#which again... i cant really ever tell when im unwanted versus just feeling unwanted

[mgs3dickeater]

ohh

#i very rarely talk about stuff like this because i tend to be a very personal person on social media but #ive only really just realized that i guess its true most people will let things fade away on purpose if they dont deem the friend important #and that theyre not like me and will be happy to jump right back into conversation after not speaking for years #ill do anything to keep a friendship and im starting to think thats a problem? that its abnormal? #i dont know. ive always been the one reaching out to try to rekindle something. and after so many turn downs and no effort to hold #conversation i really dont have much of an option to assume that its being done on purpose #believe me im really not the type to immediately assume negative intention in fact quite the opposite #which again... i cant really ever tell when im unwanted versus just feeling unwanted #i think the worst thing is that looking back on conversation i wasnt always the best friend. not the best conversation partner #so then naturally ive got to be like... well... youve made your bed‚ i suppose #its really funny how many times in my life ive found myself thinking 'i really wish i had the insight back then that i do now' #unfortunately it was hardly ever a conscious decision i ever made to act like that. but saying i didnt know any better feels like a cop out #i really did try to know better‚ though. growing up felt like violently clawing my way into trying to understand anyone and everything #i dont know. a lot to think about