest suddenly rooted in place when he realized he was not alone.

“Oh! Didn’t see ya there, pal!” The dead man - yes, definitely a dead man - called out apologetically.

Jareth did have not the strength to bother with the lowly ghost so, he sighed and continued his lounging, dropping his head back to stare at the ceiling once more. He barely had the strength to talk to it but he wanted to be alone. “Begone, specter,” he muttered forlornly, “I do not have the patience to entertain the dead tonight.”

The striped ghoul frowned and looked at his surroundings once more. Furrowing his brow, he edged closer to the... man? “Hey, uh, I’d love nothin’ more than ta get outta that beautiful mane o’ yers, but uh... I don’t even know where I am.”

Jareth sighed and waved a hand before him, a crystal ball appeared at once. He peered deeply into its depths to gather information on the soul. “You’re in my castle. In the Goblin City beyond the Labyrinth... Betelgeuse.”

“Ah shit,” the poltergeist pinched the bridge of his nose to keep from imploding with rage. “I’m gonna kill ya, Juno. The fuckin’ fae plane?! Really?!” He shouted, knowing full well his former boss couldn’t hear him. Betelgeuse checked himself quickly and changed his tone. “ Your castle?” He asked with sudden hope. “So, you the... eh...” he wasn’t sure whether to say King or Queen so, he settled for the safest route, “ ruler of this joint?”

The King vanished his scrying tool, sat straighter on his throne, and looked the ghost in the eye. “Indeed. I don’t really care, mind you, but how is it that you’ve come to be here? I made no summons.”

Betelgeuse sighed with relief. A Fae Royal would have enough power to send him straight to Lydia’s side, pass go, collect two-hundred dollars, and shove it down the old bitch’s slit throat! Fairies were tricky little bastards, though. To make a deal with one could have dire consequences. His Fae lore might be a little rusty, but everyone knew they were tricksters by nature. Just plain old common knowledge. Good thing he was quite the con man, himself. However, this was a Royal, he had to be somewhat reasonable… right? Betelgeuse decided to be cautious and give him as few details as possible. The fairy had already divined his name. Hopefully, his Royal Glitter-ness didn’t know anything else about him. He sighed heavily and dramatically.

“Long story, buddy. Don’t really have time to tell it. I need to get back the mortal realm as soon as possible. I’ve been gone long enough already. Ya see,” he began as he placed a moldy hand to his heart and put his most pitiful face on, “I’ve been tragically separated from my beloved bride.” He dried an invisible tear and sniffed. “She’s probably worried sick about me, ya think, maybe ya can send me home? Get me outta here? I don’t got the juice to get me that far and—“

“How tragic ,” the King interrupted, playing along with the ghouls pathetic tale. “Well, my unfortunate friend, it appears you’ve dropped in at a most interesting time.” Jareth smiled most mischievously as he stood up and meandered past the ghost to a window. “You see, I too have been recently robbed of my future Bride.” Jareth glanced at his destroyed city below him while the Goblins went around in circles trying to make repairs. Of course, they were getting nowhere.

Betelgeuse inwardly screamed in victory. What were the chances that he had his own little sob story about a chick? This gave them common ground, which was perfect to help lower the King’s inhibitions. Swallowing his impulse to cackle, the poltergeist moseyed his way near the Fae King and peeked out the window. “What are the odds, huh?!” At the sight of the destruction below, he let out a loud whistle and clapped a hand on the taller man’s shoulder. “What, uh, what happened here?”

Jareth sent a warning, sideways glance to the offending hand on his person. The ghost had the good sense to remove it. “ She happened.” He said with a mixture of annoyance and sadness.

Betelgeuse couldn’t help but snort with amusement. “She wrecked you too, huh? Women! Man, if I tell ya what my little lady put me through, ya wouldn’t believe it. There’s a reason they’re Eve’s progeny, know what I mean?”

Jareth raised an eyebrow and turned to the sexist ghoul. “Why do you seek her out, then? Do wish to punish her?” He didn’t care really, but his curiosity was piqued.

Betelgeuse was taken aback by the odd and ominous question. He shuffled his feet uncomfortably and scratched at his mossy, stubbled chin.

“Punish? Nah.”

