#where i live is just surrounded by blocks of residential streets so you’ve got to get out of there first

[midnightartemis]

Chapter One

The call came suddenly like it always did. A new home. A new foster parent. A new school. At least this time I would be starting right at the beginning of the year. That was easier. I could work with that. I only hoped that this one would last.

I had my small bag of things packed within five minutes and I sat waiting anxiously on the edge of my government-issued co-housing bed. I wondered what shitty luck the universe had decided to drop on me this time.

It wasn’t that I was a bad kid. I tried to keep my head low, my grades high… it’s just that I usually got the short stick when it came to foster parents. The bad eggs. The abusers who somehow slipped through the cracks of the shitshow that is the United States child protective services.

It had become some sort of sick game for me. I move into a new home and it’s okay for a few days, weeks even. Then the abuse would start and I would start gathering evidence. When I had enough I’d wait until a particularly bad day to call the cops, drop the evidence, and get their licenses revoked.

I was a survivor. I could take the punches, the days without food, the yelling, and everything in between, but others couldn’t.

I check my watch and grab my bag. Time to go. My caseworker and house mom are waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. My caseworker is a tall, skinny woman with white-blond hair and a kind face. She tried her best, she really did. It wasn’t her fault I always found the worst homes. My house mom, known affectionately as Aunt Z, was much the opposite, short, large, and with a permanent scowl on her face. I also couldn’t blame her for that. She had to deal with all the girls who came through. I had only known her for two months, but that was long enough to know that she had a big heart. My heart hurts a little at the thought of leaving her, but I had very little control over where they sent me. Miss Holdo, my caseworker, breaks into a huge grin at the sight of me. “Miss Niima! All ready to go?”

I nod. It wasn’t like I had much of a choice.

“Girls,” Aunt Z barks. “Get in here and say goodbye to Rey.”

I bite my lip. I didn’t want a big send-off. I hardly knew most of the girl’s names. I only ever talked to most of them at group therapy sessions. It was better to not get attached. One by one, they trailed in. There were six of us in total. Most of them mumbled a goodbye and slunk back out of the room, but Ara raced up to hug me with tears in her eyes. She was the youngest of the group and had grown attached to me over the course of the summer. I hugged her back.

“It’s okay. I’ll make sure to text you and visit if I can.” She sniffled back her tears and I ruffled her red hair.

“Alright, time's a-wastin. On with you.” Aunt Z grumbled but affectionately patted my shoulder. It was her version of a hug.

Miss Holdo smiled and I followed her out the door, chatting as we walked to the car. “I think I found a good one, Rey.” Her eyes were a little guilty. “We’ve had really good success with her in the past. She only takes cases like yours and as soon as she saw your profile, she called me to ask about you.”

Great. I tried to hold back that flicker of hope in my subconscious. I had gotten my hopes up before and, yet, here I was again. I got in the passenger seat of Miss Holdo’s car and immediately took a piece of gum from the container on her dashboard. She started the car and I buckled up. She handed me the AUX cord as she always did.

I plugged the cord into my beat-up iPhone and started scrolling through my songs. Hozier sounded good. “Where are we headed?”

“Not far, just an hour. Republic.”

Republic. I had never been. New school. New people. New everything, then. Okay. “And this foster mom?”

“Unmarried. A bit older, in her fifties. She seemed very nice and very interested in you. She runs a tavern on the northeast side of town by the river.”

I frown. “Is she going to make me work there?”

“No. She told me that she likes to keep her work separate from her home life, especially when there is alcohol involved. She let me check her cupboards. There’s not a drop of alcohol in that house, Rey.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. “Okay.”

“I did a super thorough inspection. Even called her previous cases. They all stayed with her until they came of age. I really think this could be a good fit for you, Rey.”

In other words- don’t fuck it up. All I wanted was to put my head down and get through junior year in peace. “If you say so.”

We drive in silence. I look out the window watching the town of Jakku, Vermont slide away into the past. Holdo is bobbling along to the music and I close my eyes, soaking it in.

It’s late afternoon when Republic appears in front of us. Worn down houses and trailer parks line the streets of the southside. There are sketchy gas stations and abandoned storefronts. People sit on their porches and stand on corners, their eyes watching Holdo’s sleek black car as we drive past. I’m waiting for her to put her blinker on and turn off the main road towards one of the broken-down houses or parks, but she keeps going. The cracked sidewalks get a little nicer, the storefronts, less abandoned. We pass through two stoplights and then we’re crossing over a river and a trainyard. This side of the river, the houses are nicer, many of them newly renovated. We pass through a downtown shopping area filled with little boutiques, an ice cream shop, an old fashioned movie theater, a coffee shop. It’s quaint, perfect. “I think you missed your turn.”

Miss Holdo laughs. “Nope.”

Shit. Well, okay. I’d dealt with rich fosters before. It didn’t end well for them. Let’s just say that the dad was a little too hands-on. The anxiety is back in my chest. I worry my lip between my teeth. The downtown area slowly morphs into old historic houses and residential housing.

“I want to show you your new school first.” She seems much too excited. We keep driving until the historic houses have turned into rows of newer developments and gated communities. She takes a turn and we pull into the parking lot of a huge tan building. New Republic High School is marked on the side in large silver block letters. The front is filled with huge windows and the inside looks incredibly new and clean with white walls and wide stairs and solid oak doors leading to classrooms and offices.

I raise my eyebrows and Miss Holdo chuckles at my shocked look. “I know. It’s huge. Some of the best teachers in the state work here. They were very impressed with your transcripts, especially with everything you’ve been through. They still want you to take some placement tests, but they’re excited to have you.”

“Oh, okay.” I think I’m in shock, just a little bit. It all seemed too good to be true. Everything was completely different from the shitty schools in Jakku.

“Oh, shoot. We better go, I don’t want you to be late to meet her.” Holdo sped us out of the parking lot and back towards town. We pass by the new developments and into the historic district. We turn down a tree-lined road filled with huge Victorian, Colonial, and 1920s style houses. Everything seems picturesque, each lawn trimmed and cared for, the vines perfectly placed. Holdo slows and we pull up in front of a tiny 1920s bungalow. I breathe a little sigh of relief that it’s not one of the giant houses that flank either side. There’s a huge, old oak tree out front, a little brick path leads to the steps of the porch. There’s a light on. A white swinging bench is hung from the porch roof. The siding is painted almost a teal, seafoam green-blue with white trim. Flowers line the house and there’s a seashell wind chime hanging from the porch. My nerves make my stomach twist.

Holdo turns off the car and we get out. She grabs her bag of paperwork and we start up the path. I’m holding my breath as we climb the stairs of the porch and Miss Holdo knocks on the door.

“Oh! One second, one second! I’m here.” The door swings open and I look down at the smallest woman I think I’ve ever seen. She can’t be more than four-six, four-seven. I tower over her at five-eight. Her eyes are huge behind her round, black, thick-framed glasses. Her grey hair is coiffed perfectly and she’s dressed like she’s been working in the garden all day. I smile. She opens her screen door and beckons us in. “Come in, please. I hope you’re hungry. I made burgers on the grill. It’s such a nice day out and I couldn’t resist. Oh, where are my manners? You must be Rey. I’m Maz. Maz Kanata. I would prefer Maz over Mrs. Kanata, but,” she clicks her tongue. “I’ll also take ma.”

I’m completely overwhelmed. I glance at Miss Holdo and she shrugs. The door opens straight into the living room which is filled with an eclectic assortment of chairs and a couch. Art hangs on almost every surface and there’s a small TV over the fireplace. It’s warm and inviting if a bit chaotic. A set of stairs leads up to a second floor. We follow Maz through the living room and into a large kitchen. Everything seems like it was pulled out of a vintage magazine and cobbled together with love and color. There’s theory to the chaos. An archway leads to a dining room with a huge colorful table and none of the chairs match. A door in the kitchen leads to another porch outside. This one isn’t covered, but it overlooks the backyard. I can’t help but gasp at it. Stone paths circle raised garden beds. There are a hoop house and a pond and a bench beside a huge fir tree surrounded by flowerbeds. It’s beautiful. What the hell is happening?

There’s a table on the porch beside a grill and it’s been set for three. Maz hurries over. She’s awfully fast for an old woman. “Sit, sit. Please. I wasn’t sure if either of you were vegetarians, so I made some bean burgers that can make even a carnivore cry.”

I smile and take a seat. Shock. Yep. Definitely in shock. What’s the catch? Maz builds our burgers and piles our plates high with chips and fresh fruits and vegetables. She pours us a glass of lemonade each and finally, takes a seat. I hesitate, looking between Holdo and Maz, unsure of the protocol. Everyone was different. Maz's huge eyes glance at my plate. “Well, eat up, hun. You’re as skinny as a stick.”

I eagerly dig in and moan. It’s so good. “This is the best burger I’ve ever had.”

“Good. I’ll teach you how to make them. Now, business is best discussed over a good meal, let’s get on with all the legal mumbo-jumbo.” Maz winks at me and I giggle to myself. She was definitely different, like no foster I’d met before.

“Right.” Miss Holdo wipes her fingers on a napkin and pulls out my case file. It was far too thick and I glance at Maz, but she didn't seem fazed. Right. She would have seen it. “Miss Niima is to remain in your care for the foreseeable future. She will be taking classes at New Republic High, as we discussed. We will have weekly check-ins in person for the first two months. And if all parties are comfortable after those two months, we will move to bi-monthly check-ins until Miss Niima turns of age on October 13th, 2021, one year and two months from now. Miss Niima will also continue to go to group therapy sessions once a week with the local therapist. I believe you’ve already contacted him and gotten an introduction session set up?”

“Oh, yes.” Maz pulls a card out of her pocket. “Here’s the number and the date and time of the appointment.” She looks at me. “Wednesday afternoon, once you get out of school. But, we can schedule around any after school activities you want to take on.”

“After school activities?” My jaw drops. I’d never been given the opportunity.

“Oh yes, they have a billion different little groups and teams there. I’m sure you’ll find something.”

“Okay.” Holdo grins. “All I need for you to do is sign and Rey is in your care.”

I sign and then Maz signs. It didn’t take a lot for me to sign my life away. It was signed away a long time ago. This wouldn’t last, it never did.

“Now.” Maz folds her hands together. “I like to set down my expectations for you in front of your caseworker so that we can all be on the same page. If that’s okay?”

Again, not like I have much of a choice. I nod, curious to know. “Yeah. Yes.”

“School comes first. You can get a job if you want to, but you have to keep up your grades. Judging by your past transcripts though, that won’t be much of a problem, but I know that junior year comes with a lot of stress. I will make sure that you are safe, fed, and clothed. It’s up to you how you want to take my hospitality. I’ll hold you responsible for your actions, and breaking rules will have consequences. All the rules are posted on the fridge and you are welcome to discuss them with me at any time if you would like to amend them or add more. Okay?”

I nod.

“School night curfew is 10 pm. For every time you’re more than five minutes late, that curfew will be moved up by fifteen minutes. Weekends, we will start at 11 pm and go from there. There’s also a list of chores you’ll have to complete. They’re designed to help you become a self-sufficient adult. So, you’ll do your own laundry and clean your own room and dishes. You’ll also help me cook and work in the garden on the weekends. But,” Maz’s large eyes go very serious, and I still myself for the catch. “Above all, I want you to build relationships and trust. Trust goes both ways, Rey. You have mine, right now. From the start. If and when you have problems, I want you to be able to come to me. I will never call anyone on you as long as there’s no immediate harm to anyone. I’m on your side. And, I’m here for the long term. That means we work through our problems, together, okay?”

That was not the catch I was expecting. My heart is racing and I feel like I’m about to cry. It’s too good to be true. I guess I would believe her when I see it. “I- yeah… Okay.”

Maz smiles. “Good. School starts in the morning. I’ll be starting you off on a twenty-five dollar allowance. It should be enough for snacks at school and coffee with friends. If there are any other supplies you want, talk to me and I’ll see if I can get them for you. How’s that sound?”

“Okay. Twenty-five a month is more than I usually get, so-”

Maz chuckles. “No, sweetie. Twenty-five a week.”

My eyes go wide. “Oh.”

“I’ll be taking you to school and picking you up, but if you want to start learning to drive, I can make that happen. This is going to take a lot of communication, Rey. Probably a lot more than you’re comfortable with. But you can ask me any questions you want, okay?”

I nod, feeling overwhelmed.

“How are you feeling, Rey?” Miss Holdo looks over at me, a gleam in her eye.

“Ah… A little overwhelmed. I guess.”

“That’s perfectly normal. Should I let you get settled in?”

“Yeah.” I glance at Maz and she’s happily biting into her burger. She’s strange, but… I think I like her.

“You have my number, so don’t be afraid to call. I’ll see you Saturday morning at ten, okay?” Miss Holdo stands to leave and grabs her paperwork. “Thank you for the dinner, Maz.”

“Any time, hun. You should call more.” Maz raises her eyebrows.

“Sorry, Maz. I will. I promise.” Miss Holdo gives Maz a small hug and I’m left bewildered.

Maz sees my face and chuckles. “Long before she was your social worker, Rey, Amilyn was causing quite a bit of trouble for me.”

I suddenly understand Holdo’s certainty that I would be a good fit here. “You were in the system?”

Holdo nods. “Almost didn’t get out of it, if it wasn’t for Maz. She’s a good one, Rey. I promise. Just keep that nose out of trouble.”

“I don’t go looking for it,” I grumble. Holdo smiles and bids her goodbye. Maz gives a big old sigh and starts gathering plates. I automatically grab my plates and follow her into the kitchen.

“Just put the scraps in the compost bin and set your things on the counter. I’ll take care of it tonight. The rules are on the fridge if you want to read them over and sign them. We can discuss any of them that you want to.” Maz steps up on to a stool so that she can reach into the sink and starts running water for dishes.

I shyly make my way over to the fridge and read the list. It’s what she basically already told me plus a few extra notes about cleanliness and food. Anything not marked in the fridge is fair game. Shower regularly. Add necessities to the shopping list before Friday. All of it was already more room than I had ever been given in most households, that is beside the ones that didn’t give a shit. The last bullet just says- Respect is built. Love is given freely. Responsibility is learned. Trust goes both ways. Beside the rule list is a whiteboard daily chore chart. Weeding the garden is marked for Saturday and Sunday (subject to weather). Clean dishes and homework are marked every day. Sweep is marked every other day. Laundry and clean room are unmarked. The date of school starting and my therapy appointment is marked in red on a calendar. Despite the eclectic feel of her house, Maz seems incredibly organized. I pick up one of the markers stuck to the fridge and sign the rule list. I date it.

“All good?” Maz is waiting for me at the entrance to the living room. I nod and she gestures for me to follow her. I climb the stairs behind her and we end in a hallway. There’s a door in front of us, and another to my left and right. Maz gestures to the door in front of her. “My room. You need anything at any time and I’m in there you can knock .” She points to the door on my right. “That’s the office. There’s a computer in there that you can use to research, watch your Youtube videos. Though I think they give out laptops at that school now. I don’t know, I’m not the most technologically up today as the kids these days. I apologize in advance. There’s no cable and I can’t figure out the Apple TV doo-dangle-thing.” She points to a half-open door on the right side of the hall. “That’s your bathroom. I never go in there so, you’re responsible for telling me when shit breaks. I went out and got you some supplies, but if there’s anything else you need, let me know. Now…” Maz opens the final door on my left and flips on a light. She leads me into a simple room, painted cream and blue stripes. There’s a twin bed covered in a white comforter pressed against the wall, a wooden desk under the window, a dresser against the wall with a record player and a box of records, and an open door to a walk-in closet that looks like it’s filled with clothes. I can’t help but stop and stare.

“This is mine?” I set my one bag down at my feet.

“All yours, hun. You can arrange it and paint it how you want. Most of this stuff is leftover from previous girls. You can have whatever you want and anything else, I can put in storage. I think Jyn left a lot of her old clothes and you’re about her size.” Maz looked over the room. “Tomorrow, if you want, we can go shopping for any clothes you might need. Underwear. Bras. Whatever. Oh, and this is for you, for your first day.”

Maz picked a plain blue backpack up off the bed and handed it to me. I took it hesitantly and unzipped it. It was filled with notebooks and pens and pencils and even a calculator. Tears sting at my eyes. It’s too good. It’s too good to be true.

“Oh, hun. Can I give you a hug?”

I nod and her surprisingly strong arms wrap around me. I break and tears fall and I’m sobbing now. I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve any of this.

#reylo #ben solo x rey #reylo fanfic #reylo au #high school au

[docsamurai]

Today In Rejected By Publishers: Tempus Fugitives

As the title of this post may have insinuated, the following short story has been rejected by enough publishers that I’m confident it will not ever be professionally published in its current form. So f*ck it. I’m posting it here. Keep reading if you’d like to hear a tale of a con artist who goes on a time travel adventure with a mad scientist. They’re also interracial lesbians because why not?

Jodie Sawyer leapt off the fire escape and hit the ground at a roll, absorbing the two story drop and springing back to her feet. The alarms behind her had been deafening but were already quickly fading into the background with the sound of her boots hitting the pavement and her jacket flapping in the wind replacing the shrill noise.  The satchel containing her hard won prize slapped against her side as she sprinted down back alleys heading to the rendezvous. As Jodie rounded the last corner she saw her getaway driver Mark already being pulled out of the car and cuffed. Shit! Plan C then. Backpedaling down the alley she took off towards her temporary safe house. As she ran Jodie grabbed her burner phone, snapped the SIM card in half and chucked the rest in a dumpster. Sirens were passing by, too close for comfort and on pure instinct Jodie threw herself against a wall and ducked into the alcove of a doorway. Her instincts paid off as mere seconds later a flashlight shone down the alley she had just been running down.

