#which sucks because theres a really good game hidden behind it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nocancer · 4 years

Text

Why It Rains

~~~~ an excerpt from a working novel by Cancer moon. ~~~~~**

Lately I’ve been channeling from a higher source. And it’s not something I have to keep up with. It feels like, natural almost. Like im always at the same level of it, or at least very close. I’m not gonna lie, I was scared at first. Scared that I would fail. Scared that I wouldn’t live up to the expectations I set for myself while meditating. But so far things are looking up. I even got that new computer I wanted. Who knows, for now I’m just gonna keep writing and go from there. I’m not too concerned with the trivial things that life likes to bother us with, seemingly always at the worst times imaginable. I might check out this internet thing too. It’s promoted as this fun happy place and if I didn’t know any better, I’d of taken that for face value, right off the bat like a sucker. Next thing you know the internet turns out to be a cold and lonely place, and I’m left to wallow in my own self-pity, clutching my knees in the fetal position, mad at myself for failing to see the internet for what it is, a stupid marketing scheme. The point is, I have to see for myself. That’s just the type of person I am. You can ask my mom that. She’ll tell you. Ask her about the time I told the guy who was fixing my alternator to shove it when he was trying to charge me a thousand. Mind you, I had the money. But you’re not supposed to be dishonest to me just ‘cause I’m a millenial. The guy pretty much called me that. He said, hey kid, try to be more polite next time. But I never listened. I don’t need advice from a deadbeat greasemonkey. Anyway, apparently everyone’s connected to the cloud via sites like facebook and instagram. And when people log on to jump in on the action, usually the first thing they do is say hi to their friends, and maybe even drop a smile or two to show them they care. And if they drop a heart then you know they already had a chance to settle in, and are just trying to take it to the next level, now that the internet, in all its digital, impermanent page swiping glory, is owned, unabashedly theirs.

Conscious apples of languid rotundity creep along countless borders of a pale grey sky.

The pears are unwavering in the efforts of embassy, initiating calls backs when the time calls for it, and deceit when grape factions step in and intervene.

“What are these meddling affairs, young pear?” asked the grape.

“I don’t know. It’s the apples control our every move. How we live. Our daily lives.”

“Hush with that nonsense. You are nothing but a pear, a young one at that, how could you possibly know who’s behind it all?”

“I don’t know.”

The grape and the young pear sat on a brook and wondered who was behind it all.

-------

You see this all-seeing-eye mural in Atlanta? On the side of Ravine across the street from the federal reserve building? Yeah. I could strip down naked and run to the middle of that intersection there and scream my lungs out until i started coughing up blood and act violent to anyone who approached me and i still wouldnt match the frequency of that demonic shit. People walk by it everyday going to work, going to lunch, going to walk their dog, and nobody bats an eye. An eye for the government, an eye for the media, an eye for world hunger. Not a single raised eyebrow goes towards whats in control of every aspect of their daily lives. Oh the president controls my life. But I voted for him, so its okay. Is what they would say, as they munched on Mcdonalds with vaccines in their arms and got mad at traffic because they were going to miss their favorite show. A show that retroactively fed into a never ending problem and response feedback loop that activates the reptilian part of the brain by broadcasting images of rape and pedophilia via techniques that the producers learned at Harvard’s school of broadcasting, which also used a system of coercion, this time in the blind trust the students had for their professors just because they dressed nice and said big words. You’re going places. This kid’s gonna be a star.

-----

I’m only half of what I am without your other half to complete me. Only kids ask rhetorical questions. But why should I be any different?

I live by the way side. Wherever the wind takes me. I notice things that most don’t. I’m not sure if what I think is valid or not. I don’t believe anything is valid. Likewise I dont believe anything is invalid. One things for sure. If there’s one thing I know to be true. Is that I’m not an adult. No, Definitely not.

-----------

Hiksos lamented blast fully daring the credence of all his undoing. Unjust and bashful forwritten to layers upong layers of drug smitten landscapes.

“Youre good/” Said Jamie.

I see why she likes so much to hate on anyone she can get her hands on. And im not talking about physical hands. No, these are claws of misfortune. --The bad falls into a category still undefined by our human grasp.--

Apples on seminoles. Berries on amazing places we strove for.

The graveyard was pure and unassuming as a place for the dead should very well be. And with that we took our ritual to newer, more fulfilling levels. Levels of which determine our outlook as shades between optimistic and cautiously realistic. With our futures in the balance,

“Whatchu think dawg?” said Jerry. He was on his 2nd beer and 5th shot of vodka sprite. and I was on my mind long enough for nothing to be worth a damn. The vibe was dull, and the smoke gone. I lit a cigarette.

“I feel like shit.”

“You good?” J

“Yeah but I’m just tired like overall.” About life.

“Why not be happy about life? It’s all in your head. Just flip the switch. Like a light. On and off. Boom. No more stress.” J

“If only if it were that easy.”

“It is that easy. That’s the thing.”

Sipping heroically, going farther and phasing out all menial contrivances. Searching for myself like the lost land of atlantis. Humanity will get what it deserves.

“In due time” said Thomas.

I look at orion and wonder if those faint stars below its belt are actually indicative of a warrior kneeling on one knee with his shield raised or if its a flaccid penis that hangs all the way down to his knee. Im a pervert, always have been. Theres no stopping how much i will crash thoughtforms together in a heinous way until they stick together and form a common truth. I’m on the last life cycle of a cat’s 9 lives. Theres really nothing to lose by being a pervert. I had a friend in high school who said we’re all gay. I dont remember when. He said it more than once. I dont know if he was gay. I didnt think like that back then, but I wouldn’t to be anything other than who I am today. But again, there’s no stopping a mind so spiritual that it can hold each and every possibility at once and consider them valid. Then an external force canceling out my infinity. And I’m left to deal with people as if playing some sick little game thats suppose to teach me a lesson or something. So that I can ascend to the next plane of existence. At least thats what I’ve heard. But when the night hits and everyone finally shuts up for once it seems much simpler than that. Like im watching myself through a lens bestowed on me by a god with no intelligence. And during the day he becomes intelligent, and I’m left trying to keep up with, on his terms. “Fuck you bitch” I tell it often. “Youre not real” I’d say over and over. “What the fuck” is the saying that gives closure to it all. The only reason God looks good on paper is because it’s a testament to the author being strong enough to have it in his mind and make sense of it. It’s a mark people wear like aushwitz that make their beliefs somehow something you should pay attention to because I’m physical and God’s not but I speak of God so therefore God’s physical so you should listen to me. But then thatd make the speaker God.

By and by I’ve messed up hastily my dreams and aspirations. Tattooed on a building as ink drips down like an inner angst perceiving things as they are, and not what society says they should be. The happy medium an ephemeral code that could shift and shake into any causality one deems it to. The rulers of the world have taken domain over the one thing every human on earth has in common. I call this desire. They call it money. A body that begets greed and turns hatred to lust. Actions which motivate our inhibitions to phantasmagoria. Until we accept our place as lesser than the pettiness of our common folk. Shy and afraid, contingent upon basement dwelling lab rats who fane logic to reasonable bell curves while sucking nature dry of her own resources. The very nature that sunlight reflects upon his incessant rays which batter and tumble the distance. If only they knew she was her and he was them. But it doesn’t go like that here. Because if it did, then all karmas coming to a head would get their just due, and we’d be in purgatory. While heaven remained for the gods and earth for the mortals. And nothing can be God except authority to mortals when they’ve been tricked into accepting the state and thus have become it..

What a lovely home indeed. No one could bother me here. Except for the only one’s I knew. Because nobody knows I exist except for those who know me. I’d rather keep it that way. For a streak of doubt can enter me at any time and cause worry for my future. A future still so far away because I lack the initiative to care. Maybe that will change now that I have room to breathe. Just when I thought I was going downhill for good, my dad came around for me. And now I have a responsibility to get me up in the morning. No more waiting in line for luck to befall me in my yoga. The truth is, when reality caved in itself, and I could see the dying whispers in the eyes of those around me, I accepted my estrangement from the happy things in life. My avoidance of the dastardly grotesque was keeping me back this whole time. I like darkness and pitiful efforts of circumstance that vibrate low enough to stay hidden from others, but high enough so that it is detectable by my astral receiver. Two of which is an outward expression of another. The extension of material that is necessary for movement to take place. Before this realization I endured through pain of my own doing.

“How are you?” people would say.

And I never had a response.

