#which is totally irrational bc somebody else moving house is not about what's convenient for me

[thedreadvampy]

Ok so like my partner and their partner are moving today, right?

and my partner had top surgery like 2 months ago and their partner has injured their shoulder so I'm like ok I love to move boxes I am super happy to come help if that's useful? and they're like yes yes oh my god please cause we don't know if we've got the manpower to move anything.

so I go on Friday afternoon I am knocking off work early to help them move. I block out my calendar. I work longer days Monday-Wednesday to balance it out. I also have to leave work earlier than usual Tuesday and Thursday so it's a bit like ok I can squeeze this in if I use up all my TOIL from the last few weeks.

I have also turned down two different requests to hang out this evening bc I was like ok no I have plans that evening cause I'm helping people move

They started moving at lunchtime because that's when the friend with a van was available. Ok. I knock off work at 3 instead of 5 and I message to say ok you've been at this a while, do you still need me? My partner messages back and says yes, we've just got here we've not even started unpacking yet and there's more stuff left at the flat, come on down.

It's a 25 minute walk and when I get there the things remaining in the van and the car are:

a kettlebell

a single box

a small bag

so I take those up. then I stand awkwardly around in the living room while their very loud friend talks very loudly and nonstop until everyone is overwhelmed. there's a sofa that needs to come out of the flat because it's full of dog hair and my partner's partner is super allergic to dogs, so me and the loud friend carry that downstairs. my partner keeps trying to direct it even though that makes it WAY FUCKING HARDER. we agree with the van friend that he'll hang onto it for now and load it into the van.

then I go back up to the flat and stand around for 20 minutes

eventually I'm like ok is there anything. I could be doing here?

and they look at each other and they're like no. nah. we're done for today. We'll sort through our stuff and set up and you guys come back in a couple of hours and we'll go for beers

and ok like this is not anyone's fault but I'm so upset.

Like I have been functionally superfluous here. I moved two things that other people were already about to pick up, and I moved a sofa that would have got moved anyway (although Jay would have tried to move it. but frankly it doesn't seem like they've tried very hard to Not Move Furniture before that so who gives a shit?). and for that I have basically used up my whole Friday afternoon/evening and lost 2 work hours for what?

"come back in a couple of hours and we'll go for beers" I didn't sign up for beers! I booked out this evening because I wanted to do physical labour and move heavy things!!! I wanted to be helpful!!!! If I wanted to have a beer and socialise I would have taken up the several other offers of socialising this evening!!!! But I don't want to now because I'm so upscuttled and upset that I can't even be around people, I am sitting on the back step in my garden right now because there is a risk of encountering 1-2 people in my flat!!!!!

and I asked before I left work if I was needed for this exact reason! because I didn't want to show up hang around and leave!!!!!

and "oh so your Friday evening's free now"? It's NOT FREE I'm AUTISTIC it's DENUDED. I'm not doing the thing I was meant to be doing but my brain still thinks I'm meant to be doing it so I don't have the capacity to do anything else!!!!! I'm just HERE.

#red said #it's also like. i have been rushing around and dealing with people SO MUCH this week #i was really looking forward to this! i wanted to do pure body work for a bit that didn't require me to think or be social!!!! #like i hate it anyway when plans don't work out the way i think they will but i ESPECIALLY hate this #because i REALLY LIKE DOING MOVING STUFF #like it's legit one of my favourite things. i like being helpful in ways that don't involve emotional work. #i like lifting heavy things. i like packing stuff in the most efficient possible way. i like the physical work. #it makes me really happy and it makes me feel really rested and rewarded mentally #and it was exactly what i wanted to be doing this week and i don't get to do it!!!! #and the Is About Me? bit of my brain is so vocally indignant. like who moves house at lunchtime on a work day if you need help from friends? #which is totally irrational bc somebody else moving house is not about what's convenient for me #given that i don't have a van #but also it sucks!!!!! it sucks!!!!!! I've had a really stressy people-energy-y week and i wanted to lift furniture!!!!! #and i don't get to lift furniture!!!!!!!!!!