#whilst I doubt they’ll keep the formal of ‘six’ anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ponyponypuddingandpie · 5 years

Text

Realisation

The award ceremony was reserved, withdrawn. Commanders, the princesses, common soldiers, grieving families. Honoring the dead as much as the living, with many posthumous medals being given out in light of the heroic actions of many of the lost souls that had taken part in stalling the enemy.

Sunlight remembered having a medal pinned to his uniform. Several of them, in fact. A Blue moon, for suffering wounds whilst serving against the enemy (many were given out this day, all for the lost, all for the wounded), and more reverently, the Gold Sun medal, a medal he didn’t feel he deserved. Given out to those for heroic acts in the field of battle, that would have saved many. But, a good soldier, he didn’t complain as it was pinned to his chest. The last words were what caught his attention.

He was being awarded one boon of his choice and, should it be within Celestia’s power to grant it, it would be done. Technically, he could have made the argument that both princesses should have something to do with this process, but Luna had stepped back, with the reasoning of Sunlight being ‘Her guard’, and a soldier in her ranks.

He vaguely remembered being told to think on it, and approach the next day to request his award, before finding himself staring at the mirror in his room. His room at home. With his father, and his mother. The medals shining in the fading light of the day.

“I know my words before you left were harsh.”

The voice came from beside him somewhere, and he looked over. His father, the ever grizzled and feared Sunlit Spear (Well, feared by rookies at least) had, at some point, entered his room, “And I know we didn’t part on the best terms but…”

“Dad, it’s alright,” Sunlight stopped him quietly, “I was stupid, and thought myself invincible back then. I thought that war was glorious, and that it was only right I volunteered for it.” he looked back at his reflection, looking at the scar down his face, his arm, still in a sling, and his other arm, which he’d been having phantom pains in since he got back, “and I learned otherwise. I lost my friends, my innocence. I lost my foolishness, but the cost….”

Sunlit nodded quietly, unable to look at his son. Unexpectedly, Sunlight approached him and hugged him tightly, “I heard you pray you know. At my bedside. I thought you stopped being Celestian?”

“I did… but I thought, if she could keep you with me, maybe I’d been wrong all these years. C-C’mon, your mother’s got dinner on the table, and you’re gunna make me cry. I don’t do crying.”

Sunlight almost smiled.

The morning came with a quiet chirping of birds, and Sunlight felt a bit out of place. Months he’d been home already, and he still wasn’t used to hearing things be peaceful. But, dressed once more in his formal uniform for the Royal Guard, not the army, Sunlight was escorted from the front of the castle of the Royal Sisters, directly to the throne room so the princess could hear his request.

Sunlight had already decided what he was going to ask for. But upon being announced, and walking in, he couldn’t help but frown. As usual, Celestia was surrounded by ponies. Guards, the nobility considered her ‘advisors’, even maids and waitstaff were helping upkeep the place, and surrounded by guards.

“Sunlight Blade,” Celestia smiled at him from her throne, “You’re looking well.”

Sunlight bowed his head briefly in greeting, “Princess. It’s good to see you as well. I’m here concerning the orders pertaining to the requested reward you’ve bestowed upon me.”

He could feel all the eyes on him as he stood before the princess. Everyone was silent, curious about what he’d request. Celestia noted his calling her ‘Princess’, as opposed to ‘Goddess’, but she hid her curiosity well, “Of course. What is it you’d request?”

Sunlight considered it for a moment, glancing around, “With all due respect Princess, I would prefer this discussion be had in private.”

The quiet crowd went from looking at Sunlight to looking at Celestia curiously. It was not the first time he’d asked for this, and last time she had granted his request. With a nod, she waved a hand, “Then in private it will be. Guards, please remove everyone from the throne room, give us the room.”

A quiet grumble from the ponies in the room were expected, but they weren’t dumb enough to complain, given what had happened last time. In short term, the room was empty, save for Celestia and Sunlight Blade. Once the last ones had left, the immortal one sighed, relaxing somewhat in her chair, “Sunlight… if this is-”

“When I was on the battlefield,” He interrupted her, much to her surprise, ignoring her no doubt refusal of his unspoken request, “I had a lot of reason to grow. Knowing that, if I made one mistake, I would die. That I’d bring such pain to my family,” He rubbed his still healing shattered arm quietly for a moment, “I was there for six weeks, fighting skirmishes, volunteering so others wouldn’t have to. My first real fight taught me the horrors of war, and why we strive so hard to never participate, unless absolutely required.”

Celestia’s surprise quietly faded, and her face turned dark, looking down. Sunlight didn’t notice, or if he did he didn’t comment, “I was forced to watch as my comrades, friends and fellow soldiers, guards and even our medics were killed, slaughtered by the most terrifying foe I could imagine. Insectoid, cannibalistic, if nothing else just for damaging morale. It worked, believe me.”

He sniffed, looking back up at Celestia. His eyes dead, but intense. A strange dichotomy Celestia had only seen a few times before, “And I prayed. I prayed to all of you. I prayed to Luna that our night be uninterrupted, to Twilight that our unity give us strength. To Cadance… that we would get home to see our families again. And to you most of all. I prayed for strength from you, begging for guidance. Guidance that never came.”

