#which i don't even know why i'm saying that bc i keep going into the tag where all the spoilers live. i just scroll by everything

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill #well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst #like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc. #so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made #bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you #but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings #and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste #there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc #so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously) #but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything #if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is #which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose #anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate. #and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic! #if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it. #like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages #or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing #i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know #it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess #as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence #the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education #i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is- #writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl- #will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype #sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen #there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions #like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of- #'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity #like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem #but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.

#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town #but like. We have Differences Of Opinion #and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off #but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks? #like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit' #the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true) #and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic' #and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on #but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't? #you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong? #and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him #but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him #and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit #like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men #but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way' #in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way. #and it made me SO SAD #like bro #I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle #and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope #but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own #like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little #like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang #but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me #like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally. #I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit #But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do. #.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!! #now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy #I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me

[chrisbangs]

hello... (and bye ig 👋)

#👋😭 hi... #i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone #i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭 #i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh... #uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂 #i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but #i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause #i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say... #i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu #it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media / #without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao #i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy #pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on #i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a #depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think #i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just #sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ???? #i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become #even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it #i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it #like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi #i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda #makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd #not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what #they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling #anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀 #i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say #this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel #like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭 #who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡

[coquelicoq]

definitely having thoughts about what kim dokja looks like to other people vs. to himself...how people keep saying he's "blurry"...how the constellations were surprised that he's not ugly when they saw him in person rather than through a channel...how he's not really a character and he's the only person with the fourth wall...idk idk. much 2 think about.

#and later when he patches a story onto his face to disguise his appearance...like ooook that's sth one can do apparently... #but it's not just story natives who call him ugly - the prophets do too. but that's when he's claiming to be yoo joonghyuk #voted Sexiest Man to Survive a Ruined World 141 times running. so he maybe asked for that a little haha #i'm trying to remember if yoo sangah has ever commented on his looks. because she knew him before. but i can't remember #orv #my posts #anyway i am still only 39% of the way through so no spoilers please 😅 #which i don't even know why i'm saying that bc i keep going into the tag where all the spoilers live. i just scroll by everything #really fast lmao #ughughhhughgh i wanna read meta so baddddd #omniscient reader's viewpoint #kdj

[daz4i]

i am so angry about being alive it's not even funny anymore

#what's the point in any of this 😐 i will literally never be okay. i never have been okay. I've had debilitating anxiety since birth #it's not going to go away it's literally getting worse as i grow older and so is my depression #hate to hear ppl say it gets better when I've been gradually getting worse since i was like 13 #which is extremely funny. bc when i was 13 is when most of my suicide attempts took place #at least i was active and took initiative back then 🙄 i only became too tired to keep trying since #i don't want to kill myself i just want to be dead. I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm always feeling awful. nothing is worth it #even when i feel good it's like 1% of how bad i always feel. and it's not like there's much good to go around anyway #i don't understand now people don't constantly feel like losing their mind over how shit life is truly #there's this line in nlh actually. where yozo asks how come ppl don't constantly want to kill themselves. and yeah felt #i can barely distract myself anymore bc nothing is stimulating enough esp when I'm alone #and i don't. care enough. about anything. to want to stay alive. like i said nothing is worth it. idc if ppl would be sad sorry #i don't even know what I'm saying anymore man. idk why I'm doing so bad rn. it's been a tough week ig. #nothing actually happened but everything is just. less than average. a little worse than neutral. just enough to be grating #i don't want to kill myself but i wish i could #wish i wasn't a coward wish i didn't fear permanent damage or hospitals or even just pain i have no control over #nothing happened but everything sucks. existence is disappointing. i would like to stop #vent #suicide // #negative // #ask to tag #i genuinely don't know what to do now. i can't distract myself. i probably shouldn't fall asleep when I'm like that #(at least if i don't want to have nightmares like i did all week and for tomorrow to be even worse) #tbh i doubt i even COULD fall asleep like that lol my brain's working too fast as usual 😐 #sigh. sorry for the vent. trying to clear some of the dirt off my psyche