Telepathic centrifuges would scan my mind. Taking flight off far off reaches of iniquity. All facets calling upon a microverse for an answer. I an I. Then they’d be gone without hesitation.

“Jerry’s calling” said Thomas.

“for what?” This guy wont leave me alone, I thought.

“I don’t know answer it.”

“Why are you bored?” I said.

“Yes, maybe he has weed.” Said Thomas.

“Ay whatsup man. Me and Thomas we’re just talking about you.”

“Oh word?”

“Yeah and then you call its like divine intervention or something?”

“Yeah thomas was tryna find some weed and you the first person he thought of so you must be doing something right.”

“Yo Thomas.”

“Oh hold up let me put you on speaker.” I said quickly.

“Is Thomas there? Yo Thomas.”

“Jerry, whats good?”

“I got the pack man, I heard you was lookin for a come up. I got the pack man.”

“Aight bet cus im bored as a motherfucka right now ya feel me?”

“It aint my fault.”

“Yo he do gotta big ass house tho I aint gone lie but like shit aint got nothin in it.”

“I just moved here a week ago.”

“So for a whole week- Yo is today Friday?”

“Yeah its Friday.” Who cares? I thought.

“So that’s last Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and now Friday, and you still aint got nothin in here but a fridge.”

“You aint even seen the whole house.”

“Nah you know you just in the middle of the carpet with no pillow no blankets or nothin.

And you wake up and go open the fridge and aint nothin in it. Then you go back to sleep.”

“Ay what he dream about?” Jerry said through the phone.

He aint dream about much ‘cept for one occurring dream. Of a fridge, but this time it’s a mini fridge. And its pink and he’s able to move it around, so he takes it up to his room and opens the freezer door just a little so it’s a little crack and he starts beatin it up till he has a wet dream and wakes up.”

“Alright you took it too far. It was kinda funny before but you killed it.”

“Wait, Where’s the fridge now? It’s not in the kitchen?” Jerry said.

“Bruh that’s the thing its just in the middle of the living room not even plugged in or nothin.”

“Jerry I know you so concerned about my god damn fridge but this time dude is lying over here.”

haha

“It’s in my kitchen like a normal person. Like I don’t know I guess you think this shit is funny or something but whatever come through and you can see for yourself.” Don’t talk to him he’s a loser was the attitude I was picking up. I thought they we’re beyond all that and capable of extraneous thought. Oh well, I guess I’m done with these idiots.

No more sitting around all day.

If I can see them for who I want, and not who they really are, it’d make no difference.

It’s a best of both worlds type situation. I just hate that I have to resort to this.

Its a sporadic and unpredictable endeavor that can detach you from life’s depiction. Seemingly framing a purpose in cosmetics among layer-caked mine field of mind clouds. I want to be a positive addition to those around me. And for them to be honest to me in return. Honest because everything around me is a nuisance. And dishonest It’s not necessary to have car insurance, police, governments. This realm is alive. 3 dimensions respective of splashes and 3rd parties. Because of this fact, I must be able to flow freely, grounded in freedom, estranged to control. Last summer when I jumped into the alleghany i felt freer than i have in a long ass time. Jerry asked me if he thought we’d still be here next year. I told him I didn’t want to think about it. That I was enjoying the moment.

“Man fuck that bitch.” T

“What? Who you callin’ a bitch?” J

“You know what I mean.” Thomas smacked his lips.

“I really don’t but whatever.” J

“Yo Jerry did you leave yet?”

“How far away is it? Not too bad right?”

“Nah it’s not too bad you’re like 30 minutes away. You’re in a nice area. Lots of rich people.” J

“Yeah I came up on it. It kinda just happened.”

“Whatchu mean it fell out of the sky?” Jerry asked.

“It’s been in my family for a while and I was lucky enough to be gifted it.” I said.

“That’s dope, you’ll get some good use out of it.”

“Yeah I’ma take advantage of what I got ya know? Make it so anyone can pull up as long as I fuck with them.” I said.

“Thats why I’m comin’ through.

Just say its the spot and I’m there.”

“For sure. But yo, if youre bringing your girl over then bring some pillows and blankets to sleep on cus I only got mine.”

“I need some too.” Thomas joined in.”

“We’ll stop then.” I said reluctantly.

“

“And where are we gonna chill? We can’t just sit on the floor.” Thomas took his eyes off the road.

“Alright, theres a home depot near the chinese place we’ll go their while we wait.” I said.

“Does Home Depot have blankets?” Thomas said like he was so concerned.

“No but they got that outdoor patio section for furniture and shit, So I don’t know we’ll find something.”

“They got mad carhartt jackets for the low low there. You should check them out.”

“Alright I’ll check them out.” The streetlights suspended time in space.

“Yo spicy egg rolls, add it to the list.” Jerry said finally.

“Sounds good.” Thomas replied. There was a pause.

“You headin’ out?” T

“Yeah. I am. Right now.” Jerry responded.

“A’ight I’ll see you when I see you.” T

I interrupted.

“I was gonna get spring rolls instead and we don’t want too many rolls so you want dumplings instead?” The thought popped into my head and I had to get it out.

“I dont really care either way” Jerry said.

“So yes on the dumplings? Pork, Chicken or beef?” I said.

“Dude I really dont give a fuck.”

“A’ight peace.”

“Wait actually get some extra spring rolls. I don’t want my breath to stink.” Jerry was a quick thinker.

“Okay. Peace.”

I ordered the chinese while Thomas turned the radio down.

It was 7:30 on a Friday. Traffic was still out and slow except on the highway. The plaza where Home Depot was sat on an indent so that a perimeter around us denied the sun a chance of bringing light to the inevitable darkness. Highway barricades exalted the east coast away from our position. I closed my eyes and listened to newly formed divinations stemming from a horizontal after-glow. What was AM was now PM. And just as I would prepare for a weekend of contract work, I too was going to do the same for the night. Because Friday was in the air, telling me I was the cause of it.

Thomas pulled into the lot and flicked his cigarette a stop-sign to an array of F150s and pug-faced express vans that sat high enough to deem his reliable, good on gas mileage, crusty seated hand-me-down first-car shit-box a worthy proponent of wu-wei. It was the type of car that doesn’t speak for anything or reflect an image onto its owner other than its being there.

At least this one had a little personality though, fashioned by who was behind the wheel, and the fact that I knew him through drive-ways of careless faces, drive-thrus, and drunken waffle house binges where we kept to ourselves and almost forgot it wouldn’t last. And even though the universe proved its worth to me, I cant help but feel theres in imbalance in my past.

That these were just moments. And days would go by. Blunts would get passed. Pets would die. We’d hope to not hear of our relatives dying, but that would happen to. Cause of death? Old age. It wouldn’t say that on the obituary. It was say something safe like stage 4 cancer or hodgekins lymphona. But everyone knows about the cap put on as at birth. That there’s a limit to how long we get to stay here. Sometimes we’d hear of our friends dying too. But those were rare cases. Few and far between. Unless of course you were the type of kid to attract that sort of stuff. Then you probably deserved it anyway. That pain. Irregardless of the pain it takes to die. You imagine how it must have felt in the body of your friend. Like they we’re on the otherside begging you to come with them. I’m free. They’d say. It only hurts a little. And unlike the old people, their obituary would read suicide. Basically an off-hand way of saying they needed jesus. Because in the end, nobody truly knows what would drive someone to do that to themselves. We can speculate all we want. They we’re bipolar. They wore funny clothes to school and we’re bullied as a result. But only someone with special access could consult them on that. To ask them why they denied life and chose death instead. Only someone who could be objective about the whole thing and not get caught up in their emotions could ask them this. In America that’s Jesus, God of funeral homes, shepherd of lost souls. The frustrating part, at least to me, is that all he can come up with is it was Satan’s fault. But that doesn’t do it for me. No. I need more than that. After all, Jesus, you faked your own death and ran away to the pyrynees. Did you not? You we’re too afraid to commit suicide. You half-assed your commitment. Maybe you knew what awaited you resembled a sleepless dream? Certainly you knew another part of you was fit for ascension. But then wouldn’t be the center of attention like you we’re on earth. You’d be around people who knew a light language and we’re just as smart as you, if not smarter. The applied principles of the sun was common knowledge there. That was like basic shit. Nobody was looking for preachers there. What they we’re looking for was way more advanced than your little yoga techniques. Stop hiding and tell us what’s really going on out here. Something tells me it has something to do with Satan, just not in the way you’re telling us. I have a feeling he holds the keys to a piece of knowledge we never even knew existed. If that’s the case, and I find out we’ve been duped, then I might just take it upon myself and offer you the same fate you offered my friend when he was down bad on that fateful Spring night mad at the world and pissed off at the hypocrisy you created for him. But this time when I get to you I’ll make sure you won’t be down bad. There will be nothing to numb the pain. No. You’re gonna feel this. Then things will come full circle. Order. I like when things happen that way.

