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wild-aloof-rebel · 5 years

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"David, are you ready?"

He looks up from where he's positioning his boutonniere against the lapel of his jacket to find his father standing in the doorway that connects their motel rooms, dressed in his best suit and looking so proud that David’s tempted to shut the door in his face just to avoid having to see it.

"Need a hand?" Johnny asks, already stepping closer, as if David is somehow incapable of handling a straight pin.

"I can do it," he snaps, but his father pulls the little blue-wrapped flowers from his hand anyway, holding them against his lapel as he takes the pin from David’s other hand.

"You know, son," his father begins, and David's already rolling his eyes at whatever unwarranted advice is surely about to follow, "it's okay to be nervous. It's a big day. A big day. And it's normal if you're, uh, perhaps feelings some... jitters..."

"I'm fine."

"About the ceremony," he continues, undeterred, finally working the pin through both fabric and stem. "Or the reception. Or-- or even the wedding night.”

"Dad!"

If his father tries to give him a talk about the birds and the bees right now, David is literally going to walk right out the door and straight into traffic.

"I'm just saying, it's okay to be nervous."

"I'm not nervous!” The words are sharp and defensive, but David truly means them: he isn’t nervous. Like at all. Mostly, he just doesn’t want someone to jinx him somehow by talking about how nervous he should be.

But he isn’t, even though he really thought he would be, and maybe last night his answer would have been different, but it’s a beautiful, clear, blue day outside, and David is rather pleasantly surprised to find that he’s feeling incredibly calm about the whole thing. Whatever happens today, at the end of it all, Patrick will be his husband. About that he has absolutely zero doubt, and as that’s the only thing about all of this that actually matters, he has no reason to be nervous at all.

Johnny steps back, holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "Fine. Fine," he says. "It's just that it's okay if you are nervous. You know, when your mother and I got married--"

"Yep. Got it. Thanks so much," David says, pushing him back through the door and hurriedly closing it behind him. He’s nearly ready to go, if he could just get a few more minutes of peace and quiet to finish getting dressed.

"David, are you ready yet?" his mother asks, pushing her way through the just-closed door.

He squeezes his eyes and his fists shut tight and tries not to scream. "It's hard to finish getting ready when a… a conga line keeps bursting through the door, like this is some terrible Gloria Estefan video from 1994.”

There’s a masterful kind of irony in the size of the frown his mother gives him as she replies, “Oh, stop being dramatic.”

Her gaze shifts from his face to his boutonniere as she approaches, and she reaches to unpin it before he can stop her. All he can do is throw up his hands, drop his head back between his shoulders, and glare at the ceiling as if it's somehow the motel's fault that his family has no sense of boundaries.

Actually, on second thought, it might be the motel's fault--there's certainly been far less privacy in the years that they've lived here together with only a flimsy excuse for a door to separate them than there ever had been when they’d had an entire mansion in which to avoid each other. He glares at the ceiling harder, just in case.

“Darling, I understand that you might be feeling rather timorous about the great unfathomable depths into which you are about to plummet--”

“I'm not ‘plummeting.’ No one is plummeting into anything.”

He bats her hands away, turning back to the mirror to finish straightening his boutonniere--again--something he wouldn’t have to do if everyone would have just let him put it on himself in the first place, like he was trying to do. He shifts the tiny pair of white roses until they’re running parallel to the crisp edge of his lapel and pins them firmly in place.

Behind him, his mother places her hands on his shoulders, meeting his gaze in the mirror. The smile she gives him isn’t the polite, plastic one she normally trots out for the masses; it’s warm and real and just a little wistful.

"Your Patrick is very lucky."

I'm pretty sure I’m the lucky one, David thinks.

It’s a sweet moment, the rare kind in which his mother is thinking of someone other than herself. And then Alexis bursts in from their parents’ room, a frantic blur of silvery-blue charmeuse, and David thinks maybe he's not so lucky after all.

"Oh my god, David, why aren't you ready?"

"I don't know! Maybe it's all these unnecessary interruptions!"

Moira shakes her head at her arguing children and disappears back through the virtual revolving door between their rooms, leaving David to deal with this harassment alone--she always was good at abandoning him when he needed her most.

"You're not actually leaving for the ceremony with your hair looking like that, are you?" Alexis asks, and David just manages to duck out of the way of her meddlesome, well-manicured fingers. They follow him as he crosses the room, and he swats at them every time they buzz too close.

"My hair is fine! My boutonniere is fine! My nerves are fine! Everything is fine!"

Her hands drop dramatically, as her eyebrows rocket higher. "It doesn't sound fine." She leans in conspiratorially. "Do you have cold feet? Are you worried you're not going to be a good husband?"

"Swallow your tongue please."

He drops onto his bed to swap his slippers for his dress shoes, and she falls into place across from him, just like old times. He can feel her gaze as he ties his laces, but she doesn't say anything until he's done. "This is going to be good for you," she tells him, and even though he doesn't need the reassurance, he appreciates that she's trying. It’s better than her trying to fix his hair anyway.