He waved the thought away. Not that he wasn’t going to have more than a few words with her when he got back though. A deal was a deal. The little backstabber needed to understand a few things about loyalty to one's husband, but no, he had no intention of hurting Lydia. She was just a kid, after all. A fact he was unaware of until Juno gave him the lecture of a millennium. It didn’t really bother him. She was just a key to his freedom, but being a standup guy that he was, he had every intention of making sure his new wife got all the husbandly attention she would ever need... when she was ready, of course. Happy wife, happy afterlife and all that. He figured it’d take some years to get into her good graces anyway. He did leave quite a shit storm behind.

“I’m just a regular ol’ Joe in love,” he lied like a pro. Although, there was serious potential to fall head over heels for the sweet, little goth. She was pretty and loved the strange and unusual, and there was no one in life or death who was stranger or more unusual than the Ghost With the Most. “Plus,” he continued, again bringing a hand to his chest, “I take my vows pretty seriously. What’s a man worth if he can’t keep his word, huh?”

“Indeed.” Jareth nodded in agreement. Intrigued, the Goblin King turned around and made his way to the barrels of Fairy Wine. He conjured two goblets and tossed one to his guest. “Let us drink to our fair ladies then, spirit!” He poured himself some wine as Betelgeuse walked over to him.

“Ah, not that I don’t appreciate the offer, but you’ll be wastin’ yer fine vintage on me. Can’t taste the stuff or get drunk. Part o’ the whole being dead thing.”

“Nonsense!” The King exuberated while he poured his guest a glass and held it out for him. “I insist.” There might have been a hint of warning in his tone. He did not like defiance.

Betelgeuse caught his drift and smirked. “Sure.” He took the goblet and waited for the guy’s next move.

Jareth smiled and held up his glass. “To love, however treacherous and ungrateful she may be.”

“Cheers ta that!” They clinked their goblets and drank. The moment the wine hit his lips, Betelgeuse’s eyes bugged out. “Holy Mother o’ Pearl!” He could taste its sickly, sweet bouquet, and not only that, he could feel it warming his essence. Betelgeuse started to chug.

Jareth’s genuine laugh rang out as he watched the ghoul finish the contents of his glass. Betelgeuse wiped his mouth with his sleeve and let out a belch that could rival a giant’s. “You’re welcome,” Jareth snickered and motioned for him to get a refill. “Have as much as your dead heart desires.”

“Don’t mind if I do, yer majesty!” It was a done deal, the tall weirdo was his new favorite person.

Jareth took his seat on his throne and eyed the ghost with interest. “So, Betelgeuse, your bride is mortal?”

After downing another glass with gusto, he hiccuped and poured himself another. “Oh, uh, yeah. Heh! I was hauntin’ her house, nothin’ personal, just business, ya know? And, uh, well, as soon as I saw her, I just knew she was special. Know what I mean?”

“I do, in fact.” He could tell the ghost was already feeling the effects of the wine when he wobbled for a moment and blinked in confusion. “Might want to slow down, old man.”

“Yeah.” He burped again and decided it might be best to sit. After all, he hadn’t gotten hammered since his living days and had no idea how this would affect him. He pulled up a chair near the King and sipped at his beverage. “Anyway, she asked me to do her a favor, huge favor by the way, and then…” he shook his head and suddenly burst into tears, “she hasn’t called! Not once!” He heaved and sobbed, then stopped suddenly, disgusted with himself. “Why th’ fuck amma cryin’?!”

“Because your drunk,” Jareth said simply with a tilt of his head.

“Damn! Thiz iz some shit!” He was chuckling again.

The King scowled. He could sympathize with the poor fool. “I too went out of my way to cater to my lady and she scorned me. I manipulated time, created a portal between our worlds--”

“Speakin’ o’ dat,” the drunk slurred and held up a finger, “wanna he-HIC-help a brother--”

“She left me for her mundane, mortal world.”

“Chicks.” Betelgeuse shook his head. “Kent unnerstand why anyone wou-would leave, uh…” He gave the fairy a once over and scrunched up his face in an attempt to come up with a compliment. “Sucha, uh, hair, like you, ya know?”

“A hair?” Jareth raised a brow questioningly.

“Heir! Ya know, heir of, like royalty n’ shit.” He thought it was a nice save considering his current inebriation.

“Ah, well, I suppose it couldn’t be helped.” Jareth sighed and stared into his goblet. “I pushed her away. Scared her off for her own good. Still hurts like hell though.” He took a swig.

“Wait. Whuuuut? Why’dya do that for?”

“Because she’s fifteen in mortal Earth years. Barely a woman yet.”

“What the hell ya doing messing with a kid?!” He conveniently forgot Lydia’s age at the moment.