[rotisseries]

actually now that the clique thing is a few days old, i didn't really get involved for a reason and I don't feel super strongly in either direction

but I will say that like. while there's certainly a problem of less interaction on the fanworks/posts from less popular blogs, this isn't really a byler exclusive issue? this happens in most fandoms these days, interaction is just on a decline in general which IS. a problem but not really a "byler tumblr is cliquey" problem. in regards to any actual cliques I wouldn't say they don't exist but I don't think it's "the popular kids" themselves doing this. I don't know if the rest of you have some other bloggers in mind that I don't know about, but as someone who is mutuals with a fair amount of who I thought were the popular blogs, they are always very nice and welcoming to me, and actually easy to talk to once you just. see them and talk to them as a normal human and not an omnipotent fandom god. so this is all to say that if there's a clique issue I think it's from the outside. I think maybe people are perceiving these bigger blogs who all happen to be friends as these untouchable idols in fandom and it's. making it cliquey from the outside. like are they a clique or have you just convinced yourself they wouldn't want anything to do with you and isolated this group from everyone else. this isn't to say that people can't be assholes of course just that I don't think any of this is intentional

#I think a lot of post interaction problems are also just probably coming from the fact that I don't think anyone checks the tag anymore #I certainly don't. I just keep up with what my mutuals are posting #and my mutuals are posting their work and they're sharing their friend's work or the work their friend shared from someone else #so if you're a little known blogger it can just be harder because. your posts just aren't making it as far you have a few followers #and they have even fewer. and so unless you get an anomaly popularity boost it'll be harder for a post to get traction #also “it's a clique bc all the popular blogs are friends and only associate with each other” well they have been friends for months #or a year now. and also probably were not as popular when that friendship started #so it's more like. a friend group forms and then when one of you gets a popularity boost so do the others bc you're friends #and then next thing you know it's a friend group of popular bloggers #anyway. all this to say get out and make some friends! either I'm right and this will actually fix the problem #or there really is a clique in which case why tf would you want to associate with them anyway #but genuinely this is rich coming from me actually known to most as godawful at talking to people irl #but it's really so simple to make tumblr friends it just requires you to be a little brave and genuine #if you see someone posting a lot of cool stuff follow them!! and then get in their askbox and talk to them about something #if they have an au you really like talk to them about that if they have some music they've been posting about check it out #and tell them what you thought! #just like. be friendly and open they'll probably respond in kind and next thing you know you have a really cool friend #anyway if you're one of my mutuals and you saw me like a post the other day or whatever that might feel contrary to this #well the other day I was just watching things go down lmao #I didn't care what any posts said I was busy with my own discourse lol #(and also if you're ANOTHER mutual wondering wtf this post is about don't worry about that) #idk I think I just. haven't really witnessed cliquey behavior but I see posts about this with enough notes #that sometimes I think. well you guys gotta be experiencing SOMETHING so idk. idk #I guess this is another “some people just have friends” post #anyway I think a good thing to remember here also is that we're arguing about popularity on Tumblr Dot Com. brother we are bloggers #and we're calling it cliques. like a highschool movie

[louderfade]

exene talking about the state of the world. the good stuff starts at eight minutes. or you can just read the transcript complete with the usual errors that accompany robot transcribed speech (the irony of which is not lost on me). maybe it's not about transhumanism and living forever (or maybe it is who knows), but there's definitely an agenda of surveillance and control at work which is designed to keep the powerful in power. cash rules everything around me and you will own nothing etc. the future is worse.

#google has helpfully flagged this as a 'conspiracy theory' which let me know it was definitely worth paying attention to #sometimes a conspiracy theory turns out to be flatearth-tier but anything those in control are putting effort into discrediting #concerns me and makes me look deeper. if they're going to the effort to control the discourse there's something there that #threatens them. anything google calls a conspiracy theory is worth a closer look. it often means someone has gotten too close to the truth. #she's brave to be talking about this shit they basically cancelled her and forced her to apologize for talking about how they want #to take our guns and the media is lying to you and stirring up fear so they can get away with passing gun control #like wtf leftists should be all about gun rights. a disarmed population is totally at the mercy of the state's authority #it's not very punk to surrender entirely to regimes in power and let the only people with guns be the police #like c'mon guys we need guns. and it's like drugs. they exist anyway. better they do so in broad daylight than in the shadows #they let adam curits talk about this stuff for some reason and no one calls him a conspiracy theorist idk why but there's a reason #i guess his stuff is not a threat to them bc it's dense and heady and seven hours long so the masses will never absorb it #ex punk rocker yelling about new world order in plain language monologues of digestible length is a much bigger threat #i swear there are secretly fifty people in control of everything and their entire aim is to make sure it stays that way no matter what #but it's really gross how obvious it's getting like the whole system just funnels money straight to the top and they don't even care #about hiding it anymore they're just doing it out in open and denying objective reality with confidence it's too much sometimes #i swear i can feel my grasp on reality deteriorating. it's as if there were a loud buzzing in the out of doors that was getting #louder every day and nobody ever said anything to acknowledge that it was real nobody talked about hearing the buzzing but it just #keeps getting louder and i'm finally like wtf is with this buzzing and everyone gets mad at me for shouting over their netflix show #that they weren't really enjoying in the first place. like no one is happy in the modern world. why can't we talk about why without #turning against each other. that's why doug saying 'maybe we're all the same' is such a big deal to me. anyone who is trying to unite us #is doing important work. that trump supporter is not the enemy. they are the victim just like you.