With her breath caught in her throat Jodie felt her heart pounding in her ears as she watched the beam of light scanning the alley. Move on already you bastard. Faintly she picked up something over the cop car’s radio and they finally pulled away. Waiting a few seconds for the road to clear Jodie glanced out of her hiding place and caught sight of the cops turning away. It’s probably not a coincidence that they’re heading right in the direction of the safe house. Plan D then. If they caught Mark and know where the safe house is then this identity is compromised. Gotta ditch anything that can identifying me and hit a dead drop. One of the ones no one else knows about. Risking a peek out of the alleyway Jodie figured out what streets she was near and mapped out a route to the nearby park.

A mile due east and Jodie hit the gate to the park. Using her jacket to protect her hands from the spikes at the top of the fence she vaulted over it feeling the burn in her shoulders. As she retrieved the jacket it snagged on the spikes and tore a large gash in it. Well I had to ditch it anyway. A patrol car passed by the park and Jodie put on an extra burst of speed as she closed the 500 feet to the relative safety of the treeline. As she threw herself into cover Jodie pressed her back against a tree and gasped for air as she looked for any lights scanning the area. Nothing yet, looks like I lost them.

Though the cloudy, moonless night made it easier to hide, it took a lot longer to find the tree she had marked a few days ago. Practically tripping over unseen roots she did finally find it and stashed the satchel, torn jacket and blonde wig. At least no one in this city knows I’m a brunette. A spotlight shining through the trees interrupted her train of thought. Damn. They are persistent tonight. Need to get indoors and figure out an escape plan. Jodie climbed a tree near the fence surrounding the park and as soon as she was sure there weren’t any more patrols in the area she leapt back to the street and took off again towards the waterfront where she finally found an abandoned warehouse to catch her breath in.

This was it, these were the moments Jodie lived for. Staying one step ahead of the law and getting away by the skin of her teeth. Plans getting thrown out the window and being replaced on the fly as chaos meets ingenuity. Jodie rested against the outside of the warehouse, feeling her heart pounding in her ears as she caught her breath. Things had gone to hell several times tonight already and though she had already abandoned weeks’ worth of careful planning it still felt amazing. In the distance she could hear sirens and she knew they were starting to close in. Going to prison again would suck, still though she couldn’t help a small smile creeping onto her face. It had been a years since she had been pushed to her limits like this and she couldn’t deny that the adrenaline and endorphins her head was swimming in was a rush she had sorely missed.

Jodie took a deep breath and wiped sweat from her forehead. OK, one thing at a time. Get inside. She kicked in the side door which was risky as hell and probably made enough noise to alert anyone nearby but she needed to get off the street so she took her chances. There didn’t seem to be any residential buildings around, still though, it was fairly quiet night and sound carried. All she needed was one nosy middle manager working too late for the cops to be back on her heels. The sirens didn’t seem to be getting closer but it would still be a good idea to keep moving.

Jodie started to reach for her phone, remembered that she had already ditched her burner and checked her watch instead. Alright, 1AM, I’m in a warehouse. Older area of town, I think the river was only a few blocks away. They’ll have set up a dragnet with checkpoints on every major road in or out of downtown but they’ll have to clear that up by rush hour so if I can just avoid the patrols for another 6 hours I should be able to find a ride out of town. Should try and get a few hours of sleep if this place is safe. Gotta scout the building before I can relax.

Taking one last look down the empty hallway Jodie turned back to the door she had broken through and reluctantly closed the door. There weren’t any windows in this hall so the moonlight filtering in through the open door was the only light in the room. A broken door was a dead giveaway to a patrolling cop though so Jodie took a slat of wood off a nearby shipping pallet and used it to jam the door shut, plunging the hallway into darkness. Jodie walked softly down the hallway, tracing the inner wall with her fingertips and looking for a doorway she had seen at the end of the hallway. As her eyes adjusted though, she realized that there was a soft golden light spilling from under the doorway. Shit. I’m not as alone as I thought.

Jodie pressed her ear to the door and heard the humming of some kind of generator on the other side but no voices. Could just be some homeless people, they wouldn’t want the cops around either. Jodie tried the door and found it unlocked. Easing the door open she peeked inside. Inside the room a short, Indian woman in a labcoat sat in a rolling office chair coasting back and forth between half a dozen workstations. Between them there at least a dozen different monitors that her eyes darted between keeping track of things Jodie couldn’t see from her angle. Confident that the other woman couldn’t see her, Jodie let her curiosity get the better of her and opened the door a little wider to get a better look at the room.

It wasn’t a single generator but four of them practically stacked on top of each other and hooked up to a bank of servers and some kind of machine she didn’t recognize attached to a large glass chamber that was propped several feet off the ground by steel girders. One side of the chamber was left open and the other side had a thick steel plate embedded in it. On closer inspection there was also a railing that extended to the edge of the chamber. Jodie suddenly noticed the absence of typing and turned back to the other woman to see her staring straight back at her through a gap in the monitors.

Both women stared at each other frozen in silence. A beeping from one of the workstations drew the Indian woman’s attention and out of reflex she turned to it and hit a few buttons. Clearing her throat the Indian woman finally broke the silence. “Can I help you?” she asked without looking away from her work. Time to get to work.

Jodie straightened up and dramatically burst through the door before turning around, slamming it shut and bracing it with her body. “You’ve got to help me!” The Indian woman took only a moment to shoot an impatient glare at Jodie through the gap in the monitors before going back to her work with a roll of her eyes and a non-committal grunt. Jodie ran over to the workstations and tried to find some detail she could latch onto.

A security badge from the local university gave the other woman’s name as Priya Swaminathan but there was nothing else personal in the area, just technical documents and complicated formulas scrawled on whiteboards. Priya still was only barely paying attention to her. Jodie took a breath and was about to start a story about being chased when Priya held up a hand to cut her off without turning around. “I already heard the sirens. I don’t care what you did, so long as you didn’t lead them here. I can’t be interrupted right now.” Jodie rocked back on her heels the momentum she was building stopped in its tracks. Ok, sounds like she’s not going to call the cops on me, still though, might be worth it to charm her a bit just to make sure.

Jodie found a chair nearby and took a seat, wheeling it closer to where Priya was working. “You’re right, I’m avoiding the cops, I just need a place to stay overnight and I’ll leave in the morning. I think I lost them, so if it’s ok with you I’ll just hang out here and stay out of your way.” Priya gave another grunt and nodded her head. Jodie was too amped up to try and sleep so she looked around the room and across the technical documents. She didn’t understand most of it, but it was all eating away at her curiosity. “I’m Jodie.” More silence. “If that’s your badge I’m guessing you’re Priya?” Priya’s eyes flicked briefly to the badge which she scooped up and shoved into her pocket. You’re losing her, can’t risk her kicking you out. Show some interest in her work. “So what are you working on Priya?”

Priya gave a large sigh but kept working. “Something that I can’t let anyone interrupt me on.”

Jodie smiled having finally gotten Priya to respond. “I’m not asking you to stop, just curious. It looks important.”

Priya hit a few keys at one station and a robotic arm activated overhead moving a track into place to join with the one that extended to the edge of the chamber. “I’m building a temporal tunneling engine.” The robotic arm continued to work building a large track around the makeshift lab with a long straightaway towards the chamber with a single bend like a giant J. Priya hit another key and the robotic arm set what looked like a roller coaster car with a laser on the front and a rocket engine on the back at the end of the track.

Jodie blinked several times. Temporal tunneling… “Wait are you building a time machine?!”

Priya gave a small nod “Essentially.”

Jodie leapt out of her chair. “HOLY SHIT THAT’S SO COOL!” Priya looked at strange woman who had barged into her lab who was now excitedly poring over the monitors and technical readouts trying to understand the technology in front of her.

Jodie’s enthusiasm was infectious and Priya let a small smile creep onto her face. “Do you… Do you want to know how it works?” Jodie nodded happily and sat at attention. Got her on the hook. It helps that this is actually pretty awesome.

Priya wheeled her chair over to one of the whiteboards and erased some of the notes scrawled on the board. “Ok, so time is weird. We perceive it as working in a straight line. You go from point A to point B and you don’t go in reverse.” Priya drew 2 points with a line between them. “Now pop culture would tell you that we live in 3 dimensions and time is the 4th. That it’s like taking a 3 dimensional object and extending it out through a 4th dimension.” Priya drew a cube on the board and then drew a further series of lines extending the cube into a new shape. “Pop culture would also say that there are infinite dimensions out there with every possible decision that could be made creating a new dimension in something called the multiverse.” To this she drew a series of circles. “Now pop culture usually gets its science from something that might be real but is simplified enough for the average person to understand.” Priya rolled her eyes and gave a dismissive wave of her hand. “Point is, there are some real ideas out there, but they’re incomplete. So what if that multiverse is actually just the different points in our own time and the 4th dimension is just the path we take through it? What if we’re always travelling from dimension to dimension and it’s only our actions that determine the path we take?” Priya drew a line connecting each of the circles.

Jodie leaned forward and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Ok, I think I’m following you so far. If we can find some kind of path that we took then we can find the universe that we came from. Then what?”

Priya grinned “Are you a fan of Star Trek?”

Jodie laughed out loud. Never thought I’d be having this conversation again. “What kind of girl do you take me for? Of course I like Star Trek!”

Priya laughed along with her. “Janeway or Archer?”

Jodie shook her head “Trick question, no one likes Archer. And I pick Sisko.”

Priya gave an exaggerated sigh “Space dad? No accounting for taste I guess. Still though at least you’re cute.” The pair of women laughed together and when the laughter faded off Jodie found herself biting her bottom lip. She called me cute. I can use that. A moment of silence was interrupted by a beeping coming from a console.

Priya wheeled her chair back over to the workstation, hit a few keys and gestured for Jodie to follow her as she walked over to one of the machines hooked up to the glass box. “Ok so the reason I brought up Star Trek is that they make a lot of references to tachyons.”

Jodie nodded. “That’s the beam that travels backwards through time right?”

Priya snapped her fingers and pointed at Jodie. “Beam, wave, pulse, particle, yeah. In the show it was just kind of a catch-all for time travel energy but the particle is a real thing, at least in theoretical physics. This device is supposed to be able to detect them and once it does it’ll use the formula I developed to tell me what path to take to get to the target destination. The tachyon generator…” Priya gestured towards an odd device hanging from the ceiling. “…will create a burst of the particles later and when it does I should get evidence of them a few minutes in the past. I’ve got it scheduled to go off in about an hour.”

Jodie nodded again. “Alright, makes sense so far, but that’s just finding the path. How are you supposed to get to that other dimension?”

Priya clapped her hands and ran excitedly over to the rocket sled. Jodie laughed to herself and ran to catch up. Priya pulled a cover off the laser on the front of the rocket sled. “Ok. So this isotope, don’t worry it doesn’t create that much radiation, it uses a wave modulator set to a frequency determined by the formula from earlier to decouple the quantum entangled-“

Jodie placed a hand on Priya’s shoulder to stop her. “I’m not following any of that. Think pop science.”

Priya let her hair out of its bun and ran her fingers through her hair while she thought. Oh crap I think she’s cute too…Don’t get distracted. “Alright, simple explanation. That laser creates a time portal with the destination set from the machine. Make sense?”

Jodie grinned ear to ear. “Yeah, I think I got it…” her smile started to fade. “Why are you in a lab in a warehouse though? Is this too dangerous for the university?”

Priya’s smile faded too. “They don’t know I’m here. I couldn’t get the funding. They said that I really should ‘stick to research I’m better suited to’. So I’ve been finding ways to steal equipment and set it up here. The warehouse was abandoned and secluded enough that I could set things up without them noticing. Had to make some modifications to keep them from detecting the isotopes though…” Priya trailed off as her attention drifted back to her work.

Jodie watched Priya pace back and forth for a few moments muttering things under her breath that Jodie couldn’t hear. She leaned against a nearby wall, a small smile creeping onto her face. Get ahold of yourself. So what if she’s cute, smart and reminds you of Hanna? I’m not sticking around after tonight, shouldn’t get attached. Still, maybe we’ve got time to have some fun. Jodie let her mind wander to some of the fun things she’d like to do as Priya went about her work, making small adjustments to the machines.

An alarm on the tachyon detector went off, disrupting the relative silence of the warehouse. Priya jumped up from her work, startled before running back over to the detector murmuring “no” repeatedly.

Jodie pushed off the wall and ran over as well “What’s wrong? I thought you were expecting that to go off.”

Priya shook her head. “I was, but not this early. The generator isn’t set to go off for another hour and even though they travel backwards through time, I shouldn’t have seen them for at least another 40 minutes.”

Jodie tried to stay calm, subconsciously attempting to balance out Priya’s anxiety. “Could it be some other source then? Maybe someone else built a generator?”

Priya’s frown deepened as she looked over the readout. “No… The direction and signature match the generator I built… Wait!” Priya’s suddenly bolted back over to her workstation and switched the screens over to a security camera that was set up across the street from the warehouse. “SHIT! How did they figure out about my lab?!”

Jodie looked at the security feed and saw a SWAT team organizing to break in. She chuckled nervously. “Well, they’re probably not after you…”

Priya looked back at Jodie in confusion before she remembered something. “Oh, right, the sirens. Why are they after you anyway?”

Jodie shrugged nonchalantly. “I stole about 20 million in bearer bonds along with some industrial secrets and blackmail material.”

“Nice.”

The security feed went dead as the SWAT team found the camera. Jodie clapped her hands together and locked eyes with Priya. “OK, I’m wanted for grand theft and you’ve got a lab full of stolen equipment here. I’m willing to bet they’re not going to listen any excuses. How do we get out of here?”

Priya chewed her lip for a second before she broke into another grin. “We have a time machine.” Priya took off at a sprint and clambered up to the rocket sled. “All I have to do is use the measurements from the detector to finish the equation on the temporal tunneling engine and we can use it to go to another dimension at a different time.” Priya typed several commands into the controls of the laser and the machine started to hum. Priya took a deep breath and held it for a moment before finally looking back to Jodie and giving a big goofy thumbs up.

Jodie climbed up to the time machine as Priya got in and buckled her seat belt. “Now’s the time. Get in and come with me or stay here and deal with them.” Jodie cast another look back towards the door that the SWAT team was going to burst through at any moment.

“Fuck it, I’ve done dumber things.” Jodie buckled herself in and Priya pulled a large lever between their seats.

The rockets in the back kicked in filling the warehouse with a deafening roar. “HOLD ON! WE HAVE TO BE GOING AT LEAST 90 MILES PER HOUR TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE PORTAL!” The cart lurched around the corner, gathering speed. The door to the warehouse burst open, SWAT officers spilling into the room.

The temporal tunneling engine engaged and a laser shot towards the steel plate at the end of the glass chamber causing a distortion in the air in front of the plate. The second stage of the rockets kicked in and the women were thrown back in their seats as the acceleration picked up sending them flying towards the steel plate. OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFU- The SWAT team paused for only a moment taking in the spectacle of their target attempting escape via rocket sled before they opened fire. The women were moving too fast though and the bullets instead tore holes out of the far wall. The rippling distortion widened into a portal that looked more like a hole tore out of reality itself revealing an inky blackness beneath. The cart disappeared into the portal with Jodie and Priya’s screaming barely heard over the sound of the rockets.

#

Two years earlier the cart crashed through a portal on the other end, coming to a sudden stop as it embedded itself into a stage. Even though the trip through the portal had slowed them dramatically the landing impact was still intense. Jodie was the first to stir as she tried to shake off the effects of the time travel. When she looked around Jodie quickly realized where, and when they were. The Presidential debates!? Jodie looked down at Priya who was still shaking from the impact and instantly knew what Priya’s plan had been. Priya gave Jodie a shaking nod. Looking to her left Jodie nodded at the woman standing on the stage to her left and sprang from the cart ready to take center stage.

“People of America! I am LITERALLY a time traveler from the future. I came back to tell you that voting for this man-“ Quickly looking around she saw the misshapen piece of shit in a suit on the ground, groaning, but alive. “-THAT man, is a GRAVE mistake. In the time I’m from he won the election and it became so much worse than any of us could have even possibly expected. He is an agent of an enemy foreign power using their government’s influence to subvert our elections. Even if he weren’t, in only a few short years he managed to ruin our economy, leave several American cities to fend for themselves after natural disasters and has implemented policies so evil that children of people who immigrated here legally are being separated from their parents and kept in cages by the thousands. There are literally Klansmen and actual Nazis marching through the streets. Whatever your feelings may be about his opponent I implore you to not let those feelings cloud your judgement. This is your moment to stand against tyranny. This is your chance to put a stop to this before it’s too late!”

Jodie’s ears were still ringing from the noise of the rockets so she couldn’t hear anything from the audience, but at the periphery of her vision she saw Secret Service agents closing in on her. Time to go then. Jodie turned back to Priya who was pulling laser off the front of the cart. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.” The two time travelers ran for the exit as agents stormed the stage. There was no time to stop and think, just to run. Dodging left and right Jodie’s senses were on fire as she caught glimpses of agents closing in from all sides. Together they burst through a fire exit and took off at a run.