“Knock, knock,” comes Stevie’s voice through the opening front door. “Are you--”

“Ready! Yes, I’m ready!” David yells, fed up with everyone asking.

“Oh, I don’t care about that,” Stevie replies. “I just wanted to make sure you were decent because I have no desire to see that ever again.”

“Ooh, burn, David,” Alexis chimes in, but David ignores her.

“You’re sweet,” he tells Stevie. His tone is scathing, but honestly, he could kiss her for just being so relentlessly normal right now.

“And you’re almost late. So get in the damn car already.”

He stands and throws the last of his things back into the overnight bag he’d brought with him to stay at the motel last night. “Since when do you care about being on time?”

“I don’t,” she says, “but you set six reminders on my phone, and I’m afraid you might have somehow rigged it to blow up if I ignore another one.”

David zips up his bag and follows Stevie to the door, while Alexis swans back off into their parents’ room. With any luck, this will be the last morning he ever wakes up in this room. It should be a relief, but he’s feeling oddly sentimental about it now that it’s here. He’d first met Stevie when asking for extra towels so he could take a shower in this tiny, disgusting bathroom. He’d comforted Alexis for the first time in a long, long while after her break-up with Mutt, right here between these beds. He’d kissed Patrick for the first time in his car in the parking lot just outside this door. For as much as he’d never wanted it to be, this motel room is his home, and taking the last step out the door is just as hard as the last step he’d ever taken out of the house that had been ripped from beneath their feet.

“If you start crying, I’m leaving you on the side of the road, and I really don’t think Patrick will forgive me for that.”

With a laugh, David pulls the door closed and climbs into the passenger seat of Stevie’s car. She throws herself into the driver seat, no more careful than usual despite the floor-length navy gown and four-inch heels she’s sporting. It’s good to know that some things never change.

The short drive to Town Hall is blissfully silent--no needless questions or unwelcome advice--and David is more thankful than she can possibly know that he’s ended up with her as his best friend. She drops him off near the back of the building, nodding her head toward a cluster of trees as they get out of the car. “Go get him,” is all she says, and then she’s purposefully striding off in the opposite direction to wrangle the last few guests into the building.

Patrick is waiting for him in the shade of a towering elm tree, looking gorgeous in a suit that matches the one David’s wearing, and as soon as their eyes meet, his entire face lights up with delight. He’s beautiful--all the time, but especially like this, dressed to the nines and looking just as giddy and hopeful and joyously incandescent as David feels.

“Hi,” he says when he finds himself face to face with his fiancé for the last time.

“Hi,” Patrick echoes, and the smile on his face could power whole cities. David’s pretty sure his own could, too. “You clean up well.”

One shoulder tilts up in a coy little shrug. “Oh, I just threw something on.”

The glint in Patrick’s eye grows more mischievous as he leans closer and slips his hands beneath the edges of David’s lapels. “So you wouldn’t mind if it gets a bit wrinkled then.” And he drags David in for a searing kiss, leaving him breathless and starry-eyed when he finally pulls away again.

David forces himself to think about all the people waiting for them just inside in order to keep from throwing Patrick onto the nearest horizontal surface and continuing what they’ve started. God, he can’t wait to marry this man. With a deep breath, he closes his eyes and dips his forehead to rest against Patrick’s.

“I missed you last night, button.”

Patrick threads their fingers together. “I missed you, too, best.”

David could almost live in this moment forever, standing here together on the cliff-edge of their future, the entire world at their feet, thrumming with possibility. However, he has a sneaking suspicion that the night, that life only gets better from here. And so when music starts playing on the speakers inside Town Hall, he opens his eyes and lets Patrick lead him around to the front of the building, right on cue.

At the top of the front steps, Patrick pauses, turning to David with his serious face on. It’s the one he uses when he tries to explain about profit margins or when he’s running late in the morning and has to pull David’s fingers from the waistband of his jeans for the third time in a row. “Are we ready to do this?” he asks.

David knows that it’s an actual question. He knows that if he said no, even after all these months of planning, even with all the excitement clearly vibrating under Patrick’s skin, if David said he wasn’t ready right now, Patrick would lead him to the car and take him home and they’d figure out what to do next instead, and David loves him all the more for it.

But for David it’s not a question at all. There’s no single part of him--not a finger or a little toe, not a freckle, not a hair, not a skin cell, not an atom--that isn’t ready to marry Patrick Brewer. He’s never been more ready for anything in his entire life.

He leans in to press one more kiss to his fiancé’s tidy little mouth, lingering there a bit, breathing all his certainty and his anticipation into this happy press of lips. And maybe he slips him a little tongue, too; after all, if it’s going to be their last as fiancés, it should at least be a good one.

When they part, Patrick is smiling, bold and bright as the sun shining on their shoulders, and he takes David’s hand in his. “Let’s go get married,” David tells him, and hand-in-hand, side-by-side, together they open the doors.