[elytrafemme]

okay i will actually stop the public breakdown sort of now because it's kind of embarrassing but i do need to point out that my girlfriend sent me a video which i do not find funny and like i'm already splitting right now and i really do not need this energy in my life where are the funny men like what are we doing here

#public meltdowns are good to use in reserves bc people really care initially but after a while it's like #yeah okay here's mare again not handling her emotions which w/e that's my whole fucking thing but like #it is no longer fun so use it well when you have it that's just my advice #anyway. oh i forgot what i was going to say oh fucking whatever #now i'm just cold why is my room fucking freezing this time of year. i'm so fucked in college like actually #i'm genuinely going to snap in half in college it's going to be such a thing . i'm going to actually throw up i think #post canceled i got sad about going to college fucking sue me. okay? i'm going to go fucking crazy #do you know what it's like to watch yourself go crazy do you know what it's like to always be the crazy one #because i'm ALWAYS the crazy one like for years that's why i keep breaking down publicly #cause like everyone knows i'm THAT one you know. #and no i cannot talk about this one on one individually who the fuck do you think i am! who am i putting this on! #my friends are all like you should tell me your emotions No actually bc here's the thing #if people do not want to see me vent here they block tags and they unfollow and they block me #and like it's over. who cares. we're done bitches #but in text like there's no escape honey there is nothing #so like. even if i want that i don't do that i don't fuck with that. what am i even talking about #OH MY GOD THE UNFUNNY VIDEO WHAT AM I GOING TO DOOOOOOO #i'm going to listen to the recs alek just sent me because alek is the best. you all follow him right #i'll just leave her on read who fucking cares #she's not gonna notice

[victortalkingmachine]

i am writing a script for a choose-your-own-adventure game about the mckinley assassination that will almost definitely never be made and having the time of my life

#(warning for some long tags) #it's part of a dlc that doesn't exist for another game that also doesn't exit #the main game is an original story related to time travel & dimensional warping & etc #and this hypothetical mckinley assassination game that i mentioned would not make much sense without the main game #bc lore and stuff #but i don't care about the main storyline as much as i care about one where you interact with leon czolgosz #i'm drawing some of the character sprites(?) too. so far i've done one of atlas (oc; from main game) & one of victoria czolgosz #atlas is there at the very beginning with janai (another main game oc) to tell you what's happening & give you some items #he shows up later in the game to help you out a little if you go to crystal beach #victoria shows up when you go to the restaurant where she works. you ask if she knows a leon f czolgosz* and she's like 'my brother? how do #you know him?' and you talk to her and she says that the last she heard from him he was in fort wayne but that was over two weeks ago so #she's not sure what he's up to right now. then she cries a little over how she's worried about him and quickly writes a letter and asks you #to give it to him if you find him then asks you to keep him safe. caroline** can then respond like 'ok :-) i will' or be like 'i'm not his #mom or smth i don't even know this guy why are you asking this of me.' and this will influence your relationship with her which can have #effects later. bc depending on what path you take you might see her again. also can affect your relationship with leon later if they end up #interacting. #*you start the game in cleveland so you know that some of the people there know him #**the protagonist's name is caroline. she has no canonical surname but she calls herself 'ascher' here as an allusion to motka from the #anarchist. i want to put more the anarchist allusions in there but idk where yet. #leon czolgosz

[aamitmorthos]

.