With alarms blaring behind them Jodie and Priya sprinted across the courtyard and ducked into the relative cover of a nearby alley. Priya braced herself against the wall and struggled to catch her breath. Jodie was much more used to fleeing authorities and already thinking her way through an escape plan. “Ok, be straight with me here, what plan did you have to get back to our time and is it still possible?”

Priya shook her head, still breathing heavily. “I, uh, hadn’t thought that far ahead. This was just supposed to be a test run. But…” Priya trailed off chewing her lip. “…but the temporal- the time machine should still have the corrected formula and I built a function into it which would reverse the function and open a portal along the same trajectory.”

Jodie scanned courtyard for any approaching agents. “So if I understood that, we just need to turn it on and it’ll take us back to our time?”

Priya shook her head and started pacing back and forth. “Not quite. We need to be going fast in order to make it through the portal. Just trying to turn it on and walk through won’t work.”

Jodie listened to the sirens of an ambulance flanked by police closing in on the debate hall and shook her head. “Ok, stealing a car isn’t going to be an option, they’ll be on us too fast. We have to get moving… Do we have to be going horizontally when we go through the portal?” Priya stopped in her tracks and shot Jodie a questioning glance. Jodie pointed over Priya’s shoulder, guiding her gaze to the massive hotels just a few miles away on the Las Vegas strip.

Priya’s jaw slowly dropped as she mentally did the calculus on the acceleration of gravity. “…that could work.”

Together the time travelers made their way towards the strip, darting from building to building in an attempt to stay out of sight of the police who were already locking down the city. After nearly an hour they stood in front of the Bellagio fountain, looking up at the 36 story building. Jodie turned hopefully to Priya who was sweating heavily between the heat of the desert and the exertion of having run several miles. “Tall enough?” Priya nodded and Jodie heard a police siren pass by behind them before making a u-turn. “Good, because I think we just ran out of time.” Together they hurried off into the casino.

As soon as they were in the lobby Jodie scanned the area and found an elevator about to leave. “Hold the door!” Practically dragging Priya into the elevator alongside her they leapt into the elevator nearly bowling over the couple that was in there. Softening her voice Jodie put a smile on her face. “Oh I’m so sorry about that. We completely forgot our room key so we’ve been trying to fix that all day. NOT the way I wanted to spend my honeymoon.”

The young woman in the elevator giggled “I know what you mean. We took this trip just to go to the debate but couldn’t get in so we just spent the day getting drunk and losing money.” Jodie jabbed the highest floor number she could, though the top several floors were all blocked off so they would have to figure that out later.

Priya had finally caught her breath and picked up on the conversation going on. “You were trying to go to the debate?”

No, no we don’t want to be recognized, bad topic. “Oh come on honey, I’m so tired of hearing about politics.” Jodie turned her body towards Priya’s and pressed her gently against the wall of the elevator. “Besides, I’ve got other ideas for this weekend.” With that she leaned down and nibbled on Priya’s ear managing a barely audible whisper. “Play along.” Priya didn’t give any indication she heard Jodie but moaned and pulled her closer. The other couple seemed to take the hint and also started getting closer. A few seconds later the young couple reached their floor and stepped off as Priya kissed and licked on Jodie’s neck. Jodie groaned at the feeling of Priya’s lips but as soon as the door closed she managed to push Priya gently away. Priya looked disappointed for a moment before she realized they were alone in the elevator.

Priya was blushing furiously and kept opening and closing her mouth trying to find the words she wanted to say. Jodie cleared her throat and smiled. “Not that I didn’t enjoy that, just that we shouldn’t let ourselves get too distracted.”

Priya looked down, smiling “Sorry, I’ve been told I’m a little intense sometimes.”

Jodie brushed the hair out of Priya’s eyes. “I didn’t mind.” Both women looked away trying not to lose track of where they were. The rest of the elevator ride passed in silence and at when they reached the highest floor they could they stepped off and found a roof access stairwell. Priya was about to push her way in the door when Jodie stopped her. “This door is probably alarmed. As soon as we go in here, the cops will come and they’ll probably have figured that we’re the ones who ‘crashed’ the debate. We’ll only have a few minutes, are you sure you’re ready?”

Priya nodded and held up the time machine. “All we have to do is get to the roof, jump, turn this on and point it straight down. As long as we go in at the same time we’ll be fine.”

Jodie started to turn towards the stairwell and paused. “Just so we’re clear, this is the craziest thing you’ve ever done, right?” Priya and Jodie broke down laughing until their stomachs hurt before turning back to each other, tears in their eyes. Jodie grabbed her partner’s hand. “Let’s do this.” Jodie kicked the door to the stairwell open and sure enough a shrill fire alarm started to go off throughout the hallway.

Together they scrambled up half a dozen flights of stairs before they reached the roof. Bursting through the roof access door they were almost instantly blinded by the spotlight of a helicopter that was already on the scene and bathing them in the harsh light. An officer blared some kind of warning over the loudspeaker on the helicopter that neither of them could make out. FUCK IT! Jodie grabbed Priya’s hand again and dragged her to the edge of the building. Standing on the ledge and looking over the 500 foot drop made Jodie’s breath catch in her throat. Priya grabbed Jodie’s arms and managed to scream “WAIT” over the noise of the helicopter. Priya pulled Jodie closer and kissed her on the lips. Priya held her tight and smiled. “For luck.” Jodie smiled back and wrapped her arms around Priya as well.

They jumped together and the world seemed to slow down as their hearts pounded hard enough that they could feel it in each other’s chests. Priya pointed the time machine down and triggered it sending a beam straight down to the concrete below them. As gravity pulled them faster and faster towards the hard ground below the time machine made a rippling portal wink open which the two women shot through at nearly terminal velocity.

#

Two years later Priya and Jodie shot out of the portal, thankfully having been slowed as they passed through the dimensional barriers. The portal had sent them through parallel to the ground and they emerged feet first 6 feet in the air in an empty, abandoned warehouse. Together they flew across the room and into some empty shipping pallets, the wooden cracking as they crash landed. Groaning in pain and laughing with relief the women hugged each other before rolling off the pallets. Jodie got unsteadily to her feet. “Anything broken?” Priya remained curled up in a ball on the ground laughing weakly. “Everything? I don’t know. It all hurts, but I don’t think anything is actually broken.”

Jodie looked around the warehouse as the dizzying effects of the time travel wore off. “Your stuff is all gone. Did we get back to the right time?”

Priya pulled herself up to her knees and looked around as well. “Kinda. We took the same trajectory through dimensions, but we had a different starting point. If I’m right we went back to the same time and place but in a dimension where we had gone back to change things.”

Jodie stretched out the ache in her back from where she landed. “So because we interrupted the debate, you didn’t build your time machine in this warehouse, which is why it’s empty?”

Priya nodded and got to her feet. “So what now?”

Jodie brushed some of the dust off her clothes. “I don’t know about you but I could use a change of clothes and a good hot shower.”

Priya laughed and winced in pain. “That sounds great, but neither of us exist in this dimension, at least not this version of us.” Jodie shrugged.

Not the first time I’ve had to make a new identity. “Don’t worry about that just now. You rest up here, I’m going to go work my magic and get us a place to stay for the night.” Priya smiled and kissed Jodie on the cheek.

The streets were mostly empty in the early morning as Jodie walked away from the warehouse. Ok, time to get some ground under my feet. Need cash, a phone and a motel room. As she found her way to a major road she quickly found a strip mall which had an ATM outside of a bank branch. Without a computer to help her hack the machine she had to rely on security override codes she had memorized years ago. Even if these do still work, there’s a good chance it’ll trigger security, need to keep moving. A few minutes later Jodie left the ATM with a pocket full of cash.

With money in hand Jodie paused for a moment to take stock. I’m not being chased. At least not right now. I could just make a clean break here. I’m sure Priya can take care of herself. Jodie kept walking on autopilot as she mulled things over. A faint smile crept onto her face. Yeah, Priya might be able to take care of herself, but when was the last time I had this much fun? A few more miles down the road she found a corner store selling burner phones. An hour later she left the store a few hundred dollars lighter with a pair of new phones. Now with access to the internet Jodie was finally able to check for news of the last two years that she needed to catch up on. Oh no…

Jodie returned to the warehouse a couple hours later to see that Priya had found some paper in the warehouse and was hard at work on some calculations. Priya’s face lit up when she saw Jodie. “Ok, so good news, the onboard computer has retained the corrected algorithms and the isotope is recharging the device on its own. It needs some refinement and it’ll take a while to do the calculations by hand if I don’t have a computer to help, but I should be able to point it in any trajectory we need!” Priya’s excitement faded when she saw the look on Jodie’s face. “What’s wrong?”

Jodie sat down on a nearby palette and gestured that Priya should do the same. “So, you know how when we showed up at the debate we crashed into the stage in a rocket sled?” Priya nodded. “Well it turns out that the Secret Service treats that as an assassination attempt. They cut the news feed and since it was on a delay no one who saw the broadcast even saw the portal. In short only the people in that room actually saw what happened.”

Priya took a deep breath. “Ok, but there were a lot of reporters there. They still told everyone what happened right? I’m sure at least one of them recorded it on their phone or something.”

Jodie shrugged. “They did yeah, but his supporters all called it fake news and said that they were just involved in some kind of deep state assassination conspiracy.”

Priya shuddered as Jodie continued. “After that they got even more rabbid in their support. There were a lot of people saying that because he survived an assassination attempt it was proof that he was ordained by god to lead them. Not only did he win the election but nearly every member of the opposing party was voted out of office as well.”

Priya’s fists were clenched hard enough to make her knuckles turn white. With tears in her eyes she met Jodie’s gaze. “How bad is it?”

Jodie shook her head. “After the election they started to crack down on news organizations pretty rapidly. It’s hard to know what’s true. What I do know is that I haven’t seen anyone other than a white male so far.” Priya took a deep shuddering breath and began to sob. Jodie sat next to Priya and put her arm around Priya’s shoulders.

For a long moment the two women sat in stunned silence trying to absorb the news. Jodie was the first to break the silence. “Come on, I got us a room at a motel a couple miles down the road. We’ll feel a little better after some food, sleep and a shower.” On the way to the motel Jodie noticed that even though it was well after noon, the roads were still practically deserted aside from the occasional black van. When they finally got into the motel Priya collapsed onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. Jodie locked the door and curled up in the bed next to Priya.

Priya started to speak and coughed, her throat raw from crying.  Finally she managed a barely whispered. “We did this.”

Jodie propped herself up on her elbow and turned Priya gently to face her. “No. THEY did this. We were the ones trying to stop this. They allowed themselves to be taken in by a conman with a bad hairpiece. They let their own hatred blind them to the truth that was literally screaming in their faces. We did everything we could to stop this.” Priya stared blankly at Jodie, too tired to feel anything. “OK, I want you to do something for me. We need to take care of ourselves right now. Go take a shower, I’m going to order us some food, then we’ll talk about what we’re going to do next.” Priya blinked and nodded, getting up from the bed slowly and making her way to the shower.

An hour later the two women were lying in bed, freshly showered and wrapped in towels, eating pizza and cuddling in a comfortable silence. Jodie rubbed her fingers gently across Priya’s scalp which seemed to calm her down. “Hey, you said the time machine still works right?”

Priya snapped out of the headspace she was in and looked up at Jodie. “…yeah. Yeah it does! All we have to do is figure out a destination and then run some numbers to get the trajectory right.”

Jodie smiled at Priya, happy that her mood was picking up again. “Well if you need a destination, how about that meeting ‘Dear Leader’ took at his tower back when he met with the Russians.” Priya sat straight up in the bed, the towel loosening and falling. She seemed not to notice.

“Perfect! I’ll get to work on the-“

Jodie placed a finger on Priya’s lips. “Give that a rest for just a little bit. For now I’ve got some other ideas.” Jodie reached out and ran a hand up Priya’s now exposed thigh.

Priya moaned and pulled Jodie closer. “You’re right. We’ve got plenty of time to fix things later. That’s what the machine is for.”

#rejected by publishers #time travel #short story

[ayyosuga]

The Pleasure Collection | 2. If You Insist

Epilogue Drabble

Genre: Smut/Angst

Word Count: 14.5k

Summary: After being targeted by the criminal that has been kidnapping young women across the city, you meet a certain police officer who makes it his sole mission to protect you.

A/N: The goal of this collection was to write pure smut... clearly I got carried away with the story for this one. Thank you so much to @mirai-miri and @jngukie for your support and willingness to talk through ideas with me <3 

Heart pounding, arms pumping, muscles aching. A sweaty sheen covers your skin. Adrenaline pushes you and you refuse to stop running until you feel safe. You have a feeling it may be a while but you continue to run as your jagged breath makes your throat raw. Frantically, you search for somewhere to go.

It’s your first week in this new city. You just started taking courses for your Masters degree. You had been looking forward to a fresh start for your life and a new beginning to your career. But this is not what you expected.

You should have been more careful.

Before you moved, your mother warned you about what she heard in the news. Young women and teenage girls were going missing across the city, and she worried about you becoming a target. You promised you would be safe, that you were a smart cookie and you could take care of yourself. But all you could do almost wasn’t enough, and the reality of that hits you hard.

You shake your head to clear your mind. You need to focus. You need to protect yourself.

As you round the corner, a raindrop falls on your cheek. You hurry down the dark street, dodging the pools of light under street lamps as one drop after another lands on you, splashing onto your sweat-slicked skin. Ducking under a large oak tree for cover, you survey your surroundings. You’ve stopped on the corner of a residential intersection, and you can’t decide if that decision is safe or dangerous. It looks clear, so you allow yourself a brief respite as you retrieve your phone from your cross-body purse and call 911.

They pick up quickly. “911, what’s your emergency?”

“I… I was attacked. He… the kidnapper… oh my god…” Panic floods through you as you try to speak through your heavy breathing. It all feels like a dream, like some horrible nightmare, but saying it out loud makes it so real.

“What is your location?”

“Um, the corner… of… thirteenth and North Sheffield,” you respond, peeking out from under the tree branches to read the street signs and glancing down the street nervously. You lost him a while ago, but it feels like he’ll just show up at any moment.

“We have units in the area, I’m sending someone your way. Do you need an ambulance? Are you hurt?”

“I’m… I’m cut, but I don’t think it’s bad.” You reach up to touch your throat and wince as you come into contact with your wound. It’s not a deep cut- just a little worse than a scratch- so you’re not concerned about it. “I don’t need an ambulance.”

“Alright. You mentioned a kidnapper? Were you kidnapped?”

You take a few deep breaths, trying to calm your heart. “Almost. I got away. I don’t know where he is. I just ran.”

“Is he on foot? In a vehicle?”

“Vehicle. Dark blue van.”

“Okay, just hold tight. An officer should be arriving soon.”

You stay on the line with the emergency responder, giving details about the attack until a squad car arrives. Thanking them for their help, you hang up as a young officer steps out of the car, hurrying through the rain to meet you under the tree. His eyes are kind as he asks you for your name. You tell him, and he shrugs off his jacket, wrapping it around you as he says, "I'm Officer Jeon. It's raining pretty hard out here. Let's get you to the car, okay?"

You simply nod, the relief of safety flooding you and making it difficult to speak. He lifts the jacket up over your head to keep you dry as you both jog over to his car, and he helps you into the front seat. You sink into the seat, muscles exhausted from the extreme exertion. The officer climbs into the driver's seat and runs his hand through his now soaked hair in a way that you would recognize as being attractive if you weren’t so occupied with the night’s circumstances.

“We’ve got squad cars all over looking for this guy. If he’s still around, he’s not going to try anything funny. He’ll want to keep a low-profile,” he explains as he looks around outside, remaining vigilant despite his reassuring words. “You’re with me now, so you’re safe.”

As your adrenaline subsides, you're overwhelmed with emotion. Nothing so frightening has ever happened to you and you genuinely feared for your life. Now that you're safe, tears burst from your eyes, your sobs wracking your body. You're so, so tired.

"Whoa, hey, it's okay. You're alright." The officer's hand rubs across your upper back in an attempt to comfort you, and you appreciate his kind gesture. He continues until you're all cried out, just a crumpled little ball curled up into his jacket, which you notice smells vaguely of patchouli and pine needles. "Can I take you to the station to make a statement? Any information you can give us will be helpful on our search."

"Okay," you feebly agree, kind of wishing you could just return home and go to sleep, but understanding that it’s important to help out however you can. If you can help stop this guy from chasing and hurting other girls, then you simply have to.

Removing his hand from your shoulder, he reaches in front of you to pop open the glove box, retrieving a small first-aid kit. "I'm just going to fix you up first, okay?" He tears open a small packet of disinfecting cream and uses a cotton swab to apply the medicine to the small cut on your neck, which you didn't even realize was still bleeding. "Your cut doesn't seem to be too deep, so I think a regular bandage will do the trick."

"Thank you," you nearly whisper, admiring the intensity of his dark eyes as he concentrates on placing the bandage, his rough fingers grazing your neck as he smooths the edges.

He smiles warmly at you as he returns the first aid kit to its rightful place. "It's no problem, miss."

The ride is quiet except for the occasional call on Officer Jeon's radio. He never responds, though, clearly intent on getting you to the station. Once you arrive, the rain has let up and he guides you inside, leading you back to his desk.

Officer Jeon pulls a chair over for you. "Is there anything I can get you? We have coffee and hot water for tea."

You consider for just a moment. "Tea would be nice, thank you."