#schitt's creek #schitts creek #david x patrick #a bunch of wedding day nonsense #been thinking about their little convo right before the soft launch and ways it could come back around #and this was the result #also i was bored at work this afternoon and thinking about the wedding was more fun than anything else i had to do lolol #rebel writes #also available on ao3 if that's your thing

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thatdamnokie · 6 years

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today, i watched rocknrolla for the first time and kept a running tab of live commentary which can be found below the cut and is a stupid amount of ridiculous and will not make ANY sense unless you’ve also seen rocknrolla and like--have some vague memory of how the movie happens because this was all pretty much stream-of-consciousness or whatever.

yoooo i dig the opening song. okay. off to a good start.

for real thought the dark castle logo was hogwarts fml

is that… mark’s voice?

who is this muscular motherfucker?

LOOK AT THAT FUCKING BONG PIPE THING

that’s as tall as a toddler what the fuck

look at all these people in this movie!

THAT WAS MARK

mr. strong ladies and gentleman

… wait lenny looks super familiar, what else have i seen him in.

this all seems very complicated.

idris and gerard!

counselor’s cute too

why is everyone in this movie so fucking cute

WHERE ELSE HAVE I SEEN THIS GUY

every time mark speaks i jump

wait is that—gerard’s actual accent?

lenny, you are a terrifying dude.

and mark i want to ruffle your hair.

archie, that profile, sweet gracious.

… fuck he’s in the background and i just can’t stop looking at him.

this all sounds very, very complicated.

he calls him “len” omg

“do i look like a fucking immigrant” u h m

okay so pretty sure i don’t like lenny, they should just let archie be the leader

enter the russiannnsss

your sweater is dumb russian guy

i like his accent though

guys i don’t know enough about real estate hustling to be able to explain this to another person

aw sweet russian sweater man giving him his painting

… wait no camera man show me the painting

“whiskey is the new vodka” sure yuri whatever you say

lenny i can shoot whiskey better than you can you fucking bitch

dude you can’t hold your sauce can you?

archie

archie help him

fuck he is so handsome

that jawline

“famous archie smile” I WANNA SEE

dude you need to be nicer to people when whiskey makes you that sweaty?

… i’m sorry but i think i could outdrink arch’s boss???

bless whoever made mark narrator

yooooo stella!

i like her!

dude she looks boss as fuck

“i don’t feel like smiling”

dude a marriage of convenience where you don’t have regular sex sounds awful

“welcome to the—speeler?” did he say speeler?

tom!

some of the names in the opening credits didn’t look familiar but these faces do.

wait is gerard gay or was he making a joke?

that. accent. gracious.

just picture that growling in your ear. fuck, i want a british boyfriend guys. i mean it.

i like the color scheme of all this like everything’s—muted, but still classy?

okay i dig 1-2 and stella’s broship.

can you imagine just calling him twelve to save time

“just a black eye, nothing more.”

dude she has louboutins! or something like them! the ones with the red bottoms, i’m probably misspelling it.

hanging out at the country club. very classy.

arch, you’re all limbs.

… you’re also scary.

duuuuude he has a way of talking that just makes me nervous. like an undercurrent of a threat, things implied…

“in there like swimwear” i’m stealing that.

duuuuude lenny’s robe though?

i got office envy! look at that desk.

WHO FALLS BACKWARDS IN THEIR CHAIR

oh shit they took the painting

… that i still don’t know what it looks like, guys let me see it

len you are boned.

“and archie’s gonna have to go… to work.”

he is literally the tallest dude in every shot.

is he giving him slapping lessons rn.

… yes he is.

oh no

JESUS

ARCHIE

we do NOT HIT PEOPLE

gracious.

i’m torn because on one hand, that would probably really fucking hurt, his hands are probably as big as my fucking face

on the other hand—would i let mark strong slap me?

… maybe.

“but you keep the receipts because this ain’t the mafia”

idrisssss

fuck if he smiled at me like that i’d do whatever he said too

“everybody have fun tonight! <3” :D EVERYBODY WANG CHUNG TONIGHT

“now fuck off”

oh twelve

ugh all the style in this movie.

wardrobe goals.

i want that bag.

“… maybe.” bro you said that like you wanted the d, and i can’t say i blame you.

i like how yuri says london.

for a split second i thought that was tom holland???

ohhhhh what’s gonna happen now!

does everyone just like—drive mark around in these movies

OMG it’s the same money

this shit is hysterical

i want to mess his hair up. because if we were in public he’d probably hate it and tbh i’d be too scared to do it but maybe privately…

guys… i feel like i’d fit into the uk.

ohhhhh an INFORMANT

… oh that dude is cute!

oh that dude is CRAZY

oh, drugs, right. these are the drugs i do not do.

his name is TWELVE archie

see, he’s so good at being quietly threatening

his laugh is so… <3

i think ship stella and yuri—

oh FUCK i forgot she was married

he’s also gay as shit, yuri

dude she just got so sad…

“you devil”

oh duuuuuude

you want that v so bad and it is so obvious

they both have nice hands.

poor bob. :(

twelve you sweet scottish bastard.