“Yo I need paint. “

“ Paint?”

“I just remembered. For the walls.” I said in a descending volume.

We walked through the doors in the purgatory between store and street. I grabbed a cart.

“Is that what we’re gonna do for fun? Man I might regret this whole night if we end up hanging dry-wall and shit.”

“I hear you bro but we can play poker, I got a speaker so we can bump some music, and we’ll just kick it.”

Thomas strayed passed the check-out lines and almost ran into a stack of wood hanging from a guy’s trolley.

“Where are you going?” I said.

“Where’s the paint?” He said turning around.

We looked like we should be in the city rather than the hardware store. Everyone was looking and I know I’m not paranoid when I say that. We we’re foreigners visiting a small scale metropolis under construction. A place for bandits to face their acrophobia and not make it across to the next tower without getting grime on their gats ort hope they liked our style.

"They got krylons?" I said. The aisle opened up where the rafters stretched through the ceiling leaving ground level two by fours in their dust. If I focused I could hear an echo reverberate off my skull, taking its merry time and judging me before I could hold my breath. “We used to be so into this.” Thomas said.

“I don’t know why we stopped.” I said. He took it as a valid question.

“We got older I guess. Fuck.”

“Remember the overpass on Holcomb Bridge? I wonder if our shits still there.”

“We need to go back there.”

Gum soles in an unfinished basement. This was the most people I’ve ever seen. a’ve ever seen. The fire marshall could’ve came knocking any moment. Though I don’t think anybody would hear him. Lil Pump was 3 doors down. To the fire marshall, is that everyone was moving as one. To the fire marshal, this could be a good or bad thing in the lens of a fire marshall. Good because if someone started popping shots off with an uzi or something and everyone tried to run out the house through the basement side-door, the main one through the hall at the back by the bathroom, or if they went up stairs and found the wrong door and had to jump off the balcony or something, if shit really started to pop off like this, of shit really hit the fan, then it’d be good to have 1 body instead of a hundred. There we’re straddlers of course, but all they’d have to do is hide in its belly folds and hope to not get lost while the body was hauling ass down the street resorting to the dreaded question, “Can I get a ride?” And simply put it’d be bad because human flesh burns quite well when laced with alcohol. That was a risk we were willing to take and that brought us that much closer together.

When I came in with Katie I noticed the crystalline qualities of blonde hair captivated the vibe and were on display in the trim lining. When you looked across it was like some secret edition of the yearbook where everyone didn’t have to pretend they liked each other.

Only this time there were no profiles, only shadows. And instead of signatures there were tattoos on skin that said things like “im too good for you” and “the sky is watching.”

What collected at the corners were pushed outside to observe that ways a part equidistant to the cups on the table to the enthusiasm among them. This was inside. Everyone needed to make sense and not be meta. You couldn’t point out how we were all here by chance like Tommy did, “xxxxxxx” What an idiot. You couldn’t speculate as to why Rhea spent the whole month showing out for sympathy on twitter and crying at school over her breakup with Nick but is now falling on top of him, grabbing his arm and shit and Nick’s just going with it like he doesn’t care his best friend got sucked off by yours truly in front of everyone at last weeks party and he was there and she was there and it was all fine like nothing happened. “Well Nick got with Mercedes, and her and Rhea ignore each other now. It’s really awkward.” Despite the fakeness, there was an heir of trust unlike any ive ever seen here unlike back at school where we’d be leaning into our cheeks thinking about how to score more brownie points with the cliques we were in.

At least that’s what others were thinking about. The teacher’d be talking about solving for y for the millionth time, you know, moving things around by reverse operations to make sure they maintained the same relationship with one another. I never had to study because when it came time to test it’d be like the answers’d just come to me and I’d end up acing the damn thing. I became known as a smart person who didn’t care so everything canceled out and I was able to stay neutral and move between the punks to get drugs, the nerds to get power, and the popular kids to get access to parties like the one I was at now. I know this all sounds vain, but I guess that’s how it works when you’re a teenager still trying to find yourself when everyone else was doing the same but would rather die then admit it. Now that I look back I realize the whole thing was meaningless. There was no substance, no fulfillment. High School was mostly waiting with small pockets of being thrust into the limelight. Just a series of empty promises leading nowhere. You could of met your better half completely in the midst of knowing each other at a soul level but all indications were that it wouldn’t last so you made excuses and broke it off before it was too late so that your future could be at least bearable when you we’re laying in your cheeks mad at the world wondering why you were the only thing you could think about. You could rest your heart on your decision. The sex flashbacks at the most random times like talking to your grandma or waiting in line at the grocery store didn’t matter anymore. You could put it all on that. Your decision.

“Daniel, I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Likewise Sharlene, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Oh how sweet of you to say that to me.”

“Wait, why are you guys being so formal?” Katie said like she overheard.

“We should stop.” Sharlene said. Daniel was taller than all of them.

“How was your day?” His eyes got bigger. Crazy.

“Did you have a good day?” Leaning forward with his back against the counter.

“I did have a good day.” Sharlene said. “Did you?” She put her hand up and when she realized this she snapped them across her face and into his.

“Mr. Sassy?”

“Mr. Sassy!” Some dude in a hat with lettuce coming out said.

These we’re the types of exchanges that went on inside. Loud but cold. All in the vain of attention seeking like some sort of competition or test of brilliance. Only that this time unlike in normal society, where everyone’s trying to get their point across as clear and concise as possible because focus is king over style, this time brilliance was a stage of show. And whoever could hold onto it the longest was most certainly king or queen and surely the apple of their eye. Their being the cult that was the inside.

The 5 of us ended up by an air conditioning unit. We were staring at the moon thinking about what do next because we were already exhausted. Not because we weren’t faded enough. It was quite the opposite. There was too much judgment. And that was as bad of a high you could get when you were on the other end of it. We were over it. We were desperately passing a blunt I’d been eager to light since I rolled it in the car.

“I needed this.” Jerry said.

“Yeah? Me too.” I looked at Katie. She’s the one I rolled it with earlier in the day when 4 different people we’re blowing up my phone asking if I was coming and telling me who I could bring or not.

“I don’t know it’s just like the vibe or something. Like something’s off.” Tom said.

Katie was mostly quiet and sipping the blunt with her cute little hands and was gravitating towards Miranda in a nonverbal display of boredom.

“We don’t need to talk about it.” Jerry said.

“We really don’t.” I agreed.

“Talk about what?” I’m just saying.” Thomas said after a pause.

“Yeah I know but I’m not about to go behind their backs and gossip like we’re not fuckin’ with it thats cool we can do our own shit.”

“So what are we gonna do?”

“Is there anything close?”

“You tryna go to waffle house?”

Katie and Miranda laughed. First Katie snorted then Miranda bent over and held her knees.

“What are y’all tryna do?”

“Uhh can we just get out of here?” Katie said towards the street.

“Yeah. Let’s walk.” I said.

You left your memories with me.

So you could live without you.

You left your past in the dark, and

it was something you did for the hell of it because life

was too easy for you.

"What's wrong?" I said.

"Leave with me." You said.

"Is something bothering you?" I said.

"No." You were always in the dark.

"Where?"

"I don't know. Anywhere but here."

"I can't tell if you're being serious." You threw a rock

down the train tracks, and pointed where I was looking.

"That way's North to Chattanooga." You turned around.

I leaned to the side as if I was peeking down a narrow

hallway.

"South to Miami. Hmm. It depends." You said rubbing your chin.

"It depends on you finding a girlfriend so you can get back to reality is what it depends on." I said.

I dont think a single car

drove by since we got here. Moving trucks could be seen on the overpass where the crossing signals were, but were inaudible. The only thing audible was the large-scale kithen across the street which would hiss occasionally over its constant hum. It also had steam coming out of it. We walked towards the red-light on stones half the size of our trainers and went to balancing on the rail half to avoid twisting our ankles and half to ammuse ourselves.