#i think i know now why i've been feeling very restless and worried since yesterday and it sucks bc now it's just building up as anxiety #no; i don't think kevin meant to hurt anyone or piss off a huge part of his community #but it's also really fucking hard to just not know what's going on even if you're not always on social networks like he is #i don't see him negatively; honestly; i'm just disappointed in all this; the sponsorship; + the other side of his community #i just keep going back to reddit and checking those two recent post which is probably not helping #really hope he just says something. bc it's a sponsored thing i think there's more too it than just taking down the vid

[mntcoronet]

*pause moment* hey why the fuck did I just realise that during high school, I felt like a fair number of my peers (from outside my friends group) treated me somewhat more "softly" or like a child than they would've done with other people. and why was that

#maggles ramblings #like idk if they were actually doing that or if that's just what i Felt was happening #but. when they'd have to talk to me for things; like short 'do this in pairs' stuff; i def felt like they treated me differently #like I'd point out something in the thing we were looking at and they'd go 'oh wow good observation!!' as if we weren't the same age #maybe they just acted differently cos they didn't wanna be doing it. which like sure. but man u could at least try to discuss the topic #or did i seem like too much of a shy little creature that only just learned human speech that they forgot i was competent enough to get A's #but hhh man idk. i never know how people perceive me that's the real issue here #i can sorta make estimations based on how they talk to me; i can tell well enough if someone just doesn't wanna keep talking to me #but that doesn't mean i can figure out WHY. but i do know that sometimes it feels like.. they pick up on something about me #like i can roughly tell whether the person talking to me still considers me Just A Normal Guy or if they've realised like 'hey... #this person doesn't quite Get It with regards to social/conversation stuff'. bc of the way they talk. but i still never know why!! #like sure every time i go have conversations with new people i feel like I'm just pretending to be A Normal Person yknow #and when other people who seem very socially competent Keep talking to me i just think oh wow you haven't figured it out yet that's wild #figured what out? idk that I'm just pretending i guess. about what? uh good question just pretending in general #pretending like i know what to say; that it feels completely Natural to talk like that; like I'm not mentally rating each of my actions #but then sometimes there's people i just feel like i don't have to do that around nearly as much. i swear i gravitate towards those ppl #but yeah it's just. it def feels like they know I'm Not Getting something when i talk to a lot of people. like they Know i missed a memo #and i don't even know what the memo is about; or whether I've gotten any of the previous memos or just absorbed the knowledge #by observing things. ya #ok im done with that train of thought i need to go and work on that au i accidentally stayed up till 2am last night thinking of ideas for

[mosscrab]

mgsv has so many literary references to books i have essays abt it kind of makes me.

#i'm sick this is my slightly fever-induced thought stream in the rest of the tags sorry -> #all the 1984 stuff is really interesting. the position of both ocelot and kaz as the people running room 101 is really fascinating. #because it somehow manages to place huey in the position of winston while also having venom be in the position of winston. #<- would that make quiet julia? actually yes it does bc of her nature motifs. #and the whole game seems to doublethink of whats real and what isn't. though it starts to tell you what isn't real its still there. #and then with moby dick you have pequod which is just. the ship. and queegueg who is ishmaels friend. which is why its kind of perfect he i #the other pilot we see who takes kaz places. and theres other stuff with him but i don't want to get into that. i could go on for a while. #but whats interesting is that ahab seems to apply more to kaz than it does to venom. esp because his own deception results in his downfall. #whereas that isn't true with venom if youve played mg1 he just kinda keeps going with it to at least some degree. #and i guess kaz is working for foxhound but you know what i mean. #ocelot even being the perfect counterpart to starbuck who works at kaz's side but disagrees with his methods to an extreme. #he isn't of the same morals as starbuck but its just the oppositional character type. #does that mean cipher is moby dick. yes actually bc of the leg thing with kaz. oh my god. #<- funny enough i am actually getting moby dick back out of the library bc i never finished it and its been ages since i read what i did. #i remember the narration being kind of nuts. #honestly the lord of the flies stuff feels less like a reference and more like eli read that book and decided he wanted to do it irl. lol. #i can't say these books are even close to being favorites but i'm intimately familiar with both 1984 and lotf so those are. those. #and moby dick is genuinely just kind of. what in the hell did i experience. theres a lot to unpack. #and i didn't even finish the damn thing. #ok i'm done now i just needed to get that out of my system. now i'm off to read veniss underground. 👍 #.txt

[deosilplanarglitches]

Reason #345734 why I don't tell my mom shit.