UHM

OKAY

that’s a twist.

twelve noooo

dude be cool

DUDE

DUDE THIS IS NOT HOW YOU HANDLE THIS

CALM DOWN

oh my god

duuuuude, twelve.

dude.

bob. bob honey i am so sorry.

is he crying? T.T

TWELVE DO SOMETHING

“no I’M FUCKING SORRY”

YEAH WELL YOU SHOULD BE

a—a poof?

is ‘poof’ a bad word?

guys i don’t know anything about british slang.

bob honey relax…

ohhhhh i’m not sure if that was a smart question to ask right that second.

archie, you’re so classy and wonderful and probably wouldn’t freak out on people like that. probably.

this van gentleman is so delightful ( i am so bad at names rn )

so his nickname is van gentleman.

TANK

there we go.

i like this broship.

in which arch continues to be all. fucking. leg.

OH SHIT

i was NOT PREPARED

“like most things american they’ve eaten the natives” i mean…

i really like his comparison of the crayfish and greed, but like… i also really want bbq now… (have you HAD bbq crayfish? shit’s delicious.)

also HOLY SHIT was not expecting them to be stuck on him like leeches? that’s terrifying.

archie has like—this hidden mercy about him… like he got a weird look on his face and i couldn’t tell if it had to do with the quid dude or putting the other guy back in with the crayfish.

it’s his STEPSON?

ohhhhh an american!

oh he is handsome.

mickey. <3

what else have i seen this rocker dude in…

“ladies of the pole”

mickey’s hat ftw

oh this fedora guy is cute.

JUNE

i love that name AND her bangs!

this movie was a phenomenal soundtrack

aaannnddd definitely thought that dude was masturbating for a second

wait is that the guy from the beginning?

LENNY

... wwwooooowwww

lenny is an ASSHOLE

LENNY

johnny, johnny honey you do not deserve this

why is this movie full of people who deserve better than they got???

LENNY don’t you DARE

that is NOT OKAY

FUCK YOU

gosh, kid, bless your heart…

SHOW ME THIS FUCKING PAINTING

there are so many different accents in this movie and all it’s doing is confirming the fact that i never left my “i want a boyfriend with a nice voice” phase

“guns nuns and cowboys” idk what this bonanza thing is but i’m in

johnny you are very scary and i’m sorry that your stepdad made you like this.

dude stop touching june?

“it’s tasty and exotic—a bit like your june.” lenny you’re disgusting.

that’s an intense line of questioning, lenny.

this fucking painting.

ARCHIE

STOP FUCKING WITH THE MICROPHONE

oh my god

i literally just want him to never stop talking

omg bob.

dude twelve looks piiiiiiissed.

i think… i missed a part of the plot.

guys i want to be a part of this world but i’m only able to say that because no one’s very asked me to like… torture someone.

or sleep with someone gross.

victor you handsome bastard.

russian is such a guttural language i love it

FUCK YOU LENNY

at least you’re getting better at shooting your whiskey? fucking asshole.

like i like him less and less because he’s just GROSS you guys

jk could still outdrink him.

if you touch archie lenny i will reach through his screen and rip your face off.

i really wouldn’t be threatening someone who could snap you in half but okay

who the hell is cookie?

you look like a one-many party

omg where are your pants

cookie i love you you disaster of a man

omg i want to be invited to one of these parties

like just let me relax in a corner with an old fashioned and a cute boy

OHHH THEY FUCKED

OKAY

that explains a lot

dude bob that’s—okay but like they thought he was going to prison, that was just an accident

wait does archie know?

dude stella i want to be your friend so you can help me with my wardrobe

… twelve. twelve what are you doing.

stella looks so fucking unimpressed

YEAH BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING

dude, stella, girl, i’m sorry

at least one of you can dance

oh bertie you gay as shit

stella why did you marry this man

i like this closed captioning thing they’re doing.

who. is. the. informant.

“and remember—i *am* dangerous.” yes you are baby.

bertie you are so awkward

bob. bobby no. D:

BOB

oh bertie don’t act like you didn’t like getting bossed around i saw it in your face

y’all he is fucking ENAMORED

i’d go see this guy live.

that bouncer wasn’t fucking around. one hit knockouts.

… john. johnny. what are you doing

JOHNNY DO NOT STAB THE BOUNCER

HE IS MAKING ME SO NERVOUS

HOLY SHIT

JOHNNY

ALL RIGHT COOL LET’S JUST SHANK THE BOUNCER

johnny you are batshit crazy

“fucking mutt” wait, what does that mean?

mumbles is a handsome man.

ohhhh this is an awkward conversation.

“made a pass.” right.

ohhhh. oh he knows.

twelve, dude, i’m sorry.

he looks so uncomfortable.

but hey like this means they didn’t fuck so that’s a thing?

boooob, sweetheart. <3

they’re all such good mixes of good and evil.

except lenny. fuck lenny.

ooooo that lady has pretty hair.

oh wait THAT’S cookie?

then who was pantsless homie?

this movie has such a big cast and i can keep track of like four people.

this club lounge place looks cool though.

he helped him get off the rock? that’s pretty rad.

p.s. this movie has a great soundtrack tbh.

all the same kiddos maybe just stick to weed and the occasional hallucinogens

say no to cocaine and crack

oh, johnny. :(

buddy.

holy SHIT this guy’s scars though!