He fetches a cup of green tea for you and coffee for himself, returning to his desk and clicking away on his computer. "Okay, so we've received information that your attacker was a male and he was driving a dark blue van with no windows in the back. Is that correct?"

You nod, panic beginning to rise in your throat like bile. You swallow hard, determined to remain calm. You have to do this.

"Can you give me any more detail about him or the vehicle?" His gentle gaze is encouraging as he pries for more information.

You force yourself to think back, to try to remember what exactly you witnessed. "He was maybe five foot nine, five foot ten... not terribly tall, but bigger than me. He, um, sorry." You apologize as your voice becomes shaky, your bottom lip quivering.

"It's okay. Take your time."

Taking a deep breath, you try again. "He had kind of a stocky build. And he smelled like cigarettes."

"Did you see his face?"

You had. He wasn't wearing any kind of mask. You strain yourself to remember. "Dark eyes, I think, and a square jaw. He was Caucasian. He didn't have facial hair, but he had a heavy five o'clock shadow."

"Okay, you're doing great. This is all very helpful." Officer Jeon types the details into his computer. "Do you remember anything else about the vehicle? Maybe a license plate number?"

As you had fled from the van, you looked back only once. The license plate... "It started with 'XR,' and then... maybe a 'P?' I'm having a hard time remembering. It was all so fast."

“That’s okay, that’s okay.”

While he continues typing, you sip at your tea, careful not to make a face at the bitter taste of burned leaves. Still, you hold the styrofoam cup in your hands and appreciate its warmth, even though you know you won’t drink any more of it.

Officer Jeon swivels in his chair to face you, clasping his hands and placing them up on his desk. Giving you his full attention, he inquires, “Can you tell me about what happened? Walk me through it. You can take your time.”

You grip your drink a little tighter, trying to prepare yourself as you begin the story. Just relive it one more time, and then it’ll be over. Then you can let it go.

When you finished your night class, the air was thick with the promise of an oncoming storm. Maybe the weather messed with your head, or maybe you were just tired. Regardless of the reason why, you accidentally missed your bus stop on your way home. By the time you realized that your stop had already passed, you estimated you were maybe five or six blocks north of your apartment building. So you figured you’d just walk instead of sitting around and waiting for a southbound bus to arrive.

You could see the dark brick of your building just a block away as you followed the road that led you behind a bar and a run-down grocery store. Maybe your guard was down because you lived in a seemingly safe neighborhood, but you didn’t notice the man that had been following you. You were caught by surprise when someone’s arm wrapped around your chest, holding a blade against your throat and warning you not to make any noise. Frightened, you complied, and he made you continue down the sidewalk.

Somehow, you worked up the courage to fight. You tore the lid off of your to-go cup and splashed your hot tea in his face, yelping as it came into contact with the back of your neck and shoulder. He ripped his arm away, nicking your neck with the tip of his knife as he moved.

As soon as he let go, you ran towards your building, screeching to a halt when you reached the gate. You thought that maybe if you could just get home, you’d be safe. But you were so scared, you were shaking so badly, and you couldn’t get your key into the gate lock. He caught up to you and hit you really hard on the side of your head, completely knocking you out.

You woke up in the back of his van with your wrists zip-tied in front of you and a piece of duct tape over your mouth. The van was completely empty, and you were tossed into the air when he hit a dip in the road, careful not to cry out when you landed on the hard surface. Surveying the inside of the van, you tried to come up with a plan of escape.

There were three doors: two swinging doors at the back and one sliding door on the side. The side door would be your best bet because the back doors didn’t have interior handles. And you would have to be cautious about making too much noise, because although there was a metal barrier between you and where the driver sat, it had holes throughout it that enabled him to partially see into the back.

Carefully, you started scooting towards the side door, relieved that he didn’t seem to notice. He was listening to some talk radio, and that seemed to be occupying him. It’s possible he assumed that you would be knocked out for the whole trip to wherever he was taking you. That would work to your advantage.

The door had a lock by the handle that you needed to flip. That would surely make a noticeable clicking noise. Silently, you prayed that the lock would be as quiet as possible, and you reached for it when you finally convinced yourself it was the right time.

“Hey!” The man hollered, slamming the brakes and sending your body hurtling into the metal barrier.

He saw you. He saw you.

It’s now or never.

You scrambled to reach the lock and handle, thankful that the door was on the passenger side and not the driver side, as you could hear the man climbing out of the vehicle. You threw open the door with all of your might, jumping out of the van and immediately fleeing down the sidewalk.

Briefly, you looked back at the van to find him getting back inside, probably deciding it would be easier to follow you in his van than on foot. Just before he did a U-turn in the middle of the road, you were able to catch a glimpse of his license plate, and you repeated the characters over and over again in your head. He sped down the street after you, but you cut through the alleys and small, grassy yards between houses, avoiding roads at all costs so that you could lose him.

You ripped off the duct tape as you ran, tears burning at the corners of your eyes from the sting of adhesive pulling your skin. Once you were free of the tape, you worked to break the zip-tie by pulling your wrists apart as far as you could and swinging them down against your abdomen. It took multiple attempts and you never stopped running, but eventually you broke free. Some time after that, you ducked under a tree and called for help.

You tell him the whole story, trying to give as much detail as possible without panicking. When you finish, he just sits there, watching you with a look of either sympathy or amazement. You’re unable to tell which.

“Please, stop looking at me like that.” You shift uncomfortably in your seat. “I’m okay.”

“Sorry.” Jungkook clears his throat and looks away, turning to type on his computer once more, making a few more notes in his report. “Well then, can I give you a ride home?”

You nod your head solemnly, placing your still-full cup of tea onto his desk as you stand and head out.

Coming to a stop in front of your apartment building, he pulls a pen and notepad from the compartment in the armrest and scribbles down a series of digits. "This is my personal cell number. You can give me a call if you need anything, okay? If it's an emergency, though, call 911. This is more for... moral support." His smile is gentle as he tears off the piece of paper and hands it to you. "I remember what it's like to relocate someplace completely new and not know anybody."

You take the paper, more out of politeness than anything. "Thank you, Officer Jeon."

"Call me Jungkook."

"Thank you, Jungkook."

That night, you have a terrible time sleeping. You're haunted with nightmarish visions of your attacker creeping in through your window, even though you checked multiple times that everything was locked before you went to bed. When you finally drift off to sleep, you dream of his knife against your throat, digging deeper into your skin until you bleed out.

You awake in a puddle of sweat, chest heaving as you struggle to catch your breath. The vivid nightmare leaves you nauseous; you can feel his hands on you and it makes you want to scream. The only thing that makes you feel better is a long, hot shower.

You go through the next few days trying to occupy yourself with studying, researching, and your classes, and you refuse to talk about the attack with anyone- not your family, not your classmates, not your neighbors. You don’t want to talk about it. It feels as though you’ll summon him if you say it aloud.

As you're settling in for the night three days after the attack, you begin to feel the oncoming waves of panic. Tonight will likely be no different, and you dread the return of your nightmares. You're desperately in need of a distraction, of something to help you forget for just a little while longer. So, even though you hardly know him, you find yourself dialing Jungkook's number.

He answers after just two rings. "Hello?"

"Hi, Jungkook. Um, are you busy?"

"Sorry, who is this?"

"Oh, it's Y/N. Sorry," you laugh at yourself, already feeling a bit more at ease knowing he is on the other end of the line. It’s actually rather comforting that Jungkook already knows what happened to you.

"Y/N! I was wondering if I would hear from you. Are you okay?" There's a slight hint of concern in his voice.

"I'm okay, I'm not in trouble or anything. I'm just having a hard time sleeping. I keep having nightmares." You cringe a little, embarrassed by your confession.

"Do you want to talk about them? Would that help?"

"I'm not sure. They've just been about the attack. I keep imagining him breaking into my apartment and it's freaking me out. He saw me trying to get into my apartment building, so he knows where I live, and he hasn't been caught yet so he could be anywhere, and what if he comes back to get me? What if he targeted me for a reason? Maybe it wasn't just a random attack after all and-"

"Y/N, it's okay." Jungkook interrupts your ramblings with his soothing voice. "I'm coming to get you."

"What? You don't have to-"

"No, I want to. It sounds like you just need to get out of there for a little while."

Although your heart beats a little faster at the thought of getting to see him, you're hesitant to agree. You don't want to impose. "Are you sure? I don't want to be a bother."

"I'm sure. I'm getting into my car as we speak."

A gentle smile crosses your lips. "Okay."

You remind him of your address and before you know it, a sleek black car pulls up outside of your building. As you scurry through the courtyard, the passenger side window rolls down and you see Jungkook's smiling face.

"Come on, get in."

You climb into the low car, taking in the image of Jungkook without his uniform. He's wearing a plain white t-shirt and ripped skinny jeans, and he honestly looks just as good as he does in his uniform. You're swept up in the aroma of spicy patchouli once again, and you determine that you quite like the scent. As he peels away from the curb, you ask him, "Where are we going?"

"I just thought we'd drive for a little bit. Going on drives always makes me feel better, so I thought maybe you'd like it, too."

You try not to stare at the way his veins bulge in his forearms as he shifts gears. "I'm sure driving such a cool car certainly helps."

"Oh, certainly." He comes to a stop at a red light and revs his car, making a show of it. "This little lady's got a whole lot of power."

You laugh. "It's a girl?"

"Her name's Jieun."

"Well she's lovely." You pat the dashboard for effect.

"Just wait until you see what she can do."

"What do you-"

Before you can complete your question, the light turns green and Jungkook tears off, racing down the street, the momentum pressing you back into your seat.

"Oh my God, Jungkook! Slow down!" Despite the exhilarating fear building in your gut, you can't help but laugh.

He ignores you and possibly even speeds up as you travel the stretch of road, flying through a series of green lights and finally a yellow light before he starts to slow down. By the time you reach a normal speed, you're gripping your seat so hard that your knuckles turn white.

Jungkook notices how tense you are and he chuckles, turning onto a highway ramp to head downtown. "How are you feeling?"

"Are you nuts? That was crazy!" You dissolve into a fit of giggles, overcome with a rush of adrenaline. As terrifying as his driving is, you're actually having a good time.

"See? Drives can fix anything."

"I didn't expect you to drive like that," you say. "I mean, you're a cop! You should know better than anyone not to speed."

"I may be a cop, but that doesn't mean I can't have fun every now and then. Besides, it's good for Jieun. I've gotta let her reach her full potential from time to time so that she doesn't forget how badass she is." He wiggles his eyebrows at you as he continues, "And I hear sports cars impress the ladies."

You roll your eyes at him, but he doesn't see because he's focused on the road. "I never would have guessed that you were such a rebel."

"I'm glad that you now have a correct impression of me." He shifts in his seat. "I thought I may have come across a little too soft when we met."

"You were very kind. That's what I needed, and I'm sure you knew that." To show your appreciation, you place your hand delicately on top of his, which rested on the gear-shift. Jungkook visibly stiffens, so you immediately remove your hand. Is that going too far?

He clears his throat and throws on a shit-eating grin. "Ah, you're right. I always know just what to do. I'm such a considerate person."

You chuckle at his arrogance. "Cocky piece of shit, more like it," you tease.

"Excuse me?" His eyes widen, glimmering with the reflection of street lamps and headlights. "I didn't realize I was sharing my car with a little Miss Sass Pants."

"Well, now you also have a correct impression of me."

His smile feels incredibly genuine as he turns up the music that had been softly playing in the background. Rolling down your window, you delight in the cool night air whipping around you as Jungkook speeds through downtown, eventually landing on the road that runs between the city’s skyline and the neighboring lake. The city lights sparkle in the water and you feel truly at peace, surrounded by beauty.

You're not sure how long you've been in the car with Jungkook, but once you return to smaller roads he turns to you and says, "What do you say we head back to my place?"

You nod your head once and stifle a yawn, more interested in Jungkook than you are in sleeping. He intrigues you, what with his ability to be two different people all wrapped up in one. You'll never forget how kind and comforting he was when you needed it most, and now he's ingraining a cool, rebellious impression in your mind. Although he acted like a caretaker during your last interaction, he's abandoned that role in favor of being flirtatious and- dare you say it- sexy. And both personalities seemed so natural.

You find yourself contemplating his invitation, wondering if he means for it to be anything more than an innocent visit. Now that you're not so occupied with the stress of the attack, you're able to truly recognize how exceptionally attractive Jungkook is. You determine that you're completely open to wherever the night may lead.

He parks in an alley behind a row of small houses with stone facades. Looking around, you comment, "Wait, you have a house? How much do cops make?"

"Not enough for a whole house, that's for sure." He chuckled. "They're all split up into apartments. One in the basement, one on the first floor, one on the second floor. It's nothing fancy."

You both climb out of the car and he ushers you up the back stairwell of one of the houses, instructing you to go all the way to the top. You stand on his small wooden balcony as he fiddles with his keys to unlock the door. Once he finally gets it open, you slip out of your shoes and look around the kitchen while he stoops to unlace his boots. You take note of the stacks of presumably empty pizza boxes filling the space between the cupboards and the ceiling, as well as the alphabet magnets on his refrigerator that spell out things like ‘BOOBS’ and ‘I LIKE COCK.’

“Nice magnets…” you snicker.

He looks up from his crouched position, narrowing his eyes at the refrigerator. “Ah, Taehyung, that asshole.”

“Friend of yours?”

“Yeah, we frequently work together.” He stands and points at the magnets as he says, “You can ignore that.”

“Consider it ignored.”

“Great,” he claps his hands together. "So as you can see, this is the kitchen. Nothing spectacular. And the bathroom, right across from the bedroom." He points to the appropriate doors as he leads you down the hallway. "And finally, for the main event: the living room, complete with old-but-very-soft-and-comfortable couch and premium gaming station." He gestures toward the huge flat-screen television and multiple consoles littering the TV stand.

"Oh my God, and you're a nerd?" You cross your arms over your chest as you chuckle. "You just keep on surprising me."

"Can't stop, won't stop, baby." Jungkook shoots some really lame finger guns at you as he backs up down the hall. "Anything to drink for you?"

You follow him back to the kitchen, rolling your eyes. "What do you have?"

"Only the best. Crisp, clean tap water... milk- whole milk, because I'm not a pussy... oh, and I've got this bottle of wine." He pulls the bottle down from on top of his refrigerator, raising an eyebrow as he surveys you questioningly.

"Ooo, you're a wine guy," you remark.

"I like to keep it classy."

He earns yet another eye roll as he retrieves two stemless wine glasses from his cupboard and fills them halfway, handing one over to you.

Glasses and bottle in hand, you retire to the living room, plopping down onto opposite ends of the couch and turning to face each other. You chat for a while, drinking your wine and explaining to him what you’re studying at school.

“Biochemistry? That sounds difficult.” He scrunches his nose a little.

“It can be tough sometimes, but it’s really interesting and that makes it easy for me to stay focused.”

“So what exactly are you planning on doing with your biochemistry degree, miss fancy pants scientist?”

“I’m hoping to get into forensics, actually.” You smile excitedly. Thinking about pursuing a career in forensics always puts you in a good mood. “Maybe become a forensic chemist, or a microscopist.”

“Oh, no way!” Jungkook perks up, looking at you like a kid in a candy store. “Maybe we’ll get to work together, then!”

“Maybe one day,” you chuckle. “We wouldn’t really see a whole lot of each other at work, though. I’d be in a lab all day and you’d be out at the crime scenes.”

He throws his arm across the back of the couch, shifting only slightly closer to you. “I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt for me to drop in from time to time to check on your progress.”

“Just as long as you’re not disturbing my work,” you taunt as he refills your glass.

You continue chatting and goofing off, and eventually Jungkook gets up to power-on his Xbox.

"You have any interest in gaming?" Jungkook holds a controller out to you, and his bunny-like smile is too sweet to refuse.

You accept the controller, but do so hesitantly. "I don't know much about games, so don't expect me to be any good."

"That's alright, I’ll pick an easy one," he shrugs, selecting a game disc and inserting it. As soon as it loads, his eyes are glued to the screen as he flips through the game menu at lightning speed, selecting his weapons and gear. "I, on the other hand, am really good. So I'll keep us on the same team so that I don't absolutely destroy you."

You snort. "Okay."

He presses start once the game is set up, and you're thrown into another world. His character immediately takes off, running down the street. You, however, stand helplessly alone on your little corner of the road.

"Jungkook, you didn't tell me anything about the game!" You shout, laughing. "How do I work this thing?"

"Oh, right." Jungkook pauses the game and turns to you, pointing to the various controls as he explains. "Walk with this one, look with this one, press this to jump and this to crouch. Then you have to pull this one to shoot, and this one launches grenades. Just walk around and shoot people, but don’t shoot me."

You do your best to pay attention, but he rattles it all off so quickly that you can hardly process what he's said before he resumes the game. You basically just have to experiment with the different buttons to figure it out on your own, but it's difficult to get coordinated. You try walking in one direction, but then you somehow end up looking at the sky, and when you try to adjust it, you spin in a circle while looking down at the ground. To top it all off, you throw a grenade right at your feet, blowing yourself up and making you re-spawn.

"Y/N, what are you doing?" He laughs.

"I honestly have no idea." You spin in some more circles and walk straight into a wall.

"Oh my God, here. Hold on a second." Jungkook's character darts through the map until he finds a little corner to safely crouch in. He scoots on the couch to get a little closer to you, and he places his thumb over yours. "Start with just this one, don't worry about looking around. The controls are a lot more sensitive than you think they are, so it doesn't take much to get yourself moving. So this one's just for walking, yeah? You can go forward, backward, or to either side. And if you press it in, you can run."