Her pain and suffering is the only kind she cares about, and she'll play stupid games with me like ghost me for 3+ weeks after a minor surgery, just to make sure I'm worried enough about her life to check, so she "has permission" to start in with the talking my ear off about her problems without boundaries or preamble. She won't know shit about my issues til after they're over (if she hears about them at all) bc she never asks a damn thing about my life, and literally only ever leaves room for herself and her feelings in any equation literally ever and then peaces tf out like. Bitch I'm permanently disabled and in a degenerative spiral that's gonna last my whole fkn life, and you're still bitching about yourself? Wanting me to cater to your emotions when you haven't even spared a CRUMB of consideration in return?

FUck all the way off.

Should have known that if she had died or sth bad happened, I'd have heard something right away. After 30+ yrs of her pulling the "yeah my kid tried to kill themself for the 7th time, but have you asked ME how hard it is to raise them doing the nothing I have been, bc I still don't know them as a person at all or even try to? Where's the compassion?!" shit... you'd think I would know better, but my compassion gets me fucked over YET AGAIN.

If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty.

Back to no contact.

Let the bitch suffocate if she can't self soothe.

#idk how many chances she's gonna get in this life and she's still playing stupid games with my fkn emotions and banking stupid ass prizes #frfrfr every “nice” thing she does is usually laced with something she knows damn well I hate so she can use my reactions against me bc #she just wants to have a nice peaceful time throwing me a bday party i didnt want with cake i don't like and getting butthurt when i don't #lie to her face and spare her feelings and literally replace my own boundaries with hers instead #wonder where I got the minimization of my own problems from hhhhhhh bitingbitingbiting #this shit is why it took over a decade to even get the autoimmune diagnoses i needed to understand why i was infirmed half my fkn life but #noooo she's gotta make everything about her #i never get a “hi how are you” just months of no contact followed by all her drama in a full discography without even checking to make sure #i'm in a space to be carrying all that shit #which as a chronically ill and fatigued person it's just courteous to ask before you dump shit on them if you know they're gonna be tired? #it costs zero dollars to check on someone before you dump every article of your dirty laundry on them and throw a pity party without consen #i can also be guilty of venting too but ffs at least i check in on my vent friends if i go too hard and try and keep shit stirring to a min #nvm the last time i told her anything it was to say i got those diagnoses and actually have medical reasons for my permanent exhaustion #and she turned it into a fkn competition!!!!!!!!!! #this bitch only cares about herself it literally doesn't matter if she's well or sick it's all about her and what she wants out of it #never once did i get anything to the degree of 'what would you like to happen/where are your boundaries here' bc she doesn't fkn care #so i am done giving her the grace she doesn't need and hasn't yet earned back bc i'm not putting her needs before mine again fuck that #fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck this shit i'm out~ #vent rant #pls ignore

[imafoolishfragilespine]

i'm just like ugh i gotta figure out where to get this x ray and when i should do it this week and i'm just worried about walking in without an appointment even though it says you can and like them not having the machine or a person to do it or whatever since i went into one place on the list already and they did not have x-rays

and then i've got this birthday thing which idk where it's going to be so idk if i should take a lyft or not and then i'll have to either exercise in the morning or choose that as my skip day

and then i'll just be worrying about my test results and not knowing if the doctor is going to call before my follow up or WHAT is going to happen and i just. cannot relax.

i just want to be done with doctors i really fucking do like just tell me what's wrong and let me be DONE like this follow up is gonna be the eighth fucking time i've seen a doctor in some form since all this weird shit started and if i don't get any answers i'm gonna be mad. i mean i'd rather not get bad news of course but i figure things are already mildly crappy in my body so like it's not like i can't get used to that i just can't stand the idea of it getting worse