"I was gonna say it depends on what's better, a good ol' country bitch who'll cook you catfish till you cant eat no more, or a bad spanish mommy who may or may not be there for you when you really need it."

"Oh, si senorita Hot like tamales. Muy bueno.

Como te amos rapido rapido mucho Miami me gusto."

"Bro we're hopping trains not borders

you fucking wetback."

"Whoa, hold up ese, you're hopping trains, not me.

Besides, we'll be hopping on a lot more than trains

if we keep this up." I said.

"Trains not borders, puto."

"Man watch your mouth."

"Here comes one now."

ijijiijjiiji

We hid in the bushes. It seemed like the right thing to do.

Me fist then the girls and Jerry while Thomas was last in..

"We should of put a coin on their,:

*End graveyard party and go into chapter about family* BONES laden arrows

----

Just say its the spot and I’m there.

“Jerry just texted me.” I said to Thomas.

“What’d he say?”

“He’s bringing Erica.”

“Why was it even a question?” Thomas said. He was flipping his head back and forth at me. Zig-zagging from hinges to nails to glue guns and floor tiles, biding his time, sulking like i was gonna feel sorry for him.

“I don’t know man. I’m sure it had something to do with his roommates not being out.” I said.

“Well if his initial reaction was him being scared then what that tell you about what he think of us?”

“Nah. You’re thinking too far into it. He’s tryna get her to let him hit.”

So much was out of context. There was disharmony. I continued.

“Maybe there’s something about two dudes without girlfriends that isn’t exactly the most potent

“

Smoke stacks comply and hesitate partaking in sport. Indulging in an aptitude that continues to see how it feels when you say such simple words as “hello, and, thats cool.” That continues to touch a nonverbal membrane when you move in such a way that broke the color barrier between black and white. So I’ll appreciate you like all the others do. Because I, completely and utterly, should know to carry you with me into infinity. And I should know, for a fact, that distance is dependant on its terminal velocity at the moment of impact. Gorgeous you are when tulips gather around cow pastures only to wither away upon the changing of the guard. Tip toes, necromancy, ice skates, all these make sense to me now, that ever since the day of my christening, good beings struck witherto my intelligence and rendered them useless. These knots, the qualities of which we’re twisted, utterly finagled to a degree that crystallized under pressure. I feel like I was born so I could come into people’s live when they needed someone to blame their problems on. That’s why I always get those stupid looks. Sometimes I just wanna ask them like “what the fuck are you on?” I guess all those diamonds couldnt teleport you out of here huh? Too bad. I ain’t judgin’.

knotted in purpose.

Oh how I looked on in brevity the callus threads that stretched for miles upon miles into causeways of blindness which overtook me in haste. Very painstaken I was in the trials before then. But now I see the reason for them. For nothing could have felt better than to be relieved of all that built up stress which churned and churned until a mechanism of ventricles let go in common translation. Like ruminating gats and dust swipers caged so discreetly so as to fixate on unto sizzling barge-heads. Almost as if silly esquires of desperately manifold doldrums exist solely to highlight the difference of deceit and merry. the difference of you, a you, and I, an I.

“Man I need blankets.” Thomas said.

“Pillows too.” I said tracing the outer perimeter of Home Depot.

Them Carharrts nice too. Our eyes met at the rack.

“I bet you could fit a gun inside this.” Thomas said feeling the durability of a canvas hoodie in brown.

“No I don’t have a gun.”

“You should get one.”

“They got em here?”

We fell out of the portal.

____________

Vicious bar flies and scarcities falsify the other-half.

“It is settled” said Chief Wallitzer

“Then buy more plankton from the Chief” A creature said. Decrepit. Monsteral. Lectivicious. The creature continued.

“And as soon as I stray a lochness is when the fortifications manifest wholly and without contempt.” I must ignore him.

“What am I to do?” I said on the levy.

“Take a boat from the garter over thine gully there.” Said the Chief.

And I summoned a boat from his power.

“I’m crossing.” I said under my breathe. I said aloud.

“Bless you Chief! Aye. May good fortune amass in your possession!” Because realization finally hit me, that I was to join my comrades in battle, once and for all.

“Aye, and to not flee as well.” This was the last I ever heard of the Chief.

--------

Today I’m going to buy a car.

Anxiety is a MK Ultra Mind Control Tactic (designed to keep humans subordinate to the matrix) ((which is ran by the 10%))

(((who answer to archonic entities from the 4th dimension)))

Logical reasoning is when an internal problem is identified as separate from the self so that it may not be subject to the whims of ego, which is fleeting and irregular, and stems from an evolutionary need for man to keep desiring more and more mates to reproduce offspring with so that his tribe grows strong in number as opposed to getting complacent with having one or few mates, retiring from the world, and letting him and/or his offspring die without a big enough tribe to defend them from bigger tribes with more man-power. Humans have advanced beyond the need to reproduce. In fact, Over-population is an existential threat to the continuation of humans on Earth. Because of this there should be no desire to reproduce. However, there is still a desire to reproduce. This is because the consequences of over-population like famine, disease, and global warming have yet to be internalized by most humans. Once it does, there will be no desire to reproduce, and all remaining sub-strata will go too. These remaining sub-strata include love, greed, and status all begotten from the main desire of humans, which is to reproduce. The reason that is

The main desire of humans is that humans want to survive. If humans didn’t want to survive they’d be dead. If humans we’re dead they wouldn’t be living. And if humans weren’t living they wouldn’t exist. Additionally, If humans didn’t exist they’d be nothing. And If humans were nothing they wouldn’t be something. Finally, if humans wouldn’t be something, as in, they we’re in a state of denial towards the very notion of being something

with the very notion of that word and all the associations it comes with,

Finally, if humans wouldn’t be something, as in, they we’re in a state of denial towards being something,

knowing full-well the associations it comes with, then humans would be refusing their ego, which is fleeting and irregular.

Once this desire (to reproduce) is gone, then allser forms of this desire like

and not get his needs are met

be processed in an objective manner, and not subject to whims of ego

solutions can be formulated in an objective context, and the solutions necessary to overcoming that problem, may not be weighed against emotion, which is fleeting and irregular.

and it’s existential

consequences, both good and bad, can be weighed objectively against

solutions that are based in reality

The distinction between needs and desires is a matter of time. Needs are immediate. Desires are built up over time.

The distinction between needs and desires is, in fact, only a matter of time

Anxiety needs to be alleviated when there’s not enough time, but it should anxiety will be alleviated because their is time. .

^^^^^^^^^cap*********

*********************

Anxiety is when an internal problem needs to be alleviated. Its just that the actions required to alleviate said problem seem far off and distant. So much that you begin doubting your abilities as a measly human and turn to a god instead. When this god doesnt fix your problems your anxiety is compounded heavily. Because you have one more problem than you started with. If you couldnt hold a candle to your first problem, being as their solutions were so far out and demanded too much in a short amount of time, then now you got a doozy on your hands. All we can ask for is perfection, and hope we come up short.

********************

************

//All God can ask for is perfection. That’s why he doesn’t relate to us.// If you had a bag that led to another bag you wouldn’t keep the first bag cus it’d already be in the second one. These are the ancestors working behind the scenes.

then what makes you think

Our teachers taught us proper sentence structure in the third grade. A subject followed by a predicate. The subject is invoked and the predicate carries the burden like a hag witch carries it and thus justifying the subject so that it is not floating in space, susceptible to being bothered by minds whose job it is to question things that float in space for no other reason other than to not have a purpose, and stand as a monument against all these grammar nazis stand for. So viciously chaotic, free in its lightness, completely unencumbered by menial contrivances of formality, it seems, are these subjects without predicates stand unapologetically in the vast concourses of space as monuments against all they stand for. The problem is that words can only do so much when describing a subject. Whether it is a noun or pronoun, abstract or not, a person, place, thing, or idea, it could even be an interjection, the problem is words can only do so much for describing the essence of a thing, the unseen force which discerns certain vibrations as unalike from one another and neatly packages them into a frequency at which the brain can perceive.

certain things as unalike from one another and neatly packages them into a frequency that vibrates at a rate at which the human brain can process through its hypothalamus and perceive them as things in the 3rd dimension.