He takes his time demonstrating for you, walking you through a personalized tutorial that is occasionally interrupted whenever you're killed by an enemy. Regardless of how many times you have to re-spawn, he is patient. He stays completely focused on the screen while he deftly maneuvers your thumbs, showing you how to balance walking with looking. You do your best to pay attention, but feeling his hand on yours makes it a little difficult to concentrate. He's so close to you, and you can't help but remember the suggestiveness of his invitation for you to come over.

"Does that make sense?" Jungkook finally faces you, and your breath catches in your throat as you're startled by the close proximity of his face. He seems generally unfazed, however, leaning back towards his end of the couch and picking up his own controller.

"Yes, that was very helpful." You scoop up your glass and take another swig, trying to hide your burning cheeks. Maybe you misinterpreted the situation.

You both return to the game, and although it's difficult for you to stay alive for long, you at least do a better job running around.

"Look at you go!" Jungkook encourages you when you go for a particularly long stint without bumping into anything. "You're practically a pro."

"Well, I was taught by the best," you tease.

As your character comes around a corner, you notice an enemy with their back turned to you. You immediately begin shooting, but you shoot all around the enemy before somehow actually hitting them. The enemy drops dead, ending the game.

"Oh!" You gasp, surprised at yourself.

"You got the last kill!" Jungkook excitedly grabs onto your arm as the last kill replay begins. "Oh my God you wasted so many bull- Head shot! That was a head shot!"

"I can't believe I did that!" You giggle, mostly laughing because of his childlike excitement.

"Not only was your very first kill the last kill, but it was a fucking head shot!" Jungkook grabs your face, smooshing your cheeks. "That's so cool!"

"Let me go!" You struggle under his playful grasp, your words coming out funny. You reach out and pinch at his sides, which is enough to get him to release your face. His hands wrap around your forearms, ripping your hands away from his body, and it turns into an all-out wrestling match that ends with him pinning you down on the couch.

"You put up a good fight," Jungkook remarks through heavy breaths.

"I know a thing or two about self-defense." You look up at him, also breathing hard from all of the exerted effort. You think you see him glance down at your lips, but it's nothing more than a glimpse and then he's climbing off of you.

He picks up his controller again, turning to the screen and acting like nothing happened. "Do you want to play another round?"

"I should probably be getting home soon," you sit up awkwardly, glancing at the clock and deciding that you must have misunderstood his intentions about tonight. "It's getting late."

"Okay, I'll drive you."

"Are you okay to drive?" you ask, referring to the alcohol you had both consumed.

"Yeah, I only had like a glass and a half. I don't feel it at all." Jungkook shuts off the Xbox and picks up his glass and bottle to return them to the kitchen. "Shall we?"

During the car ride, the atmosphere becomes normal again, and you're feeling much more comfortable by the time he turns onto your street.

And then you see it.

"Jungkook," your voice is shaky as you try to get his attention, grabbing onto his arm with too tight a grip. "That's... I think that's the van."

A navy blue van is parked threateningly close to your apartment building. It appears to be empty from the front, and you're not sure if that should be comforting or terrifying.

"Shit, are you serious? What kind of idiot..." he trails off as he slowly passes it. "What did you say the license plate was?"

"Um... XR something, I think."

He twists in his seat, looking back at the license plate. "Shit, that's the one."

Your heart stops and your stomach drops. "What do we do?"

"I'm going to call it in, get some people out here." Jungkook pulls off to the side of the road, far enough from the van that it won't look suspicious, but still close enough that it's within view. You both unbuckle your seat belts as he quickly gets out his cell phone to make the call, reporting the address and details. When he hangs up, he peeks back in the van's direction. "It's absolutely crazy that he would show up here again. He should know that obviously you've reported the attack. It's too dangerous for him to come back."

You crack your knuckles nervously. "I know too much. I saw his face and his car, and I got away. Do you think..." You have to pause for a second, terrified out of your wits. "Do you think he wants to kill me to try to protect himself?"

"It's too late for that, you've already shared the information. I'm not sure what his motive is."

Just then, your eyes scan the sidewalk and you see a skulking man coming around the corner on your side of the street. "Oh my God, Jungkook! That's him! He'll see me!"

Jungkook immediately follows your stare and checks to make sure the doors are locked. He contemplates the situation for only a moment before reaching out to you and saying in a gentle voice, "Come here."

He cups your cheek, pulling you towards him, and your eyes lock for a split second before you realize he's not going to stop leaning in. He captures your lips with his, using his hand to shield your face from the window.

The soft intensity of his kiss catches you by surprise, shocking you all the way down to your core and making your legs grow weak as he gently holds you. You almost forget about the approaching attacker and you allow yourself to kiss him back, savoring the feel of him as you kiss over and over. You're just about to take it a step further and nibble his bottom lip, completely lost in the moment, but he suddenly pulls away, looking out the back window and reminding you of the situation at hand.

"He's past us now, you're okay." He lets go of your face, opening the glove box and retrieving his hand gun. "I need to follow him so we don't lose him, but I need you to stay here. You can get into the back seat if you want. The windows are heavily tinted so you'll be well concealed."

"O-okay." You’re snapped back into reality and out of the haze in which he left you, forcing yourself to focus.

Jungkook gestures for you to climb through to the back, so you do, not wanting to open the door and draw attention to yourself. While your retreat is less than graceful, Jungkook doesn't seem to notice.

"You're going to be just fine, okay? Others will be here soon. We'll get this taken care of." He shoots you a knowing look accompanied by a firm nod, being strong when you can't be. You nod back, albeit a little more feebly, and then he exits the car, leaving you alone in the deafening silence.

You lie down across the back seat, hoping to make yourself as inconspicuous as possible. As the minutes roll by, you become more and more anxious. It's absolutely nerve-wracking just lying there and waiting for something to happen, for Jungkook to return, or for sirens to start wailing… What’s taking the cops so long? Your heart pounds wildly in your chest, even though you're not exerting any energy. The sheer terror is enough to make you feel like you've run a marathon.

Suddenly, there's a loud popping noise: a gunshot.

Your entire body stiffens at the sound, unsure of what to make of it. During your last encounter with the man, he only had a knife, so that leads you to assume that Jungkook is the only one out of the two of them with a gun. Did Jungkook just shoot him? Is it over? Even at the thought of Jungkook ending it, you’re unable to relax.

When someone starts pulling at the door handle by your feet, you jump, holding in a shout. You hold your breath, trying to stay as still as possible, unable to make out who is on the other side of the door.

Another, much closer gunshot rings out, and a bullet comes flying in through the window. The glass cracks enough for a large elbow to shatter it, raining down shards all over your feet and legs. It becomes instantly obvious that Jungkook is not the only one with a gun, but you don’t have time to question the earlier gunshot. The door swings open and arms reach in, trying to grab you.

It’s clearly the man that attempted kidnapping you, and you immediately start kicking, knowing that's your best defense. One of your kicks hits him right on the wrist, knocking the small gun out of his hand and onto the floor of the car. Another one whacks him square in the jaw, and that only seems to piss him off more. He's finally able to get one of his hands around your ankle, and that's enough for him to pull you out of the car, dragging you through the broken glass.

You do your best to keep kicking and flailing, putting up as much of a fight as you can, but you can't catch yourself as you’re yanked off of the seat, knocking your head hard against the curb. Pain shoots through your neck and skull, and you yelp. But you persist, finally landing a kick to his groin. He immediately releases your ankle with a groan, dropping you onto the sidewalk as he clutches his most sensitive parts.

For a moment, you lay there, the pain in your head clouding your thoughts and making you unwilling to move. But you know you're not safe. Not yet, anyway. Slowly, you try to stand, the pressure increasing in your head with every movement. You start jogging once you're up, screaming to help you push through the pain. Every step feels like a hammer hitting your skull, and you fight the nausea building in your stomach. You have to get away. You have to get away.

You know the attacker recovers more quickly than you do. You can feel him coming up right behind you, can almost sense his breath on your neck.

A gunshot. A sharp pain in your shoulder. You collapse to the ground, too overcome by injury to press on any further.

Another gunshot. A heavy weight crushing your legs.

A black veil slipping over your vision as you lose consciousness.

You wake to the steady beeping of a heart monitor. An IV-drip stands next to your stiff hospital bed, and a nurse hovers over you.

"Good afternoon, Y/N." Her voice is soft and soothing. "How do you feel?"

You groan a little, noticing that one of your arms is in a sling. "Like I was hit by a truck."

"You've certainly been through a lot. I'm just going to take your vitals, alright?"

You nod weakly, wincing at the pain that shoots through your upper neck. "How long have I been sleeping?"

She glances at her watch. "About thirteen hours. Your body really needs its rest right now." She scribbles onto her clipboard as she continues, "You had an emergency surgery when you arrived last night, but you're in good shape. It's all down to recovery, now. And you certainly seem to be the strong type, so I'm sure you'll be back to yourself in no time."

"Surgery?" You question.

"Dr. Kim will stop by in a little bit to explain. You just keep resting, okay?" Her warm smile is so sweet and it genuinely makes you feel more relaxed.

The next time you open your eyes, an unfamiliar voice is calling for you. A doctor is at the side of your bed, asking gently for you to wake up. "Ah, hello, Y/N."

You just look up at him groggily, wanting to go back to sleep.

"I'm Dr. Kim, I led the team of surgeons that operated on you last night. I just wanted to check on you and walk you through your status."

"Can you come back later?" Your voice is scratchy with sleep.

"I would, but I need to leave for a flight soon. Can you bear with me for five minutes?" His eyebrows raise encouragingly and his plump lips turn up into a pleasant smile.

"Okay."

He explains to you that you were rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound in your shoulder that required immediate surgery, as well as a concussion. It will take time, but you're expected to make a full recovery. "We just want to keep you here for at least another three days to monitor your condition, and if you're looking okay, we'll send you home. Sound good?"

"Yeah." You swallow dryly, taking it all in.

"Alright. Is there anything I can get for you before I head out?"

"Maybe some more pain meds?" Your head is still killing you.

"That can be arranged. I'll call for a nurse." Dr. Kim pats your leg before turning to leave.

You suddenly remember. "Oh wait, Dr. Kim? Was anyone else hurt last night?"

He stops to consider for a moment. "Yes, a man was killed. I believe he was attacking you, if I understand the circumstances correctly."

"Killed?" You feel an overwhelming surge of relief. "He's dead?"

Dr. Kim nods his head solemnly.

Your mind switches over to Jungkook. "What about any cops? Were any officers hurt?"

"No, I don't think so. I believe you and the man were the only two who sustained any injuries."

You allow yourself to fully relax, a huge weight finally lifted off of your chest.

Three days later, all of your vitals look great and the nurses agree to send you home. As you’re about to get up and change out of your hospital gown, someone knocks at your door.

"Come in," you call.

Your nurse pops her head in. "Someone's here to see you."

"Oh?"

She steps out of the way to reveal Jungkook in full uniform, which leads you to believe he may have come straight from work. He smiles just a little as he steps into the room.

"Jungkook," you breathe, surprised at how happy you are to see him. You debate getting up to give him a hug, and instead decide to stay seated on the edge of your bed. You’re not sure if you’re close enough for that to be normal yet, even if it’s what you want.

"Hey, Y/N."

The nurse pulls the door shut, leaving just the two of you.

Jungkook walks towards the bed, holding out a small shopping bag. "I got some clothes for you, since the ones you have here are all bloody and torn."

You peek inside the bag, moved by the simple kind gesture. "Thank you, Jungkook."

"I've been wanting to come visit you this whole time, but I've been on duty whenever I haven't been sleeping." He hangs his head. "I'm really sorry that I couldn't be there for you."

“Don’t be ridiculous.” You try to look as cheerful as possible to lighten his mood. “I’m doing just fine, see?”

Jungkook seems hesitant to believe you and you get the feeling that maybe something is wrong. But he eventually smiles in return, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. “You seem to be doing exceptionally well, considering everything you’ve gone through.”

“Mama didn’t raise a quitter,” you quip.

He chuckles softly at your comment, a strand of his raven hair falling into his eyes. “How are you, though? Besides the physical injuries, I mean.”

“I’m doing okay. Just a little bewildered by everything, I guess.”

“Did you hear anything about what happened?”

“Maybe, but I don’t remember.” You shift on your bed. “I’m really forgetful now because of the concussion.”

Jungkook moves to sit next to you on the edge of your bed, all gentle eyes and quiet voice. “You’re safe now. He’s dead, so you don’t have to worry any more.”

“Oh,” you exhale, unsure of what you should be feeling.

“You don’t seem too happy,” he comments.

You try to decipher your emotions. “It's a relief. I'm glad that I won't need to be afraid anymore, but think I’m also a little disappointed. If he’s dead, that means we’ll never really know why he was after me in the first place. I wanted some kind of closure.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been helping with the investigation over the last few days, and we were able to figure a few things out.” You watch him expectantly, and he continues. “We think he’s the one responsible for the girls and young women that have gone missing recently. We linked some DNA from the back of his van with a body we found about a month ago.”

Your eyes grow wide. “You found a body?”

“Yeah, a nineteen year-old female. She’s the only one we’ve found so far, but we believe we’ll find  more as we continue to look into it.”

“So…” you speak quietly. “You think he was a serial killer?”

Jungkook nods. “And I think that’s why he came back for you. He was probably psychotic, and he couldn’t stand the thought of one of his victims getting away. Of course, that’s all just my guess, but that’s the best we’ve got right now.”

You take a moment to really absorb everything he’s said. “At least it’s something.”

Jungkook’s hand rests on your leg only briefly before he pulls it back. “Anyway, I’m not here just to inform you, I’m here to take you home.”

“Oh my gosh, I can’t wait to be in my own bed!” You exclaim exasperatedly. You can’t stand any more needles or hospital food, and you're pretty sure your back ache is from the rock-hard mattress, not your injuries.

“Do you want me to leave so you can change?” He stands, ready to exit.

You start digging the new clothing out of the bag resting at your side. “If you could just turn around, that would be cool.”

Jungkook does as you ask, turning so his back is facing you. “I hope those will fit you okay. I had to guess your size.”

You examine the tag on the leggings to find a size, but you have trouble focusing your eyes on the small print- another side effect of the concussion. Unsure of what the tag says, you respond, “I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

Once you lean over to slip a foot through the leggings, you’re overcome with an intense wave of vertigo and nausea. You immediately sit up straight, but that just makes it worse. You close your eyes and take deep breaths, scooting back so you can lean on the propped-up mattress.

He must notice your quietness. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I just…” you pause, taking in another deep breath. “It might just take me a minute.”

“Do you need anything?”

“Um…” You swallow hard, begging your stomach to hold its contents. “A nurse?”

“On it,” he mutters, making a beeline for the door.

A few moments later, there’s a knock at your door. Without waiting for a response, a nurse comes in and you’re surprised to see Jungkook following her.

“Hey, Jungkook,” you greet him quietly, still fighting your spinning head. “It’s good to see you.”

Jungkook looks at you a little funny, but responds, “It’s good to see you, too.”

“Is everything alright?” the nurse asks.

“Yeah, I’m just dizzy and I feel um, sick. What’s the word?” You struggle to remember the word for it. “I feel like I could throw up.”

“Nauseous?” Jungkook chimes in.

“Nauseous,” you confirm. Damn this concussion.

The nurse watches you calmly as she reassures you. “That’s totally normal. You may feel both nauseous and dizzy from time to time until your brain gets a chance to heal from your concussion. Were you doing anything that may have triggered it?”

“I don’t know…” You try to think back and find that you don’t actually remember what you had been doing. “I think I was just laying here.”

“She was getting dressed,” Jungkook says, his expression growing more and more worried. “Y/N, I brought you clothes, remember?”

“You were in here already?” You ask Jungkook, having completely forgotten if he had visited you.

“I came in not even ten minutes ago.”

The nurse nods her head. “Short-term memory lapses are also normal.”

“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry,” you nearly chuckle at yourself, the nausea subsiding as your spinning head calms. “I’m really a mess, aren’t I?”

“It’s alright,” she consoles you. “Would you like help with your clothes?”

“Yes, please.”

Jungkook leaves the room as the nurse slips on your leggings and helps maneuver your sling-bound arm in and out of sleeves. She places your arm back in its sling and proceeds to tie your shoes before grabbing a wheelchair for you to ride in.

As she rolls you out into the hallway, you find Jungkook waiting just outside your room. “Hi, Jungkook!”

“Hi, Y/N.” He smiles and follows the two of you as you make your way towards the entrance.

Jungkook drives you home as carefully as he can, avoiding bumpy roads and sharp turns. Finding a parking spot along the street outside of your building, he helps you out of the car, supporting you on your slow trek from the car to your room. He gets you situated in bed with a box of crackers to settle your stomach. His posture is a little awkward, just a tad uncomfortable, as he stands next to you.

“Do you want to sit?” You ask him. “I mean, unless you need to get going or something.”

“Oh, no, I don’t have anywhere to be. I’m off for the next few days,” he explains as he pulls up your butterfly folding chair. He sits quietly for a moment, very stiff as though he just can’t relax.

“Are you okay? Why are you acting so weird?” You chuckle, hoping to lift some of the tension in the air.

Jungkook scratches his cheek and looks at the floor as he responds. “I feel really terrible seeing you in such rough condition.”