Jareth’s eyes turned to daggers at the insinuation. “She and I are fated to mary in the future. I, however, did not seek her out. She came to me .”

It was like someone had slapped Betelgeuse in the face. What the fuck was this guy saying? Who the fuck was this fruitcake talking about? The stories were too similar from what he was hearing. Two powerful, supernatural beings both dumped by teenagers. Or… teenager? He pushed down his rage and tried to think logically, which was proving to be difficult. He needed to be careful, but he also needed answers.

“Heh, sorry there, your Highness. Don’t mind me… I guess I’m just… erm… projectin’. Yeah, that’s right. See..” he set his goblet down and hunched over, placing his forearms on his lap as if to tell him a secret. “I’m on the same boat.” He gave the King a wink.

Jareth narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “How so?”

“Well, I don’ wancha ta get the wrong idea or anythin’ but…” he paused for dramatic effect, “my mortal is fifteen too.”

All of Jareth’s former amusement vanished. “Is that so?” He took a casual sip from his glass.

Betelgeuse no longer kept up any pretenses. He could sense the tension rising between them as they stared each other down. It was time to get his answers. “Yeah. Poor kid. She wanted to be saved from her pitiful, boring life and come to the other side.”

Ever so slowly, the Goblin King set his goblet aside and sniffed loudly. “You remind me of the babe.” He said as he surmised the same thing Betelgeuse had thought.

There was no way in hell that he’d give up his freedom to Mister Buldge, yeah he saw it, no way he’d ever give up his babes. With a snarl, Betelgeuse shot to standing and jutted a finger in the fairy’s direction. “WHAT BABE?!”

Jareth stood quickly and braced himself for a fight. “The babe with the power!”

“What the…?” That threw him. “What power?”

“The power of voo--”

“What the fuck is her name ?!” The poltergeist had lost all patience.

“How do I know you won’t pretend she is another to save your hide?” He spat as he pointed his horse crop at the ghoul.

Betelgeuse threw his hands in the air in frustration, then came up with a solution. “Okay, how ‘bout this? We say her at the same time. Okay?”

“Fine.”

“Alright, one, two, three--”

“LYDIA” “SARAH” They yelled in unison.

There was a pregnant pause before Jareth’s laughter bounced off the walls. The threat extinguished, Betelgeuse relaxed and chortled.

“Well, well,” Jareth smiled, “what a pair we make. You’re quite amusing, poltergeist.” He magically refilled their goblets and beckoned Betelgeuse closer. “I’m glad to have you as my guest for as long as you’re staying.”

“Yeesh,” the ghost looked at his watches and grimaced. “Yeah, about that. I was hopin’ you’d open a portal fer me? Now that were pals?”

“Not possible.” He replied resolutely.

“Aw, c’mon, help a guy out!”

“I can only open a portal when someone wishes aloud for me to take a baby away.”

Betelgeuse blinked twice. “So, yer sayin’ that you… can’t leave… without being… summoned.”

“That’s correct.”

He was trapped. Again. “And, uh, how often would you say that happens?” He asked dryly, knowing the answer.

Jareth smiled wickedly as he wrapped an arm around him. “Let’s just say we’re going to be the best of bosom companions.”

“Fuck me,” Betelgeuse breathed.

“I’d be delighted,” the King murmured into his mossy ear with a leer.

Betelgeuse slowly turned his guarded gaze to his host to see if he was serious. He was serious. “I’m sortuva... ladies man, ta tell ya the truth,” he gruffed quietly.

“I see,” he replied, his smile never faltering. “Well, we have plenty of goblin women who I’m sure would be interested.”

The specter shuddered. He had seen what those goblins looked like when he peered out the window into the city. “No, er, humans, female fairies?”

“Afraid not, old chap.” He tightened his grip on his new favorite toy and gave him a suggestive wink. “We need to wait for our young brides to grow up anyway, and who knows how long it’ll take for us to leave this realm. You know what they say,” he gave the specter another lecherous grin, “time flies when you’re having fun.

Betelgeuse took stock of the feminine-looking male next to him and scratched his head. The flowing blonde hair, the makeup, the glitter… he ignored looking past his belt. Maybe with a little more wine…? Throwing his head back, the Ghost with the Most swallowed the entire contents on his goblet. His vision blurred some when he finally looked to his shimmery host again.

“Well-ah, like my dear ol’ mom always said… ‘a hole, is a hole, is a hole.’” He shrugged his shoulders. “Fuck it.”