apart from the rest is limitless when not bound by words, which can only be deduced as a lesser form of magic.

Thomas and I see the same things. Ever since our childhoods we were never separated. And even if we we’re, or it appeared as if we we’re, we always had the same eyes. Not just the same view, but the same eyes. I don’t mean that these eyes were like detachable lenses, that could be passed around to and fro like a can on a string, I mean that we’ve had the same experiences, just in different forms. And if we ever shared a difference of opinion, which happened a lot, like with this Erica thing, I never had to worry about things getting heated. Because no matter what, I could always fall back on us letting things calm down for a while, alone in our rooms leaning into our cheeks trying not to think about it. until both of us realized we were coming.from the same place, and that where, and to what degree we took it to, was ultimately meaningless.

I must be going now. It’s getting late. What time is it? 2:30? Jesus. Fuck. That’s later than I thought. Already? Oh well. It’s not like I can do anything about it. Anyway. What I wanna talk about is how fucked up you look to me, and I don’t know if you see that. I mean, if you can see what I see. Dread, angst, all of mine and your miseries seem to have burdened you. I want you to know that I’m here. I’m a man. I can fix my own problems. Really. I can. I may not look it but I’m grown. You don’t have to worry about them. Here, look at this picture I took last year. It’s of you and me. Don’t we look so happy? Happy. Is that the right word? Or maybe we’re crumbing for our last breathe of smile in us. Fuck. I’m beginning to think that’s true the more and more I think about it. Because you we’re never happy. Neither was I. But that wasn’t the goal for us like it is for so many others. No. We just wanted to get by. And that’s all we could ever ask for.

--jgcjgcjgcjgcgjc

I wanted to keep this sacred so it’d come across a more genuine when the right person came across it. but now the urge is too strong and the resonance too concentrated for me to dismiss the trailblazing force of circular momentum. And its nice out too. The grass is still damp from yesterday’s rain but not so you couldn’t lie in it. That’s what I did today. That along with thinking. Moving on. I won’t talk about personal experience in this article. The truth is I’m not important. What matters is my guidance. So from now on take my “I’s” as placeholders for something greater. Make it what you want. A parakeet, a landing pad, veganism, law and order, anything. It could even be the universe itself with you and me included. Whatever it is just don’t miss the point that follows this inconspicuous “i” because there is no truth, only different paths to getting there.

The truth is I haven’t been out the house in a few years. Sure there were gaps in between like parties here and there. But even then I was inside myself, leaving people to wonder if I was as social as I looked. Sometimes I was normal, others I was a wallflower. Only rarely did I meet their expectations and become the center of attention. I still remember those moments because I’m preparing for the next time it happens so I can maintain a sense of self better so that I can let it go and channel what comes out of me more freely. Some call this going into the world. I call it getting out the house. Leaving the nest. All those times i was still at home within myself. I never left my shell. There’s no point when that shell is filled with angels.

Language can be tricky. It can be used for yin and yang. It can be used for contuation or stagnation when concerning the path of self and how one wants to judge said self through language so that it may have something ethereal to manifest from. Before I continue I must say that there is a self because any indication of there not being a self relies on the suppusition there there is a self. Perception plays a role too, as in, agreeing or not to accept the definitions of the words you lay on yourself as true or not. The pessimist sees the world as signs and symbols and interprets stimuli af a higher level then the optimist, who is often naieve to the hidden world where everything comes from. This is why pessimists are often dualists. To the optimist it appears they are one-sided because they take them at face-value. Again, they are unable to see the hidden world where everything comes from. Those who fly under the radar appear that way because they are in direct contact with this world so as to filter their thoughts before speaking them. This world is a place pessimists visit often within themselves and rarely show out of. They show out only in dire situations, and that makes their actions that much stronger because they have kept sacred the hidden world where everything comes from so that it is pure and cutting-edge when it comes time to release it upon the known world. Like an endless stream does their wrath come out of them because they’ve been holding it in so long.

Anytime you insert the I into a situation is when a princible of measurement can be applied to you as infinite potential to fail or succeed relative to the third party as the perfect amount of what you needed to be faced with.

with chakra wheels that exist so we can find ourselves in a better light.

0 notes

survivor-kalymnos · 4 years

Text

Ep. 5 - “Dumb ass mode activate!” - Worm & Ep. 6 - “here's what you missed on glee” - Lenny

cranjes

yay round 5

Tristin

LENNY AND RAIN LIVED!!! Invisible edit WHO? And then Cranjes said “They aren’t playing by tribal lines over there” EYE- does that mean we are playing it over HERE? Me and Franco are ROYALLY fucked if we lose. This just cements us needing to work together and needing to win this next challenge

lenny

last tribal made me pee my pants. I am so glad our alliance worked out. I hope maxyne is okay and they can forgive me. They are a great person. Plati is going to work really hard in the next challenge. For me, I feel like I am in a strange place. If I make it after the merge. Then, I don't know who I can trust on my old tribe. I think Rain and Franco... then again, you never know for sure in this game.

van

Thank the good fucking lord fae survived. so far they’re the only person in this game I feel I can trust. Still tryin to avaoid going to council with this small of a tribe because there aren’t many bonds formed yet. It’s so chaotic and I feel like anyone can jump ship at any time. I do like Tristan though, they seem pretty cool and I might try to talk to them more.

Elle

I am PISSED. I hate this shit so much. I am now on the bottom. And these bitches are pretending that I will not be voted out next. This is a bunch of bullshit. Fuck Fae especially. Like this bitch really said: I'll just turn on my simple majority. They think I will still work with them come merge? Fuck that. I am ratting her out as a liar and a traitor to our big alliances. We cannot trust them. They will be the death of our game. I was so ready to pop off, but I know for certain that I need to keep my composure. If I want a chance to stay if we lose tribal council, I have to keep calm, keep nice, and keep being trustworthy. But mark my words. These people will regret the day they crossed me. Cause all who do go down. And they go down hard.

Michele

LENNY IS SAFE YESSSSSSSSS

Elle

I will be staying awake for the entire night doing this challenge. I refuse to be going home because of a tribe swap.

Worm

Dumb ass mode activate! Why in the hell did I think it was a smart move to be the hero. Honestly doing it was kind of a split second decision but I don't trust anyone's ability on my tribe to put faith in to win a challenge on their own. I was guessing before it was posted that some point a double tribal would happen with there now being three tribes and everything. My only worry now is that I don't know how I feel about all my relations with everyone on my tribe. This being an alias game is one of the hardest things I've ever done in an org. I can't call anyone which is the best way I have made trust and figured out what other people are thinking. I think I have a way with words when talking to but online I feel like I communicate like a boomer (sorry Susan). Just not have any sense of what emotions people are putting behind their words just cause me to feel like everyone doesn't like me and I'm alone. (This also might be from me slowly losing my touch with reality as I do this challenge.) My strategy is still the same and it is to talk to people and try to keep as many options open as I can until I need to close those doors on certain people.

Worm

It is now 4am and I'm working on this challenge and I've been working on this challenge straight for however long and put that on top of how long I've been awake in general. I legit think I'm starting to lose it. Like I was in the kitchen having an existential crisis. Like what are we.? What are we doing? What is time? Like isn't time an illusion? So by me waiting ten minutes to wait to post is actually just waiting a randomly specified length of a human life that someone decide to tell everyone that is was concrete. My brain doesn't even know tothink now its just white noise. I really hope all this work comes to fruition and that I win this challenge.

Elle

Maxyne quitting redemption is heart breaking. I was very ready to give them ride-or-die status, but it was not meant to be. Now I need to find loyal allies which I doubt I can find on this tribe with a majority against me. I know that Rain, Fae, and Lenny have an alliance because Fae let a "We" slip when we were talking about Maxyne's vote out. This "We" came to a consensus to vote out Maxyne which means that they must have an alliance chat together. This is valuable information because I can use it against them going into the merge. I just need to be careful who I use it against. If I can win individual immunity, I can set my plan into action. Right now, I want Fae gone because they have proven to be a backstabber which is not a good trait to have in an ally. They need to go sooner rather than later in order for me to thrive in this game. I stayed up all night for this challenge and have gotten barely any sleep. I took ten-minute naps which helped my sleep deprivation. Now, I just need to stay awake for these 24 hours and I have this challenge in the bag. Hopefully, the other two have fallen asleep at some point such that it puts me in the lead. I will not know till I find out, however. I just need to keep going and avoid tribal at all costs. Tribal is the worst thing that could happen to my game at this stage. I would definitely be voted out if we were to go to tribal again. I will show everyone my resolve and why they should not mess with me in this single victory.