“It’s not so bad.” You munch on a cracker. “I’m gonna be stuck in bed for a little while so I might get bored, but that’s nothing Netflix can’t cure.”

“The nurse told you not to look at screens, remember? Because of your concussion.” Jungkook frowns. “That means no cell phones, no TV, no computers.”

“Oh.” Shit, you completely forgot about that. Maybe recovery might be a little more difficult than you anticipated.

“Y/N, you’re recovering from surgery and a concussion.” His sorrowful eyes come up to meet yours. “You can hardly move on your own without getting dizzy, and I’m worried that you’re going to forget to take your medicine on time. Your memory seems to be totally shot.”

“I’ll manage,” you sternly reassure him, your stomach twisting at his pity. You hate when people feel sorry for you. “Thank you for your concern, but really, I’ll get through it.”

Jungkook doesn’t seem settled, though. “You have to let me help.”

“Honestly, Jungkook, I’m fi-”

“Do you know what happened?” Jungkook interrupts you with a slight hint of frustration in his voice. “How you got shot?”

Your stomach churns with unease. “I didn’t see, exactly. I assumed that the guy picked up his gun once he dropped me, and-”

“It wasn’t him. It was me.” He covers his face, but not quickly enough to hide his look of guilt. The air grows thick with the weight of his confession, but he pushes through it, somehow finding space for more words in the already-full room. “I didn’t mean to. I was aiming for him. But I missed.”

“Then it was just an accident.” You keep a calm voice, hoping to soothe him, even though you mirror his frown. But you know you’re right, and it was only an accident. You can’t be mad at him over that.

“Y/N, I could have killed you. You needed life-saving surgery because of my mistake. And I can’t tell you how furious I am with myself.”

“Okay, so you could have killed me. But you didn’t.” You sit up a little more in bed, determined to show him that you’re doing alright. “The doctors took care of it, and now I’m fine. It’s seriously not a big deal. I’ll be healed up in no time.”

“But I-”

“Stop it,” you interrupt. “Don’t beat up on yourself over this. I’m fine, okay? There’s no point in worry about what might have gone wrong because in the end, I’m alive and I’m okay.”

“But-”

“Oh my God, Jungkook. Don’t make me slap you.” You laugh, despite your irritation with his attitude. “I don’t want to be in a bad mood over this, and I don’t want you to be, either.”

He seems to relax a little bit as he clutches your hand in both of his. “Just accept my apology and let me take care of you. You’re going to need the help and I can’t just sit by and watch you suffer.”

You purse your lips. “Will you let this go if I agree?”

“Yes. I’ll never bring it up again if you don’t want me to. I’m just so sorry that I hurt you.” Jungkook's pleading eyes tug at your heart strings.

After a brief consideration, you sigh. “Of course I accept your apology. It’s okay.”

“And I can look after you?” He insists.

“Yes, you can look after me.”

“Thank you.” His lips are slightly upturned, and you notice that he continues to hold your hand for maybe a hair too long. “You have such a strong spirit.”

But despite your strong spirit, your recovery does not go smoothly at first. Your dizziness is a constant presence whenever you stand, and the pain in your shoulder drives you to tears, even with the pain medication the doctor prescribed. And through it all, Jungkook never leaves your side.

He cooks you food, keeps you company, and makes sure that you stick to your pill schedule, since he was right about it being easy for you to forget. He helps however he can, only leaving once to pack a bag with some clothes. The small couch in your living room becomes his bed while he cares for you, and you feel bad because you know it can’t be big enough for him to sleep comfortably. But he never complains; he only ever greets you with a smile every morning.

Eventually, though, he has to resume his duties as a police officer. About a week after you’ve come home from the hospital, you’re left to your own devices as Jungkook returns to work. He has the night shift, so you’re only alone for a few hours before you attempt sleep. You take some of the heavy-duty pain meds because your shoulder is really acting up, and they send you into an intensely deep sleep.

You wake late the next morning, groggy and bleary-eyed. The small clock on your bedside table reads exactly 11:32 am. It surprises you that your first thought is, Jungkook should be off by now.

And rolling onto your back, you’re even more surprised to see a person lying next to you.

Jungkook is sprawled out in the space between you and the wall, one hand behind his head and the other resting on his stomach. He's wearing his uniform pants and a white undershirt that clings to the curves of his muscles in the most breathtaking way. His mouth hangs open ever so slightly and the gentlest snores sneak out as he sleeps. Seeing his face so relaxed is a beautiful thing to you, especially after seeing nothing but worry lines for so long.

Without being able to control yourself, you touch his cheek, angling his face towards you. He really is attractive, and you find your heartbeat accelerating the longer you watch him. You don't know what caused him to fall asleep in your bed instead of on your couch as he usually does, but he looks so comfortable that you can't bear to wake him and send him out to the living room.

Your hand casually travels down to his muscled chest and you admire this physical manifestation of his strength, but that's just enough to make him stir. You pull back as he starts to move. The arm behind his head stretches out and comes down over your bad shoulder, causing you to yelp as he unknowingly begins to pull you towards him.

His eyes shoot open as soon as he hears your cry, and he immediately starts sputtering, "What is it? What's wrong?" When he goes to sit up, he accidentally knocks your head with the same arm that had bumped your shoulder.

You're able to roll back onto your side and away from him, covering your eyes with your hands in an attempt to stave off any dizziness. Thankfully, you don't notice much in the way of vertigo, just a dull pain from the side of your head and your shoulder.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!" You feel Jungkook's hand rest on your forearm, gently rubbing your skin with his thumb as he apologizes. "Are you okay?"

Despite the throbbing and the prick of tears at the corners of your eyes, you find yourself giggling. And once you start, it becomes uncontrollable, turning into a full bout of laughter that nearly makes you choke because it's so hard to breathe.

"What's so funny?" Jungkook questions, quickly falling into his own laughter.

Eventually you catch your breath and you're able to piece together an answer. "I know I'm a tough cookie, but I don't think I'm ready for another wrestling match."

"It was an accident, I swear!" He chuckles again as he smooths your hair. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. That was just ramping up to be a really cute moment," you unintentionally slip, realizing too late how awkward it might be to address it like that.

Jungkook's expression turns just a little bit serious. "Cute moment?"

"Yeah, I mean, you were trying to cuddle with me in your sleep." You feel your cheeks start to turn pink as you mutter, "That's, like, a cute thing."

He's quick to respond. "I promise cuddling with me typically isn't painful."

"I don't know, I can't say that's an experience I want to relive," you shoot back as you look over your shoulder at him.

Jungkook snuggles back down onto your bed as he says, "Let me change your mind." He wraps his arm delicately around your waist as he scoots closer, spooning you from behind. "How's this?"

You take a moment before saying anything, worried that if you open your mouth your heart will jump right out. You can feel every bit of him pressed up against you and it's sending your imagination into overdrive. "...It's nice."

"Too much?"

"N-no."

"Good." He nuzzles into you, his breath whispering over your neck and ear.

You'll never understand how he's able to fall back to sleep when his touch is the very thing that's keeping you wide awake.

Even when you are well enough to do things on your own and you're able to return to your classes, Jungkook still insists on visiting as often as possible, giving you updates on the investigation whenever possible. Shortly after the police acquired the man's vehicle the night of the attack, they were able to track down the man’s home where they learned that he committed multiple murders in his own basement, leaving blood spatter and other DNA evidence all over the room. They also found a survivor on the brink of death, tied up and locked in a closet, and she divulged all of the terrible things the man did to her, including forcing her to watch as he tortured and murdered another girl. Although it's disturbing, you find it incredibly interesting, not just because of your love of forensics and crimes, but also because each detail brings you one step closer to understanding what actually happened to you.

There are some days that you don't get to see Jungkook at all because of his overnight shifts and your daytime schedule, but you always look forward to hearing his stories when he finally comes home.

Home.

Your home, not his home, you remind yourself. Your home in the singular sense, not the Jungkook-and-you sense. It’s your name on the lease. Legally, it’s only yours.

But his constant presence makes you think that maybe, just maybe, it would begin to feel a little less like home without him. And that thought visits you more frequently than you would prefer.

Regardless, it always gives you a little thrill to come home and find him on the couch or in the kitchen. A couple of times he's been asleep on your bed when you've come home, and it's nearly impossible to resist the temptation of crawling under the sheets with him. But he's the only close friend you've made so far in this new city, and you're afraid to blur even more the already smudged line that you're walking.

Besides, you aren't even positive that he sticks around because he actually wants to. He had insisted on taking care of you, after all, saying that he felt guilty and wanted to make it better. This may all just be a ruse to ease his conscience in the end. That doesn't explain why he still sticks around even after you've showed significant improvement, but you don't want to pretend that he might be developing feelings for you.

You find yourself in a rather bitter mood when Jungkook returns from work in the morning. You're in the kitchen getting ready to start some tea when he pokes his head in to say hello.

"Hey, how are you feeling today?" His voice is scratchy, most likely from being tired.

"Fine," you respond flatly. "How was work?"

"Fine," he echoes with a curious expression. You're the worst at hiding your emotions, so surely he notices something is up. But he doesn't address it. "What are you making?"

"Genmaicha."

"What's that?"

You let out a small sigh as you dip a thermometer into the water you’re heating up; you don't want to accidentally burn the leaves with too-hot water. "It's a green tea with roasted rice. It's Japanese."

Jungkook takes a few steps into the kitchen. "Can I try some?"

All you do is nod as you pour the water into your teapot and set a timer for precisely three minutes.

"I had to deal with a fighting couple today," Jungkook fills in the empty space with his tired voice, leaning up against the refrigerator as he shares his story. "They were both drunk and disturbing their neighbors. One of 'em chucked a vase at me, so I had to take him in. It's probably for the best that they be apart from each other for a little while, anyway."

"Are you hurt?" You can't help but ask, hating your immediate concern for his well-being.

"Nah, I dodged the vase. Cat-like reflexes." He karate-chops the air in a show of speed. "He's lucky I was on the clock. He wouldn't stand a chance in a fight with me."

"Small guy?"

"Big guy." He counters with wide eyes. "But very, very drunk."

You smile at him and turn to check on your tea, cursing the way he so easily lifts your spirits. Surely he's the kind of guy that's difficult to hold a grudge against.

Clicking off the timer a second before it goes off, you pour the tea into two tea cups, and you both head out to the living room to sit on the couch. You curl your legs up under you as you sip, enjoying the warmth of your drink.

Jungkook takes a drink and looks very unsure. "That's kind of weird," he laughs.

"It's very different from a normal green tea, but I like it. My mom used to make it for me whenever I was upset, so it's kind of a comforting, nostalgic thing. It feels like wrapping up in a big, warm blanket." Your words come out before you can appropriately censor them, making it easy for him to assume that you're upset if he chooses to think about what you said.

"Couldn't you just actually wrap yourself up in a blanket?" He teases.

"Well, yeah, but it's not the same," you huff. "You don't have to drink it if you don't like it. It's pretty much the cheapest tea you can buy, so it's not a huge waste or anything."

"Okay, hold up." He looks at you skeptically. "You come over to my place and I break out my fancy wine. But when I'm here, you make me cheap-ass tea? Something's not right here."

You laugh. "First of all, my tea is meaningful and special, even if it doesn't have much monetary value. Secondly, you could hardly call your wine 'fancy.' I saw the label."

"Well, okay, maybe. I guess I'll give you points for actually making the tea."

"Thank you, it was prepared with love," you joke.

"I can taste it." Jungkook takes another sip, contemplating the flavor as he places his cup on the coffee table. "Mhm, tastes like love and blankets."

"Oh, shut up," you shoot him a look as you continue sipping at your tea. You're not entirely sure if the warm feeling in your chest is because of the tea or because of him. He just watches you sweetly, and it starts to get a little weird. "What's that look for?"

"You seem grumpy about something."

"Do I?" The question comes out a lot more sassy than you intend.

Jungkook laughs. "Did you just hear yourself? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," you brush it off. "I'm just in a mood, I guess."

"Come on, you can tell me." He gently pinches your arm. "I want to help."

That strikes a chord with you. "You're always trying to help."

"Well, yeah. I don't like it when you're feeling bad."

"I don't need you to take care of me, you know." All of the negative thoughts you had earlier in the morning come bubbling back up to the surface. "You don't have to keep coming around all the time."

Jungkook's brow furrows. "I know." Then he sits quietly, giving you space to talk, to explain.

"You've paid your debt, okay?" You struggle to keep your voice even and steady. "You've nursed me back to health. Your job is done."

He moves to turn his whole body towards you, not one to shy away from a confrontation. "You think this is all just a job to me?"

"Yeah. You said so yourself. Remember? 'Let me make up for this, I can't stand knowing I hurt you.'" You quote him to the best of your ability, probably capturing more of the gist of what he said rather than his actual words. "So what I'm telling you is that you don't have to feel sorry for me anymore. Your conscience is clear. You're free to leave."

"What if I want to stay?"

"Well what if I want you to go?"

You don't mean that. You know you don't. Every ounce of your being aches for him to tell you that he's never going to leave, that he'll always be by your side. But the fear that your doubts may actually be correct makes you push, makes you put up a front in an effort to protect yourself.

The following silence is absolutely overwhelming, so thick with tension that it nearly chokes you. The frown on Jungkook's lips doesn't suit him, and you feel sorry for being the cause of it- but not quite sorry enough to take it back.

His voice is soft when he finally speaks up. "Is that really what you want?"

"I feel like I'm fooling myself, Jungkook," you confide. "You've protected me and looked out for me, but I can't let myself pretend that it's anything more than what it is."

"So you actually think that I don't want to be here with you right now. That I don't care about you."

You look him dead in the eye after avoiding his gaze for so long. "I'm not going to assume the opposite."

His eyes narrow, but not in an aggressive way; it's actually almost a sultry look. "And what if the opposite were true?"

Your blood pumps a little bit faster at that notion. You stoically repeat yourself: "I'm not going to assume."

Jungkook's determined expression never falters. "Do you remember when I kissed you?"

Your imagination is immediately thrown back to that moment in his car, with his hand on your cheek and his lips against yours, pressing softly but insistently. A slight blush rises in your cheeks as you remember.

"I just panicked and it was the first thing I thought to do to hide your face," he continues when you don't respond. "And I think it was my first impulse because regardless of the situation, I simply wanted to kiss you."

His words stir up a whirlwind of butterflies within you. "You did?"

He nods. "I want to kiss you every time we say hello and every time we say goodbye. I want to wake you up every morning with my lips and I feel like I could lose my mind because I want it so bad- I want you so bad."

"You're not messing with me?" you ask, even as you fall for his words.

“Every day that I’ve been here with you, I’ve only wanted you more. I stick around because I like you and I like all of the little things that make you who you are. I’m sorry that I ever made you think this was just an obligation to me, because I wouldn’t pass up my time with you for the world.”

Your chest tightens as he confesses to you, your heart wrenching itself from your chest and begging to be given to Jungkook. All you can do is watch him, at a complete loss for words as your unspoken wishes slowly become reality.

Despite your silence, he remains confident. "I want to kiss you right now, Y/N. If you'll let me.”

Still hesitant to believe him, you squeak, "Really?"

"Really." He takes your tea cup out of your hand and places it on the table next to his before leaning towards you, trapping you in the corner of your couch. "And if you don't want me to, just say so and I'll shut up."

With him so close, you can hardly think straight, but he patiently waits for you to respond. You haven't been intimate with anyone for years, and you can't ignore your attraction to Jungkook, every cell of your body urging you to cave in. If what he's saying is true, then... this is absolutely what you want.

With your mind made up, you whisper, "Kiss me."

You see the corners of his lips turn up into a smile as he leans in the rest of the way, his hand cupping your face as he had done the first time. You finally let your eyes close as his lips contact yours, leaving slow, delicate kiss after slow, delicate kiss. His pace steals the breath right out of your lungs and your heart pounds crazily in your chest.

Jungkook eventually pulls away only slightly, and it's too early. It will always be too early. He strokes your cheek as he speaks in a low voice, "I've been waiting so long to kiss you again."

"Honestly, I forgot that it even happened the first time."

"You forgot?" Jungkook clutches his chest. "Ouch, I thought I was a better kisser than that."

"No! I mean, it was goo- uh, it wasn't bad. There's just a lot that happened that night..."

"Are you going to forget about this time, too?"

You're absolutely unraveling in his hands, but you don't want him to know that. "Mmm, you're going to have to do better than that," you tease.

"I accept the challenge."

His hands clasp your hips and he lifts you, pulling you over to straddle his lap as he leans back against the tall armrest of the couch. He captures your lips once more, wrapping his arms around your back and pressing your chest against his. And you swear that you feel something just a little stiff pressing against your core.

A soft moan unintentionally reverberates through you, and you feel him smile. You pull away, holding a single finger to his lips. "Don't you say a damn word, Jeon Jungkook."

"You must really want m-"

"Don't. Ruin it." You peck him once on the lips. "You're too cocky for your own good sometimes."

He uses his thumbs to rub small circles against your hips, looking up and down your body. "Do you want to take off your shirt, or is it just me?"

"You first."

You sit patiently as Jungkook unbuttons his uniform, removing it and his undershirt to reveal the muscular torso that you always knew he was hiding. "That doesn't sound like a no to me..."

You roll your eyes at him, but you oblige, taking your time slipping out of your shirt. Jungkook's hands immediately latch onto your bare waist, his face growing a little more serious as he spots the scar on your shoulder. "Does it hurt?"