Before he could regret his decision, he turned into his host swiftly, grabbed a handful of bulge and sighed. “Yep-ah. Definitely a dick.”

THE END.

Hey there! If you read and enjoyed this drabble, please consider leaving a kudos and comment on Ao3! 

#beetlejuice/jareth #two villains shooting the shit #evil bastards #lecherous fiends #beetlejuice/labyrinth #beetlejuice movie #Labyrinth #jareth #Beetlejuice #the ghost with the most #the goblin king #beetlejuice drabble #labyrinth fanfiction #beetlejuice fanfiction #labyrinth fan fiction #october stories #because I can

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #173: Threshold of Oblivion!

July, 1978

What the heck is up with Hercules’ shoes.

Oh also I guess Yellowjacket, Black Widow and Hercules are going to get kirby krackled? Maybe to death but considering the recent trend, its more likely that they’re going to get disappeared.

And though he has vanished, stern Vision is still with us in our hearts and also in the logo and in a picture in the background.

So last time: quite a bit of things. We’re in the middle of a saga so plot points are piling up. The Avengers met up with the future raccoon-less Guardians of the Galaxy who were afraid a cyborg named Korvac was going to kill Vance Astro when he was just a kid. So they’ve set up shop watching him. Meanwhile, Korvac has far grander plans like marrying a supermodel and chilling in short shorts in Forest Hills. He still killed but then resurrected Starhawk when the one who knows found him.

The Avengers have also been dealing with some disappearances. At first it was just people nobody would miss like Two-Gun Kid and Quicksilver but then beloved characters like Vision, Captain America, and Jocasta have vanished as well.

On top of all that nonsense Peter Henry Gyrich has taken away the Avengers priority status with the US government because of their shitty security. When it rains, it pours. And then it floods because you have consistently failed to plan for flooding in one-hundred and seventy-two issues of precipitation. Which is to say that in a large way the Avengers brought this on themselves and needed this kick in the ass.

But the most immediate threat is the vanishing Avengers so that’s where we start. With Iron Man assembling the best of the what’s left to try to figure this out.

And by best I mean the Whizzer, Captain Marvel, and Black Panther. Two out of three ain’t bad.

But more help is on the way. Black Widow and Hercules arrive in New York via commercial airline (did they not repair the Champscraft after Iron Man broke it?). Black Widow and Hercules are Avengers adjacent characters so were called in by Yellowjacket and the Wasp.

Hercules is being an ass, flirting with a crowd of admiring women instead of disembarking, so Black Widow demonstrates the leadership skills that put her in charge despite being the non-powered person on a team with Hercules, Ghost Rider, Angel, and Iceman.

She shoots Hercules in the head.

That’s her leadership style.

Hercules then shows why he’s not in charge of anything when he tears through the plane rather than go around the terminal and then smashes a helicopter when the pilot refuses to give them a ride since the Avengers priority status has been revoked.

That pilot is now destitute and will starve in the streets without his livelihood.

Anyway.

Hercules and Black Widow arrive at Avengers Mansion and join Iron Man’s round table from the opening splash page.

Iron Man still has no clue what technology might be behind the disappearances so he decides to work with SHIELD scientists to figure it- oh, nope.

Avengers are no longer authorized to contact SHIELD.

So Iron Man decides to do something perhaps a little sketchy and go over SHIELD’s head and contact Nick Fury directly using super secret emergency frequencies that he knows as Tony Stark.

But Nick Fury isn’t any help either (and Tony Stark is probably going to get an angry call in his future for sharing the frequencies (with himself)).

Nick Fury: “I don’t know how ya wormed this frequency outta Stark, Shellhead -- but it won’t do ya any good! As long as Agent Gyrich considers the Avengers a security risk, SHIELD is severin’ all ties! Nick Fury -- out!”

Dang.

Even Nick Fury won’t help them. And he’s as amoral and screw the rules as you can reasonably expect from the boss of an international spy organization. And this whole saga started off with them saving his satellite from a bigger satellite that was no threat to it.

No gratitude.

Anyway, in Forest Hills, Korvac spies on the Avengers.

Perhaps he’s bored.

Or rather, its part of an overall observation to make sure nobody is onto him, as he tells Carina when she comes in to offer him some cocoa.

And by the way, he turns her down. HE CAN JUST MANIFEST COCOA FROM NOTHINGNESS so screw your kind offer.

Kind of rude, Korvac.