#personal #like it'll be nice to see my friends but idk i'm just like too stressed #i thought it would be okay to say yes bc i hadn't gotten horrible news yet #but i just have that ugh i don't feel like being social rn especially bc i know people are gonna be asking what's going on #and i really don't like talking about it bc if i DID have answers it might just be like ah well it's not that bad #but since i don't have answers i keep thinking of how horrible it might become and everything it might take away #including my ability to say yes to plans every time they come around which already is a rarity #like how much less could i end up seeing my friends when this is the only person who ever actually asks to see me #i feel so bratty but like. why does no one else include me in anything except for their birthdays if that #this one friendship that i kind of assume is over doesn't really bother me but at least i sometimes got invited to hers with everyone else #though there were plenty of hangouts that i knew happened seemingly often without me #but yeah at least when she was in the mix i had a chance even if they weren't hangouts i particularly enjoyed #like it was better than nothing #and this year has already been so hard that feeling like i'm even more isolated than i was the couple years before #just makes it all that much more impossible #i just want to be thought of and like i know i do plenty of thinking about loved ones without reaching out #so it stands to reason it works the other way around #but the thing is i very rarely initiate plans so i know i'm not like inviting one person and never another or whatever #whereas SOMEONE has to be making the plans and i'm virtually never invited #i used to have the luxury of being invited often enough that i didn't have to go to a random hangout if i wasn't up for it #and now it's not like that and i have to say yes when i'm too mentally exhausted. who knows what the physical limitations are gonna be now

[love-belle]

well, i'm still in love with you !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their fall-in-love-again era is them soft launching each other while driving their friends wild.

or

for when you're still in love with them and will be for forever. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // charles leclerc x fem!reader

prequel - saw ur mom at the grocery store ·˚ ༘

warnings - language. suggestive jokes (???)

author's note - im so SORRY for not updating life is CRAZY rn like ???? so much has happened like im in LOVE im DONE with SCHOOL i have EXAMS SJSHSJSJKSKS im so sorry i hope u like this i love u all <3

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, carmenmmundt, lilymhe and 1,725,819 others

yourusername he's in my head so much i might as well just give him some

11,628 comments

username HOLD UP

username im shaking in my big girl boots rn what the Fuck

username y/n ?????

username SCREECHING

username roman empire or roman empire

username IM DYING OH MY GOD

landonorris just because you can type something doesn't mean you SHOULD

-> yourusername shut up u literally sprouted like an unwanted weed and not even the good kind

-> yourusername i am sorry that was mean

-> landonorris 😕

-> username someone keep these two away from each other before y/n makes lando cry 😭

username live love laugh y/n y/l/n

username i need cameras recording their whole vacation !!!!!!!!!

username this whole holiday will be so much more entertaining than 90% of all the tv shows out there 😭😭

username lord i pray that this is about charles

maxverstappen1 you didn't hear it from me but he's giggling

-> yourusername tell him to stop giggling and help me chase those seagulls away

-> landonorris LEAVE MY SEAGULLS ALONE

-> yourusername THEY ATE MY SANDWICH

username rip y/n's hater girl era u will be missed 😞☝️

username i know charles is thoroughly enjoying this like

username i will get over a lot of things in life but i will never get over lando and max joining the y/l/n-leclerc vacation simply because they do not trust charles to do the sensible thing

-> yourusername actually they're all dumb

-> maxverstappen1 excuse you

-> yourusername u called grey "dark white"

-> maxverstappen1 I PAID TO KEEP QUIET

-> yourusername blocking out the haters 🫸🙄🫷

username forever entertained by this group they never disappoint

username need me a max and lando to get me a bf or whatever 🙄🙄🙄

username waiting for charles to come here and say some stupid shit before going on with my day !!!!

charles_leclerc i bet u think about me

-> yourusername nah bc no way ferrari can make u THIS delusional what's the cause

-> yourusername i am sorry i was told that i cannot say shit about ferrari clown private limited whatever corporation

-> username please never change

charles_leclerc i will make u pasta !!!!!!!!

-> yourusername no thank u i saw what happened to arthur

-> charles_leclerc THAT WAS NOT MY FAULT THE PASTA WAS NOT GOOD

-> yourusername skill issue

charles_leclerc where r u

-> yourusername why r u typing like that

-> charles_leclerc lando said it's cool

-> yourusername lando thinks birds don't have feet don't believe him

-> landonorris why am i catching strays

username WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT CHARLES LIED TO GET MAX AND LANDO ON VACATION 😭😭

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by carlossainz55, pierregasly, landonorris and 2,167,926 others

charles_leclerc we'd still worship this love

12,628 comments

username NAH WHO IS THIS MAN

username OH ??????