Franco

Okay so WHEW, I don't know how Rain and Lenny managed to survive that tribal, but I'm so proud of them!! When the hero challenge was announced, I immediately knew I was not gonna do it, like?? i'm actually in somewhat of a good position on this tribe now, being in a majority alliance with 2 former Plati members. Tristin, however, REALLY wanted an og nera to do it. So I? obviously let him do it and told him I didn't want Cranjes to do it, which I really didn't actually care about. I feel like Tristin really shot himself in the foot this round, and that's fine w me!! We're the only 2 original nera on this tribe, and that makes us both nervous. Obviously I'd love to make it to merge w him but I'm 1000% going to let him take the fall before I do

Sasha

Tristin is worried that they'll be voted out if they lose the challenge for us and I'm trying to reassure them that it could go differently in the event we lost, but idk how differently it would go, yk? I mean, for one thing there aren't a ton of options since the tribe is Small

cranjes

so it’s like guaranteed we are losing at this point tbh. van and i are kinda unsure what to do because we’re both thinking tristin and franco are saying whatever they can to stay and tbh that could prove to be problematic. so i really don’t know what to do.

Tristin

So the challenge was announced and its a hero challenge! Me and Franco were bent on not allowing Cranjes to be the hero just because he could throw the challenge and send either me or Franco home. Since Franco didn’t volunteer and Cranjes was getting ready to, I stepped in and volunteered. We figured it would be endurance since only 1 would compete. I THOUGHT that I had the most free time out of everyone and could win this for us but twisty twistos the other team is literally vampires. So I’m currently losing and that sucks and we will probably be going to tribal. I just hope that there is some twist and there is a joint tribal council instead. If not I have two plans. 1) play like I was at the bottom of the old tribe and vulnerable to a majority alliance. 2) Try and flip Van. I think that the first may not work bc of Franco and the latter possssiblyyy may depending on Van’s relationship with the others. I’m getting a defeatist attitude and can’t wait to face Frank at redemption island. We shall see tho.

Tristin

So I should have kept that both tribes go to tribal council a secret ajdksksks

Van

Fear. It feels like I have power in my tribe, but that just puts a target on my back and I don’t like it. I have people telling me they’ll follow what I want to do, but are they telling the truth or am i actually at the bottom? Stay tuned ig

Van

Jay pls get me back to fae. I lit rally trust no one

Michele

The game is definitely taking a turn at this tribal. Theres rumors of idols and they could potentially be the end of my game if used against me. Best case scenario Worm, Eliza, and I are able to dominate the tribe and safely make it to merge. I have to put a lot of trust in Eliza because she is by far in the safest position on our tribe. I am absolutely keeping her around for a while but I’m starting to look into who I gotta take down. For now though, I think it’s best to play it safe and solidify my alliance!

cranjes

i gave someone a nosebleed with my ass

cranjes

ok real shit. so van and i have been working with franco. we want that to be on the DL. we also want someone to beat frank at redemption. so we want tristin out. we’re painting it to sasha that they’re getting targeted by franco & tristin and that with the merge coming tristin needs to go. franco is voting sasha bc 1) keep the alliance hidden and 2) just in case tristin has that idol.

Rain

SO!

Maxyne went home last round in a successful 3-2. I was so stressed but I am SO THRILLED that Lenny didn’t go home! I feel horrible about lying to Elle although I guess technically I didn’t lie - I told her I wasn’t going to play an idol and send her home, and I didn’t. Lenny not going home means I’m probably going to make merge. Fuck yeah. I am in a new alliance with her and Fae called the sibling hood of the traveling idiots and we don’t talk as much as the Elizance did but we still talk! And we are all actually loyal to it, or we were last round. It’s possible that, had we gone to tribal again, it would be a one round alliance, BUT! Elle probably figured she was on the chopping block so she volunteered as our tribes hero. And a hero she was! We won immunity early because she didn’t fucking sleep! Elle I promise that I’m gonna Venmo you for a coffee once I know your identity because you deserve it you absolute icon. Now I think we either have one more round until merge OR we’re going to swap into larger tribes of 6. But the game will be pleasantly even and I love that. Eliza, Michele, and Franco, PLEASE survive this round! I need to betray y’all at the final 6!

Franco

i'm being messy again!!!! so. obv it's between Tristin and Sasha to go home this tribal. the easiest vote for me is Sasha, they don't contribute much. BUT, I have a crackedt idea. I really like Van and Cranjes, they seem like they'd be great allies to keep around going forward. and our trio could stay under the radar if we want it to. I came up w the idea to orchestrate a vote that gives the illusion that we're sticking with original tribe lines. Tristin and I would vote Sasha, while everyone else votes Tristin. Then, going forward, nobody will suspect I'm actually in the majority, and going into merge no one will know that Van, Cranjes, and I are working together. I feel bad for backstabbing Tristin like this, but this is really fun and creates an interesting dynamic moving forward. so yeah! that's the plan!! i'm being a snake.

Worm

So we lost. I feel bad cause I was the hero but I wasn't going to hurt my body by staying up for 30+ hours. With this tribal I'm very worried about it. Neither Dusty or Erick are talking to me and neither of the girls are talking to me in private chats. I just think that I'm getting voted out and I literally have no idea why. I'm still unsure of what's happening but the only thing that is clear is that unless something crazy happens, one of the guys are leaving. All I can now is sip on my iced coffee and wait. Fuck I hate not having any control of my own fate.

Sasha

Van put Cranjes and I in a chat for og Plati and we're targeting Tristin. Hopefully there are no idols, esp since they reported that Tristin and Franco are voting for me asdgfhj

Franco

this is for Tristin when he reads this at the end of the season i am SO SORRY. you are a beautiful wonderful human but I really felt like this would put me in a good position going into merge. I feel so bad knowing it was my plan that ended in your vote off, but I gotta look out for myself first and foremost. now I have a clear path to play both sides when the time comes. again, I am so sorry. ily <3 <3 <3 pls dont be mad at me

Sasha

Jay: I'm surprised y'all voted Tristin out me, thinking about it: okay, me too honestly Van and Cranjes probably looked at me and took an approach of "if we save them from this vote, then they'll work with us down the line. free number" and like, whatever. I'm just out here vibing. I'll roll with that

van

oh god. everything went exactly as it was supposed to, but i want to vomit. god that was stressful. This is why I hate small tribes. Jay pls have mercy. So y’all are probably wonder why Tristin. Tbh he’s good in challenges. The plan is he gets frank in redemption. Frank sounds pissed and that leads to chaos. Chaos in this game is not fun.

Sasha

So everyone on the tribe is feeling bad about the vote and I'm just like, well I didn't talk to Tristin too much so I feel bad voting for them, not because they're "so nice" but because I feel like I didn't talk to them enough. Though it would've sucked if we'd talked a bunch and I still voted them.

Elle

I am so glad to have won that immunity challenge. I put my heart and my soul into succeeding and I did. I knew that I would have been the next voted out if we went to tribal council again, so I am thankful to the Survivor Gods for pushing me this far! My only concern is that I will be seen as a challenge threat, but it was do or die in that moment. I had no other choice, but to kill the challenge to save my skin. Going into a merge scenario, I am very scared that people will vote me because I can be seen as a "challenge threat," but I hope my social game is strong enough to prevent that.

Eliza

I have no clue what to do right now, vote Erick, bites me in the ass. Vote worm, bites me in the ass. I’m in an awful position no matter what I do and I KNOW I’m the deciding vote. Fuck fuck fuckkkk

Lenny

WOOF! okay. Here’s what you missed on survivor plati tribe from my POV. Maxyne left and then didn’t survive redemption island. :( really would of loved for them to return! Elle killed it in the challenge. Honestly, ICONIC. I would not be mad if she won the whole thing. We’ll see after the merge. Which I am nervous about. Tristan went home which is sad. I liked them! Eliza and Michele are definitely working together and I suspect them of being the two who tried to vote me out a while back. Franco and Rain are strong players! I really like Fae too and would like to work with Fae, Franco, Rain, and Elle post-merge. That being said, once the merge comes, who knows what will happen! Trusting people is really hard for me :/ I hope rain and fae feel like they can trust me because I do want to have their backs!!

Michele

I feel really bad about Erick! I would have voted off Dusty if there werent an idol at stake. Time to lie to dusty and start a fake trio with him and eliza to gain his trust.....