DUDE

how many scars do these russian guys HAVE

… ADJNSJANSOAPSLKKJADSM

TRAIN

OKAY

WAIT NO TRUCK

JESUS

… more scars i guess?

… wait i wonder if archie has scars like that?

ohhhhh noooo yuri.

yuri did your friends die?

LENNY you’re racist and i do not like you.

oooohhhh why do i feel like so many bad things are gonna happen in the last part of this movie.

twelve you’re limping my baby who hurt you

… oh

THAT is who hurt you

also i ship those two russian guys

i like how stella was apparently just watching the entire thing from a distance

and then has the audacity to critique him lmfao

holly shit right into a STOREFRONT

dude NONE of y’all are having a good day

this entire scene is fucking—something else

guns

knives

golf clubs

just

anything you can pick up and use as a weapon at all

WHAT THE FUCK

ARE THESE DUDES JUST INDESTRUCTIBLE

“ABANDON SHIP RUN FOR YOUR LIVES”

YEAH BITCH AGREED

OH SHIT COPS

BOB ARE YOU JUST GONNA WAVE LIKE THEY’RE YOUR BROS

THIS IS STRESSFUL

PARKOUR

bob you look like a puppy

and twelve looks like a zombie

and then there’s mumbles who just stole the coolest bike helmet i’ve ever seen

twelve, honey, you just can’t catch a break

dude russian guy is fucking RIPPED

kudos to who did the cinematography of this because it looks fucking cool

this is the slowest high-intensity chase i’ve ever seen

ripped and covered in blood. i dig it.

twelve you faker

oh hi ruskies

archie do you own any clothing that’s not black, grey or blue…?

fuck i love that jacket, but it’s so long it just makes him look even taller

LENNY

YOU NEED TO NOT BE SO FUCKING RACIST?

and get your hands off his testicles!

gracious.

everyone in this movie needs jesus.

johnny stop calling him pedro.

can…. can i see the painting please.

please.

guys.

this poor scottish guy.

yuri got cake.

johnny… sorta reminds me of freddie mercury in some of these shots? for like a few seconds at a time.

… okay so i’m full of dread between this monologue and what’s happening on the golf course.

lenny. buddy. you really got like. not do that. stop calling everyone immigrants

OH SHIT

GET HIM

GET HIM VICTOR

YOU GO BABY

this is a weird juxtaposition in terms of scenes though?

lenny getting his legs beat

and johnny’s super sad speech about the cigs

dude i can’t bring myself to feel bad for len.

wait where’s archie?

“and that is also why i cannot give that painting back.”

this is a set up for something really really bad.

and then they have moments where they act like dudes i know and i warm up to pete and johnny.

bobby stop fucking with that poor man. you’re gonna make him fall in love with you.

“i’m going back to bed.” “can i come?”

*smack* okay, that shit was funny.

johnny you need some chicken.

oh these motherfuckers.

… guys i wanna be a rocknrolla

lmao a protest

that flat looks disgusting.

dude you need to treat your bro better

ASJANSJASN

THEY TOOK THE PAINTING

CAN I SEE IT

LET ME SEE THIS FUCKING PAINTING

OH MY GOD THIS IS GREAT

if this movie ends without me seeing this fucking painting i’m going to kill someone

good man cookie.

TANK’S WATCHING P&P

COOKIE YOU DA REAL MVP

gerard’s laugh though

… well then

like if she wasn’t so unhappy in her marriage i’d feel bad

THE INFORMANT YES TELL ME

… sydney shaw?

“where did he learn a word like pseudonym?”

awwww he likes her…

oh she likes him!

okay good because that sex didn’t look romantic at all.

“you’ve got very good taste mr. one-two.”

lenny fuck you.

you’re gonna be alive for like three more years, relax.

archie. <3 that protectiveness—even if it is for lenny.

aaannnnddd enter the russians.

what a clustfuck.

wait TWELVE

DAMNIT TWELVE

OPEN YOUR EYES

… oh you are FUCKED

ooosajdnaksdjnajsdna this is anxiety-inducing

y’all this is why drugs are bad

and then nice outside scene. birds chirping. looks like a lovely day.

oh shit ARCHIE WITH A GUN

there’s no way that twelve is still alive

what the FUCK

am i SEEING

dude archie, me too

omg ARCHIE HELP HIM

that SMILE

dude i’d laugh too

OH SHIT

welp.

okay, we all figured archie was gonna kill people

put your FUCKING TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH

wait he SHOT TWELVE?

omg everything is happening at once.

wait, stella, what’d you do?

OMG

dude she looked FREAKED OUT

yuri… dude, what are you doing…?

UHM

WHAT

WAIT

WHAT IS HAPPENING

STELLA YOU LITERALLY FUCKED TWELVE LIKE A SECOND AGO

ohhhhhhhhhh

ohhhhhhh noooooo

ohhhhh NOOOOO

oh stella, honey you in danger girl

archie looks a thousand percent done and he’s been around this kid thirty seconds

wait archie was in prison?

this sydney shaw person put arch in prison…

duuuuuude younger!archie ;-;

“uncle arch” T.T

WHAT the fuck, lmao

just whipping out his gun, nbd

archie stop that. they’re babies.

johnny man you’ve—been fucked up for a while.

dude archie you look miserable.

ohhhh nobody died.