She flinched at the accusation, but when she went to reply, he held up his hand, “Please, I’m not finished. By the end of it all, I was praying purely out of habit, I think. For, there was no answer coming. ‘It’s just a test’ I told myself, ‘They’ve a plan, they’ll save those of us worthy’. A selfish, disgusting thought if ever I had one,” The grimace on his face twisted into ugly self loathing, “And I thought like this for years. Decades. I thought that the big issues with the world were tests. I made one last prayer when I begged for the power to stand up again, the power to fight again, to give my fellows enough time to run to safety. And something answered me. For a moment, I thought it was you. My faith was strong again, and I lashed out in righteous fury. But…”

“Now you know it wasn’t me,” She finished, and he laughed humourlessly, “No princess. I knew it wasn’t before you told me. it didn’t feel right. You have always glowed, a gentle warmth for your ponies to bask in. This? This was burning, heat and fire to obliterate my enemies. I didn’t know what it was until you told me, but I knew it wasn’t you. When I woke up, I had a lot of time to myself. Father was working hard to train new recruits into the guard to replace the volunteers who had died, my mother’s flower business was probably the busiest she’d ever experienced, so it was just me. Gordon was helping with the wounded, and I wasn’t allowed to. So, I had a lot of time to think, and I’ve come to some realisations that, now that I’ve come to the conclusions, make a lot of sense.”

Curiosity and her habit of teaching the young overcame the solar monarch’s grim thoughts, and she cocked an eyebrow at him, “And, what conclusions would they be?” She asked, not unkindly.

“One,” He began, “The alicorn race are far from all powerful, otherwise you would never allow such harm to befall your people. You are far too kind hearted to let the people you see as your responsibility come to harm when you could prevent it.”

“Two,” he continued, “You, none of you in fact, can hear our prayers. What it essentially comes down to is us begging someone else to solve our problems, and that will never happen. We have to step up to fix our own problems and find our own solutions.”

“Like you did with the retreat you called,” She said softly, standing from her seat and approaching her battered and scarred guard, “it was admirable.”

“It was foolish,” he corrected, to which she laughed.

“It was foolish,” She said in agreement, strangely warmly, “But what else had we come to expect of you?”

He nodded, though doubted he was so like he used to be, “And Third. I couldn’t be who I was, and get through that alive.”

She nodded sadly, “Unfortunately, that is the way of war. It affects us, and rarely in a good way. I would even hesitate to say ever in a good way.”

He bowed a head respectfully, “Indeed. When I got home, I had a lot of time to think. Given my previous thoughts, and despite the outreaching of my priest, I came to the realisation of what, I believe, you’ve been trying to tell me this whole time, and I had my head too far up my ass to see this whole time. You, your sister, your niece and your student…”

“None of you are gods.”

Celestia smiled sadly, and nodded, “I have tried. I’m sorry it took such a traumatic event, and such loss, for you to learn this. And I’m sorry I couldn’t convince you earlier.”

“I was too stubborn in my belief,” he replied quietly, “That you were being modest, trying to be approachable. I used to stammer in your presence sometimes, and trip over myself to make you happy. I was like a puppy. A big, armoured puppy with magic.”

He paused, and, for a moment, Celestia wondered if she should say something. But he cleared his throat suddenly, “But I’m not that puppy anymore. And in spite of everything I’ve come to realise, despite all of my beliefs being turned upside down, and then thrown out of the window, I’ve come down to the basics again. One, You aren’t a real goddess, nor are your family members. Two, You’re a very real, very normal mare, who only rules through unfortunate circumstance, and three, Life for people like me is far too short to waste on absurdities like religion, or worrying what happens to me when I die.”

Celestia looked over this new, mildly scarier Sunlight Blade. Scarred face, arm in a sling, permanent scarring over his horn from using far too much magic for him to handle (Though the doctors said it was only aesthetic, and would probably go away with time), standing in his dress uniform. He hadn’t smiled once since she’d seen him, and according to reports from medical staff, he hadn’t smiled since he’d gotten back, not even when seeing his parents again, or talking to his psychologist.

“Princess, I’m a broken stallion,” He began again softly, “I have nightmares every night of my fellows dying around me, and have to fight back the urge to draw my sword whenever I hear a loud sound. I find it hard to smile, despite knowing there is much around to smile about, and I’m still readjusting to not being around the other soldiers. But what I wish to ask of you just might prove to you I’m still me. I’m still the Sunlight Blade who left, just older. Wiser. Perhaps in need of a little help to put himself back together.”

“And what would your request be?”

He tried to speak, failed, then a wry grin crossed his face, much to Celestia’s shock, “A few years back, I came to you professing my love. And you turned me down, told me that I held you on too high a pedestal. That you had no way of ever taking advantage of such a thing. A few years later, when the rumours of you stepping down were circulating, I told you you would always be my goddess, no matter what. I might have been young and foolish, I might have held you up higher than you were comfortable at the time. But I meant those words. And I don’t regret them. I feel as much affection for you then as I do now, just with less religious fawning.”

Celestia blinked, and frowned, “Sunlight…”

“I’m not asking you to love me,” he said gently, “I ask only for a kiss.”

Silence. Celestia blinked, “A kiss.”

“Yes.”

She sighed, “Sunlight, you’re aware you could ask for anything? Anything at all within my power? Equestria at your fingertips, and that’s your request?”

“I don’t need Equestria at my fingertips,” He said, finally a proper, small smile appearing on his otherwise calm face as he took her arm with his good hand, “Not when I have the world right in front of me.”

Now, I’m a bit of an asshole, and I’m finishing everything on a cliffhanger. Why? Well, because I can! I’m rather fond of this drabble series I wrote up. Dunno why, just do. Celestia’s character is heavily based on @alicorncrown‘s Complextia, Gordon Cloudhopper belongs to @aflockoffeatheredmuses, and Sunlight blade is, obviously, all mine and he’s my precious cinnamon roll. Thank you for reading, if you did, and hey! you’re free to imagine what happens at the end! I’ll be honest, I’ll be personally asking @alicorncrown what they think, and how they think Complextia would react to such a request.

#complextia #alicorncrown #aflockoffeatheredmuses #sunlight blade #gordon cloudhopper #drabble #finished

1 note · View note