"It's a little sore sometimes, but it's mostly healed up well." You run your fingers through his hair with a seductive smile on your face. "Really, I'm okay. So don't let it stop you."

He bites his lip as his hands travel across your rib cage. "If you insist." Jungkook pulls you down to him, gently nipping at the soft skin of your breasts, just above the line of your bra. His tongue laves over the little bites, sending chills down your spine.

You reach behind your back to unfasten the lingerie, eager to give him full access to your skin. He pulls away to look at your chest when he realizes you're taking off your bra, flitting up to meet your eyes as he begins massaging your breasts. His fingers tweak your hardened nipples, making you jump in surprise. He snickers at your response and, naturally, he pinches them again. To retaliate, you grind your core against him. His eyes widen slightly, and then he slides his hand around the back of your neck.

"Come down here, already," his voice sounds husky as he pulls you down. Your lips crash into his and he grinds up into you, making you whimper from the pleasant friction. His hands find the back pockets of your shorts and he grabs your ass cheeks. You press your tongue past his lips to deepen the kiss, electrifying your body with every swipe of his tongue. As he continues grinding, he lets out a low moan and starts saying something, but it's too muffled to understand. When you finally let him have his mouth back, he says, "I don't know what you want, but you're really making me want to fuck you."

You nod furiously, throwing all semblance of inhibition out the window, having completely accepted that this is real and it's everything that you want. "Yes, please fuck me."

He tucks your hair behind your ear. "Do you have a condom?"

You shake your head slightly, knowing that you're not sexually active enough to keep a stash around. "I'm on the pill, though, and I'm clean. Are you?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think we need one, then." You smile down at him, leaving a sweet peck on the tip of his nose.

It's all a blur of touches and kisses as Jungkook finishes undressing you, finally removing the last garments that cover your skin. He lays you down on your back, wrapping one arm under your neck and pressing himself up against your side. You're completely undone just by the way he gazes at your body, as if he has never seen anything more beautiful. You feel absolutely precious in his hands, like you're the most valuable thing he's ever touched.

His hand traces intricate designs across your skin, taking in every detail as he maps your body. You're a whimpering mess as he handles you, teaching you the true beauty of intimate touch. When he finally discovers your slit, he swipes a finger over it, gathering up the evidence of your arousal and wiping it across his tongue as his pupils dilate. Without warning, his saliva-covered finger delves deep within you, sending a jolt through you as your walls begin pulsating.

"How do you feel?" Jungkook speaks lowly.

"Lightheaded," you nervously chuckle. "But in the best way."

He smiles down at you before burying his face in your neck, sucking sweetly on the skin of your throat and pulling a moan from you as he stretches you with a second finger. His movements are tragically slow; it's obvious that he wants to take his time enjoying you. You're too impatient, though, so you slip your own hand under his palm to rub circles into your throbbing clit.

Jungkook's lips detach from your neck and find their way up to your ear. "Eager, are we?" His breath tickles as his teeth latch onto your lobe, tugging on it gently.

You can't find your voice to answer him; you're way too absorbed in the sensations overwhelming your body. Your entire abdomen is coiled up, ready to spring at any moment. It shocks you how quickly he could elicit that kind of response from you.

Just when you thought you've had enough, he curls his fingers inside of you, pressing into the most sensitive part of your wall and making you yelp in pleasure. He works slowly, but it's intense enough to send you soaring over the edge.

"Jungkook!" You cry out his name as you clench around his fingers, wave after wave of ecstasy washing over you and making your legs shake. His lips are quick to meet your own, muffling your moans as he drinks them up until they're nothing but delicate sighs and your body is entirely relaxed.

He slowly pulls his fingers out, stopping to massage your entrance. "You're not too tired to keep going, are you?"

"Are you kidding?" You say through heavy breaths, a smile forming on your lips. "I need to at least return the favor."

Jungkook stands and you work together to get him undressed. You can't take your eyes off of his naked form. His muscular body looks like that of a god, and his hard cock stands beautifully erect, the tip glistening with the promise of spilling out into you. You absolutely must taste it.

You don't even give him the chance to sit down before you've got your hands wrapped around his dick, leaning in to curl your tongue around the tip. His pre-cum tastes sweet on your tongue and you savor every drop you can get. He throws his head back as you take him into your mouth, his hands wrapping up in your hair. You alternate between sucking and licking, taking pleasure in the seductive moans coming from him. You're thoroughly enjoying yourself when he tugs your hair, pulling his cock out of your mouth.

"This feels amazing, don't get me wrong," he pants. "But I need to fuck you. Now."

You hardly have a chance to voice your agreement before he's lifting you up onto your feet and kissing you passionately, his cock pressing up against your stomach as you cling to him. He presses you up against the wall and he picks you up, making you wrap your legs around his waist. He holds you tightly with one arm and you try your best to hold yourself up as he lines himself up with your entrance. As soon as you feel the head of his thick cock pressing against you, you tremble with excitement, and you just about explode when he finally thrusts up into you.

Unlike his smooth, sensual movements from earlier, his thrusts are powerful and mind-numbing as he pounds into you, your nails digging into his back. It's frenzied and reckless, as though he simply can't control himself with you, as though he had been holding back for so long that he finally reached his breaking point. You're in no position to complain, though, as you gratefully take every inch of his cock.

Eventually his movements begin to slow, and he helps you down with a gentle kiss, slipping out of you and guiding you to the couch. He turns you around and bends you at the waist so that you're lying along the length of the padded armrest. You stick your ass out to entice him, and he massages the cheeks with a snicker, spreading your legs even further to get the full view.

"Like what you see?" You wiggle a little bit, twisting around to look back at him.

"Fuck yes," Jungkook murmurs, eyes never leaving your backside.

You slide your hand between your body and the armrest, seeking your clit once more and deciding to give him a bit of a show. He groans when he sees you play with yourself, pinching your clit and spreading your juices over your lips. When you finally push your fingers past your entrance, you let out a moan. "Will you please give me your cock, Jungkook?"

He spanks your ass, leaving a delicious sting against your skin. "Whatever you like, baby." He pulls your fingers out, promptly replacing them with his dick.

You find that you don't even need assistance from your own hand as he screws you into the armrest, forcing your clit to brush against the fabric with every thrust. So you don't work for it; you just let yourself be ravaged by Jungkook. And when he finally tangles his fingers into your hair and tugs, you succumb to pleasure for the second time. Your cheeks flush as you writhe, and he continues to ride out your high, absolutely relentless as you cum around his cock.

As you're coming down, he helps you stand, only to flip you around and push you back down onto the armrest. He hooks your legs around his waist once more and he hovers over you as he fucks you, kissing your neck and cheeks before finally arriving at your lips. Each kiss is short but intense as you both struggle to catch your breath.

"I want to cum inside you so bad," Jungkook groans against your lips.

"Do it," you instruct him, accenting your command with a bite on his lower lip. "Cum for me."

Jungkook kisses you again before lifting off of you just enough to get the angle he desires. His eyes screw shut as his thrusts grow sporadic, a series of moans ripping out of him as he empties his cock into you. The look on his face is the single most attractive thing you have ever seen, and you etch it deep into your memory.

Before he's completely zapped of energy, he pulls you into a tight hug and he collapses back onto the couch, bringing you down with him. He kisses the top of your head and runs his fingers through your hair. "Shit, that was amazing."

"Amazing," you echo. You know you don't have a right to be worn-out since he did all the work, but you feel spent.

"I'm so tired," he whines with a little laugh, and you just snuggle into him. “Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You lift your head so you can look at him.

His fingers caress your back delicately as he searches your eyes. “I told you how I feel, but what about you? What do you think about me?”

You shrug jokingly. “You’re alright, I guess.”

“Oh, come on,” he prods, smiling. “Honestly, do you like me?”

You take the opportunity to press a sweet kiss against his lips, never growing tired of the taste of him. When you finally release him, you whisper, “I like you, Jeon Jungkook.”

“Good,” he answers shortly. His eyes flutter shut as he relaxes into the couch. “Now it’s time for sleep.”

"Not so fast!” You use your thumb to lift his eyelid, determined to keep him awake. “I was just thinking, a nice warm shower would be really great right now..."

That perks him up. He shoots you a sleazy grin as he asks, "Can I join?"

"Naturally."

Continue to Epilogue 

#kkreationsnet #jungkook #jungkook scenarios #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #bts scenarios #bts smut #bts angst #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #police officer jungkook

[peppurthehotone]

I was in the midst of finishing a Deepak Chopra 21-Day Abundance Meditation Challenge my friend Tanya started, when a bit of tragedy struck.

On November 29th, Matt and I were returning from Thanksgiving in Chicago on a four-hour flight into LAX. We had finally landed around 11:00 pm and is Matt is prone to do, he immediately pulled out his phone and turned it on. I always give him the side eye for this because I feel he does it before the lady says it’s okay to turn on electronic devices, and then I berate him for not being able to just sit, take in his surroundings and passenger people watch (as I do), rather than have his nose in his phone.

Thank God he turned on his phone.

The first text he received was from a friend that said, “Call ASAP. 911”. Unusual. Strange. We looked at each other and thought maybe something could be going on with her husband.

I quickly turned on my phone to a text from my brother that said, “Call me when the dust settles.” I’m like, “What dust?”

The next text careened us into a vortex of which we have not fully emerged nearly two weeks later.

Now, we all react to things differently, right? We are different people and that’s what makes us tick in this world. Remember this as you read on.

My brother’s next text said “Tina has been shot.” Tina?! My breath got caught in my throat, my stomach dropped, I slumped forward in my chair with my head smashed against the scratchy seat in front of me and I wanted to throw up. Matt cradled me and we were in “Oh my God” mode on repeat while trapped by all the passenger people.

The next text was, “And your dog Vivian is missing.”

When I tell you Matt read that and jolted backward in his chair and ricocheted off it and nearly fell in the aisle, I’m not fully exaggerating.

I stared at him like he had two heads.

If you’ve ever done the 21-Day Abundance thing, then you know it’s full of all these exercises that get you to a place of gratitude toward all the feels about yourself to help you realize how amazing you are so that you can go out into the world and start killing it. One of the exercises teaches you to not judge others. Because when you judge, you’re not in a loving place of compassion but in a rude place of lack.

I was trying really hard not to do that because my guy and I are two unique beings in the cosmos trying to live our best life but I couldn’t help myself so I yelled, “Matthew! Calm down!”

He didn’t.

We couldn’t get off that plane fast enough and once in the open terminal, I pulled to the side with my suitcase and started to hyperventilate. Because while trapped in the plane, I was literally constricted to keep it together and I was focused on trying to calm Matt, but once I was in open space, panic had room to swell and it hit me hard. I lost it. So while Matt was swirling around like he was possessed, trying to communicate on the phone with his sister who was in town from Colorado to visit us and was picking us up, I was doubled over the handle of my suitcase unable to breathe. We were a mess.

Somehow we made it outside to the car and the three of us sped (as best you can in LA traffic) 30 minutes downtown to where the incident had occurred.

Even in chaos, the universe acts in mysterious ways.

My friend Tina is a goddess of light, and once again, I’m not exaggerating. So, when I received another text from Crescent that said not to come to the hospital because the waiting room was AT CAPACITY of all our friends who were there to support her, it was a blessing because otherwise I would have had to make a Sophie’s Choice of do I go to the hospital to support my friend who’s been shot or support my fiance’ and our dog who was now lost for five hours, alone in the dark in the big bad jungle that is Downtown LA?

And thus began our search for little Vivian.

For seven full days she was missing. We did everything we were told to do in order to find her. Flyers. Flyers in English and Spanish. Flyers in plastic sheathes so they don’t get ruined. Go to the shelters – every day. Post on NextDoor, post on PawBoost, post in Facebook Groups in Downtown LA, in Lost to Found, in friend groups. Post on Craigslist. Talk to the homeless. Make a scent trail. (That was the hardest because Vivian was lost in a neighborhood unfamiliar to her and in a place that was industrial, transient, collegiate and corporate. Anything but single-family residential. There was no, “Make sure you put her bedding outside in your yard so she can smell her way back home.” There was no yard. But we tried. During one day that we walked we tied ripped-up pieces of Matt’s t-shirt to parking lot fence railings and street lamp bases hoping her little nose would find the strips and lead her back to Tina’s place, the last place she’d known as home.)

We were out for twelve hours the first day and eight the second and posted nearly 100 flyers. Matt’s FitBit thing said we walked almost fifteen miles. Matt’s sister was there right along with us. A dog mom and a human child mom, she not only knew what we were going through emotionally, she also knew time was of the essence and she spent her entire two days of visiting us out in the streets of LA seeing the muck of the city rather than any of its tarnished glitz.

I visited Tina on the second day and once I saw her face and heard her voice, I knew she was going to be ok. Because she believed it to be so.

We got our first real break on Day 2 which came in the form of a 10:30 pm call from Harvey, a car salesman at the Kia dealership on Figueroa. He was with a customer and had seen Vivi dash across Figueroa, red leash in tact. Thanks to flyers posted outside his job, he called immediately. That night we jumped out of bed, drove the 20 minutes from our flat in North Hollywood to where he saw her and walked the streets calling her name until 1:00 am.

We came home with nothing but more anxiety and sadness.

On Day 3 we hit the streets again. This time focusing on the homeless population; we knew the homeless had their eyes and ears to the street, quite literally…someone had to have seen her! It’s already in my nature to see people who are invisible to others, so it wasn’t a huge stretch to step into the sphere of someone’s street home to ask for help. Yet, I felt a bit of a hypocrite approaching people because I needed something, rather than the other way around.

We went up and down the encampments between 17th & Figueroa up to 23rd & Main, calling out hello to those who would answer and handing out flyers to those who’d pop their heads out to accept.

At the St. Francis Shelter for homeless and low income, on a block full of tents and make-shift shelters, we came upon a woman waiting for services. She was taller than me, black, about 20 or 30 years old and had a truly wonderful smile on her face. She told us, “I just got some good news today.” I took a moment to assess where she might go with this, and if she was on my side of crazy or her own and once I determined I could engage, I did. I said, “Oh, that’s great!” and smiled the smile you make when you want the person to tell you more, but you don’t want to intrude. She continued, “I just found out I’m pregnant!”

I swear to you the wind was punched out of me same as if she’d suckered me with her fist. I disappeared and pulled the emergency rip cord on my Hyper Peppy-Peppur Doll and she took over like Chatty Cathy.  I watched myself give her a hug and ask all the questions you’d ask anyone else, “Did you know? Could you feel it?” (Yes!) “How’d you find out?” (Clinic around the corner). “Is your guy happy about it too?” (Yes! He’s right there.) She pointed to a guy waiting for her in the street and said he was her boyfriend. There were two guys waiting, one in some kind of a wheel chair and one not. I asked, “Is he happy about it?” She nodded yes and Hyper Peppy-Peppur Doll promptly strode over to the guy not in the chair and shook his hands in congratulations. If I’d a had a cigar, I woulda given it to him.

Matt and I handed off our Vivian Lost Dog flyer and left. As we walked away, the doll deflated, the smile I’d plastered on my face melted off and a burst of sadness howled from me. I don’t have to tell you what I was thinking about that girl, because you’re thinking it too (how, what, when, where, why?!?).  But I was also was jealous. I was mad it wasn’t me. I didn’t understand. And then I … I had to stop myself.

Matt gently asked, “Are you alright?”

I wasn’t. I couldn’t look him in the eye. I didn’t want him to see how bad I felt.

I couldn’t stop those initial tears that rushed out, but I did stop myself from continuing. Because, 1) I didn’t have time to spiral; not now. We had a dog to find. 2) Did it really make sense for me to be upset? NO. I was going to a pain that was familiar and pain can often feel good, like for those who cut themselves. I lived in that pain for most of 2018. I didn’t need it anymore, so I chose to be happy for that young woman (like Deepak taught me) and then I had to swipe her from my mind (like my therapist taught me). I don’t usually do that to people, but this one needed a swift swipe right. She had her own life to live, and I had mine.

By Day 4, I was exhausted. We’d received a sort of ransom call from some Deep Throat guy that said we’d better negotiate a good reward or he’d keep the dog. (False). We’d had a hugely hopeful lost-dog photo match on an app that had us rushing to the Lacy Street shelter only to go through the kennels in the soaking rain to find out the dog that looked like Vivian online was in fact a male. Besides the ransom call, we’d heard nothing which meant she was dead in the street or someone had her. Either scenario meant we didn’t.

Matt needed to keep active. To keep putting up posters. To keep searching online. After that terrible, horrible, no good, very bad shelter let down on Day 4 ,I told him we’d done enough for the day and I needed to go home. He told me later that he couldn’t believe I was giving up. He resented that I wouldn’t do more for Vivi. I explained that repeatedly searching wasn’t helping me. I needed space to think. Space to mediate. Space to imagine. Space to visualize her running down the sidewalk to us.

I focused my energy on Vivian returning, Matt’s mind’s eye could only focus on her cold and dead in the street. We were Ying against Yang, night and day, hot and cold, black and white. Real.

Matt became unrecognizable. Or, his energy was. He would falter between moments of extreme grief to panicked despair. All with wrecking effects to my mid-western guy.