THANK YOU ARCHIE

GET HIM

i hate this entire family.

who all is about to die in this weird basement silent hill place.

… dude. johnny’s face though.

like i’ve felt like NO sympathy for lenny this entire time but i feel bad for johnny. :/

“a hot bath and a cold razor”

… dude

“because you’re poison john.”

o u c h

but like he is CRAZY

help i don’t know who to feel for

i feel for everyone

… except lenny

OH SHIT

WHAT THE FUCK

LENNY

JESUS

DUDE

HE IS GOING TO KILL HIS OWN STEPSON

what the fuck is happening.

YES THE INFORMANT

wait.

WAIT.

IT’S FUCKING LENNY????

OH MY GOD

“you are a VERY dirty bastard sydney.”

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT

THE

FUCK

STOP KILLING EVERYONE

I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NO NO NO NO THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANTED

this is STRESSFUL

“put your hands up!”

*thud*

okay that was funny

THE BOYS!

oh, archie.

oooohhhhh… all this shit…

archie. fuck, you can hear the betrayal in his voice.

shit, this is sad.

“there is no spring without a winter. no life without death.”

… archie?

oh a time skip!

oh SHIT johnny got a GLO UP

“c’mon then give us a cuddle”

i’ll GLADLY you give you a cuddle

OH MY GOD THE PAINTING

SHOW ME

S H O W M E

… you literally put those russian guys in pieces, didn’t you archie.

you terrifying motherfucker.

GUYS I WANT TO BE IN THIS WORLD

FUCK YOU GO GET THEM JOHNNY

... wait was there supposed to be a sequel?

… WAIT

WAIT NO

YOU FUCKING SHOW ME THAT GOD DAMN PAINTING

oh my god.

fuck it.

fuck that.

nope.

like mid-credit scenes are the least y’all can do.

… wait is that tom and gerard just like fucking with each other, it might be, that’s sort of adorable.

dude that gay club looks like fun though.

i don’t dance because i’ll spill my drink but.

awwwww guys i could watch them dance forever, like, this shit is funny.

ohhhh i hope this means that archie becomes the new lenny. he’d be a much better lenny.

and now we sway to this groovy end credit music while i sit and seethe in hatred that i never saw the painting and i’m pissed about it. :))))))

… fuck.

welp, guess i’ll just have to write shit about how the fuck this dude falls in love with a cop then.

#rocknrolla #commentary #mark strong

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wazafam · 3 years

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Schitt's Creek doesn't actually center on romance, as it's primarily (and refreshingly) about the dynamics between the Rose family members, and how they deal with the titular town and finding themselves without the money they once had. However, romance does play a part - and every one of the main characters has at least a little romance on the show, right from the moment that Alexis and David first head out to a party and Alexis just wants to find someone to kiss.

RELATED: Things That Make No Sense About Money On Schitt's Creek

Of course, some of these relationships were obvious a mile away, and gave fans plenty of time to root for the characters to get together (whether they actually did, or whether it all fell apart). But a lot of the Schitt's Creek pairings were actually a surprise - whether because fans never saw them coming, or just because they never saw them working!

10 Surprised Everyone: Ted & Heather

Ted is one of the most wholesome characters on TV, so fans always hoped that he would end up with Alexis, who is her own special kind of wholesome too. It seemed clear that although Ted and Alexis had their breakups, they would get back together again... which is why his Heather storyline came as such a shock for so many. It seemed as though Ted and farmgirl Heather actually had a good thing going for a while, and were getting pretty serious, which had fans honestly worried for a while about Ted's future with Alexis.

9 Rooting For: Ted & Alexis

It broke fans' hearts when Alexis told Ted that they needed to break up - that he needed to go study his turtles, and that she needed to build her PR business, and those two things just couldn't line up. These two were an absolutely adorable pair, and fans were rooting for them from the moment that Alexis met Ted, and kept calling him a 'doctor' instead of a Vet. They brought out the best in each other, and maybe one day, they'll cross paths again in this universe.

8 Surprised Everyone: Alexis & Mutt

Alexis 'met' Mutt in typical early-seasons-Alexis fashion: she stomped up to him and started making out, took a photo of it, and then walked away again. She was only ever interested in him because she thought he was attractive and wanted to make her old boyfriend jealous, so it came as a surprise when they ended up not only having a longer storyline together, but actually in a relationship for a decent stretch. It was never going to work out, but it was a surprise it lasted as long as it did.

7 Rooting For: Stevie & Emir

Another example of a relationship that didn't work out, no matter how much fans wanted it to, was Stevie and Emir. At first, everyone was rooting for these two, as Emir seemed to be a great fit for Stevie, as a travel blogger and someone who had a lot of fun with her.