username false god lyrics imma die 🤣🤣🤣

username y/n effect is so real

username PLEASE NOT CHARLES SOFT LAUNCHING HIS EX 😭😭😭

-> username y'all put some respect on my girl's name 😭

-> yourusername i am no one's ex i will sue u for defamation

-> charles_leclerc for legal reasons she's JOKING

-> yourusername how do U know that tf

-> username i missed this

username hshshdjssjdjsjjsajjn;;;;;;;;bwywuuaj;...

username crying this is everything i've prayed for

username no one's mentioning the fact that charles wasn't even supposed to go on the vacation 😭😭😭

-> landonorris he booked his tickets and acted like it was a mistake

-> charles_leclerc you're a mistake

-> username and THAT'S how i know y/n and charles are back together 🤞🤞🤞

username i need a documentary on this vacation u don't GET it

username max and lando we trust u

maxverstappen1 you just pushed your love in water

-> charles_leclerc she told me i looked like tweety from looney toons

-> maxverstappen1 well

username crying i love every second of this

username i need to study this man's brain under a microscope like

-> username his thought process is just so UNIQUE

username i need them to confirm their relationship so i can breathe a sigh of relief thank u

username need me a man who posts like this

yourusername told u taylor swift songs slap

-> charles_leclerc highkey

yourusername i'm the most hilarious person ever idk why ur mad

-> charles_leclerc you called me tweety

-> yourusername hilarious

-> charles_leclerc my lover's got humour

-> yourusername OMGGGGG

yourusername we might just get away with this

-> charles_leclerc i told you, if you commit murder i will NOT be an accomplice

-> yourusername those are lyrics but fuck u too i guess

username i prayed for times like this 🤞🤞

≡;- ꒰ °instagram stories ꒱

charles_leclerc added to their instagram stories

≡;- ꒰ °twitter ꒱

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, carmenmmundt and 1,972,628 others

yourusername well i'm still in love with u 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 (❤️)

tagged charles_leclerc

comments are disabled for this post

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, pierregasly and 2,126,891 others

charles_leclerc 2 out of 262819 photos where she stole my phone and the one (1) photo with me in it like okaaaaaaaaaay (🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️)

tagged yourusername

12,728 comments

username NAHHH WHO TAUGHT HIM HOW TO TYPE LIKE THAT

username PLEASE OMG

username andddddddd we're 🔙 to having charles have a breakdown every single time y/n (HIS GIRLFRIEND) interacts with him

username god heard my prayers

username why do i have a feeling lando and max went EXTREME

-> yourusername if u call pushing us both off the yacht and not letting us back on until we said "hiiiiii" civilly to each other extreme, then yes. they were EXTREME.

-> charles_leclerc still mad about it. i said "hiiiii 😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘😘" and you said "hi 😐😐😐😐."

-> yourusername sorry i was too busy finding ways to poison u then ❤️❤️❤️ im good and better now ❤️❤️❤️ (police and officials LOOK AWAY)

-> username netflix needs to leave dts and document THIS

username someone should write a book on this vacation and it should be max ☝️☝️☝️

username WAR IS OVERRRRR

username they're BACK god bless

username the way i KNOW charles is thanking max and lando on his knees like homeboy would be stuck without them fr

-> danielricciardo excuse you i was the mastermind

-> landonorris you literally did nothing except sit on ft for hours and yell at us.

-> danielricciardo tell that to all those thank you texts (money) charles sent me

-> landonorris YOU TOLD ME NO ONE WILL BE GETTING PAID charles_leclerc

-> charles_leclerc i sent him $1 because heidi asked me to

-> heidiberger_ he threatened to fly out to italy i did everyone a favour

username the y/n effect is coming back with full throttle like yeaaaaaaaaah

username i need a trilogy on this vacation like i need EVERYTHING

username the way i KNOW both of their families just rejoiced like they were going through it 😭😭😭

username everyday i wake up and thank the lord and heavens for daniel ricciardo, max verstappen and lando norris

yourusername i look so good wtfff

-> charles_leclerc yes you do 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

yourusername bébé ( baby )

-> charles_leclerc mon ange ( my angel )

yourusername soulmates 4 sure

-> charles_leclerc 👍

-> username lord i am not your strongest soldier

-> username why is he like this 😭😭😭

yourusername lowk missed taking 26271727 selfies on ur phone

-> charles_leclerc missed seeing your pretty face every time i opened my gallery 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