Eliza

Eliza try to get dusty’s trust back challenge! (More details coming later)

Dusty

Well uh that tribal didnt go as planned. I thought that I would be able to hold some trust in Eliza, but it seems she cares more for her relationships with other people in the game. Now moving forward I have to figure out if I can still rely on Eliza, because having the power of the super idol is a big advantage. Hopefully she doesn’t stop seeing value in that advantage before i do.

Elle

I hate that we have a disadvantage. I do not need to go to tribal council. I am sad that Erick got voted out. That means that OG Plati is coming in at a numbers disadvantage once we get to merge if another Plati gets voted out. Best case scenario, an OG Vathis gets voted out and we can be even in the merge. However, there is always redemption to consider. So many factors!! I just want to be safe!

Elle

The early tribals signal to me that these people do not want any scrambling of any kind. These people are a tight ship, and merge is going to be crazy.

Rain

We lost. Again. I don’t want to vote for anyone, but I’m letting Elle campaign to me. I’ll be back.

lenny

wow oh wow. we're going back to tribal. I hope me and rain continue to stick together. I have no clue what is going to happen though. I never feel safe.

Fae

So we lost, it’s really sad. My paranoia had already set in. I’ve been inactive for a while, I might play my idol or atleast tell Rain. I’m flipping for mo reason. But generally when I think it’s me it is.

cranjes

ok so loving the fact that we don’t have to go to tribal. but i’m not loving the prospect of merging into one tribe from three. that’s kinda scary. i think i’d be fine. i have been building good relationships when i can and i have my idol in my back pocket if my back is against the wall. if we merge after this vote, i think i’ll be able to maneuver.

Elle

I have to do hardcore campaigning in order to stay. I want Fae gone because they have already proven themselves to be a backstabber. I do not need that type of person in my game. Also, now I have to campaign to Lenny (barf) and Rain. God my life has just gotten 10x more difficult and I am going to lose my hair. These are the campaigns I've made. The first is to Rain and the second is to Lenny. So, I think it would be better to keep me because of my challenge ability. That sounds counterproductive, but think about it: Shields are needed in the long run of this game. Let me be your shield. I feel like I would become a target because I am good at challenges, so that takes the heat off of you. If you were to keep me, I would also be 100% loyal to you. I will tell you everything that I know and everything I hear. I will be in your debt. I have also shown that I am a loyal person in the short time we have been together (I think?). I did not turn my back on Maxyne and Fae, but, at the same time, I was honest with you and Lenny (at least the most I could have been to Lenny). I know lying and scheming are a part of this game, but I like to play honestly and with integrity. So, you know that I will do everything in power to make sure we get through the rest of the game together. Finally, I think the better option (even though I would vote someone else if you wanted) would be Fae only because they have proven themselves to be sneaky and a liar. They were the first one to stab someone in the back in this game (as far as I know). So, having someone on our side is not good for us in the long run since, if it were to suit them, they will backstab us in a heartbeat It is! I really want to work with you in this game because I feel like you are a good person and I feel like we have easy and nice conversations together. I want to work with people who I connect with emotionally and I feel like you are one of those people. That means that I want to target Fae. I love Fae, but they have already shown what kind of player they are last time we went to tribal: a backstabber. If it suited them, they will definitely vote against you if you keep them long enough. If you keep me, I will be a good and loyal ally. I have already shown that I am loyal and honest because I tried to stay loyal with Maxyne and Fae. I told Rain that I was voting you, and I did not want to bullshit you nor have the awkward "I am voting me out." That's why I did not talk to you before tribal. It would make me feel yucky to lie to someone like that. But either way, I have shown that I am honest and loyal. I pledge 100% loyalty to you if I am to stay which is a promise I intend to keep all the way until the end. Finally, my challenge prowess can be beneficial to you because it paints a massive target on me at the start of merge which keeps the heat off of you and your allies. I guarantee that keeping Fae will not have the same effect. I am praying to God that Fae does not have the Plati idol because that would just send my ass to Redemption. But, you can bet your ass that I will be the returning castaway if I do get voted out. Then I will seek my revenge on those who have crossed me.

Franco

I already miss Tristin, the tribe is so dead without him. He was super active and I could always rely on him to have an actual meaningful conversation with me. Despite my personal feelings, I still think it was the smartest move game wise I'm REALLY happy we won immunity!! But everyone else is still.... Just so quiet. No celebrating or anything. Kinda ruins the tribe dynamic. Oh well. Im praying for merge next round!!!

Michele

I really think Plati should take out Elle while they have the chance! This being the last tribe round, they need to take out their strongest for the weaker to have a chance after merge!

Elle

Fae wants me to throw out a name which is something I am not going to do. I am on thin ice, and I cannot get either Rain or Lenny to hear that I said their names. Otherwise, I would definitely get voted out. Perhaps I should lie and say Fae said Lenny's name. But that could come to bite me in the ass. It would definitely be a last resort if I did feel like I was in danger. That would ruin my image, but I just need to do this so I can make merge which is definitely happening next round.

Elle

Rain definitely does not want to vote for me which means I have to go talk to Lenny about it. All I need to do is flip Lenny. Honestly, I would settle for Fire at this point because I know I can beat Fae. Making them go to fire would probably be easier than flipping Lenny entirely. But that would mean making Rain comfortable enough to vote for Fae. My chances are increasing, but I am in no way comfortable. Time to pull out all my charms!

cranjes

i really really really can’t have frank coming back. i kinda snaked him by making him feel comfortable and i hate that so much bc i had to do what was good for the order which was the majority alliance but i didn’t not like frank he was nice so i hope if he does come back i can talk to him and be like hey i’m sorry this is why i had to do that and he won’t come for me as much as he would for like say anyone else who voted for him aka every og plati left.

Elle

I pulled out my trump card with Lenny and told them everything about the alliances. The one thing I lied about was that Fae created those alliances. Hopefully that is enough to push them to vote Fae. It would be a dumb move to keep Fae because they are in those alliances and they are one of the heads of those alliances, not me. So, at the end of the day, keeping them in this game is a terrible idea because they will just turn their back on Lenny and Rain. Personally, I have not decided whether or not I want to betray them, but it sure as hell is better if they keep me rather than Fae. I even promised to be a rat in that alliance. I am just so frustrated and nervous going into this tribal. I hope they at least give me the decency to go to fire.

Worm

I'm going to MERGE! It's such a nice feeling for over stressing myself. It kind of lets me know that even though this game has taken me out of my comfort zone, I still have the basic ability to make it to merge. Nothing crazy has happened on our tribe so I'm just using the rest of my time in tribes to connect closer to my current tribe mates. I really do hope that Elle doesn't get voted out tonight. She is looked at as a physical threat and I feel like if she gets eliminated then I might get looked at as the biggest one with me doing really well in a lot of the challenges. If she does survive and make merge then I want to align with her to have as a meat shield for a couple rounds. Going into merge though I have been preaching keeping loyal to tribal lines. Maybe for the first round I would do so but after that I want to mix it up cause I feel like there are so big threats that I am aligned with, like Eliza. Eliza seems like a huge social threat that seems to have great relations with everyone and that is a huge red flag as we head further into the game. I hope I can make it far enough in the game to make that happen.

lenny

here's what you missed on glee. So, I am in an alliance with Rain and Fae (closer to rain tho). Fae betrayed their old tribal lines and now Rain and I are trying to decide if they are toying with us again. According to elle, Fae told her that she was going to vote me out but fae told me that they were voting for elle. Elle has been campaigning hard to me and Rain, exposing old alliances, pledging allegiances, etc. She is really making a case for herself. I am SO FLIPPING ANXIOUS. I just want to make the merge. this is wild. I don't know who to trust in this case. If we betray Fae, then we look like backstabbers, but they could do it to us again. I am trusting elle a little more rn, but she could be messing with me!!

Elle

I think my odds have significantly increased. My social skills came in handy, and Fae told me that they were going to vote Lenny which I used against them. Hopefully Lenny sees the merits in keeping me and we avoid fire. But I am absolutely ready for it if it comes down to that.

0 notes

atomicsurvivor-isleofskye · 6 years

Text

Ep. 10 - “bananas...... will that help?” - Vi

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169206214901/individual-immunity-5-counting

i am so happy my alliance of 5 is sticking together and im so happy i didnt leave yet bc that wouldve been my worst org placement and ali and jay are super fun but at the end of the day its just a game anyway!!

This challenge looks very annoying, but as long as neither rebecka or tara win I can have my pick of who to bring with me. Ive convinced Ain to tell Rebecka about the Tara plan, because if I had to pick I’d prefer Rebecka to win, and shes more likely to with motivation.

I NEED to win this immunity so I dont get in the middle of this rebecka vs tara thing. I do NOT want to be getting votes just because rebecka/tara have immunity. can my comp flop loser ass win something??? thanks

People finally realize I'm a threat? Wow took them long enough. Got 2 votes, was fun. I laughed a lot. Heather is such a good sport. I wish everyone else was too. She's great. Also this challenge is so terrible. I hate counting. I can barely count past 100 on a good day. It gets boring real fast. I'll pull an allnighter to get ahead since I gotta babysit tomorrow. Welp fill you in later. ;)

Tbh this vote and tribal was a very messy one for me and I hope I can win immunity and continue to do that until FTC if not I’m probably out this game and can’t waut to see the people of the jury not because they’re my friends or anything im responsible for most of them being there but because that means I can just chill and talk about what happened and not really plan and scheme

Tara got so mad at me because I wouldn’t throw the comp to her because she feels like she’s in danger (which she is. Stephen wants her out and is picking rebecka over tara since Tara told Stephen she was paranoid about a f2 between rebecka and I) idk it just made me upset that she would ask me to throw it like that after I put in so much effort. And she even deleted me from Skype when I wouldn’t give her my hidden immunity idol immediately!!!! She needs to chill. When she acts like this I’m tempted to blindside her after all. But I remember she’s like my bff and I couldn’t do that to her

Vi out here talking about loving fire how to remove jaws and her pet snake waaaay to much imma need her to go Issa no from me nope nope gotta go nope

I found the dragon but I was too late

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169245494531/immunity-results

Ain wins immunity.

I DID THAT I WON IMMUNITY IM NOT A COMP FLOP SUCK IT!!!!!!!!

Tara didn’t win immunity so things will hopefully go as planned, apart from being blinsided the biggest risk in this vote is coming off as a serial backstabber. I’ve got to be careful, and precise in how I speak, so that in ftc they respect my choices as gameplay, not a reflection on my character

Ain won immunity ugggh.. why did this hav to happen she already thinks she’s running the Gabe now she has this I like her but I want her out the game more and more everyday she’s good and gonna get me if I don’t get her first

Ok Ali, let me fill you in my good man! So the game right now is kinda a mess. Everyone wants to make big moves while they have the numbers. Tara wants Rebecka gone because she's sus about a Becka and Ain final 2. Stephen wants Tara gone because Tara is sus about us and is worried she might flip. Rebecka is saying we should stick to the 5 (me, rebecka, tara, stephen, vi) and vote Aundra. Aundra is dying to vote Stephen out and honestly? SAME! Vi is down for anything. Jake...... is Jake. And that's what you missed Ali!

I'm GOING TO NUT!!! STEPHEN WANTS TO GET REBECKA OUT TOO!!!!! I'm so happy I won immunity and I get to enjoy this :). Welcome to the party Stephen, you're late sweaty.

*INCITES DRAMA BETWEEN REBECKA AND STEPHEN* IM SCREAMING NOW REBECKA IS GUNNING FOR HIM

howdy yall!!!!!!! bec here. Comin atcha with another confessional!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POy09x79WRk So I'm always on the wrong side of blindsides and stuff so itll be SUPER funny reading this after the game ends considering im probably gonna end up out the door at the end of the night tomorrow!!! LOL!!! Stephen's playing a messy social game (think himilayas 2.0) messaging tara to try to vote me out, and messaging me and ain trying to get us to vote tara out, and im just like https://i.imgur.com/cw9Dhs2.jpg HEHE so basically now its me and ain, and tara, and maybe aundra (Hi bb!!! haven't messaged you at all probably lol whoops sorry didnt do that on purpose i literally am just a mess LOL lets be friends after this game and i hope i can trust u this week!!! hehe) tryna vote out stephen, but stephen thinks its ain and i voting tara out, and tara and jake and aundra voting me out LOLOLOL hehe i have no clue what the eff is gonna happen tomorrow night but im sure it wont be fun!!! :) :) :)

So I had me heart set on blindsiding Tara but then she had to go and play nice. Which meant I had to take a big risk and start drama. By saying that Rebecka, Ain, and I had a f3 deal I convinced her to start planning for a Rebecka blindside. Once she did I went to Ain and told him she was planning it, and to cover my bases I said she was trying to portray me as the mastermind behind it. So now we’re all at each others throats again, and I can hopefully pull this off.

Stephen is trying to get Rebecka and Me to vote Tara while everyone else votes Rebecka......... I appreciate the drama, the Big Move™, but he needs to be less messy about it.

So I don’t know what is going on but I’m pretty sure the survivor gods hate me, ironically. So everything was looking fine all we had to do was get Vi on board but apparently she was found something in the moors, she can’t say what but she seems confident that any attnept to vote Tara out will fail. Theres two possibilities here, one shes lying to save Tara, in which case we have to pull Jake and/or Aundra to get majority, or what she found protects Tara outright, in which case we’re screwed.

So this really is a confession. *cough Uh I was trying to get Stephen to not vote Tara by hinting at her having an idol. Somehow that completely backfired and made him think I had a disadvantage from the moors. Long story short he thinks the word vote is the trigger that I can’t reveal info and so he switch to using the word “banana”. Um as you can imagine, I died laughing. Was worth. Sorry Stephen but I took it and ran. If I get backstabbed it’s worth it. Here let me put a single statement he said out of many for you to understand. “but regardless if I pull Jake and/or Aundras..... bananas...... will that help?” *coughs violently Yeah sorry...

hello! sorry for the lack of updates i've just been super super busy. basically i've been trying my best to turn ain against rebecka, not that well tbh but shes promised to vote her out this vote lol fdskf, ain leaks everything to rebecka which is rly bad for my game tbh bcos it exposes how close me n ain are! i also tried to get a feel for how close stephen was to rebecka whilst i could let my immunity let me b messy n he basically leaked everything to ain it was p iconic LOL um so ya n then stephen planned to vote me out, but no one wanted to! hehe so he comes to me and says that he thinks i'm right about rebecka n tries to get me to vote her out LMAO but then apparently it didn't go how he wanted so he went back to rebecka and ain and tried to get them to vote out me again n its all p iconic bcos we're all sending eachother stephens messages n catching him out on his lies. i would LOVE to vote stephen out just to see the look on his face when me n rebecka receive ZERO votes (apart from maybe one from him) so he can realise he fricked up! unfortunately, bcos rebecka is so close to ain i think this might be the only opportunity to vote her out. n then i can make aundra super happy and vote out stephen next time! i think me and aundra are getting really close which i'm really glad about because aundra just seems to be a free vote lol fdbksf but hes also really fun to talk to. he also doesn't like ain(in a game way) which tbh is great bcos ain is winning! and if i got ot f3 with ain and aundra i could rely on aundra to try win immunity and take me to f2 yas! i finally have a plan.

This game is cancelled I’m over it can’t wait for everyone to get voted off I really wish it was final 2 and I was winning or I was getting voted out or something idek this games sooo stressful and it feels somewhat dragged out but that could be because I’m playing with like the messiest people ever and a power hunger associate but who knows

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1r6ao_imaUBfYKPxoLg614vW___nlTK9P

So Vi has been far too vague, and Ain and Rebecka are looking more and more vague. It is risky to keep people like Aundra and Jake in becuase they might want me out, but its riskier not knowing how things will be affected by Vi. So I’m voting Rebecka. This affects my plan a little, next vote I’ll feel out Ain, see if we can work together and take out Tara, if not she’s gone. Then we vote out Aundra. Then Tara hopefully. Drama Drama Drama.

well folks, it sucks to be the last Saorsa peep left, considering im not social with some of these Iolaire it looks like my path to victory is quite skerewed, some may wonder though, if i fear safety why not try in immunity? because i dont think im in any particular danger, at this point im just a number/goat from many pov's so they wont bother with me, am i using this to my advantage? yes i mean im the last player in game to recieve no votes, so i at least am outwitting

Ugh I have no idea whats best for my game right now, I’ve flipped back to voting Aundra

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169285851851/merge-tribal-5

Rebecka voted out 5-1-1-1.

#ALostPuppyDog #episodes

0 notes