Anyway, he also spies on the Guardians of the Galaxy, showing Karina through a kirby krackle viewing hole that they’re fully invested in guarding young Vance Astrovik with no thought to any other possible course of action.

Korvac: “And none even suspect that they are acting on my will, as one of the myriad adjustments I must make in the cosmos to prepare it for my... proprietorship!”

I also want to note that its an incredibly bad idea for Nikki Gold to hide in a tree. Her hair is made of fire and trees are flammable.

But back to spying.

There are others that Korvac must spy on who are slighly less oblivious than the Avengers and Guardians so Korvac tells Carina to gtfo because he needs all his manly concentration and with none of her womanly distractions. Presumably.

So she leaves to go to her bedroom and cries because of Korvac’s cold indifference. Or perhaps because she’s secretly a spy and must now betray Korvac’s trust.

But as she goes to do... something? all with the crackling of energies, she stops.

Carina: “No! I - I can’t do it! I can’t! Michael may be mad to think he’s a god, that he’s the rightful owner of the universe! But father help me -- i’m starting to believe him!”

It is perhaps my more modern sensibilities that has a problem with this. Korvac and Carina’s relationship has been almost entirely off-panel and in suggestion. One of the few times we’ve seen them relaxing together and he’s callously dismissive of her presence and her cocoa offer.

And yet their relationship and love for one another is a key facet of events going forward. So we have to take it on faith that these two love each other enough to motivate actions to come.

Even though Korvac is a typical example of emotionally unavailable take take take no give toxic masculinity.

So for this among other reasons, I will disagree with Korvac that he’s the rightful owner of the universe.

Mankind ills needs a savior such as him.

Anyway. I’m venting, somewhat. Hopefully this will make more sense to you later.

So. Korvac.

Using his PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER he reaches out and watches the unbeknowst Watcher, peeps on Odin and Zeus, and spies on Mephisto’s brunch.

And satisfied that those great powers remain unaware of his schemey plans, he checks on Eternity. The big space weirdo that is actually the entire universe. Because comics are weird and so are Stan Lee and Steve Ditko.

Korvac: “It is good! None yet guess that I even exist! But there still remains the most important entity to be observed! The celestial vastness of -- ETERNITY HIMSELF! Eternity! He who is the universe personified... within whom all the stuff of this reality exists. He’s so confident, so serene in his omnipotence! He would pay little heed to a mote such as I, even had I not shielded myself from his sight! But one day -- one day soon -- I will take what is rightfully mine!”

Korvac, you’re such an anime villain in so many ways. Scheming to usurp the universe and all...

However, with his senses outstretched or however you describe senses - like trying to hear harder? Senses are weird - Korvac feels something. A ripple in the cosmic fabric.

Coming from disturbingly nearby.

And he marches to Carina’s bedroom, slams the door open, and confronts her over her treachery.

But as he’s physically manhandling her, he looks into her eyes and sees only love.

Remember: this is a love story.

Of sorts.

Anyway, back to the titular characters and their problems.

Captain Marvel flies off from Avengers Mansion to scour the world with his cosmic senses.

And since there’s nothing that Black Widow and Hercules can actually do at the moment (not even using her spy connections? Geez, Natasha. Geez), they go off to get their luggage from the airport.

On their way to the airport, Natasha and Hercules have Real Talk which is probably more relevant to the Champions book.

Basically Hercules says that since mortals live only a wink in the eye of a god “‘tis of little import how long one lives -- how well is what really matters!”

Which makes Natasha realize a thing or two about how Hercules sees her.

Anyway, back at the mansion again, Whizzer declines to help. After the Count Nefaria fiasco where his Old Man Nihilism helped save the day, he’s realized that he’s too old for this line of work.

And Hawkeye is not an ass for once. Instead he uses his bouquet of flowers arrow to try to cheer Scarlet Witch up. But with Vision and Quicksilver among the missing, she’s feeling some young woman nihilism. A simple trick arrow won’t be cheering her up.

Although ‘simple’ is underselling it. How did he fit a bouquet of flowers in an arrow? WHAT ARROW SORCERY IS THIS?

I mean, he also invented anti-gravity to make an anti-gravity arrow that one time. Its possible that Hawkeye is actually a scientific genius who also happens to be a garbage fire. Or an actual arrow wizard. Who also happens to be a garbage fire.

Also, a Russian steamer slowly approaches New York carrying a weird old man who carves a doll of Scarlet Witch and is just reeking of foreshadowing. What is this guy’s deal? You’ll have to wait and see. Or just google it. Up to you.

Meanwhile Thor returns from one of his Thor trips. But weirdly he doesn’t recognize Wonder Man. Or remember the battles against Graviton or Count Nefaria.

Something weird is going on, Thor-wise. He doesn’t even accept half of Wonder Man’s sandwich.

Although the sandwich wasn’t cut in half before Wonder Man started eating it so its kind of a weird offer.

Meanwhile, in the Avengers laboratory. Yellowjacket is starting to feel like a character in an Agatha Christie novel. Perhaps like a giant bee alien that has been programmed to follow murder mysteries in times of stress.

The Avengers’ equipment isn’t sensitive enough to track the disappearances and none of the people they’ve reached out to have been willing to help them because of Peter Henry Gyrich taking away their priority status.

I have to wonder why they didn’t reach out to the Fantastic Four, honestly. Not even a call that ends with ‘sorry we have our own troubles.’ They just didn’t even try. Nor the X-Men nor the Defenders and their magic guy Mr. Weird.

Although in fairness, the Defenders are dicks. But why not the Fantastic Four?

Oh shared universe, sometimes you’re not so shared after all.

But Black Panther hits upon an obvious idea.

They’re in good with the Guardians of the Galaxy, right? And their Drydock space station is just hanging around not doing anything, right? With technology a thousand years in advance of the Avengers’? Why not just get in touch with them and get them to sort it out?

This idea is so good that Black Panther and Yellowjacket spontaneously cease to exist.

Or maybe they’ve been disappeared by the mysterious adversary.

And Scarlet Witch and Wonder Man were also taken, as Hawkeye and Thor run in to report.

Is it targeted? Or opportunistic?

Black Panther just came up with a good idea and Yellowjacket was about to put it into action when they were vanished. But nothing stops the non-disappeared members from just doing what Black Panther suggested.

And they do do that. Iron Man contacts Vance Astro aboard Drydock and he tells them that he has traced a radiation trail to an object three cubic meters in size orbiting Earth. Which Astro directly compares to the size of a phone box.

Curious and also more curious.

Was Doctor Who the villain all along?

Probably... probably...

Anyway, now that they know where has been causing this trouble, Iron Man asks Astro to teleport the Avengers to it.

He questions the sense of squeezing so many people into a phone box (he would have hated the 50s) but goes ahead and does it anyway.

Inside the bigger on the inside phone box shaped object with a function that allows it to go unnoticed, a chameleon circuit if you will, the mysterious shadowy foe from the end of last issue is gloating over his collection of Avengers in tubes.

Mysterious shadowy foe from the end of last issue: “It is fortunate that his attention was focused elsewhere. Otherwise, I would have been forced to continue acquiring Avengers in the same sporadic manner as before -- in order to avoid detection!”

We also see that in addition to the ones explicitly yoinked (Wonder Man, Yellowjacket, Scarlet Witch, Black Panther) the mysterious shadowy foe from the end of last issue also snagged Black Widow, Hercules, and Captain Marvel.

Geez. Letting them go off unsupervised really didn’t pay off.

Anyway, the four remaining Avengers (Iron Man, Thor, Hawkeye, and the Wasp) loudly announce their presence instead of trying to keep the element of surprise. And by that I mean it was all on Hawkeye.

But the mysterious shadowy foe from the end of last issue isn’t upset to see the Avengers storming his not-TARDIS. In fact, he’s thrilled

The Collector: “‘Cowering’? But my dear fellows, I’m absolutely delighted you’re here! After all, you’ve just saved me the considerable bother of fetching you! For I am -- THE COLLECTOR! And you, my hapless friends, have just completed my collection! Ah hah ha ha ha ha!”

Oh hey its this nerd again!

Good twist, good surprise villain! I love the Collector. Always with the attempted collecting of the Avengers for reasons. Always with being a huge nerd.

And this time he actually managed a scheme that wasn’t dumb. Instead of pretending to be Tom Fagan, he just kidnapped the Avengers with teleportation while invisibly hiding out in orbit in a not-TARDIS. And he would have and might still get away with it if it weren’t for that meddling Vance Astro!

Of course, this isn’t a typical the Collector story. Its part of the Korvac Saga and that leaves open the question of why. We have to assume that the distracted ‘he’ the Collector spoke of was Korvac and his inattentiveness scanning the great powers and yelling at his wife was what allowed the Collector to step up his kidnapping game.

But why? I guess we’ll find out

Next: Captured by the Collector!

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