RELATED: Ranking The Schitt's Creek Main Sets/Locations From Least To Most Important

However, after he let her down when she wanted to take things more seriously than him, fans were quick to turn on her former fling, and decide that Stevie deserves better.

6 Surprised Everyone: Alexis & Artie

Even in Schitt's Creek, it's possible to find some really questionable rebound dates, it seems - at least, if Alexis and Artie prove anything! After a breakup with Ted, Alexis ends up briefly dating a man named Artie, who is significantly older than her (and potentially older than her father), and who was clearly not right for her (for reasons well beyond his age). Of course, what really surprised fans was Alexis revealing that she knew this wasn't a long term thing, she just wanted to have some fun after her breakup... and she didn't appreciate her family's meddling!

5 Rooting For: Twyla & Anyone

Twyla may have been slightly clueless, but the Cafe Tropicale waitress was one of the sweetest citizens of Schitt's Creek, and fans wanted to see her get a happy ending - especially when it was so clear that she wanted to have a romantic partner. She started out with Mutt, but his budding relationship with Alexis put an end to that, and she didn't seem to have many other prospects throughout the show. It was a shame, as this sweet smoothie-maker definitely deserved someone wonderful.

4 Surprised Everyone: David & Stevie

David and Stevie's brief fling even surprised David and Stevie! But it didn't do any harm to their relationship, and potentially even brought them closer on their way to becoming best friends, so it all worked out for the best.

RELATED: 10 Best Side Characters On Schitt's Creek, Ranked

This fling also led to one of the best conversations about sexuality in the show, as David and Steve compare his sexual preferences using wine, and conclude that 'he likes the wine and not the label'.

3 Rooting For: David & Patrick

David and Patrick are arguably the fan-favorite couple of the show, and audiences were thrilled when the series ended with these two adorable lovebirds married, running their business, and owning their dream home in Schitt's Creek. It wasn't always straightforward though, between Patrick's ex showing up, David deciding that Patrick needed to date other men, confusion over what 'getting an apartment' meant, and all kinds of other stumbling blocks along the way. All that meant, though, was that fans had more time to get invested, and to enjoy seeing the relationship blossom.

2 Surprised Everyone: Roland & Jocelyn

Clearly, this relationship wasn't a surprise in and of itself - Roland and Jocelyn are introduced as a married couple on the show! However, what did surprise fans was how much they came to love these two, despite their initial impression. In the early episodes, Roland is shown to be truly disgusting (the cheese dip...) and Jocelyn comes across as just plain annoying. But, surprise! By the end, everyone loves them, and they are practically part of the Rose family.

1 Rooting For: Moira & Johnny

Like Roland and Jocelyn, it was clear that these two were married from the start, so in this case, rooting for them isn't about wanting them to get together. Instead, it is about wanting them to stay together through the hardships of their early weeks in Schitt's Creek, when the whole family was struggling. And later, it is about rooting for them as a couple when it became increasingly clear that these two were meant to be together. Watching Johnny support Moira, and watching her come through for him when he needed it, seeing them open up to each other, and seeing their happiness in each others' successes was a joy to watch.

NEXT: Schitt's Creek: 10 Scenes That Make Viewers Nervous When Rewatching

Schitt's Creek: 5 Relationships That Fans Were Rooting For From The Start (5 That Surprised Everyone) from https://ift.tt/3rqwVyx

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ronaldmorton · 7 years

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David Frei Unplugged In Beverly Hills Dog Show

The king of dogs places me on hold because Grace is attempting to dig herself a hole in the couch. When the King of Dogs candidly admits his pooch behaves just like yours, one can’t help but have a “wow, he’s just like me” moment wash over them.

Frei, well-known to millions of television viewers for nearly three decades, as the voice of of the annual Westminster Kennel Club, knows dogs. Frei has also been the co-host of The National Dog Show presented by Purina, a telecast seen by nearly 20 million viewers every year on Thanksgiving Day. Not one to slow down, Frei and company will hit the airwaves on Easter Sunday evening.

USA Network’s broadcast of the Beverly Hills Dog Show presented by Purina will feature Olympian figure skaters Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski as correspondents on the show’s red carpet. The competition, which is co-hosted by legendary dog show judge David Frei and actor John O’Hurley, will also include sports icon Mary Carillo reporting from backstage. Lisa Vanderpump (“The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” “Vanderpump Rules”) will present the Best in Show award, and “E! News” Co-Host Maria Menounos will be on hand interviewing attendees about how their dogs are the stars of their families.

This self-admitted long-time “Freinatic” spoke with the charming Frei by phone recently for this exclusive interview and candid talk with the man who is a dog lover of the highest order.

Rex Linn (CSI Miami) in the middle with David Frei, left and John O’Hurley (Chris Weeks / KCBH)

A Tidal Wave of Changes

“If a tsunami were to hit the United States, the most likely place is right here along seaside Cannon Beach,” Frei muses about his return to the Oregon coast.

Frei is candid about his shift from left coast boy to west coast resident.

“When speaking to NBC about coming to work for them full time, they asked me what it would take to make it happen,” he says.

Frei’s response is classic: “Let’s do a dog show.”