-> username y/n never leave him again please

-> username my man's TRAUMATISED

#f1 x reader #f1 x female reader #f1 imagines #social media au #fake instagram imagines #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x y/n #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc one shot #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc imagines #charles leclerc instagram au #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 x y/n

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I tell a couple I'm a mistress for both of them?

this is a long one and a very weird situation but here we go. I (28F) have been seeing two people recently. I've been seeing C (30F) for a little over 5 months and M (29M) for almost 6 months. both relationships are currently in a state of non-commitment, even though I've expressed feelings in both relationships and theyve been reciprocated, but I'm naturally not a super commitment-focused person and both of the people I'm seeing have respected that a lot, so yeah.

anyways, both relationships have been great and I'm incredibly happy w them, and since neither are committed to me I've kind of just assumed that both C and M were likely seeing other people as well even if we haven't talked about it.

WELL. about a week ago C came over to my place to spend the night, which she does like once a week or every other week. she goes to take a shower and I start gathering laundry and grab her stuff to throw in with mine and take her phone out of her jeans. I glance at the screen and see a few texts from a contact called "my love <3"

I was kinda surprised by this because while not talking to me about casual relationships is not something I would care about, the contact name made me think she had a more serious relationship going on, which I don't mind but would like to be informed about.

soooo okay I did an admittedly asshole thing and read the text. and then read a few more. and it became apparent that this was a REALLY committed relationship. like, I love yous, I'll be back home soon, please remember to grab so and so from the grocery store, stuff like that.

the contact picture looked kind of familiar too so I clicked on it to see better and it ended up being a picture of M.

I kind of flipped at this bc this is kind of a ridiculous situation, and I left my apartment for some air. I came back like 30 minutes later and C was waiting for me and confused where I'd been (she didn't see/hear me leave since she was still in the shower).

I apologized to her for looking at her phone but told her that I saw the texts from her partner, and that I was feeling kind of hurt that she hadn't told me that she had a more serious relationship going on, since she knows I value transparency. I specifically did not mention that I was also dating M or knew who he was because I felt I needed to scope out the situation more.

she ended up breaking down in tears and spilled everything. told me that M is her husband, that he doesn't know she's been seeing me, that shes felt so conflicted and guilty because she loves him but has really grown to love me too, that she feels wrong and dirty for keeping everything secret. I'm upset that I've been made into a mistress without knowing, but I try to talk to her about everything, we end up staying up super late talking and crying and pouring our hearts out. I still don't mention that I'm dating M too because I feel like I need to talk to him about this before any big decisions are made on my part.

I ended up inviting M to stay at my place a few nights later, and I confront him about the fact that I know he has a wife (made up something about my friend seeing them out together) and ask why he's kept this from me. his reaction was really similar. guilt, not understanding why he's attracted to two people at once, saying he very deeply loves C and doesn't want to leave her but really loves me too, says he's confused and doesn't know what to do. I don't mention to him that I know C or that I'm dating her.

I asked him if he's heard of polyamory before, and he said yes but he doesn't know anything about it really. I ended up encouraging him to maybe talk to his wife to see if that's something she'd be interested in, but he was terrified that she'd be hurt by the suggestion.

I really do love both of them and don't want to leave them. I've been poly for a long time and am very familiar with navigating ethical non monogamy, and to me this feels a lot like two poly people struggling to come to terms with and accept a facet of their sexualities, and they're just navigating that confusion and self discovery in ways that are...not great. but, I want to give them grace for their mistakes I guess?

so this is the part where I think I might be the asshole if I go thru with it. I've talked with both C and M separately about talking to their spouse about what's been going on and about polyamory in general, and they're both fucking terrified and really don't want to. so, I was thinking of inviting them both to my place at the same time to hash it out (without telling them that the other person will be there, since they still don't know I'm dating both of them). I think once they realize they've been dating the same person things might be easier to navigate, and will force them to confront what's been going on?? but also idk if springing this on them is the best thing I could do, but I really have no idea how to navigate this differently.

to be frank, if they love each other and both love me, my ideal outcome is that we continue things as they have been but with no secrecy and 100% transparency. I'm also afraid that even though they've both been seeing the same person and have expressed interest in polyamory after talking about it with me, they might feel personally betrayed by each other and everything could backfire spectacularly, AND I could possibly explode their whole marriage.

so, WIBTA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole