#who knows how strongly people in Hell take race into account when everyone looks like a monster | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maxwell-grant · 3 years

Note

Cass wouldn’t even begrudingly tolerate [the Black Bat], because she’s even less lenient than Bruce on killing and far more willing to throw down.' - THANK YOU for remembering that.

Cass is my favorite Batfam member, the only one really that I have an active interest in reading about. I'd be incredibly ignorant to not bring bring up such a crucial aspect of her characterization. And even if I didn't personally care for her, well, last thing I'd want is to be another source of frustration for Cass fans. Lord knows there's enough of those to go around.

mousebrass also asked: On that note, how do you imagine a meeting between Cass and the Shadow going?

Fair warning: This one took me 6 hours to write, and it became a hell of a lot longer than I imagined. I liked Cass a lot, but I never quite realized I had this many feelings regarding her until I was tasked with writing this, and a lot of things clicked for me regarding my plans for The Shadow thanks to this ask. @mousebrass, thank you. I mean it. I think I may have found something here I've spent years looking for. Hope you enjoy the post.

I'm thankful that this scenario is only really taking place in a hypothetical fanon where both characters can get a fair shot, because I wouldn't trust DC with this premise. I don't trust DC with either of them as is.

There's a lot of ways that this crossover could go on about taking place naturally, initially because Cass is already connected to some of Batman's pulpier elements, due to her connections to Lady Shiva and the League of Assassins, and one could connect Cass to Myra Reldon (who really should just be race swapped if ever brought back so she can stand out as the cool character she is, without the yellowface gimmick holding her back). There's two things I think are crucial to making the most of this idea, and the first of which has to do with the subject of killing. I usually don't like to come up with hypothetical team-ups for The Shadow that focus too much on the fact that he kills, because it's far from the most significant aspect of his character to focus on, much of it is written from a wrong understanding of the character, and it never amounts to anything other than perfunctory. But here, not only is it completely unavoidable to discuss, here there is actually a very, very substantial grounding as to why this has to be such a big part of the story.

The first and foremost thing that's gotta be established to everyone reading that doesn't know already is this: Cassandra Cain, more so than Batman, more so than any other DCU hero, has a tolerance towards murder lower than zero, and this is completely non-negotiable. She will throw herself on the path of an assault rifle to stop men trying to kill her from accidentally killing each other. The defining moment of her incredibly grim backstory is that she was trained from birth to be the world's greatest murderer, and her first kill traumatized her so badly that she has pivoted as far away from that as possible. I stress a lot that the Shadow should not be written as the trigger-happy maniac comics made him into and that the pulp version killed mostly to defend himself and others, generally left criminals to the police if possible, offered plenty of second-chances, had stories dedicated to the rehabilitation of criminals and so on, but none of this would matter to Cass.

Cass has literally chosen suicide over the prospect of living with murder on her hands time and time again, and The Shadow kills. When he kills, he does so without remorse, with unshakeable certainty. He hates death, he doesn't want lives to be at risk in the first place. But people will die if he doesn't do anything, and what he can do, what he exists to do, is turn the tools of evil against evil, and murder is the oldest tool of evil there is. He doesn't kill because a war scarred him, he doesn't kill because he's got a demon in his soul, he doesn't kill because he's mentally off balance, he doesn't kill because he's evil or sadistic or arrogant or anything of the sort. He kills because the men he fights chose death when they sought to harm innocents and fire guns at him. He kills because he is Death itself.

Regardless of how compassionate he is or can be, regardless of the fact that he's motivated by a desire to protect people, regardless of how justified he is, he is still dropping corpses and laughing maniacally doing so. Cass's real arch-enemy isn't Shiva or David Cain, it's Death, it's the thing that she's fundamentally most opposed to. And guess what The Shadow gets compared to often enough? Literally the very first line of the very first book where we get to see him, this is how we are introduced to him:

So the premise here is that we are taking a character who is defined by her fundamental opposition to death with every fiber of her being, who understands death on a level no other human being does, who is traumatized and hard-wired to detest death at all costs and to choose suicide over it, and asking her to team up with The Grim Reaper.

Even if he received the most abject lesson conceivable on the sheer wrongness of murder, even if he does put down the guns around Cass out of respect for her, he cannot protect his agents and others if he cannot shoot or kill those who try to harm them, and the protection of the agents is absolutely non-negotiable and not at all something he's willing to fuck around with by trying out gadget kung fu superhero alternatives. The Shadow has chosen to throw his life away for their sake time and time again, and no matter how appaling or disgusting Cass finds his deeds, even if he concedes that she's right and should be right on all accounts and that he is fundamentally a monster who has no right to judge others, he would not concede on his mission and he would make it very clear she would have to put him down violently to stop him from protecting others this way, and death has not stopped him before.

And to be upfront in case there's anyone who doubts it, Cass would kick The Shadow's ass, if they had to fight. She is the strongest fighter in the DCU, she lives and breathes fighting and combat in a way no one else does. And The Shadow's not one of those characters who is supposed to be invincible and the best at everything all the time always, he can and does lose fights and scrapes to people far less adept at it than Cass. He's a great fighter, obviously, he hauls bigger men than him through doors and was disabling people with Vulcan neck pinches decades before Spock, and he would definitely have an edge in other areas, but he's out of his league here. Frankly, I don't see The Shadow raising a finger against Cass unless she's been brainwashed into killing people by bad writing. Not because she's a woman, that doesn't really stop him from dealing with evil. But because, for one, she's practically a child compared to him age-wise. Two, he'd obviously know beforehand of her capabilities and how futile it would be to fight or even provoke her. And three, the Shadow's whole thing is knowing. The Shadow Knows and all that. Knowing comes with understanding.

He'd understand very quickly that there is no way someone this young could grow so quickly into the world's greatest fighter without horrific treatment that no one should ever be subjected to. He'd see the movements too practiced and quick, the self-control, the strength and speed far beyond even the trained warriors he's seen, the places where she's been scarred and is good at covering it up. Assuming he doesn't already know about her life story, any meeting between the two would lead to him very quickly figuring out that there's something much deeper about her opposition to killing than just moral reservations, something deeper than Bruce's own gun trauma.

Denny O'Neil's 2nd Batman and Shadow story was about The Shadow secretly helping Bruce overcome gun trauma, and Bruce rejecting The Shadow's intentions to hand him a gun. And to make it clear, people tend to assume that The Shadow only helps people for utilitarian reasons, which is not true as I've tried to demonstrate many times now. I don't want to convey that he would want to help Cass overcome her trauma just so she could be more efficient or something, absolutely no, he'd help her because he helps people in any way he can. I think a story with The Shadow and Cass might involve a similar premise, The Shadow understanding that she has been traumatized very deeply by death and refuses to accept it on any terms, trying to help her overcome it, only to learn that she does not want to "learn" anything she doesn't already know, that she has weaponized her trauma into a source of strength, and wishes nothing more than to help others with it.

And here's where we get to the part that allows the two to be on less antagonistic terms, because one thing that also very strongly defines Cass, at least the Cass I like reading most, is her stubborn, almost desperate need to believe in the best of people, that people can and will change for the better. Like The Shadow, her strength too is knowing, it's perception, the things that she knows about people that words cannot convey. Just as there are many things The Shadow would grow to understand about her that others would not, there would be many things that The Shadow would not be able to conceal from her. Things that no one but her would figure out. Things that, despite her age and lack of experience compared to him, he would have to defer to her knowledge on, which reverses the usual dynamic The Shadow has with people. And perhaps one aspect of that reversal, it's that maybe it's she who winds up secretly manipulating The Shadow into overcoming a deeper issue.

Cass's perspective on killing is shaped not just through trauma, but from a painfully intimate understanding of not just what happens to someone at the time of death, but the cost of murder upon the human soul, the ways it warps people into things they never should have been. Killing is a deeply, deeply serious matter, much more so than fiction seems ever willing to go into. Of course we suspend disbelief for fiction, there's nothing wrong with that, but if a story starts asking questions, starts poking holes into fantasies, they should not be disregarded.

And so it begs a question: How has it affected The Shadow? Is he really as remorseless as he appears to be? Is the fact that he's only killing evil people really of that much use? What's the cost of living as someone who has to know so much about so much evil in so many hearts? Knowledge never comes without price, and knowing evil is his tagline. When he enlists Harry Vincent, he makes it very clear that he has lost lives as he has saved them. From when is that regret coming from? What lives did he lose then? Is he saving people by damning his soul or merely prolonging the inevitable by piling corpses on another end of the scale?

If there's a character that could meaningfully start bringing these questions forth, who could ever truly get The Shadow to stop and reveal things to the audience he never would otherwise, maybe Cass could be that character. A girl who was raised to be a monster, who is treated as a monster and an aberration in-universe (and even outside of it), and turned that into a strength she uses to help others, who cares about everyone and refuses to let others be dehumanized as she was. Who better to know what lurks in the Shadow's heart?

Sometimes when I get an ask, I bullshit my way through infodump walls of text until I can structure it into something vaguely resembling a point. And sometimes, and I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes I get a very, very clear word on my mind related to it before I start writing, that almost seems to be a beacon pointing where I need to get to, and I work my way into getting there. Once you sent me an ask about crossing over The Shadow with Cassandra Cain, the word that came to mind the very second was Language.

It's an interesting relation the two have with language. Language is of course a very substantial part of Cass's character, who does not process language and linguistic development the way most people do, and instead reads body language to the point of superpower. Many stories revolve around Cass's relation to the concept of language, the help she may require from others in getting around things beyond her upbringing, and ways in which she has mastered beyond anyone's scope. Though she is mute, language is her power, what makes her what she is, and she is someone that Batman freely admits could kick his ass if she ever felt like it.

For The Shadow, language is also his power. He speaks all languages and connects allies all over the world, he is an expert ventriloquist, he is able to project his voice beyond what's physically possible, he can imitate voices perfectly to the point of being able to conduct group conversations single-handedly well enough to fool even the people whose voices he's imitating, much of his presence and terror and manipulation are done through his voice, arguably the very reason he exists in the first place is entirely because a radio actor's voice performance was so good and captivating that it tricked people into thinking the character was a real star and not just a glorified narrator. The man you cannot see, but only hear, the perfect hero for radio. And then of course the laugh, which I have a whole separate post on and which, in many ways, acts as a substitute for language in the novels. He uses the laugh so often as a substitute for statements or words, even to himself, that it's pretty much his own personal language. And language is at the core of how he deals with people, as he knows the right language to use to manipulate and move and help them. He knows what to promise, what to reveal, what to omit. He knows what to say, how to say it, when to say it. Language is the strings by which he puppeteers the world around him (and he can talk to animals, at least of one kind).

The Shadow and Cassandra Cain have mastered two different types of Language as throughly as anyone can possibly master them. The Shadow can talk a group of hardened criminals into killing themselves, Cassandra can punch a heart into stopping without killing it. The Shadow echoes his voice "through everywhere and nowhere at once" to whip crowds of thugs into frenzies, Cassandra outraces missiles and was tanking bullets as a child. The Shadow can lie and usurp lives so masterfully to fool even the families of those he's passing off as, Cassandra is a living lie detector who gleams inner conversations from miniscule reactions. The Shadow can speak every language known, Cassandra is the greatest master of the world's most universal language other than music. The two are supposedly human, but every now and then, something comes along to call that into question because of the things they can achieve. They cannot hide secrets from each other the way they do to everyone else. They are driven by a deep desire to help others, to make something out of the circumstances of their lives. To weaponize that which dictates they should be evil and monstrous into a relentless force of good.

Language is the root of understanding. And if nothing else, as impossible as a conciliation of their approaches to crimefighting may be, I think there could be an unique understanding between the two. Perhaps, and this is a bit crazier a concept but one that seems to be where I might have been heading towards all along, even Cassandra Cain finding a calling away from the frayed dynamics of the Batfamily, away from the Bat's looming presence, to become The Shadow's successor, swearing to uphold a mission of justice through non-lethal tactics while he stays on the backseat guiding her. If The Shadow could trust the safety of his agents and the protection of the innocent at the hands of someone as capable and selfless and good-natured as Cassandra, I think he'd be all too happy to be able to trust someone in such a manner, to no longer be the Master of Darkness, but instead to serve the next generation that's weaponized darkness without submerging in it. To achieve, and perhaps return, to his strongest, highest self: A disembodied voice heard, but not seen. Once again the narrator, not the star.

It's a concept I've thought about very extensively for the years I've been a Shadow fan, but now it occurs to me that, if I had to appoint a successor of The Shadow, someone who could take up the mission but shine on their own right, even improve it with the right guidance and circumstances, it would be Cassandra Cain. The Orphan, The Shadow of the Batgirl. Daughter of the greatest assassins, meant to be the world's most lethal murderer, instead pivoted to being one of it's greatest heroes, but never allowed to shine as she should. But in the darker, less restrictive and wilder world of pulp heroes, in The Shadow's world, a beacon would shine all the harder. Perfect strengths attached to perfect opposites, joined together for a greater good, unstoppable after together having weaponized that which most take for granted: the power of language to move worlds.

#replies tag #pulp heroes #comic books #the shadow #cassandra cain #batgirl #i always had a feeling that a successor to the shadow should not be modeled on batman but someone within that range #i never quite found a character i would be happy with taking that role or a similar role #aw shit i just talked myself into a new favorite character #that just so happens to be another character brimming with potential that's denied them by corporate overlords #who could have seen that coming

113 notes · View notes

diveronarpg · 4 years

Photo

Congratulations, JULIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of OBERON with an approved FC change to Oscar Isaac. Admin Rosey: I don't know how many times I said I was possessed when I wrote Oberon but I very much was. I think you have to be a little bit possessed to write him because that's the kind of person he is; you have to be all in with him or perish. I don't know what it is about these types of enigmatic, almost ethereal characters that you understand - they have one foot in heaven and one foot in hell - but you get them at their core, Julie. Thank you for bringing my most beautiful son to the dash. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Julie

Age | 20

Preferred Pronouns | She/her

Activity Level | I mean, y’all know how it is. One draft a day usually does it for me, and at the bare minimum, I shoot for a few replies a week.

Timezone | MST

How did you find the rp? | I was perusing the ‘lsrpg’ tag, and the rest was history.

Current/Past RP Accounts | Lucien!

IN CHARACTER

Character | Oberon / Olivio Rivera -- with a fc change to Oscar Isaac, if it’s okay with you guys.

What drew you to this character? | There’s something about Olivio that makes him half-man half-hell, and that’s fascinating to me. I think, to a degree, he’s as human as the rest of us, with good parts and bad, but most people don’t show those parts so brazenly and manage to be half as discreet while doing it. This charm is pretty different from a character like Lucien’s, because it’s not a necessary charm. It’s not something he learned to do. It’s something he's always had in him for as long as he’s been -- it’s essential to the core of who he is as a person. There’s a dream-like quality to him that pulls you in and a nightmare-like quality that makes you take a step back when you get too close. He’s brutal in the way he orchestrates his own downfall just to get away from work he no longer has an interest in. He’s gentle with Theo, still grieving, because he knows they’re still working through something and it’s not entirely his place to poke and prod. Walking the thin line involved in this dichotomy is something that immediately caught my attention, and I’d love to explore both sides to him in the way Oberon deserves.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

1. I’d like to explore what Olivio has to sacrifice in order to ascend in the Capulets. He’s already lived a fair bit of his life without any of it really being impacted by the mobs of Verona, so his priorities and goals are likely pretty different from characters that have been here their entire lives. It’ll probably take a while before he builds relationships strongly enough in Verona that he has anything worth sacrificing, but as soon as he does, I’d like to yank them from under him, see how he fares -- if he’s worth becoming a soldier or an emissary in the way that Theodora thinks he can be. He’s strangely comfortable as an initiate, sitting at the bottom of the barrel, but how long is that comfort going to last him?

2. With Olivio, there’s definitely a two-faced element to him, in much the same way there’s a two-faced element to Oberon in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. He’s brutal and gentle all in one, and I’d like to explore what dictates in him which part comes out where. He gets his work done and ties it off in a neat bow, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he shies away from the ugliest parts of himself. How does he fare in comparison to someone like Orpheus, a dead man, who had similar goals and aspirations as the Robin Hood of Verona but didn’t set out to become that sort of figurehead -- everyone remembers Orpheus. No one knows Olivio. I also think it’s entirely possible his two-faced nature could undermine his reputation and his overall climb towards a more concrete place in the Capulets, if he isn’t careful, and I’d love to see what the consequences are. It worked for him in Spain. It might not work for him here.

3. In the para sample, I allude a little to Olivio’s dream in the same way it’s alluded to in his biography -- this borderline fantastical dream of a better place, a better world, where the underdogs and the fantastical alike can come together and live in harmony. A place where he can taste honey in his mouth where there might have been blood. I’d like to explore Olivio’s past in reflection to his present. He’s had the same dream his entire life, worked towards it slowly but surely in his youth, and then he ended up sitting on top of an empire he didn’t expect to have and didn’t really want. He gets caught up in his own flaws, and it all crumbles apart right from underneath him, and I’d love to see if he’s doomed to repeat that in Verona or if things are really going to be different this time around.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | I think so! As long as it serves a purpose, I’m happy to dip my hands in angst.

IN DEPTH

TW: VIOLENCE, DEATH

Cesar’s face is so heavily caked with blood that Olivio doesn’t think he could see through the red if he wanted to. His right eye is swollen. He’s missing some teeth. His breath is coming out in wheezes from a few broken ribs, and Olivio -- in spite of his shape, in spite of being three years Cesar’s junior -- is out of breath. They’d grappled for the pistol for some time only for it to go flying under a table somewhere when Cesar kicked it up. Now, staring each other down in an empty backroom in El Valenciano, they’re catching their breath. They’re both drenched in the vibrant pink of overhead lights. It could be a painting, he thinks. Something right out of sleep. He’s had dreams like this before, and they usually don’t end quite so badly.

It makes sense in Olivio’s head that Cesar wouldn’t go down without a fight. That’s fine. He never has. But Cesar knows that Olivio’s never liked losing. Even in drills and races and training exercises, even in the field, neck-to-neck, rifle-to-rifle, Olivio never gave him the chance to get ahead. So those few months where Olivio was falling from grace, slipping from his throne? They must have felt like winning to Cesar. He must have not even realized that the game was rigged from the start.

That’s fine, too. Olivio was always the brain of the operation. Cesar served his purpose as the brawn, the Lancelot to his Arthur.

“You should’ve let me leave, a year ago. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here.” There’s a headache building at the back of his head. Stress or exhaustion. Both? He takes his own trembling hands and grapples for a glass of what looks like bourbon from one of the still-standing tables. Cesar watches him, licks his lips when Olivio swallows.

“No one leaves. You’ve never let anyone leave. You shouldn’t get the same luxury, Olivio.” Cesar spits the words out so angrily that Olivio’s almost convinced he believes them, but it’s still hard to hear him over the thrumming reverb of the music. Sweet dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree? Catchy. In this moment, in spite of the gore, Olivio thinks Cesar looks young again. Fuzzy around the edges, purple-pink-crimson, young. No more grey at the temples, crow’s feet around the edges. Just blood on his teeth, shifting from pink to blue in a moment’s notice.

“Where are you going to go?” Cesar asks, as he moves a few steps closer. He’s still holding the glass in a white-knuckled grip. His heart is going a million miles a minute. It’s not easy to kill a man with your bare hands, but he’s done it before. He’ll do it again. It feels right to do it this way, with his fists, rather than the barrel of a gun. He wraps his fingers in Cesar’s collar with his free hand and Cesar barely even jerks to meet the movement. He’s all dead weight. Olivio considers the question.

“I’ll go to Verona.”

“In Italy? Bah.” Cesar laughs, throat hoarse. Spittle paints Olivio’s face, but the disgust barely registers. “You always hated Italy -- shot down any business there every time.”

“I hear it’s nice this time of year.”

“You’re burning every bridge you have in Spain. When winter comes around there won’t be any coming back. This is it. You kill me and we’re done.” This feels right out of the pages of the novel. He wonders if maybe he should deliver some sort of dramatic monologue. Something about being brothers from the very beginning. Hold your head up! Moving on! “You’re going to regret it, and you won’t get to crawl back and apologize to me this time.”

Even Olivio’s two divorces weren’t this messy. Still, he leans in close. “It’s not my dream anymore. I’m just making sure it won’t be yours, either.” He searches Cesar’s face for something. Anything. An apology. An indication of guilt. A plea for mercy. The animal-like terror that comes into men moments before they die. They’d seen it a thousand times before, together, and they’d laughed about it over drinks. A shifting green light passes slowly over his eyes. The world goes seafoam.

Nothing. Just their shared breaths. Not even a do it. Olivio sighs. He lifts his hand holding the glass and brings it down. Cesar, to his credit, doesn’t scream. He just takes what he’s given and dies quietly, in the club they bought back when they thought they’d go somewhere bigger than Barcelona. Or maybe that was just him. It doesn’t take more than two minutes.

Olivio stands back, checks Cesar’s pulse, and then wipes his hands on his slacks, chest heaving.

The ‘ludes start to kick in just as he leaves the club, bloodied jacket in hand, a little later than he would have liked. The cleaners sweep in to wipe evidence away as soon as he’s stepped out of the room and towards the exit. Not a single employee looks at him as he leaves, and the people dancing on the floor hardly notice him. The doorman nods at him on his way out. The car waiting for Olivio at the curb takes him straight to the airport, and he barely has time to settle in his seat before he’s asleep. When he wakes, it’s to the sight of Verona and the river that runs right through it, the sun cresting overhead. He descends onto the tarmac cotton-mouthed, changed into clean clothes, and satisfied.

Cesar had been the last loose end. With his death everything in Spain has tied itself up into a neat bow. The ashes of whatever vision he and Cesar might have shared at some point would be gathered up and put into someone else’s hands. Marta’s, he hopes. She’d always been the most capable, in his mind. She’d been the one to tell him of Verona, originally, when she caught wind of what he was doing: razing everything he’d built. She’d been smart enough to stay loyal in the face of his personally orchestrated coup, and he let her live.

He just hopes she doesn’t take it for granted like he had. That she’ll lay out her own path and stick to it, instead of watching it build by itself and grow restless. Verona won’t be like that -- he’s sure of it. It has to be a new start, one he’ll be happy to die by.

In two days’ time --- and he doesn’t know this now, but he will look back at it and laugh --- he’ll kill an enemy of the Capulets in much the same way he killed Cesar, hooked on the sheer euphoria of his newfound love for the city, just outside a place achingly close to El Valenciano, and it won’t even get him in trouble. The Capulets will sweep him up before he has the time to come down from the high, and they’ll bring him into the fold without even knowing his name. He’ll start from the very bottom, and he’ll relish in it, because it’s been a long time since he had nothing.

What he does know: the Capulets are the key to this newfound dream of his, this new-and-shiny-glossy illusion, and Olivio Rivera will take whatever he can get in a city like this, so long as it means he doesn’t have to raze it to the ground.

Extras: [glass him] PLAYLIST / PINTEREST [cesar won’t remember this.]

#accepted #accepted: oberon

3 notes · View notes

pepplemint · 5 years

Text

Fanfic Recc:s

I had this since a long time back actually, I think. I figured I might as well post it and give ya’ll something lol.

—————————-——————-———GEN——————————-——————-———-

Room with a View by isabeau25 (10,089 words): Lance manages to carve out a space for himself in a hidden part of the castle. The rest of the team find their way there eventually. ———- This was one of those fics I didn’t really expect to get as into as I did. Is really sweet and focus on the original team as a family. You know how you sometimes see art where everyone in a giant cuddlepile and it’s just too sweet and everyone is so comfortable with each other? This have got the same feeling, plus some Langst

————————————————- Accepting Amelioration by XILVerify (4887 words): Shiro trusts his team with his life, but after what he and his daemon experienced at the hands of the Galra… well, trusting them with his soul is the one thing he just can’t bring himself to do. Or so he thinks. Daemon AU. Post season 1 speculation. ———- Shiro and Hunk is a pair that have gotten very little bonding time in canon, so seeing them together here put in a situation where they are trapped in a distressing urgent situation is both interesting and engaging. I don’t know much about His Dark Materials or daemons to be honest but it’s explained well enough within the fic and I enjoy these representations very much. WARNING: Mentioned previous-to-fic assault

————————————————- The Purity of Sin by IcyPanther (105,002 words): Lance's first diplomatic mission had gone wrong. Very, very wrong. Instead of allies on planet Macka, he and Keith found only enemies who want to sacrifice them to their Goddess. The two Paladins are going to have to work together to survive the harsh desert, severe injury, relentless pursuit, with the added problem that in addition to losing copious amounts of blood, Lance is losing his senses one... by one... by one... ———- I’m sure most people have heard of this fic already but god damn it is INTENSE. You will feel stuff. I am terrible at keeping attention and tend to stay away a bit from longer fics but I couldn’t stop reading. WARNING: Explicit violence, religious rituals, character death

————————————————- Bury the Sun by maychorian (26,734 words): Sam Holt has been a captive of the Galra for more than a year. He has lost all hope of escape or rescue. But when a new prisoner arrives in his underground cell, a boy who seems to carry the sun in his smile, everything begins to change. ———- An unexpected pair as Pidge’s dad kinda takes Lance too under his wings. This is really sweet at the same time as you can never forget the terrible situation they are really in. WARNING: Violence and mentions of torture

————————————————- I'll Be Your Journal by BreakTheDawn (5756 words): “Lance,” Hunk had pleaded. “I can’t believe you just did that to me,” Lance covered his face as his breaths started to become heavy and uneven. Looking back, Hunk doesn’t know how he knew, but he did. He knew at that point that if he didn’t fix that. Didn’t fix Lance. Then he would lose him. Hunk could not let that happen

....

Or, that one time that Hunk crossed the line. ———- I just love Hunk and I love seeing his perspective. Also Hunk and Lance friendship... There’s too little of it in the world honestly.

————————————————-

The Cost of Winning by IcyPanther (9596 words): "The Blue and Green Paladins serve no purpose to the Empire," the Galran commander smirked at his bound captives. "And as such you have no use except as arena fodder." He chuckled. "Give us a good show before you die." / Lance is determined to protect Pidge and save her from the arena. She will not die here. Over his dead body. Hopefully it's not quite that literal of a promise. ———- I’m starting to see a pattern here uuuh anyway I love this fic, I love Pidge and Lance working together. WARNING: Violence, Character Death

————————————————-

A Little Unsteady (Hold Onto Me) by DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee (13,385 words): Takashi Shirogane is nine years old when he holds his brother for the first time. “I’m here,” he’d whispered to his fussing baby brother, “I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.” And Keith stopped crying. He didn’t laugh; he looked up at Shiro with big, skeptical eyes. A challenge. Like this tiny person was saying ‘oh yeah, prove it’. And Shiro, newly nine years old, promised that he’d prove it.Shiro and Keith's childhood in moments. ———- There’s a lot of Keith’s background story here that I fell really strongly for (though not canon compliant, I just like it.). If you’ve ever had that kind of relationship where you are like an older sibling figure, you can really feel this in your bones. WARNING: Child Abuse

————————————————-

Leave Them Stunned and Stuttering by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions) (10,527 words): Five Times Shiro couldn't be knocked off balance, one time he was, and one time he trusted the team to see. Or, when sibling bonding goes wrong. ———- A little bit Everyone/Shiro. It’s fun to see the team all bond over trying to mess with Shiro.

———————————————— Fatalistic Daydream by Engineer104 (27,873 words): Being a low-ranking Galra soldier stationed in a virtual backwater isn’t stopping Pidge from finding out what happened to her family. But the secrets she’s keeping from her friend Keith on top of the unwanted attention of an Altean prisoner-of-war are definitely...slowing her down. ———- Interesting AU where the Galra and Alteans are actively at war. Technically this is tagged as Pidge/Lance but there isn’t anything actually romantic so I feel it fits the gen category.

——————-——————-——-—--—--SHANCE———————————-——————-—-

Racing on the Thunder by Jennypen (5435 words): Freshman Shiro is pretty hung up on Senior Lance at the Garrison, but no-one else shares his opinion. At least, not until a hostage situation changes everything. ———- I love this!! Baby Cadet Shiro (who are not so baby-looking) pining after the older Cadet Lance, and Lance is a BAMF.

————————————————- Closer to Your World by CastleSL (29,576 words): Students will be carefully selected and tested for the opportunity to fly out to Kerberos for scientific research. Only one student may be selected. Application and Testing will commence during the third trimester, June 21XX. There was more on the page, statistics and requirements and more details, but it was legit. The flyer was printed on standard Garrison announcement paper, the document signed by the Dean and board of directors. The chance to go to Kerberos. Hunk took a moment to think, then clapped his hand on Lance’s back, smiling. “Well, I’m rooting for ya, buddy.” He said, and Lance beamed like that was all he needed in the world. ———- It’s been a while since I read this fic but it’s nice with a lil longer Shance fic - it’s also really well written. A sequel is also being written right now that is also good. WARNING: Mentioned character death

————————————————-

Full Moons and the Mornings After by Impetus (6496 words): Shiro is an unlucky werewolf who can’t control himself during the full moon. Lance really needs to stop letting stray wolves into his apartment. ———- This is like my favourite werewolf fic ever hahahaha. I love when werewolves are portrayed as big dumb dogs. It’s really cute and they’re both big pining messes.

————————————————- Jaded by Impetus (8728 words): Shiro is the leader of Voltron. He is the strength and the calm in the face of the thundering storm of the Galra. Lance is someone Shiro doesn't quite understand. Shiro is someone Lance wants to understand with all of his heart. ———- WARNING: Major character injury

————————————————- The Luxury of Lacking Confidence by oldmythologies (13,695 words): They knew how it worked; Lance was always the damsel in distress and Shiro was the big strong hero who came to save him. When Shiro’s lion is hit by a vicious attack, he is knocked off course and careens into an ice planet. Lance finally elects himself the hero and has to save Shiro from his own injuries and the Galra ships searching the planet. Shiro, feverish and low on blood, is forced to confront his demons; Lance has to learn how to fight them off. ———- WARNING: Major character injury

————————————————- Tris for Guys by quiddative (2907 words): It was all Keith’s fault—him and his stupid biceps showing up at intramural basketball two nights ago without his trademark cropped jacket (which was almost as outdated as his mullet) and making everyone swoon. And what was worse, even Shiro, their hotter-than-hell yet sweeter-than-sugar RA and current object of Lance’s helpless affections, seemed impressed. He actually went up to Keith after his team had pummeled everyone else into the ground, clapped him on the back, and uttered the words that Lance had been daydreaming about for approximately fifteen thousand years: ��Great job, buddy!” So, as soon as he got back to his room that night, he logged into his student account and signed up for the first available complimentary personal training session the college’s gym offered. ———- The story of how Lance thirsts so hard he even makes the ultimate sacrifice and goes to the gym. Lance’s “voice” here is great.

————————————————- Slowly, Surely by needchocolatenow (2997 words): Shiro is tasked with an assignment to deliver important cargo to Altea. Lance is his second. -- Or, the fic in which Shiro and Lance take a road trip through space in an unfortunately named shuttle. ———- Just a really cute story where humans have moved into space and Shiro pines and is as awkward as a kid with his first crush.

————————————————- ordinary people are everywhere by lein (5625 words): The note, situated in the bottom right corner, reads simply: ‘Will you be my Valentine? Yes or yes.’ Surrounded by little hearts and unaddressed, it seems a little out of place nestled next to the carefully crafted drawings of both pigeon lance and the deviantart stamp Pidge sent to Keith that made him cry for upwards of an hour before he had wordlessly crawled atop the table to recreate it as closely as he could. Shiro grins as he picks up a black dry erase marker and circles a yes. ———- This fic is so underrated! It’s super cute and I fell in love already at the summary, but the fic in itself is really well written and nice.

————————————————- Lance's Guide on How to Embarrass Yourself in Front of Your Insurance Adjuster by Eilera (2035 words): “This is for my mama, Hunk. She was so worried about this whole thing. They just finished renovating. I’m not gonna let her down. If my name isn’t Lance fucking Hernandez Martine-holy fuck he’s gorgeous.” “Oh no. No. Lance do-“ Lance didn’t even hear him because there was a fucking gorgeous god walking up the path to the front door.

(In which Lance is helping his mama with an insurance claim and he was not prepared for the smoking hot insurance adjuster.)

———- Lance is Lance and this was funny and cute.

————————————————- Left Side Or Right? by liddie (2698 words): When Lance accidentally locks himself out of his dorm room he finds himself on Shiro's doorstep hoping that this falls under Shiro's offer of "Let me know if you need help with anything."

Luckily for him, it does. ———- Piiiining I love it...... I really do

————————————————- Lactose IntolerLance by humblenoodle (1807 words): Shiro's aware, at least, that his current course of action is humiliatingly stupid, and he should really stop while he's still ahead.

But it’s not like he could just casually waltz up there and ask for Lance’s number, maybe even a date. That’s not how this worked. ———-

This was really funny and cute, pining Shiro at his most awkward.

————————————————- Define Dancing by starbear (5495 words): “Dancing?” Shiro made a small, scoffing little laugh. “You’re kidding, right? “What? No,” Lance said, “Why?” “I can’t dance.” “Lies.” “No, I’m serious,” Shiro said, “Two left feet. I’m terrible.” “That I absolutely do not believe. I bet you’ve just never really tried.” Lance stood, abruptly, an unsettlingly determined look on his face. “C’mon, let’s do it.” “Do...what?” “Dance, duh,” Lance said. “Let’s go.”

Shiro learns how to dance, and falls in love along the way. ———- I tend to like fics that are snippets through time, but this one stand out :)

————————————————- Ten Days by WashiPuppy (??? words): Most people never got to learn exactly what their mind is worth, how resistant it is. Lance knew now, and the answer was ten days. It only took ten days for something in him to break that he wasn't sure he could get back.

Shiro had survived a year and come out as someone still able to smile, to be kind and gentle with those around him. Scarred, but not shattered.

Lance wore no new scars. But he still hadn't made it ten days.

———- So you like slow burn? Well what about the characters doesn’t even interact for three thirds of the fic lmao. Honestly though this fic is really good and well written! The focus isn’t on romance at all and I even forgot about it a couple of times, but none the less it’s 100% worth the read.

————————————————- Black to Blue by PuppetMaster55 (153,825 words): Lance, the undisputed (no longer, since he finally got the team to stop questioning his position like a month ago) leader of Voltron finds himself in the absolute strangest scenario: being the Blue Paladin.

Lance, still finding his place on team Voltron, wakes up to the weirdest world: one where he's the Black Paladin.

OR, I take a universe where Lance was always the Black Paladin and have him swap bodies with canon Lance, throwing both sets of teams for a trip.

———- I mean I assume most people have already read this fic but just in case someone missed it? Read it. This is the Lance as Black Paladin au you always wanted.

————————————————-

Breaking Wind by AshesTheTerrible (10,044 words): Shiro is settling into his new body and finally trusting himself to rekindle things with Lance. Intimacy proves to be a lot of stumbling after such a long time without. And nobody is safe from awkward bodily functions during sex, not even Shiro. ———- Like the mature dumbass I am I love this fic about farting. It’s really well written and have such a good, soft relationship though it’s worth it ok. WARNING: Explicit

————————————————-

ticket to ride by mettaverse (2085 words): The officer raises his hand. “You were going thirty miles over the speed limit for a date?” Lance opens his mouth and the officer lowers his sunglasses just to glare at him. “Sixty in a thirty lane. You know how fast that is?” “Um. Fast? Pretty fast?” “Dangerously fast.” He pulls a pad of paper out of his pocket. “I'm gonna have to give you a ticket.” ———- Short AU-fic that I just find really cute

————————————————-

How to Dig Your Own Grave by flyingisland (8804 words): The complete anthology, written from first-hand experiences and mortifying, soul-crushing interactions between Lance McClain and one very attractive neighbor. ———- This fic is kinda wonderful. Lance mess up so bad over and over and it’s hilarious. It’s all fine though in the end ;) WARNING: Explicit, Sex Work (Pornography)

————————————————-

easier to lose by quiddative (???? words): Shiro is at the peak of his NHL career. Unfortunately, being famous has its downsides, particularly when it comes to dating. And that’s on top of the fact that he’s still in the closet.

However, a chance meeting with college student Lance, who seems to be the only person in the entire city who doesn’t know who he is, gives him hope that maybe he won’t die alone after all. Just as long as he can keep his identity a secret. ———- This fic isn’t actually finished when I add it here, but I expect it to be soon. I kinda love sport-AU’s not gonna lie. This one hit me right in the weak spot.

———————-——————-—-—--—--KLANCE————————-——————-————-

Five Minutes by WhatTheBodyGraspsNot (4176 words): When Keith is unwillingly tricked into a speed dating session by Shiro, he finds himself meeting several unusual characters. The most unusual of all, however, is the loud one in the letterman jacket. He's obnoxious and has no regard for the other people around him and he keeps making his way closer and closer to Keith within the ring rotations. Can Keith pull himself together to get through this meeting? Or will he find himself interested by the end of their five minutes? ———- I like Keith being stubbornly set on being bitter and hating things he’s dragged into lol. Even when he kinda really doesn’t.

————————————————- gladly break my heart (for you) by godsensei (1747 words): “You want me to... touch you?” Lance asks, a mildly dubious look on his face. Keith feels his face go hot. “Yes! You touch everyone else. I just-- we’re boyfriends, right?” he asks, feeling stupid, but so hopeful. Lance searches his face for a moment, before his eyes soften, a sweet smile blooming on his lips. ———- This is just fluff and touch starved Keith and I’m all for it. ————————————————- i want your heaven and your oceans too by mothpoem (11,610 words): “Not—not that you’d be my rebound! I mean, you’d be helping me take my mind off of this guy, but to be a rebound, I’d have to have dated him first, I think, and he doesn’t even know I like him, so. You wouldn’t be a rebound. At worst, we become badass partners-in-crime with a grudging respect for each other, at best, we’re soulmates for life and this is fate trying to help us find happiness. So. Um.” Lance swallows and looks up at the Blade of Marmora soldier through his lashes. “What say you?” They look down at their hands for a moment, fingers twisting together in deep thought. Then they’re pulling their gloves off, revealing pale, half-bruised knuckles of the human variation, and their mask is dissolving, giving way to big blue-purple eyes and an achingly familiar jet-black cowlick. “Who,” says Keith Kogane, in that low-pitched rumble that makes Lance’s stomach roil in the good way—holy fuck—“is this guy you’re trying to get over?” ———- I drew a scene from this fic so I guess in a way I’ve already recc:d it, but I’m gonna do it again. I love awkward misunderstandings and Lance’s rambling in this fic is both kinda hilariously in character and well written. WARNING: Canon-typical violence ————————————————- Keith's Type by AmbitiousSkychild (24,050 words): “How would anyone notice what anyone else’s type is in the middle of all this?!” Matt demanded, laughing. “What’s Keith’s type?” Lance blurted out like an idiot. “It’s… obvious,” Pidge said. “He gets all flustered over shitty puns and most physical comedy. And have you seen the way he stares at Hunk when he’s going on about the mechanics of something? Like how the lions work? I’ve literally seen him blushing when Hunk goes into explanation mode.” “So, you think he has a crush on Hunk?” Lance squawked. “No. You bonehead,” Pidge laughed. “I’m saying any dad-joke-telling, klutzoid with good grades has probably got a pretty good shot at Keith.” Or: It figures that after years of getting it hilariously wrong face-to-face, Lance finally gets good at talking to Keith through a screen, which is, like, one of his biggest accomplishments. Then, Pidge makes the comment that Keith has a type, while heavily implying that it's Matt. But, listen, with everything going on with Voltron, the coalition, the Blade of Marmora, and Coran, Lance isn't going to get distracted worrying about it. Ask anyone, he's always been great with measuring levels of importance.... ———- I kinda have a weakness for the emotional jealousy, the one that isn’t angry and hot but insecure and hits where it hurts. And yeah. Matt and Keith have (kind of?) a past together and Lance is alone-ish after Keith left the team. ————————————————- King and Reaper by PastelClark (35,512 words): Allura had told them once that Voltron was their destiny. If anything, Keith thinks, Lance had proven that while finding the lions might have been on the dime of some greater plan, compliance to their supposed fate was not strictly required in any remote sense of the word. In fact, by Lance's standard of doing things it was all rather bullshit. (Or: The story of the destruction of Earth and its aftermath, feat. questionable science in regards to weapons of mass destruction, gratuitous Star Wars references, theoretical chess games with the emperor of most of the known universe, explosions, the greatest bromance of all time, the worst romance of all time, far too many guns, concussions, extreme misuse of the French language, awkward flirting, and Lance in an overly-dramatic trench coat.) ———- BAMF rebel leader Lance and mental images that kinda kick you in the inspiration, honestly. Everyone is older and different. Voltron kinda failed.

————————————————- Keith the Amnesiac by jilliancares (8878 words): In which an accident leaves Keith temporarily without his Voltron-filled memories and he may or may not spill a few of his better kept secrets to Lance. ———- This story is great if nothing else because it feels so realistic in how it handled Keith’s amnesia. This is very much just what it’s like to have those small differences in how you perceive the world vs how you normally do.

————————————————-

Let's be (dis)honest by noero (1581 words): Lance is backed against his bathroom wall, one hand gripping his sink and the other nervously combing through his hair. Keith is in front of him — down on his knees — calling Lance’s bluff. ———- Nothing really to say about this other than I liked the competitiveness between Keith and Lance and it was fun. WARNING: EXPLICIT

——-—--—--——————-——————-OTHERS——————-——————-——————-

Sun In Our Eyes by MatchaMochi (9349 words): “Think you can beat me hotshot?” He doesn’t falter, just nods and holds up his sniper. His hands don’t shake, his lips don’t tremble, (his heart though, that wild erratic thing stuttering in his chest, makes the blood rush to his ears, makes him think: Oh god.) ///

In which Kinkade pines and Lance has too many feelings. ———-

So this is THE Kinkance fic, but just in case someone didn’t read it yet - I’m gonna add it here. (RYAN/LANCE)

———————————————— i'm willing to wait for it, i'm willing to wait for you by ThePackWantstheD (10,338 words): Lance McClain is hard to hate. He’s easy to love. Or: James Griffin falls fast and hard for a charismatic cargo pilot, dates him for six months, and then waits for him for five years.

———-

This ship isn’t something I ever considered until this fic, but heck it got me on board. I like everyone’s reactions and James’ belief. (JAMES/LANCE)

————————————————

no need to say goodbye by smolsarcasticraspberry (13,557 words): The juniberry tree blossoms every seven years, and when it does, a gateway opens up to another world - a world that Shiro first explores as a child. There, he meets Allura. They do not speak the same language, but children do not need words to play. Every seven years, when the gateway opens again, Shiro steps through to visit the girl he knows on the other side. But the gateway only stays open as long as the juniberry flowers bloom...

———- This is one of those stories that are simply wonderful, even if you’ve never seen the original show because it build up such a cool new world in the relatively few words. It also deals with Shiro in the aftermath of war and pining. (SHALLURA)

————————————————

Drip Like Honey by avoidingavoidance (7171 words): In which Romelle recommends a hot Tumblr boy to Allura, but when she checks him and his stream out, she finds that he seems awfully familiar.

———- Obviously this is right up my alley. Da-mn. Allura is top as heck. WARNING: Explicit (SHALLURA)

———————————————— Frostbite by Rueitae (6109 words): Pidge is a renowned super villain. Lance is a hero in training. During their latest encounter, Lance pushes his powers to their limit and Pidge has some soul searching to do.