He reminds me that there are already three dog shows in the east (Westminster, AKC National, and the National Dog Show).

Beverly Hills Dog Show chairperson, Patty Kanan, helped facilitate the venue location and show date to accommodate the broadcast of the show.

The result, Frei shares, is a dog show that is fun and looks beautiful on air.

POMONA, CA – MARCH 04: A dog competes at the Annual Kennel Club of Beverly Hills Dog Show at Pomona Fairplex on March 4, 2017 in Pomona, California. (Photo by Chris Weeks/Getty Images) : Ken Todd;Lisa Vanderpump;Bo Derek;Rex Linn

Dog Show Changes Through the Decades

When asked how much has changed in the dog show ring from whence it came in the 1800s, Frei says the competition is pretty much the same, but the entries have expanded. There were 50 or 60 breeds at a dog show competition back then. More than 1,350 dogs representing 166 breeds and varieties took part at the Beverly Hills Dog Show, which was founded in 1965.

“It’s not a life and death competition,” Frei reminds me. “I say it all the time: These dogs don’t sit around all week on doggy cushions eating doggy bon bons.”

These dogs are members of the family, whether it’s in the dog show ring or anywhere else: Luring, coursing, obedience, rally, or just sitting next to you on the couch. Frei tells attendees of a dog show to circulate and talk to people. Part of the fun is the competition, he admits, but the greater fun is seeing the great variety of breeds and getting to know their characteristics and temperament. This includes mixed breeds, so mutt lovers, rejoice!

“The alma mater factor is there,” says Frei. “If I am sitting at home watching television with my Brittany, Grace, and I see the Brittany (on t.v.), you know I’m cheering for the Brittany.”

He admits he whispers to his beloved Grace, one of two dogs with whom Frei shares his life, “If you and I just did a little more road work, maybe I bathed you more often than I do, we could compete in the ring and have fun.”

The path of this icon in the dog world takes a different route, and his fans and followers are all the more grateful for it.

I am a true Frei-natic (seen with Amy Jo Hanna Eckenrode on left)

Take Three

What three words does David Frei use to describe himself and why?

Compassionate

I am compassionate with my dogs and in my lifestyle and the things I do with my dogs.

Humor

You can’t devote yourself to a life with dogs without a sense of humor.

Sharing

I am excited to share with others the great joy my dogs bring to me. Whether it’s a dog show or visiting a hospital with my dogs (as therapy dogs), I want people to smile and realize they can do these things with their dogs as well.

POMONA, CA – MARCH 04: Ken Todd and Lisa Vanderpump at the Annual Kennel Club of Beverly Hills Dog Show at Pomona Fairplex on March 4, 2017 in Pomona, California. (Photo by Chris Weeks/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Ken Todd;Lisa Vanderpump

Follow Frei and the Beverly Hills Dog Show

During the show, USA will stream a live puppy viewing party on the network’s Facebook page, allowing fans at home a chance to experience the spectacle with their favorite four legged friends. Throughout the broadcast, viewers can post photos of their furry companions on Twitter using @Purina along with the hashtag #BHDogShow to share how their dogs play a starring role in their lives. From April 10-23, Purina will donate $1 for each social media post (up to $25,000) to Leader Dogs for the Blind, a global organization dedicated to enhancing the lives of individuals who are blind or visually impaired.

In addition to the Easter night debut of the Beverly Hills Dog Show Presented by Purina, USA will present an encore on April 17 at 9 AM/8c, and NBC will air an encore on Sunday, April 23 at 1 PM/12c. NBC Sports Network (NBCSN) will also feature the show in its annual “Thanksgiving Day Dog Show Marathon” on Thursday, November 23.

David Frei on Twitter: @DFreiTheDogGuy

Facebook: David Frei on Facebook (Follow him there)

POMONA, CA – FEBRUARY 04: A dog competes at the Annual Kennel Club of Beverly Hills Dog Show at Pomona Fairplex on February 4, 2017 in Pomona, California. (Photo by Chris Weeks/KCHB/Getty Images)

Don’t Get the Dog Show Fuss?

If the dog show ring baffles you or perhaps you just simply don’t “get it,” Frei says if it isn’t fun for the dog, then it won’t be fun for you. Dog show competitions represent a sport.

If you don’t like the dog show ring or have fun in it, then finding something else to do with your dog is key, he says. Take the dog to agility, rally, lure coursing, or something else that fits you and your dog.

Go to a dog show or watch one on television, Frei shares.

“Pay attention to what you see, what is being said, and talk to the people who have these breeds. They will explain why a dog looks as they do, why they have a certain haircut, and why the short legged dogs are so close to the ground.”

It’s all about fun and the dogs being the stars and for Frei, he’s having the time of his life.

Book Giveaway

Five lucky Fidose of Reality readers will win an autographed copy of David Frei’s book, Angel on a Leash: Therapy Dogs and the Lives They Touch. Simply use the entry form below and good luck! USA residents only, please. Read complete rules here.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The post David Frei Unplugged In Beverly Hills Dog Show appeared first on Fidose of Reality.

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