———- I doooo love superhero AU’s and this is both super sweet, funny, well written and paints a clear picture of the universe which we are thrown into. I like it a lot. (PLANCE)

#shance #klance #fanfic recs #voltron fanfic recs #fanfics #i need many tags so i can find shit again #There's gen and shallura and others too #mainly gen shance and klance though

364 notes · View notes

dinoalexander · 3 years

Text

Your Moment of Zen: The Gourmet Academy’s Semi-Quotable 2020 Quotedown Quotetacular

The following blog entry are intended only for mature audiences. Reader discretion is strongly advised. Although it goes without saying about three quotes in, this is neither an incendiary nor defamatory tribute to the year past, although if someone were to put together such a “tribute”, I’d completely understand. Thank you. And enjoy the show. Because you helped make it. Ladies and gentlemen and non-binary conforming life forms across seven star systems... the Gourmet Academy’s World Famous Get Down Like a Hound Party ‘til You Puke Semi-Quotable 2020 Quotedown Quotetacular begins in five... ... four... ... three... ... two... NOW. === “This video is dedicated to touching.” -Harry Styles “Welcome to America's last public gathering.” -Jenna Riedi, the host of Geek Bowl XIV “Daniel’s New Year’s Resolutions 1) say something so brilliant, so irrefutably mind-bogglingly wowful that it makes the Quote Wall 2) organize the basement.” -Daniel “Didn’t you used to be Bill Simmons?” -Greg channeling Justin Lollie “Something new? Shouldn’t be trying it but I’m d-e-d today.” -Carl “This could devolve into something amazing.” -Jeremy “Good feeling: a Patriots loss. Better feeling: a Patriots loss in the playoffs. Best feeling: a Patriots loss in the playoffs in Foxboro.” -Travis “You are the master of the swerve.” -Klaussie “There once was a man from Nantucket.” -Ethan “Neighbor and I both have our windows open, and I refuse to do one more thing tonight until I figure out which episode of “Cheers” she’s watching.” -Adam Nedeff “Is there anyway we can CGI Matt Lauer out and replace him with Christopher Plummer?” -Greg on Matt Lauer on SNL “What’s the favorite network of the 2017 Houston Astros? BUZZR!” -Klauss “Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, Lost her virginity to Tom Jones.” -Sara “That’s not unusual.” -Megan “Oh look, goats! (Whiff) Oh god, goats.” -Q “The Whiteface on the Joker poster is a pretty good representation on the Academy Award nominees this year.” -Gordon “If you spend your life with a paper bag over your head, do you also need to wear a mask?” -Kevin, on the Unknown Comic "He Gay - He Christmas in Macy's Window Gay" - Mercedeze - The Circle. “Spock is gonna slap your ass.” -Greg on Zach Quinto in “The Slap” “Smeargle!” -C “I’m at the Battle of Atlanta, usually I’M the one on fire.” -Greg as Time Traveling Rip Taylor “Sexual Game Show Chocolate.” -Cyndi’s nickname for Chico “He has exact change! What was I supposed to say.. No?!” -Q “WLTI has been brought to by the Tom Brady Laundry Service - when you need stuff to be washed and blown....you know where to go.” -JB “It’s like shitting in my hand and clapping.” -Q “Let’s do that GOAT.” -C “Does Q know you’re into bestiality?” -Chris • the subject: Jeopardy! The Greatest of All Time “In 2020 I’d like to set more things on fire.” -Megan “Tonight, William Shakespeare, Henry VIII, the sun god Ra, Archimedes, Rip Taylor, and Rudolph Valentino on the Loooooooove TARDIS.” -Greg as Ernie Anderson (hat tips to Mike & Chico). “Christmas Day: Email notifying me I don't need to come to the courthouse on Monday. Monday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse on Tuesday. Tuesday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse on Wednesday. Wednesday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse, period, because my week of service includes two holidays. For anyone who's never been called in for jury duty during a pandemic, I highly recommend the experience.” -Adam “This version of 2020 has a virus in it. Can I get it reinstalled?” -Catherine “Take care of y’all chicken.” -Marshawn Lynch“ No link, because (EXPLETIVE DELETED) that (EXPLETIVE DELETED).” -Joe “There’s the Wendy’s.” -C “Where where where where where?” -Q “There there there there there.” -C “The Houston Astros scandal has spilled into the world of game shows...evidence has surfaced that “Jeopardy!” contestants had wired buzzers at their podiums.” -Adam Nedeff “ "Having an English Accent in America is like having a 12" dick” -David, a contestant on Too Hot To Handle. “We are all Disney... and Disney is all of us.” -Kevin “Here comes this Donny Osmond-looking motherfucker.” -C “The coronavirus is the least dirty thing I’ve had in my hand. There’s not enough hand sanitizer in the world. That’s why I drink vodka.” -Michael "That bird just straight up moonwalked and died!" -Neumann “You think Jimmy Kimmel would buy the Walgreens brand?” -Q “I don’t make Jimmy Kimmel money!” -C “President Trump sent me a letter. I respond with fire.” -Kyle “Sense AND Sensibility? In this economy?!” -Liz “He committed the ultimate sin. He insulted the WWE in his promotion!” -Cyndi “Today was draggin’. It was very draggy. It was an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. It was so draggin’ that Wink Martindale encourages me to avoid it. I was watching Dragon Ball Z in the cockpit of the Dragonzord while playing Double Dragon with Don “The Dragon” Wilson and listening to Sisqo’s Unleash The Dragon. Somebody better call Emilia Clarke, because, uh.... dragon .... joke.” -C “Name a people that animals breed.” -Bressler “Put your Facebook balls away, Karen. It’s unbecoming.” -Cindy “Pizza is yes.” -Drago, Animal Crossing New Horizons “Prahstitute.” -Klauss • the password was “hookah” “It was a one-eyed one-horned flying purple Power Ranger.” -Gordon “I'm gonna start painting people yellow and send their asses to Springfield because I'm seeing a LOT of Simps, SON!” -Katie “Bill Belichick took the box on the display floor and got a couple of plush dolphins...would’ve had a new car behind curtain #2.” -Carl “Twenty-one seasons of winners and not one of those faces looked like mine. So when I walked through those doors, I had that desire, that determination to be that very first face to give hope to those behind me who have the desire to come in here and play this game. Not seeing a face that looks like mine is very discouraging, it’s hurtful and it does make me feel like maybe it’s impossible. But I’m wrong about that because it’s definitively possible. We can do it. It just hasn’t been done yet… I want to acknowledge every African American who has walked through those doors with the same desire to be that face that I have. I see you, I salute you and I appreciate you. You came in here, you knew the odds were against you, you knew it was going to be an uphill battle and you still fought and you fought like hell. For that, I love you, I admire you and I acknowledge you all today.” -Da’vonne, Big Brother “Waldo should find himself. I don’t have that kind of time.” -@FunnyOrDie “What we wanted was Cam Newton. What we got was Wayne Newton.” -Gordon, right before everyone broke out into “Danke Schön” “You can go ahead and put "Nuh-uh! Don't eat Jesus, you monster!" on the list of things I didn't think I'd have to yell today.” -Wingo “Not only is he a chicken magnate, he’s also a chick... magnet. Amirite?” -Klauss“ Please excuse me if I don't participate in the Dolly Parton Challenge, but I'd rather my wife didn't know that I have a Tinder account.” -Prof. O “The table has had enough of your shit.” -Brian “If you work hard enough I’m sure someday you’ll reach the top of the intelligence bell curve.” -Jess’ insult “Any squirrel can find a nut once. Let’s see you do it again.” -Q “This is the kind of chaotic horniness I’m here for.” -Megan “Behold the power of the fat guy touchdown.” -Cyndi “It’s the kind of peppermint candy that can give me natural 20s.” -Jenni “The wonders.... of weed.” -Mary “Metallic testicles.” -Jimmy Kimmel “Well, it's 65° again today. I ran 3.5 miles yesterday so I chose to walk 4 today. If next year it is not 65° on this day in February, I'm quitting Ohio.” -Wingo “I see the Incelabteilung spent a productive weekend.” -Rick Wilson “You know why the RTF head writer is now hosting? Because he's now eligible to join the Actors Guild, which means he'll have potential work when 1. RTF goes down in flames, 2. The WGA agreement goes down in flames. 3.A combination of 1. 2. and RTF keeps trying to convince us that King Kong should be worth 1,250 points per ticket.” -Gordon “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” -Jessica “Of course any team could have had 14 players test positive for COVID three games into the season, but the fact that it’s an entire roster of Florida Man is just so obvious.” -Arianna “Anna Roisman is very much in love with her butt.” -C Phleb: Are you following me? Q: As if you’re cool enough to have a stalker. As IF you’re cool enough for that stalker to be me. “I’ve seen enough.” -JD “Okay Dave Wasserman.” -C -subject: NLCS “Curse your sudden but inevitable colonization!” -Blue from episode 2 of the Overly Sarcastic Podcast “I haven't watched the Super Bowl halftime show, but from the online conversation today it is clear that people do not know just how many layers of costumage it takes to look "naked" onstage. #Showbiz” -Shannon “Adolf Titler and Areola Braun.” -Kim “I don't follow sports at all, but "And then Florida screwed it up for everyone" is the least surprising thing I could have seen in the news.” -Adam “If you think 2020 has been wild so far, wait until the dragons are released in the finale!” -Bruce Q: “I need a lighter.” Clerk: “Which one?” Q: “I don’t care. As long as it produces fire.” “Today we say a not fond farewell to Adobe Flash....we will NOT miss you very much." -Carl “It’s ridicarus. It’s so ridiculous, it flies in the face of normality until it melts on the wings of its own ridiculousness.” -C “I’d like to be proven wrong 99 times out of 100,000.” -Cyndi “The wenches of Watson.” -G’s nickname for the Chasers “Paula Deen. I don’t give a toss about the woman’s politics. But there’s one thing that we both agree on. MORE BUTTER!” -Q “Do you think you could be my Korean food mule?” -Jenni, to Chico re: Korean restaurants “This is what I told you about Travis. You’ve got to stop eating buffalo wings before you go to bed this is going to keep happening!” -Brian “The NFL Draft Takes way too long. If I wanted to watch 32 picks in 3 hours, I’d watch Jameis Winston play.” -TyFo “I think I’d win this easily.” -Greg, on “Too Hot To Handle.” “Hit me daddy, I’ve been bad.” -Q “I haven’t been bad, but hit me anyway.” -C “I hope a million Dodger babies are made tonight and their mamas name them all MOOKIE.” -Arianna “That’s tackier than a Louis Vuitton purse from downtown LA.” -Kimberly “Defense wins championships, but offense sells soap.” -Nikki “It’s like there’s nothing good on Netflix anymore.” -Alex Alvarez (Marcel Ruiz) on the Pop premiere of One Day at a Time “Let’s see what this bitch can do.” -C

“Man we have now been quarantined for 60 full days. Stuck inside with nothing but our families and our devices, filled with fear and anxiety. And we still don’t want to watch Quibi.” - Mike Shields (@digitalshields) “I love Peanut Butter. I love Africa.” - Bill Walton "So in the last 3 days Tom Brady has violated social distancing guidelines and broken into somebody's house. The media laughs it off. It pays to be white." - Barry McCockiner “BREAKING: I have decided to follow @James_Holzhauer on Twitter, since he’s been following me on Jeopardy all week.” - Ken Jennings “I was debating who had a worse night in Vegas — Mike Bloomberg or Deontay Wilder. I thought it was Wilder but it wasn’t. He didn’t have to show up a week later and get his ass kicked all over again. #DemDebate2020” - Jelani Cobb “What in the name of God’s ass is on Linda Dano’s head?” - Quisla “My 13 year-old self with my hero in Nov '83, Boston, MA. According to local legend Mr. (Tom) Baker toured the sites at Lexington, and then Concord, site of the “shot heard round the world;" he strode up to the first American he saw and said “Sorry about all that you know!”” - @petervintonjr “At long last, our 4-year national nightmare is over & @SteveKornacki can finally get some sleep.” - Mark Hamill “I think I just saw The Greatest American Hero be a complete and utter perv.” - Chico “Not gonna lie. I kinda wished they'd filmed the Chicago production of Hamilton so I could see Wayne Brady kill Lin-Manuel instead of Leslie.” - @RealLordDalek “Thanks Jon, when we come back Denise is gonna go for $30,000 and I want to find out, really, if you take half of my ass and you put it on my bald head, if it’s going to create new hair. We’ll find out about that after this. ……. more after this.” - Mike Francesa’s evil Earth 47 Half Brother Louie Francesa played by Klaussie before the MG-HSH Super Match “Rebooting The Santa Clause where instead of Tim Allen killing Santa Claus and becoming Santa Claus, Santa Claus kills Tim Allen and becomes Tim Allen” - Bridger Winegar “Ted Cruz is in another Twitter war with Mark Cuban. As a coach I was always looking for mismatches. If I could ever find a mismatch as great as Cuban over Cruz the game would be easy.” - Stan Van Gundy “Just turned on the XFL.Kicker missed a field goal and they immediately interviewed him on the sideline asking what happened haha. That’s tough.” - JJ Watt “Jeffrey Toobin gave a whole new meaning to the word “laptop.” - Gerard Mulligan “No matter how gloom things things get, there's always the future, even the United States of America used to have a future. They tried to us Americans the sky’s the limit, so we destroyed the sky. Where’s your limit now? Oh! burning with toxic poison? Suck that limit!” - Xavier: Renegade Angel “Everything good espn ever did was copied from the George Michael Sports Machine.” - @[email protected] “How is the @WWE not calling this #Wrestlemania36 In Your House?!?!” - Marty DeRosa “When people complain about "cancel culture," they very often mean: I want to live in a world in which there are abundant social and economic rewards for saying and doing certain (but not all!) controversial things, and no social and economic penalties for those same things.” - David Frum “Herb Abrams left this world doing what he loved. Cocaine and hookers." - Brian Blair “Rats.. and I was looking forward to the empty arena NBA Team Challenge Series.” - Lollie “Wow breaking: Jay Glazer is reporting that cleatus the FOX NFL robot has been arressted for double murder outside a Houston strip club. Details to come” - PFTCommenter “Michael Moore is the Michael Avenatti of Anthony Scaramuccis.” - @blackbeltbirder “Will you accept this ass?” -Jason “The Bears are two tight ends away from a firefighter calendar.” -Cyndi “Come on, Quis. Plating is 5 points.” -C “They say you should spend three months income on your wife’s engagement ring. I spent June July and August from the summer that I turned 13… But in my defense it was a wet summer and I mowed a lotta grass, that should count for something.” -Brian (ladies....) “You can’t fuck with Ed Lover.” -Greg “You thought that it was bad now? Wait 25 years. Today's children are tomorrow's leaders; and they will have been have been homeschooled by day drinkers. Let that sink in.” -Q “Doo wah didn’t didn’t, dumb didn’t do.” -Ian “So we were talking about why cereal was invented.” -C “Y’all stop showing me The Needle. I have a visceral reaction to The Needle.” -Anne “Five dollars on a Daily Double? What are you doing, buying a sandwich?” -Q “Sometimes I wonder... what made you think that style of facial hair works for you?” -Mary Jane “Everyone’s a critic.” -C after someone closed the blood bank door after blowing his nose “You raise your kids, you will spoil your grandchildren. You spoil your kids, you will raise your grandchildren.” -Nikki “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” -Joe’s son “Ctrl-F, am I right?” -Klauss “Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm...” -Kim “I’ve been around enough mothers to know what THAT means.” -C “This is now the 5th straight night I've heard one man complain about another man's holes and balls. No one needs sloppy disorganized holes or balls. #pause.” -Gordon “You know... We grew up watching Kamen Rider & Super Sentai wanting to be masked heroes. Pretty sure this isn’t what I had in mind.” -D “Some of y’all have not been chased around the house by your sibling with a knife and it shows.” -Jenna “At least it wasn't real maple syrup. Based on the bottle and consistency it appears to be maple-flavoured sugar liquid spread.” -Dane, on Gritty drinking breakfast syrup “And who decides Lacey Chabert should be the voice of love? She was hardly the voice of Meg Griffin!” -C “That is one UGLY ASS FISH!” -Cat "CBD infused deep dish pizza now available at White Sox games." -Carl “Gordon Pepper You're a psychotic Macaulay Culkin? I fear and respect you.” -Dom “Now I don’t even have to leave my home to not watch a movie.” -Kevin, on HBOMax “Fuck your widgets.” -Klauss “I told Galileo to stop working on his telescope. He’s not fooling anyone!” -Greg as Time Traveling Rip Taylor “Chris Wallace failed so badly that Mike Wallace also failed, and he’s been dead eight years.” -Kevin “Yay for fat shaming.” -Amberlee “Philip Rivers: Miami Dolphin?” -Carl “I don’t have enough black leggings for this shit.” -Shannon “You ever have shrunken beef?” -G “Phrasing.” -Aaron “You put the brain in Vibranium.” -Matt Richards “Several flaws in his argument, most notably that while he is correct that the meat in boneless chicken wings doesn’t come from the wings, neither does it come from the “tender”. And chicken nuggets aren’t made from a chicken’s... um... nuggets. That said, it is Nebraska, and this is what happens in that God forsaken state when they cancel football.” -Kevin “I never got spanked. We were very good kids growing up. Dad threatened us a different way. He reminded us as he was a famous person if we screwed up we would see it on page 6 of the ny post.” -G “God’s perfect idiot.” -Ryan Reynolds “You can’t clean house with a filthy mop.” -Kevin "Four." -Course Manager Joe translating Sir Goph to the crowd at Holey Moley. “May (Tim Tebow’s) marriage last longer than Million Dollar Mile.” -C “They were so offended, they weren’t.” -G “Meanwhile I can't choose a fuck fish...” -Kimberly “I have questions.” -Bressler “Do not insult the good name of Bowzer, damn it!” -Greg “Hiya Barbie! No Ken. He’s sold separately and I’m cutting unnecessary spending.” -Eden as Barbie “I’ll be at the bench if you need me. Please don’t need me.” -C as David Tennant as Scrooge McDuck “Fayetteville gonna Fayetteville.” -Jordan “Why you gotta go make good employees angry? You think another decent phleb is just gonna pop out of nowhere like a State Farm agent? ... 🎵 Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there! 🎵 POOF!” -C “I like my men like I like my commuter car: silent.” -Robin “The fact that I had to put "Real Email -- Not Wingo SPAM" in an email subject line tells you a lot about how I comport myself with my colleagues.” -Wingo “Savage Question Song! Y’all fucking FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU GOT IT WRONG! YOU ARE DUMB! No, I’m kidding, you’re not dumb. You fucked up, it happens. That’s life.” -Matt Richards “You know, bucatini. It’s like spaghetti... with goals.” -C “Love like you’re Jesus Christ. Wash your hands like you’re Pontius Pilate.” -Brian “Show me on the tackling dummy where the illegal touching happened.” -Nikki “Get cable. Discover Disney Junior. Muppet Babies. Weird. So weird. #NotMyMuppetBabies.” -Paul “Take the swabs. Leave the cannoli.” -C “Facetyfacetyfacetyfaaaaaaaace!” -Nikki “If you win, you may smoke it. WHEN you lose, you must eat it. I don’t make the rules.” -Erskine “The internet discovers that Wendy Williams is a terrible person once a week.” -Adam “¡Carajo! Errbahurr!” -me, upon looking at a full parking lot “In these increasingly uncertain times, I want to be absolutely clear on something. I never *don't* want pizza. It is never a bad or inappropriate time for pizza. I will never, in any way, be displeased by receiving pizza. And, at no time in my life, will I ever say "no, that's fine, personally I don't want any pizza." I hope I have made myself clear.” -Brian “That’s a terrifying prospect. Goddamnit, I’m in.” -Kimberly “My dream from December 2020 involved a previous neighbor and his two-mouthed dog. Not two-headed, but two mouthed. Imagine a Doberman crossed with a Big Mac.” -Evil Travis “Sounds like SOMEONE is jealous of the awesome sex her witch friends are having, just saying. #StellaImmanuelOnlyDoesMissionary” -Shannon “Why does Ken Jennings get applause for his use of a buzzer during championship rounds but the Astros are vilified? That’s Double Jeopardy in more ways than one!” -Jess “That's Roman's new move...the Bowel Movement" -JB After Roman tips Corbin over in the potty during Royal Rumble “Smoke my weed.” -Kyle “Tomorrow on Personal Injury Court: "You destroyed my vagina!" Me: "Continue."” -Klauss “Vernon Valley/Action Park on line one.” -Gordon’s one-line review of “Cannonball” “There’s no substitute for good old fashioned know-how.” -Prof. O “So a coworker says she’s pro-gun, pro-God, pro-LEO, pro-Trump, pro-life and that all lives matter. I say to her, quoting Colin Firth, ‘I’m a Catholic whore who is currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.’ See? I can flex for rubes on social media, too.” -C “Boy. Smoke really let himself go.” -Caleb “SUPER MATCH on tonight’s MGHSH: ______ LOVER $1000: Red Hot $500: Lousy $250: Latin.... I’ve been called all these things. At the same time.” -C “BREAKING: Massachusetts Lottery names Tom Brady its spokesman for its new lotto game -- Pick 6.” -Doug “If music be the food of love, then umami is the food of food!” -Heather “We already have artificial intelligence in the announcers booth… His name is Joe Buck.” -Brian “I don’t have the time or the crayons to show you how you did that wrong.” -Q “Okay so about Herve Villechaize’s dick.” -Klauss “Sharon after two Proseccos is the funniest motherfucker alive.” -Matt Richards “There’s tired, and then there’s Disney tired. He’s worn out!” -Terrie “Who the fuck is Mickey Rooney?” -Greg’s older brother when he was 8 “Remember, exercise causes endorphins. Endorphins make you happy....” -Michael “And happy people don’t kill their husbands.” -everyone “Peace, love, dope! Now get the hell out of my house!” -Evil Travis “My sister is being disgusted!” -Shannon’s sister “I already have my picks to replace Condfederacy monuments/statues and other members of the slave trade/colonialism. 1. Spock 2, Any Pokemon 3. Columbo (Specifically for Christopher Columbus) 4. The lead singer of GWAR 5. Dolly Parton” -Dane “Having said that, KEEP STAYING INSIDE. Let’s put this in easy terms: did you ever have a teacher say “If you’re good the entire week, we’ll watch a movie in class on Friday”? And when you made it to Thursday, everybody kind of had an eye on the dipshit in the class who was probably going to screw it up for everybody? Okay, right now, as far as COVID goes, it’s Thursday. Keep an eye on Adam. Or...I mean, whatever the kid’s name was in your class.” -Adam “I'm at the level of drunk where everything is HILARIOUS and I'm very pleased with myself... now I’m having a second drink and wearing this VERY NECESSARY hat.” -Arianna “May your 2020 be like ABC’s, shaky at first, but getting stronger.” -BB “A bunch of Goofuses and nary a Gallant.” -Ian “Hard and Stormy - the next pornhub film from Michael Avenatti.” -JB after Chico tried mistakenly to say “Dark and stormy” “With a name like Joe Exotic, expect more fingers than teeth.” -Chico re: Tiger King “I’d rather offend someone by showing up, by trying to understand and trying to care, than offend someone by not showing up, by refusing to understand and for appearing indifferent.” -Christina “If you feel the need to throw shade from behind an anonymous Twitter account... Don’t. Say it to my face or don’t say it at all. Don’t waste my time. It’s 2020. We’re not on here wasting people’s time. Stop it.” -Anne “His shake brings nobody to the yard.” -Jess re: HQreeper “Did Bill Cullen do Blockheads?” -Q “OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!” -C "I do normally have energy, but I did just win the Space Jam, so..." -Neumann “So watching the NFL Playoff game and my first thought is that I wonder how the Houston Astros were able to show the Texans how to steal all of the KC Chiefs' signals from their playbook.” -Gordon “Does anybody here have a dollar?” -C “No but I have a chicken!” -Q “You know what borders on insanity? Canada and Mexico.” -Chelsea’s friend Cathie “A 1 followed by 100 zeroes is known as a Googol. A 1 followed by 1,000 zeroes is known as the number of e-mails you will receive from 1-800-FLOWERS in the week leading up to Valentine's Day if you've ever bought even one bouquet in your life.” -Adam “I think I hate everything and everybody, so I’m going to get drunk on beer that’s been brewed in an old sheep carcass and then I’m going to stick my tiny penis in a dead dog I found in a ditch to make hate-babies or something because I am actually more stupid than mud.” -Alucard, impersonating Trevor Belmont, Castlevania “10/10 for entertainment and entry level gaming abilities. Gratuitous gore and endless ammunition. You will literally cry from laughing. Especially if you're as good at being bad at it as I am.” -Becca “I’m trying to eat better. After work today I’m going to have myself a nice salad. That’s right a nice Caprese salad with tomatoes and mozzarella cheese, and croutons… Well OK one crouton… One very large round crouton. Pizza. I’m going to order a pizza.” -Brian “Coming to theaters in January 2021: 2Jeopardy 2 GOAT.” -Evil Travis “You overthought it!” -Michael “You know me, Michael. Overthinking is kinda my thing.” -C “I had a baby.... in my king cake.” -Kathryn “hear me out: a cross between a heating pad AND a weighted blanket. *become* the hot pocket.” -Chelsea “Guessing both Foxes (New Fox & Disney) are catching onto the reality that Seth (MacFarlane) only has one idea, which he keeps trotting out in different disguises.” -Kevin “How’s your Wednesday?” -Wingo “Oh you know, places to go, people to see, lives to save, asses to cover. You know, a Wednesday!” -C “That’s why I don’t hold grudges, because I can’t remember shit.” -Joey “Brainvision has been brought to you by the Fire Me Please Sporting Division Showdown! Who will win? The Cleveland Browns? The Houston Astros? The NJ Devils? The NY KNicks? It will be fun to find out! That's the Fire Me Please Sporting Division SHowdown!” -Gordon "I have sent a dick pic. I didnt mean to do it. Mom, I'm sorry.” -contestant on The Circle “You can make excuses or you can make game moves. Pick one!” -C “He who hesitates is sacked.” -Nikki on Tua “Merry Crimbo!... I mean, Merry Chrysler!... I mean...” -Statboy “Welcome to this edition of “Faith in Humanity”, brought to yo by Bleagh. 🤮” -Gordon “Ass trumps feet, count it.” -VRM “On the Season Finale of St. Patswhere, Chief Surgeon Brady suddenly realizes that time has caught up to him and can't accurately perform like he as done in years past. Director of Medicine Belichick talks to his staff and is irate that instead of researching Vrabel-Tannehillitis, they brought him documents on Bunglaria. He punishes them by making them work on back cases and organizing them by bacteria count. In the operating room, time is not on the side of the staff as the patient is also suffering from Henry Syndrome where he rushed for 182 yards and a touchdown. To further accentuate the problems, Belichick finds out that Vrabel-Tennehillitis eats up the time left in the patient, despite his efforts to make time stand still. With time running out, Brady tries to push through his decline and makes a dangerous surgical operation. Sadly, the operation would turn to be fatal for the patient as Brady slips and cuts through vital organs and the scalpal is intercepted by the heart. The patient dies on the table and leaving both Brady and Belichick wondering if they still have what it takes in this new era of medicine. Will our dynamic duo return? find out next season...on St. Patswhere.” -Cyndi “That looks nothing like Tom Villard.” -Mike, anytime someone mentions Chris “Captain America” Evans as “America’s ass” “Okay, no no no no stop halt quit it cease desist. I will sign off on an Anglicized live-action remake of Ranma 1/2 before I approve of this.” -me reacting to a Fresh Prince reboot “Welcome to the Absolutely Fucking Crazy Championship game! With your analysts Tom Brady and Lamar Jackson. Tom: “Hey Lamar, how come we’re not playing in this game?” Lamar: “Cause we suck, man!” • Carl “Politicians are temporary. Wu-Tang is forever.” -@PressedNC “Coffee is not meaningless. Coffee is everything.” -LiyaZee “in the grand scheme of things, aren't we ALL between a sex store and a crematorium?” -Chelsea “You can cancel the show. You can not. Cancel. The culture.” -Chico “Go be bitter elsewhere.” -Hannah “Happy holidays ... and you’re welcome.” -Wayne Brady.... after telling us he’s not wearing underwear. === May our collective 2021 not suck as much as this year did. Seriously, I tried to burn my calendar and it wouldn’t burn. Anyway, here’s to 2021... Come together, just think of tomorrow.

0 notes

everettwilkinson · 7 years

Text

TOOMEY says Moore should drop out, and Strange should mount a write in — STRAUSS in Alabama: Republicans sticking with Moore — TRUMP ABROAD: Getting along with Russia is a good thing — VF’s new editor

Good Sunday morning. QUESTIONS FOR REPUBLICANS — If Roy Moore wins, do Republicans allow him in the Senate Republican Conference? Do they put him on prime committees? Will there be a movement to expel Moore? And with Steve Bannon on the warpath, do they have the ability to sideline other candidates who are out of step with the party?

— THE SENATE is a club. Friendships run deep. Moore is going to be an outsider in a place where relationships are the only thing that matter.

Story Continued Below

KELLYANNE CONWAY to MARTHA RADDATZ on ABC’S “THIS WEEK” about ROY MOORE: “I said very early in this process that the conduct as described should disqualify anyone from serving in public office and I’ll stand by that. The president and others in the Republican Party have made clear that if the allegations are true this man should step aside. But I’ve gone farther than that, and I reflected something the vice president said as well, which is everyone should know that conduct is disqualifying. And Mr. Moore has denied that conduct. I think you’ve got other people out there talking about what did or did not happen many years ago.”

— SEN. PAT TOOMEY (R-PA.) to Chuck Todd on NBC’S “MEET THE PRESS”: “I have to say, I think the accusations have more credibility than the denial, I think it would be best if Roy would just step aside. … I think a write in is something we should certainly explore. I think Luther Strange would be a strong candidate for a write in.”

— W.H. LEG AFFAIRS DIRECTOR MARC SHORT to Chuck: “I think that there’s a special place in hell for those who actually perpetrate these crimes, and I think Roy Moore has to do more explaining than he has done so far. But I think we here in Washington have to be careful as well in this. Roy Moore is somebody who graduated from West Point, he served our country in Vietnam, he’s been elected multiple times statewide in Alabama. The people in Alabama know Roy Moore better than we do here in DC, and I think we have to be very cautious, as Senator Toomey said of allegations that are 40 years old that arise a month before election day. … There’s no Senate seat more important than the notion of child pedophilia Chuck, I mean that’s reality. But having said that, he has not been proven guilty. We have to afford him the chance to defend himself.”

ON THE GROUND IN ALABAMA — “Moore backers stand by their man,” by Daniel Strauss in Birmingham: Roy “Moore denied the allegations before an audience of about 100 at the Mid-Alabama Republican Club in Vestavia Hills, drawing applause while casting the accounts as part of a conspiracy between the media, Democrats and the Republican establishment. With the report still just days old, it is still unclear if unwavering loyalty from some supporters will be enough to bring Moore a victory on Dec. 12, even in deeply Republican Alabama.

“But in the meantime, the response has shielded Moore against the demands of top Washington Republicans that he exit the race, and his base is prepared to fight on. ‘There was kind of a shock of ‘oh my goodness, these accusations.’ And then the second reaction is, ‘Why now?’ said Ed Henry, a Republican state representative. ‘It just stinks to high heaven. … It’s intended to demoralize and cause Republicans not to vote in December.’”

“Paul Reynolds, a Republican National Committee member from Alabama who attended the Moore event, said he has seen Republicans dividing into two categories since the Moore story broke. ‘There are going to be those who want to wait and see,’ Reynolds said. ‘There will be others that are going to double down and try harder.’” http://politi.co/2zEWfaS

— “Roy Moore Didn’t Deny Kissing Teenagers as 30-Year-Old in Call With Lawmaker,” by Washingtonian’s Elaina Plott: “He couldn’t deny relations with underage women in a phone call with a U.S. senator [on Friday]. According to three sources briefed on the call, Moore could not deny ‘kissing’ or ‘dating’ teenagers while in his thirties. The Republican senator encouraged Moore to drop out of the race, the sources said. A spokesman for Moore declined to comment on an account of the phone call.” http://bit.ly/2zz443L

— Alexander Marquardt (@MarquardtA): “Fmr Dep. DA Theresa Jones, who worked alongside Roy Moore, tells CNN: ‘It was common knowledge that Roy dated high school girls, everyone we knew thought it was weird…We wondered why someone his age would hang out at high school football games and the mall…’”

THE CIVIL WAR CONTINUES — MCCONNELL ON BANNON, via NYT’s Sheryl Stolberg: “Stephen K. Bannon, President Trump’s former chief strategist, is vowing to depose him, telling The New York Times that ‘I have an objective that Mitch McConnell will not be majority leader, and I believe will be done before this time next year.’ Mr. McConnell, he added, ‘has to go.’

“To that, Mr. McConnell laughed. ‘You can write that down,’ he said in an interview on Friday. ‘I laughed. Ha-ha. That’s a perfect response.’ … ‘Mitch will be very calm, he’ll be very strategic, he’ll be very surgical and he will eventually eviscerate Mr. Bannon, and Bannon won’t even know what happened to him,’ said Bill Stone, a former chairman of the Republican Party in Louisville who is close to Mr. McConnell. ‘Bannon is dealing with a man of intellect and a man of experience and a man of patience and resolve like he’s never met in his life.’” http://nyti.ms/2zuY64i

WAPO’S DAN BALZ: “Trump dominates the GOP base. Party leaders live with the consequences”: http://wapo.st/2jkT6IQ

SPOTTED: Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump last night having dinner at Casa Luca

MOVEMENT IN THE MIDDLE EAST – NYT A1, “Trump Team Begins Drafting Middle East Peace Plan,” by Peter Baker: “President Trump and his advisers have begun developing their own concrete blueprint to end the decades-old conflict between Israel and the Palestinians, a plan intended to go beyond previous frameworks offered by the American government in pursuit of what the president calls ‘the ultimate deal.’ After 10 months of educating themselves on the complexities of the world’s most intractable dispute, White House officials said, Mr. Trump’s team of relative newcomers to Middle East peacemaking has moved into a new phase of its venture in hopes of transforming what it has learned into tangible steps to end a stalemate that has frustrated even presidents with more experience in the region. …

“Mr. Trump’s team has collected ‘non-papers’ exploring various issues related to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and officials said they expected to address such perennial dividing points as the status of Jerusalem and settlements in the occupied West Bank. Although Mr. Trump has not committed to a Palestinian state, analysts said they anticipated that the plan will have to be built around the so-called two-state solution that has been the core of peacemaking efforts for years. …

“‘There’s nothing new under the sun when it comes to Middle East peace,’ said Philip Gordon, a White House Middle East coordinator under Mr. Obama. ‘When you get into these details, that’s when you come up against the strong objections of the two sides. If they don’t want it to be dead on arrival, they may wind up with vague principles, but as we’ve seen, even vague principles are beyond what the parties are willing to embrace.’” http://nyti.ms/2zRyZJJ

****** A message from Morgan Stanley: A new industrial revolution: Quantum computing’s advanced abilities could redefine business. Read more from Morgan Stanley. ******

CATCHING YOU UP ON TRUMP ABROAD …

— TRUMP TO VIETNAMESE PRESIDENT TRUONG TAN SANG ON SOUTH CHINA SEA DISPUTE, per pooler AFP’s Jerome Cartillier: “If I can help mediate or arbitrate, please let me know (…) I am a very good mediator.”

— TRUMP ON PUTIN SAYING HE DID NOT MEDDLE IN U.S. ELECTIONS: “What I said there is that I believe he believes that, and that’s very important for somebody to believe. I believe that he feels that he and Russia did not meddle in the election.

“As to whether I believe it or not, I’m with our agencies, especially as currently constituted with their leadership. I believe in our intel agencies, our intelligence agencies. I’ve worked with them very strongly. There weren’t seventeen as was previously reported; there were actually four. … Now, at the same time, I want to be able — because I think it’s very important — to get along with Russia, to get along with China, to get along with Vietnam, to get along with lots of countries, because we have a lot of things we have to solve. And, frankly, Russia and China in particular can help us with the North Korea problem, which is one of our truly great problems.

“So I’m not looking to stand and start arguing with somebody when there’s reporters all around and cameras recording and seeing our conversation. I think it was very obvious to everybody. I believe that President Putin really feels — and he feels strongly — that he did not meddle in our election. What he believes is what he believes. …

“[I] feel that having Russia in a friendly posture, as opposed to always fighting with them, is an asset to the world and an asset to our country, not a liability. And, by the way, Hillary Clinton had the reset button. She wanted to get back together with Russia. She even spelled ‘reset’ wrong. That’s how it started, and then it got worse. President Obama wanted to get along with Russia, but the chemistry wasn’t there. Getting along with other nations is a good thing, not a bad thing — believe me. It’s a good thing, not a bad thing.”

— TAKING ADVANTAGE OF 280 CHARACTERS: @realDonaldTrump last night at 7:16 p.m.: “Met with President Putin of Russia who was at #APEC meetings. Good discussions on Syria. Hope for his help to solve, along with China the dangerous North Korea crisis. Progress being made.” … at 7:18 p.m.: “When will all the haters and fools out there realize that having a good relationship with Russia is a good thing, not a bad thing. There always playing politics – bad for our country. I want to solve North Korea, Syria, Ukraine, terrorism, and Russia can greatly help!” …

… at 7:43 p.m.: “Does the Fake News Media remember when Crooked Hillary Clinton, as Secretary of State, was begging Russia to be our friend with the misspelled reset button? Obama tried also, but he had zero chemistry with Putin.” … at 7:48 p.m.: “Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me ‘old,’ when I would NEVER call him ‘short and fat?’ Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend – and maybe someday that will happen!”

ON THE WORLD STAGE — “Duterte to ask Trump to return historic spoils of war taken in 1901,” by CBS News’ Jillian Hughes and Jackie Alemany: “When Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte sits down for his first face-to-face bilateral meeting with President Trump on Monday in Manila, he will come to the table with an unusual request. Duterte wants the United States to return war trophies seized more than 100 years ago: three historic church bells that were taken from the Philippine village of Balangiga after a bloody clash during the Philippine-American War.” http://cbsn.ws/2i9pJWR

— “How Saudi Arabia turned on Lebanon’s Hariri,” by Reuters’ Samia Nakhoul, Laila Bassam and Tom Perry in Beirut: “Sources close to Hariri say Saudi Arabia has concluded that the prime minister — a long-time Saudi ally and son of late prime minister Rafik al-Hariri, who was assassinated in 2005 — had to go because he was unwilling to confront Hezbollah. Multiple Lebanese sources say Riyadh hopes to replace Saad Hariri with his older brother Bahaa as Lebanon’s top Sunni politician. Bahaa is believed to be in Saudi Arabia and members of the Hariri family have been asked to travel there to pledge allegiance to him, but have refused.” http://reut.rs/2AzVBuy

THE TRUMP LEGACY — NYT A1, “Trump Is Rapidly Reshaping the Judiciary. Here’s How,” by Charlie Savage: “In the weeks before Donald J. Trump took office, lawyers joining his administration gathered at a law firm near the Capitol, where Donald F. McGahn II, the soon-to-be White House counsel, filled a white board with a secret battle plan to fill the federal appeals courts with young and deeply conservative judges. Mr. McGahn, instructed by Mr. Trump to maximize the opportunity to reshape the judiciary, mapped out potential nominees and a strategy, according to two people familiar with the effort: Start by filling vacancies on appeals courts with multiple openings and where Democratic senators up for re-election next year in states won by Mr. Trump — like Indiana, Michigan and Pennsylvania — could be pressured not to block his nominees.

“And to speed them through confirmation, avoid clogging the Senate with too many nominees for the district courts, where legal philosophy is less crucial. Nearly a year later, that plan is coming to fruition. Mr. Trump has already appointed eight appellate judges, the most this early in a presidency since Richard M. Nixon, and on Thursday, the Senate Judiciary Committee voted along party lines to send a ninth appellate nominee — Mr. Trump’s deputy White House counsel, Gregory Katsas — to the floor.” http://nyti.ms/2iRhuOv

–“Trump Nominee for Federal Judgeship Has Never Tried a Case,” by NYT’s Vivian Wang: “A 36-year-old lawyer who has never tried a case and who was unanimously deemed ‘not qualified’ by the American Bar Association has been approved for a lifetime federal district judgeship by the Senate Judiciary Committee. The lawyer, Brett Talley, is the fourth judicial nominee under President Trump to receive a ‘not qualified’ rating from the bar association and the second to receive the rating unanimously.” http://nyti.ms/2yvdcmC

MISLEADING CONGRESS? — “After new revelations, Sessions faces another grilling on Russia contacts in Trump campaign,” by L.A. Times’ Joseph Tanfani: “For Atty. Gen. Jeff Sessions, questions about the Trump campaign and Russia have become a nagging headache that won’t go away. Three times, he has appeared before his former colleagues in the Senate and answered questions about what he knew about contacts with Russians during the campaign. Three times, Sessions stumbled, issuing denials that later proved to be incomplete or wrong.

“On Tuesday, the nation’s highest lawman will face another grilling on Capitol Hill, this time prompted by claims in court documents and congressional testimony that he was told of at least two aides’ meetings with Russian officials — despite his claim last month that he was unaware of any such contacts. ‘The facts appear to contradict your sworn testimony on several occasions,’ all 17 Democrats on the House Judiciary Committee wrote to Sessions last week in advance of his appearance there.” http://bit.ly/2hmzShP

— “Lawmakers question whether key CIA nominee misled Congress,” by AP’s Deb Reichmann: “Two former CIA employees are accusing the Trump administration’s choice for CIA chief watchdog of being less than candid when he told Congress he didn’t know about any active whistleblower complaints against him. Members of the Senate Intelligence Committee asked Christopher Sharpley, the current acting inspector general who’s in line for the permanent job, about complaints that he and other managers participated in retaliation against CIA workers who alerted congressional committees and other authorities about alleged misconduct. ‘I’m unaware of any open investigations on me, the details of any complaints about me,’ Sharpley testified at his confirmation hearing last month.” http://bit.ly/2jkSHGo

AP in Berlin: “A list of heartbreak: Newspaper tallies 33,293 dead migrants”: “The German paper Der Tagesspiegel has published a list of 33,293 people who it says died while trying to immigrate to Europe. The list is 46 pages long and covers the period from 1993 to May 29, 2017. The newspaper cites the victims’ names, ages, countries of origin, circumstances, date of death and the source of information. Often, the names are not given because the dead were not identified.” http://bit.ly/2zRXne3

SUNDAY BEST …

— JAKE TAPPER talks with FORMER CIA DIRECTOR JOHN BRENNAN on CNN’S “State of the Union”: TAPPER: “What is your response, Mr. Brennan, to what President Trump said about Vladimir Putin and U.S. intelligence agencies?” BRENNAN: “Well, I think Mr. Trump knows that the intelligence agencies, specifically CIA, NSA and FBI, the ones that really have responsibility for counterintelligence and looking at what Russia does, it’s very clear that the Russians interfered in the election. And it’s still puzzling as to why Mr. Trump does not acknowledge that and embrace it, and also push back hard against Mr. Putin. The Russian threat to our democracy and our democratic foundations is real. And I think his continuing to not say very clearly and strongly that this is a national security problem, and to say to Mr. Putin, we know you did it, you would have to stop it, because there are going to be consequences if you don’t.”

— CHRIS WALLACE talks with HOUSE WAYS AND MEANS CHAIRMAN KEVIN BRADY (R-TEXAS) on FOX NEWS’ “Fox News Sunday” about whether the House will pass tax reform by Thanksgiving: BRADY: “I believe it will. I feel there’s strong support for this. We continue to make improvements at every step of the way.”

— “Brady: House will not accept repeal of state, local tax deductions,” by Zach Warmbrodt: http://politi.co/2AADcgO

— JOHN DICKERSON talks with TREASURY SECRETARY STEVEN MNUCHIN on CBS’S “Face the Nation”: DICKERSON: “Let me ask you about [lobbyists]. The president said he wanted to drain the swamp in Washington. What instruction has he given you, in putting this package together, to keep lobbyists’ influence out of the process?” MNUCHIN: “Again, I’m not concerned about lobbyists. We’ve reached out to many, many trade groups to get lots of input, okay? Lots of people, lots of CEOs, have had input into this. But this is all about growth. And this is about an economic program that I’ve had the opportunity to work with the president since the campaign. And we’re focused. We’re so excited to get this done and to the President’s desk in December.” DICKERSON: “So no special instructions, though, about lobbyists, getting them out of this process.” MNUCHIN: “I haven’t had any lobbyists really involved with us. We’ve had trade groups that we’ve listened to input. But I’m not concerned about lobbyists at all.”

PHOTO DU JOUR: Vice President Mike Pence cleans a portion of the wall at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial on Veterans Day on Nov. 11. | Alex Brandon/AP Photo

ALI WATKINS — “Cold War Soviet technology studied in Cuba attacks”: “U.S. intelligence officials are closely studying Cold War-era Soviet technology as they seek to determine whether an electronic weapon was used to disorient and injure 24 American officials in Cuba earlier this year. Two intelligence officials tell POLITICO they’re confident that the attacks were conducted with an ‘energy directed’ or ‘acoustic’ device, possibly similar to one used by Soviet intelligence in Havana more than four decades ago, but remain unsure of its exact nature.

“That has officials combing classified files and even contacting retired intelligence officers for clues to a mystery that has triggered a diplomatic crisis less than three years after President Barack Obama restored diplomatic relations with Havana. ‘We’re trying to talk to guys as far back as the 1960s,’ said one of the intelligence officials. The sweeping, government-wide search for answers — spearheaded publicly by the State Department — has pulled in expertise from intelligence agencies, science and weapons development offices and health officials. Still, answers remain elusive. ‘It’s baffled the entire community,’ the intelligence official said.” http://politi.co/2AyE31L

KOCH WATCH — “Libertarian billionaire Charles Koch is making a big bet on foreign policy,” by WaPo’s Greg Jaffe: “A foundation overseen by billionaire industrialist Charles Koch is making major investments in foreign policy programs at elite American universities, including a soon-to-be-announced $3.7 million grant to Harvard University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. The latest grant … is part of a larger effort to broaden the debate about an American foreign policy Koch and others at his foundation argue has become too militaristic, interventionist and expensive. It follows about $10 million in similar grants the Charles Koch Foundation has given in recent months to Notre Dame, Tufts University, Catholic University and the University of California at San Diego.” http://wapo.st/2zzefFz

FOR YOUR RADAR — “Woman says she was harassed at defense agency over child-care issues,” by WaPo’s Rachel Weiner: “A female defense agency employee said in court this month that she was isolated and harassed at the office after asking to work from home one day a week because she could not arrange child care. Her bosses at the Defense Security Service say she is simply unhappy she was not given special accommodation. A jury in federal court in Alexandria is expected to decide in the next week which side they believe. Patricia Burke’s suit against the Defense Department is the rare employment discrimination case against the federal government to go to trial.” http://wapo.st/2yVkowq

— “At the SEC, Whistleblowers Blow Whistle on Watchdog,” by WSJ’s Jean Eaglesham: “The watchdog for the [SEC], who encourages staff at the top securities regulator to blow the whistle on misconduct and fraud, is himself the subject of complaints by several whistleblowers. Carl Hoecker, the SEC inspector general, is tasked with rooting out malpractice at the agency. His team investigates alleged misconduct by SEC officials, ranging from insider trading to expenses fraud. The office’s website highlights protections for SEC employees who disclose evidence of waste, fraud or abuse.

“At least two employees working for Mr. Hoecker have filed complaints to a different federal whistleblower-protection agency, alleging that he and his senior staff retaliated against them for calling out misconduct within the inspector general’s office, according to people familiar with the matter and documents reviewed by The Wall Street Journal. Raphael Kozolchyk, a spokesman for the SEC Office of Inspector General, said ‘a number of the claims contain significant factual inaccuracies, while others are grossly misleading.’ He added that the office does ‘not comment on ongoing personnel matters.’ Mr. Hoecker didn’t respond to a request for comment.” http://on.wsj.com/2yuCVvt

MEDIAWATCH — “Radhika Jones, a Times Books Editor, Said to Be Next Vanity Fair Editor,” by NYT’s Sydney Ember: “In a dramatic changing of the guard, Radhika Jones, the editorial director of the books department at The New York Times and a former top editor at Time magazine, is expected to be named the next editor of Vanity Fair, according to two people with knowledge of the decision. Condé Nast, which publishes Vanity Fair, plans to make the announcement as soon as Monday. Ms. Jones, 44, will succeed the 68-year-old Graydon Carter, who said in September that he was stepping down from the glossy general-interest magazine after a 25-year run at its helm.” http://nyti.ms/2zwKaGU

BONUS GREAT WEEKEND READS, curated by Daniel Lippman:

–“The Stockholder in the Sand,” by William D. Cohan in March 2013 in Vanity Fair: “[T]he private origins—and exact size—of his massive fortune are the subject of continued debate between [Alwaleed] bin Talal and prominent media outlets. So what’s the truth? And does one of the richest men on Bloomberg’s Billionaire Index—a calorie-counting cell-phone addict who loves texting James Murdoch—really spend his free time throwing dwarves?” http://bit.ly/2jiEUjO … 2012 Business Insider profile by Nicholas Carlson http://read.bi/2yQDhkq

–“Donald Trump Movie Review – Orson Welles’ ‘Citizen Kane’” – From an interview Trump did with filmmaker Errol Morris for a project called “Movie Movie” — 3-min. video http://bit.ly/2yOLCFh

–“The Convert,” by Abigail Pesta in Texas Monthly: “Tania Joya had been married to a jihadist from Texas for ten years, but she was tired of living like a nomad and unnerved by his increasingly extreme ideology. When he dragged their family to war-torn Syria, she knew it was time to get out.” http://bit.ly/2jfXby6

–“In the Land of Vendettas That Go On Forever,” by Amanda Petrusich in VQR: “In Northern Albania, vengeance is as likely a form of restitution as anything the criminal-justice system can offer.” http://bit.ly/2mgl2Px

–“The Long, Bizarre Relationship Between Jann Wenner and Mick Jagger,” by Joe Hagan in Vulture: http://bit.ly/2jg3eTc

–“Disneyland with the Death Penalty,” by William Gibson in the April 1993 edition of Wired — per Longform.org’s description: “On the sanitized wonderland that is Singapore.” http://bit.ly/2zysdVS

–“A Restaurant Ruined My Life,” by Robert Maxwell in Toronto Life: “I was a foodie with a boring day job who figured he could run a restaurant. Then I encountered rats, endless red tape, crippling costs and debt-induced meltdowns, started popping sleeping pills, lost my house, and nearly sabotaged my marriage.” http://bit.ly/2yOcPrs

–“Under the Banner of New York,” by Zadie Smith in the N.Y. Review of Books: “We can often be found screaming at strangers in the street but we just as frequently pick them up off the floor. We are every variety of human. Some of us are dopers and junkies. Some of us are preschool teachers and nuns. None of us deserve to be killed in the street. We are a multiplicity of humans in an elastic social arrangement that can be stretched in many directions. It’s not broken yet.” http://bit.ly/2yowji0

–“Inside Rodrigo Duterte’s drug war — Part 1, the cycle of violence,” by CBS News’ Kylie Atwood: Hitman “Delo, 40, has two children under the age of 10. They do not know their father is a murderer. He worries most about getting killed and about his true work being revealed to his children. ‘I do feel guilty,’ he says. But he claims he can’t get out, even though he would like to. ‘If you try to get out, they might kill you,’ he says. ‘That it’s my family who might be — I might get killed and they might get killed.’” http://cbsn.ws/2zGabS1

–“How to sell a country: the booming business of nation branding,” by Samanth Subramanian in the Guardian: “These days, every place in the world wants to market its unique identity – and an industry has sprung up to help put them on the map.” http://bit.ly/2iJFtPA

–“Meet The Riders Of The Sikh Motorcycle Club Of The Northeast,” by Teresa Mathew in BuzzFeed: “Riding their bikes together offers this group of Sikhs an all-American way to celebrate their faith, in a country where it often makes them targets.” http://bzfd.it/2hrVWLQ

–“Distaff Meeting: When sisterhood flowered in Detroit,” by the Weekly Standard’s Alice Lloyd in Detroit: “It is Rose McGowan, though, who steals the show. With an otherworldly cadence and a militant message, the reformed Hollywood vamp commands her troops: ‘We are planet women, and you will hear us roar!’” http://tws.io/2hkJU3h

–“Frequent Gunfire,” by John Banville in The Nation — per ALDaily.com’s description: “The fake machismo, the boozing, the braggadocio — Hemingway kept up the facade of the hairy-chested artist for as long as he was able. But who was he really?” http://bit.ly/2jiDBkP

–“Could Rome Have Had an Industrial Revolution?” by Mark Koyama on Medium: http://bit.ly/2yO4jZI

–“Mail-Order CRISPR Kits Allow Absolutely Anyone to Hack DNA,” by Annie Sneed in Scientific American — per The Browser’s description: “You can buy a CRISPR kit by mail order for $130 and do some serious genetic engineering in the privacy of your own home. The starter pack shows you how to modify e coli. The rest is up to you. Are we handing rogue scientists the means to flood the world with mutant life-forms?” http://bit.ly/2ArOjsH

— “Teen Girl Posed For 8 Years As Married Man To Write About Baseball And Harass Women,” by Lindsey Adler in Deadspin: http://bit.ly/2hrKRKK

SPOTTED yesterday in Bonn at the COP23 climate talks: Sens. Brian Schatz (D-Hawaii), Sheldon Whitehouse (D-R.I.), Jeff Merkley (D-Ore.) and Ed Markey (D-Mass.), Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe, former Vice President Al Gore, former NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg and California Gov. Jerry Brown. … Lawrence O’Donnell checking his phone outside of Bourbon Steak at the Four Seasons Georgetown in DC last night — pic http://bit.ly/2yUag7i …

… Michael Jordan sitting at a table by the bar at Bourbon Steak last night before getting dinner at the restaurant … Ron Kaufman yesterday at Ophelia’s Fish House … Sens. Rob Portman (R-Ohio) and Jack Reed (D-R.I.) received the Panetta Institute for Public Policy’s bipartisan Lincoln-Jefferson award in Pebble Beach, California.

SPOTTED yesterday at Weekly Standard editor Steve Hayes’ third annual chili cook-off at his family’s house in Davidsonville, Maryland: Bill Kristol, Peter and Kari Boyer, Matt Labash, Jonathan and Betsy Fischer Martin, Andy Ferguson, Mike Warren, Jonathan and Shannon Last, John and Lauren McCormack, Richard Starr, Ethan Epstein, Adam Keiper, Alice Lloyd, Jenna Lifhits, Vic Matus, Jim Swift.

WEEKEND WEDDINGS — Kris Anderson, a partner at Prospect Strategic Communications, former RNC research director and a Romney and Huntsman alum, on Saturday married Natalie Ethridge, who works for the National Alliance for Public Charter Schools. Pool report: The couple “were married in a beautiful sunset ceremony in Cabo on Saturday before family and friends. As one of the GOP’s most prolific oppo researchers, the welcome party included a LexisNexis challenge. Kris and Natalie first met on the Schwarzenegger campaign in 2006 and started dating in 2008. After nearly a decade together, they chose the very apt #FoolsRushIn hashtag to mark the occasion.” Pic by Eric Draper/Eric Draper Photography http://bit.ly/2zAyeUb

SPOTTED: Webber Steinhoff, Ed Murphy, Matt David, Kirsten Kukowski, Jahan Wilcox, Tim Miller (who wore an “I’m with her” shirt) and Tyler Jameson, Sarah Pompei, Joe Pounder, Alex Angel, Francis Brennan, Matt Gorman, Andy Hemming, Jim Bognet, John Wittman and Cait Meisenheimer, Drew Florio and Colleen McGowan, Katie Boyd, Ted Kwong, Tom Merwin, Peter Li, Darrel and Jessica Ng, Tim and Sarah Killeen, Webb Hubbell, Tim Killeen, Fran Brennan, Mason and Chelsea Harrison, Amanda Henneberg, Byron Koay.

–Creigh Behnke, deputy finance director at the NRSC and NRCC alum, on Saturday married Michael Senich, a senior associate at Majority Strategies, at The Broadmoor in Colorado Springs, Colo. “The couple met at the NRCC when Creigh worked in the Finance Department and Michael worked for the political office of Speaker of the House John Boehner.” Pic http://bit.ly/2iP4BV7

SPOTTED: Tommy Andrews, Katie Behnke, Megan Cummings, Leigh Tenewitz, Lucy Noell Croxton, Megan Becker, Krista Madaio, Chris Hansen, Tom Whatman, Grant Gardner, Seton Gardner, Michael Beach, Bryan Watkins, Lauren Toomey, Josh Penry, Kristin Strohm, Michael Calvo, Jordan Lieberman, Missy Lieberman and Marcus Rose.

–Adam Kennedy, the new White House research director and an RNC alum, tied the knot with health care consultant Kim Wallace at Roofer’s Union in Adams Morgan. The two are college sweethearts. Pic http://bit.ly/2hnMDJf SPOTTED: White House aides Raj Shah, Zach Parkinson, and Tyler Ross and RNC’s Scott Parker and Eric Schulze.

–Julia Krieger, deputy comms director for Sen. Heidi Heitkamp (D-N.D.), and Evan Vanderveer, co-founder of Vanshap Capital, had a wedding reception last night at the Barnes Foundation in Philadelphia. The couple previously got married in August in Santorini in a private ceremony. Pic http://bit.ly/2ADHlSc

BIRTHWEEK (was yesterday): Edelman’s Greg Romano and Michael Boisjolie

BIRTHDAY OF THE DAY: Jeremy Skule, SVP and chief marketing officer at Nasdaq and alum of MF Global and Fleishman-Hillard. What he’s reading these days: “‘American Radical: Inside the World of an Undercover Muslim FBI Agent,’ by Tamer Elnoury with Kevin Maurer. I’m fascinated by the work of our intelligence community and my brother is my hero and also in the FBI.” Read his Playbook Plus Q&A: http://politi.co/2mjookr

BIRTHDAYS: Dr. Elena Allbritton … Jeff Zients … Tyrone Gayle, press secretary for Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.), is 3-0 … Sen. Jack Reed (D-R.I.) is 68 … Eurasia Group president Ian Bremmer is 48 … USA Today’s Nancy Trejos … former Transportation Sec. Norm Mineta is 86 … Stephanie Kotuby and Rhana Natour of “PBS NewsHour” (h/t Nick Massella) … Facebook’s Katie Harbath … Rex Elsass … Katie Stuntz … Ryan Coyne, founder and CEO of Olympic Media, is 3-0 … Mark SooHoo of Burson-Marsteller … Politico’s Bennett Richardson … Jenn Ridder … Luca Spinelli … ThinkProgress’ Kira Lerner … Leo DiBenigno … Joe Johnston … Dave Weinberg … Takaaki Mizuno is 59 … Kevin Gundersen, director of gov’t relations at Huntsman, is 36 … David Lawrence … Alex Brown … Michelle Perry … Kamal Marell … Jay Lumpkins … Amber Cottle … Vinny Minchillo … Harlan Hill …

… Ross Baird, executive director at Village Capital and author of the new book “The Innovation Blind Spot” … RNC’s Steve Guest … Jessica Kahanek … Maria Cardona, principal at Dewey Square Group … Scott Beauchamp … Josh Britton … Alex Griswold of the Free Beacon … Olivia Lange, a student at Stanford’s GSB … Erica Sackin, director of political comms at Planned Parenthood … Laura Mandy Mszar … Columbia history professor Carol Gluck … Neal Shusterman is 55 … Naomi Wolf is 55 … Nina Brosh … Jake Orta … Crozer Connor … Frank Mazza … former Rep. Diane Watson (D-Calif.) is 84 … Gina Hill … Sheila O’Connell … Mica Strother … Pam Oatis (h/ts Teresa Vilmain)

****** A message from Morgan Stanley: The next generation of supercomputers appears to be at an inflection point—promising speed and processing power that could redefine business and trigger a new industrial revolution. Quantum computing’s advanced abilities could open the door to dramatic innovation in a variety of industries. Chemical manufacturers and pharmaceutical companies, for example, could simulate the chain of chemical reactions needed to design new and far more complex compounds and materials. And just as past industrial revolutions created many of the sectors that form the core of today’s global economy, quantum computing could give rise to new companies and sectors not yet imagined. Read more. ******

SUBSCRIBE to the Playbook family: POLITICO Playbook http://politi.co/2lQswbh … Playbook Power Briefing http://politi.co/2xuOiqh … New York Playbook http://politi.co/1ON8bqW … Florida Playbook http://politi.co/1OypFe9 … New Jersey Playbook http://politi.co/1HLKltF … Massachusetts Playbook http://politi.co/1Nhtq5v … Illinois Playbook http://politi.co/1N7u5sb … California Playbook http://politi.co/2bLvcPl … London Playbook http://politi.co/2xfDPuK … Brussels Playbook http://politi.co/1FZeLcw … All our political and policy tipsheets http://politi.co/1M75UbX

This article tagged under:

Source link

from CapitalistHQ.com https://capitalisthq.com/toomey-says-moore-should-drop-out-and-strange-should-mount-a-write-in-strauss-in-alabama-republicans-sticking-with-moore-trump-abroad-getting-along-with-russia-is-a-good-thing-vfs/

#TrumpNews #CapitalistHQ.com

0 notes

briaabee-blog1 · 7 years

Text

Bordertown

While Netflix binging one may come across this FOX show created by Mark Hentemann. Bordertown is a provocative and thought provoking show about the Southwest and possible representations of real border towns across the country. The show’s start up song begins with the families whipping through a tornado and as they land the town clearly separates into Mexican and white half. In other words, the Mexican family was the "nonwhite other" and that was going to be made clear in the episode. I also immediately thought Hentemann was presenting stereotypes of both cultures in one comedy. The first episode 1 is entitled The Engagement.

The story begins with the daughter of the Buckwalds running over to the Mexican family and telling the uncle how excited she is that his nephew is coming home from college. Becky said “I’d bake a cake if that didn’t enforce gender roles...”, excited she runs away and says oh forget It! I implied that she was going to bake one anyways. This statement was interesting because The grandfather of the Mexican father told Ernesto not to talk to her because she is the daughter of la migra. Ernesto replied by saying “Oh come on papi, I like Bud. Don't hate him just for doing his job. That would be like the grass hating me for doing mines.” The camera moved to his landscaping truck that said Gonzalez landscaping: I will murder your grass and its family. This irony was saddening because the border patrol does have the power to "murder families" in a literal sense by sending a parent or two to Mexico resulting in orphan children in The United States.

The next scene the white father, Bud, is sitting at his job at the Border control office. He is watching the newscaster talk about the new “Show me your papers law, prop 7010.” This law can send anyone back to Mexico if the police suspect they should be there. Bud comments and says “It’s about time, The Southwest belongs to retired teachers and meth lab entrepreneurs.” When Bud said that joke I immediately thought of New Mexico; where AMC’s Breaking Bad was filmed. Also New Mexico is a known retirement state. Hentemann is exposing racist tendencies the Southwest commits on a daily basis

When Bud Buckwald is driving home he drives past a sign that says MEXIFORNIA U.S - MEXICO BORDER, this stood out to me because instantly you can tell the main character Bud strongly dislikes the Mexican race but he lives so close to them. In my eyes this is a contradiction, you cannot truly hate something and then be surrounded by it, in this case live in their environment. This contradiction is a reality today because more predominantly Black areas of New York are becoming more white dominated. When Bud is driving there are signs all over the area saying Vote NO ON 7010 and Vote YES ON 7010. As bud drives down his street there are all NO signs and his house is the only YES. This small detail also shows how he is living in an area not dominated by his master status but he feels entitled to kick out the whole neighborhood.

When he pulls into the driveway his neighbor greets him and he replies by asking “Ernesto, what the hell crazy holiday are you decorating for now?” This question is insinuating the stigma that Mexican families celebrate a lot of “crazy holidays” so Bud sounded annoyed and when asking which holiday is it now. Ernesto replies "No holiday, my nephew J.C is coming home from college." Ernesto's response altered a stigma attached to the Mexican population: they are not educated. His nephew is beating the odds by attending college successfully. Bud replies by saying “Oh dear God that egghead is back? There is nothing worse than a Mexican with glasses.” and walks away. This comment demeans J.C’s character based on ethnicity (Mexican) and appearance(shape of his head and glasses). Ernesto plays it off by saying “He’s a great guy.” with the people surrounding him saying nothing. This “laughing from keep from crying” connect comes into play. Ernesto tries to overlook his neighbor’s rude comments by merely laughing it off and complying with his behavior.

When Bud got home his wife had already made dinner, the pet fed and had the kids sitting at the table. This gender conformity moment stood out to me because since the father was out working this implied the mother attended to the house duties. Janice asks about his day he states it was okay... but that new immigration law will fix things! Becky screams "Dad how could you support that horrible law? If you get rid of the immigrants who's next?" Bud replies "Let's cross that gay bridge when we come to it, huh?" This statement is offensive to the LGBTOIA community because Bud is implying that the gay population is next to be 'dealt' with after the immigrants. Janice steps in and says "Oh, your father is just upset because a lot of our immigrant neighbors are doing better than us. He told me so in private. I didn’t want to say anything but my lips started moving and I couldn't seem to stop them, see! They're still going now!" This is an example of sexual prejudice because the author is portraying the mother as a 'time witted woman' who cannot control words coming out of her mouth. The stereotype that woman are as incompetent as children comes into play because children sometimes have lack of control as Janice did in that moment.

In the next scene Becky stands up for the Mexican population by saying "Dad who cares if immigrants are doing better than us? They work hard. They deserve it!" Bud replies by ranting "I care! I used to be someone in this town. My dad owned the biggest flower shop on the strip, right across from the freeway. All you had to do was pull off the exit, park your car, buy some flowers. Couldn't get more convenient. And then Alejandro changed the game." This statement is ignorant because Bud is not taking into account that someone has to grow the flowers being sold. The Immigrant population is the only group of people that take odd jobs such as growing/planting and cleaning. Bud's dad may have sold flowers successfully but the middle man(immigrants) made that success possible. Also the fact that Bud thinks he is "someone in this town" because of his father is a sense of entitlement. Bud is acting like a stereotypical white, middle class male by assuming his father's reputation transfers over.

The Buckwald family attends the Gonzalez's family celebration for J.C returning from college. When they arrive the grandfather shouts "Aw crap! Who invited the rednecks from next door?" This stereotypical phrase is used to demean one's character based on previously stigmatized individuals. This is also an aggregate term because Bud is white he is stigmatized as being a redneck. Bud shouts back to the grandfather "We ain't rednecks! Would rednecks have a five-year old beauty pageant star? Show em, Gert!" The white community may be unaware but there is a huge stigma behind beauty pageants and being white. Having young girls compete in beauty pageants is a predominantly white, American pastime. Other cultures and some ethnic communities frown upon sexually flaunting young girls but in America beauty pageants is a part of culture. Gert complies and says "Sparkles(Pet pig) you ready?" She then begins signing "I'm beautiful and famous, and you know what my name is." Then she runs to eat trough with the pig. Bud condones with glee and says "My beautiful angel one day you're going to be on the cover of the internet." Gert singing about being beautiful and everyone wanting to know her name reaffirms the white bubble mentality. This mentality is that just because of my whiteness I am worth everyone knowing my name and paying attention to me. Also the fact that she has a pet pig and ate trough is stereotypically seen as a white country hillbilly. In other words, a redneck. Furthermore, Bud cheers her on by encouraging her appearance on the front of the internet. Modernizing magazine modeling Bud is foreseeing his daughter being famous based on looks and "talent".

The next scene THE MEXICAN MOTHER hugs Janice and says "Help yourself to food—tacos, burritos, quesadillas." This is a new stereotype because there are stats from ABC news that one out of every 10 restaurants in America sells Mexican food. Meaning Mexican food is adored and consumed more by Americans and Mexicans themselves. Bud screams "I don’t want any of that crap! I'll catch my own food." As he says that he pulls out a duck caller. Stereotypically hunting and duck calling is a white "redneckish" activity because you predominantly only see white people participating.

When J.C pulls up to the house in a cab the driver asks for a tip. J.C replies by saying "Here's a tip, I'm no better than you. Don't ever forget it. It's the working class that keeps spaceship Earth running." The annoyed taxi driver replies "I use to be president of Estonia." This is a good example of how people feel less obligated to help each other because of the fact that society is struggling as a whole. The middle class is a majority of America so any money one receives can advance them more than others. So not tipping someone lessens their chance of moving up and you moving down. Also, the taxi driver took an assimilation pay cut moving to America. He may have been royalty and a prominent source in Estonia but is just an immigrant taxi driver in America. When he states that he is wanting more respect from J.C than his speech about remaining middle class.

Finally J.C and Becky get a moment alone and J.C instantly proposes! When Becky says yes, J.C replies "I've never been so happy to be heteronormative!" This is another offensive statement aimed at the LGBTOIA community. Due to the fact that heterosexual couple can get married with no problem this leaves the non-heterosexual community in the background to unofficially be a couple. Also the fact that they are heterosexual society will be more accepting than if they were gay. Excitement turns into worry as Becky mentions her father's views on interracial marriage. Offended, J.C says "Your father cant cling to his outdated views forever, We're in a post-racial era. He's going to have to accept that the world has changed. Look maybe there's hope! He's finger painting with the kids." When the camera goes to Bud he had painted a sign that read " GO BACK TO MEXICO." Pepito Gonzalez responds to the sign by saying "Mommy says if I'm good, she'll take me to your funeral someday." This is an example of the next generation being more liberal and open-minded to new ways of life. J.C is interested in a woman of the opposite ethnicity of himself but his family is supportive unlike Becky's.

J.C is sitting on the couch with his family watching tv and his cousin says J.C I think it is great you and Becky are getting married. But you'll have a wife to support. Any leads on a job? J.C replies by saying How can I get a job when monsters are trying to pass this immigration law? Cousin Gonzalez responds by saying you're right that’s unfair of me. You should wait until all problems of the world are solved. J.C replies thank you, that��s all I'm asking. This example is a blaming the victim tactic. J.C feels he cannot get a job because the immigration law puts a stigma on his back. Although this may be true, there are plenty of employers who do not discriminate against others because of a law. Laws meant to deport immigrants are not made to disadvantage citizens of the same ethnicity. Cousin Gonzalez made a valid point because there are many millennials making the bold decision to marry and have children young to prove a point to society and themselves. Most of the time not thinking of the multiple aspects that play into the raising and sharing of a life.

The next scene is a news reported talking to a four year old girl who was playing the role of a liberal. The liberal stance is equality so being the innocent child she is she states I think people should be nice. He yells shut up! in her face. She cries and says you're scaring me! He puts on a sombrero and roars at her and yells you should be scared of Mexicans!

The moment the 7010 bill was passed a Mexican reporter reported the news and to make an example on national television he was escorted from the desk by an Immigration official as the stared spangled banner is playing. This could be an example of the American way because America thrives off serving "justice" to others whom they believe deserves it.

J.C and Becky are watching T.V-- similar to a the late show, the host makes the joke of I'm not saying the Mexifornia law is racist, but Rosa Parks just moved to the back of her grave. This comment offends the Mexican and Black community. The immigration law stereotypes the Mexican population because their appearance negates any positive thoughts. If you have a Mexican appearance you are assumed to be illegal. The panel that laughed at the jokes was a Black man, white women with a shirt that read Lesbian, and a dog. Analyzing this Bordertown episode this is the one part I could not understand why this was offensive. J.C says Look! Our town is a national laughingstock! This immigration law fight isn't over. I'm so mad! If I believed in making fists, I'd make one right now. Becky, overjoyed with excitement says Oh! You sounded like Danny Trejo just now. Excited as well he says Really? Call me Machete. This is a stereotype because just because J.C is Mexican and angry, the first angry Mexican man Becky could think of she made a comparison.

This show demonstrates many stereotypes and stigmas that are prevalent to society today. Even though J.C is educated and aware of societal issues like immigration and racial profiling he is still an aggregate for the Mexican community. J.C and his family makes many stereotypical comments and acts in ways that demeans the Mexican community. Bordertown is a good example of how people perceive and treat particular ethnicities and stigmatize based off culture.

-Bordertown Episode 1: The Engagement. Written By: Mark Hennteman, & Lalo Alcaraz , Directed by: Jacob Hair. Aired: January 3,2016, 2.34 Million viewers.

0 notes