Around Day 5 or 6, I told him that I didn’t know who he was. I shouldn’t have said that. That hurt his feelings. Years ago when I told my dad he seemed like a shell of himself while he was going through a hard time, I should’ve learned my lesson to choose better words or keep them to myself. What dad heard me say was that I thought he was a shell of a man. Two very different things, but my words bit into him hard like that time when our other dog, Molly (a pit mix), chomped at my face when I tried to take her bone away. Dad hasn’t really forgiven me and it has easily been 10 years. Hopefully Matt will take less time.

Trauma, and for us, this was our own trauma, affects us all very differently. While Tina was going through her own trauma of being shot, I knew she had a tribe to support her. Matthew had only me — as he should, because we’re a team. And I’m not sure I was there for him in the way he needed, quite honestly. I wasn’t expecting him to be Thor and to sort of be this manly man in the face of pain, but I also wasn’t expecting him do what I interpreted as come undone. Matt usually isn’t one to show any emotion, (hardly ever), so to see this guy in the state that he was, was jarring. Therefore, I was left standing in the bedroom, staring at a stranger, and not being helpful. But I started to understand what was lying beneath.

Tina’s one-woman show last year. She was in the process of writing the second one and then this happened. She says, “I have SO much more to say now!!” #getready

Tina and I are friends and spiritual sisters because we believe in the moon and the stars and the powers above. We believe in good energy, karma and positive thinking. We both reject the negative. She is on a constant spiritual journey and I am constantly seeking the good in people and things. We see cosmic signs in everything, from a tangled string in the street to a receipt totally $3.33 (because three is a FANTASTIC number; I have two brothers and the three of us make the perfect Zodiac trifecta of Scorpio, Pisces and Cancer. When I see a three, I have immediate comfort because I think of my brothers and that fills me with love and a moment of peace.)

This kind of stuff — along with whatever spiritual faith you have, carries you. It holds you UP in times like these when you truly feel like you are out of control drowning in a dirty river of mucky water pulled into a bottomless LA drain.

I’m not saying I was the pillar of strength through all of this, but I had a dreamy well from which to draw and Matt, who is a die-hard realist, had reality. And reality was sucking pretty hard.

Matt and I are very different people. I learned I had to respect his process and not compare it to my own. I learned he loves our dogs. I love them too, but he loves them in a way that is connected to his soul and it was literally ripped out when he learned Vivian was gone. I learned my faith and belief system are strong and that this strength was something Matt is beginning to learn. I’m learning to be more vulnerable and open to other’s responses to grief, which make me uncomfortable.

Our amazing dog trainer, Adriana Barnes, who is a very spiritual woman and a dog whisperer joined us on our search. She lives forty-five minutes away and spent an entire day with us looking for Vivian. She is a believer too and we bonded over this knowledge that something else holds us and that through pain we grow. We knew all of this was happening to prepare us for something greater (she thinks for the two-legged family we will have one day). On Day 7, it was Adriana who helped us find and retrieve Vivian from a young homeless man (whom we hope we can help).  She was found only a few blocks from where we had been searching, but where we hadn’t. Matt tells the full story here and here (why we now call her “Viv the Shiv”).

Our Heroes. Adriana and the young man who found and returned Vivian.

With lovely, smelly!, scared Vivian in our arms, our first stop was to Harvey at Kia. We wanted to thank him, because without him, we would have been really lost. We then took her home and after the vet for a few stitches and a day to recover, we took Vivian around to all the Downtown folks we met who helped us along the way. To say Thanks for their help and thanks for believing.

This is A. Phillip of Fashion Service Group – 1837 S. Main Street. 626,979.4614. He MAKES patterns. Want to start a fashion line? He’s the guy!

  This is Kofi of Coffee by Kofi The Reef | LA Mart, 1933 S Broadway. Coffee is bomb and he also designs coasters and the tie he’s wearing out of fab buttons! https://www.coffeebykofi.com/ (He’s from Ghana. My new brother! #ancestry.com)

Cynthia loves makeup and lashes, so we brought her some.

JR is the MAN. We call him the Mayor of Main Street.

Cynthia loves makeup and lashes, so we brought her some.

JR is the MAN. We call him the Mayor of Main Street.

Cynthia loves makeup and eyelashes, so we brought her an early Christmas present. This is not the end of our friendship. If you’d like to help these guys, message me. 

JR is the MAN. We call him the Mayor of Main Street.

Last things: I want to pay it forward and pay it back. If you want to help out our friends, message me. We have ideas and we’ll need your help.

Matt will start volunteering at the Lacy Street shelter and I will start volunteering at LATTC (helped us too) in their foster care department.

Thank you to Deonna, Carl, Tanya & Dodger, Karimah and Morenike + Kids & Maxie for driving, walking and biking around the neighborhood to look for Vivian. I’ll never forget your kindness.

Keep Tina in your healing prayers. Send every shade and beam of light that you can. She will receive it.

That’s all, for now.

  #gratitude

When gratitude comes wagging I was in the midst of finishing a Deepak Chopra 21-Day Abundance Meditation Challenge my friend Tanya started, when a bit of tragedy struck.

[cotidiemori]

Leaves

I.

A woman walked through the park on her way home from work.  The sky was dim and the air was cool. It was the onset of evening. As she walked she could hear the sound of her heels tapping against the concrete road and the wind quietly rapping her ears. Her heels felt a crunch. The woman looked down, lifted up her right heel and noted a leaf that had disintegrated. She continued walking, all the way back to her apartment.

II.

Her apartment was a few blocks from the park. So it just happened that she always passed through the park on her way home. She worked for a modeling agency, the headquarters being a quick walk down the street from where she lived. She mostly modeled at the headquarters, but sometimes would have to travel far away where there were beaches to model summer clothing. Besides traveling, which the agency always paid for, the woman didn’t do much. Occasionally, she would go out with her friends to expensive restaurants where they would review the food and write reviews on a website. All of the woman’s friends were single. The woman did see a guy from time to time, and they had an understanding with each other, but it never progressed further beyond that. Sometimes they would meet on a weekend and go to a movie or spend time in their respective apartments. The woman met all of her friends through the modeling agency; they were always put on the same assignments together and would always end up traveling as a group. When they traveled to beaches, it was always in some small off-the-road town that not a lot of tourists go to. These sort of off the road places always had the best views and the best beaches. That is why the director of the modeling agency always chose these places; he would spend countless hours doing research of the best beaches, cross them off on his list as places not to visit, and reconfigure the places that were never visited, and that is where the modeling group would always end up. Suffice to say, these beaches never had people around them. It would always be the models, the director, and the photographer. The beaches they traveled to when they did travel were always quiet. Sometimes, it was deafeningly quiet and birds could not even be heard. They would find a spot on the beach where the sun would always shine at the appropriate angle, and they would take their respective pictures. They would spend at least two hours a day for a whole week when they travelled to a beach. Since the beaches were always in small towns, the group would often have to find a hotel in the nearest city, which sometimes was a two or three hour drive. Being secluded from everything then always gave them an eerie feeling when photos were being taken. And there were seldom buildings by the beaches; sometimes only small huts, other times abandoned tents alongside of the roads on the way to the beaches. The woman and her model friends always felt a sort of isolation when they went as a group to these distant places for their next jobs. It was a lonely sort of career. The manager once said to his group, commenting on the obscure places they ventured to;

“The most isolated of places, whether far away or close, the ones where no one goes, those are always the most interesting places and that is why I am taking you there; to the places that no one wants to go, but also some of the most beautiful places you could ever find.”

The woman wondered about her job at times, but she always ended up coming to the conclusion that it was the right job for her.

III.

The woman had made plans with one of her coworkers earlier to go out to eat. It would be one of those fancy restaurants they usually went to. What would follow would be a half praised restaurant review on the website and another memory of sharing a meal with her friend. The woman went to the bathroom, took off her clothes and began showering. She liked to shower in cold water. Often times she pretended she was at a faraway beach when she was in the shower, as if she were at one of her modeling jobs. The beach and the woman’s shower were both alike. They were both silent and they were things that other people didn’t know existed. She closed her eyes and listened to her hushed breathing and the sound of the water. She was on a beach and no one else was around. Her friends had gone off somewhere and now it was just her. She was standing on a beach and there was no one else around. She thought that she heard the sounds of birds chirping somewhere off in the distance but she realized it must be herself loudly breathing. She looked at the sky. It was dim and grey. Clouds were swirling around above her and trees swayed quietly off in the dark. She was at the beach and there was no one else around. She opened her eyes and noticed herself in the shower again. The only sound was the dripping water in the drain. She went on with closing her eyes and she was at the beach again. The clouds formed closer to her and the swirling darkness surrounded her. There were never any lights around at these types of beaches. She was alone and no one else was around. She stood there as if she were frozen and felt the sand disintegrate between her toenails. When there was no one else around it felt like everyone was looking for her. When she realized that, she quickly opened her eyes.

IV.

When she had walked home from work earlier that evening the sky had been overcast. The woman worked during the afternoons and evenings, so when she left work it was always dusk. On her way past the park the sun was not visible. The clouds were large and grey and covered a majority of the skyline. The wind was rushing forward. Evening traffic could be heard in the distance, but after the park the only things that remained were residential areas. There was seldom anyone else around in the park at this specific time of the day. The woman was always alone. She heard her footsteps crunch on something on the pavement. She looked down and saw a rust colored leaf split in half. She would go to the beach again a week from now.

V.

She got dressed after getting out of the shower and checked the time. She was due to meet her friend for dinner an hour and a half later. She dressed; made sure she looked decent and made her way to the bus stop. On her way to the bus stop, the beaches came back to the woman. She was always alone and there was no one else around. Nobody came to these places around her, but they were always the most beautiful places. Before her modeling job, she didn’t know places like these even existed; opaque and serene. The places she went would always come back to her at odd hours of the day and paint a vivid picture to her. The memory was there as if it were an alternate reality.

The bus station was not crowded and she sat next to an elderly woman. The elderly woman was mumbling to herself;

“Because you can’t see, it will come back to you.”

She seemed to be missing teeth and her skin was folded over her mouth. Her hair was sticking out and a cane sat next to her. She didn’t seem to notice that the woman was sitting next to her and passed the time on the bus mumbling the same words over and over.

The woman wondered whether the elderly woman also was in a place that was an alternate reality. Perhaps she too had been to places where no one else had been. These places were always the most beautiful.

VI.

The woman sat at the table. Her friend was seated across from her. A plate of shrimp faced them on the table. They sat there and ate the shrimp. They talked about beaches while they ate.

“You think they have shrimp like this at the beaches we go to?”

“Small like that, and this fresh? “

“Yes. There must be.”

“But I’ve never seen any shrimp at the beaches. I’ve never seen anything there.”

“I’ve only seen what I choose to see and it’s that there are no shrimp.”

The taste of shrimp filled the mouth of the woman and she believed she could taste the salt of the sea coloring her teeth. A thought came to her and she returned to the beach again. Her friend sitting across from her now seemed distant.

The faint smell of waves. And the feeling of sand seeping into your feet. The distant aroma of the dusk and the moon. The hidden scent of shrimp floating somewhere in the waves, and the feeling of being the only one around. She was at the beach and there was no longer anyone else around. The woman closed her eyes and heard the distant cry of a bird. The sky was piercing her and there was no one else around. She opened her eyes and returned to the shrimp facing in front of her. They continued talking about the beach.

“What have you seen at these beaches?”

“I’ve never seen anything there. It’s always so quiet. It feels like I am the only around.”

“But I am there, and everyone else is there. We are all there. We are always on assignment.”

“I don’t remember anyone else being there but me.”

“You’ve never seen any shrimp there.”

“I’ve never seen anything there.”

VII.

She went to sleep and thought about the words of her manager; “The most isolated of places, whether far away or close, the ones where no one goes, those are always the most interesting places and that is why I am taking you there; to the places that no one wants to go, but also some of the most beautiful places you could ever find.”

VIII.

In the dream the taste of shrimp entered into her mouth. Fresh shrimp that were floating in the shallow space of the ocean. She remembered that she was by a village but there was no one else around. When she turned her head to the right of where she was standing she could see small thatched huts. There were no fires burning around these huts, they looked as though they had been deserted. She turned her head to the left and could only see decrepit buildings that had been worn away with time. She looked up into the sky and only saw a few stars. The moon was a pale light in the sky and she started to feel the air tense up around her. She coughed and again the taste of shrimp entered into her mouth.  She began to walk towards the thatched huts off to the side of the beach. As she walked she didn’t even hear the silent chirping of insects. She heard nothing and saw nothing, only the slight sways of the palm trees in the wind. As she approached the thatched huts she came upon a memory;

She once had a classmate in primary school that came from some far off place such as this. She remembered the first time she saw him, standing at the door of the classroom with the teacher with a solemn expression on his face. When the teacher introduced him it was hard to understand. He spoke a dialect that was different from the rest of the class. She remembered the solemn expression on his face and that he was quiet. She only saw him for a time, and within the close of that year, she no longer saw him. It was said that the boy’s parents had moved around a lot, trying to escape a high debt that they had gotten themselves into. That they should simply disappear one day should not mean anything unusual. It should just simply mean that they had not escaped from the debt again and simply had to move from one place to the next as if they were nomadic ghosts trying to forget their past.  The thatched hut made her remember, there was something solemn about it that suggested the solemn look of the boy’s face in her primary school.

   I.

She woke to the faint aroma of sea in the distance. But she realized she was inside of her room and as she opened the window the smell of traffic congestion entered her nostrils.

II.

She walked down the hallway of her apartment. Her cellphone rang. She had to go back into her room and answer it. It was from her boss. She picked up the phone.

“Tomorrow, we are going to the beach. New location, we’ve never been there. About a five hour plane ride. Please prepare and have your things ready. We will all meet at the agency at 7 am.”

Her boss was always short. No matter where they were, on a job at the beach or simply in the modeling agency headquarters he was always short with what he said.

·         Her mouth felt dry. After hanging up the phone she went and made breakfast.

·         She passed the time after breakfast preparing her suitcase, she had to pack light.

·         Another thing about her boss; he never exactly stated how long they would be gone. On all of the distant places she went to on a job, it was never certain how long she would be gone. She simply had to pack as it felt necessary.

While packing her suitcase she wondered about the plane ride. She hoped it would be a short five hours. Often times on these sorts of trips, she would sit next to the window and look at the land below. It always looked cloudy from above and she could never believe that people actually lived on the Earth. What she saw was only a tiny speck of land while she would be floating in the air, sitting on an airplane.

III.

The day would continue to pass. When she was finished packing she did nothing. She looked out her window again. Cars were moving fast below her and it appeared to be raining.

IV.

Before she realized, she was asleep. She saw herself on the busy street outside of her apartment. Cars were speeding by next to her and she was simply standing in the median of the road. Some cars had their headlights on, others did not. It was dusk. Some window wipers were also on as it was raining. She walked on the road and heard the sound of her footsteps make dampness. The roads were very busy. They were always very busy. The stores and businesses all seemed to be closed. She could not tell what day it was. Everything was busy, but at the same time everything around her was strangely vacant. When she tried to look into the car windows that were passing by her, she found that nobody was driving inside. She continued walking in the road median as if searching for something, but all she found was a strange vacantness. She heard something crunch from underneath her and stopped walking. When she looked down she had found that a single leaf had disintegrated. The crunch made her stop for a second, but after seeing it was nothing, she continued walking. The moon was full, and along with the speeding cars next to her, she could also make out the sounds of insects all around her. Here in the middle of the city, there were seldom trees, yet somehow she could hear the sounds of nature around her very clearly.

She continued walking in the median, rain falling on her head. She neared what looked like the end of the road. What once were hundreds of buildings and cars driven by no one surrounding her gave way to the beach. Surrounding her now was the beach where she always ended up. A cloudy sky, dusk and the silent movement of the waves. She now remembered that she could feel alone anywhere. She looked up at the sky and couldn’t find the moon. For some strange reason she remembered the words of the old woman on the bus that one day;

“Because you can’t see, it will come back to you.”

The old woman’s voice echoed across the skyline and she remembered the gums folded over her mouth. She was toothless. The voice kept playing across the beach. She could hear it everywhere, projected as if it was being played in a megaphone. Then standing next to her, the solemn boy who had disappeared from her class. He was the same age as when she saw him last and still looking as solemn as ever. He grabbed her hand and led her into the sea mumbling to himself.

“You can be abandoned anywhere.”

He led her by the hands into the sea. She looked up at the clouds one last time and a wave swept over them. They were swallowed by the sea.

V.

She realized that she was sleeping the whole time when she was woken up by the sound of her alarm. The display on the clock read 4:30. She did a quick glance outside of her window; still some early morning cars and the smell of congestion. She prepared to leave.

VI.

When she looked outside of the plane window there were faint clouds covering stretches of the land. She could still see the lights of the cities and the small dots moving below them must be cars. When she saw the dots moving she only thought of the smell of congestion when she opened her room windows in the morning.

She was seated next to her friend who fell asleep, and further down the aisle sat her boss. She wondered what might be going through his mind now. While she continued staring at the clouds she dozed off again.

Sometimes when she slept she lost the identity of herself. Sleep is a strange thing. It makes you lose a sense of who you are and reality is put on hold and takes shape within another reality controlled by the mind. She slept and forgot who she was.

 VII.

She didn’t remember waking up or how long she was asleep for. She coughed sand out of her throat, and startled, realized she was face down on the beach. She looked all around at the evening sky and could see nothing. She tried calling her boss and coworkers on her cellphone but there was no reception. There was no one around her. She stood in the middle of the beach, the sea waves and clouds moving as if speaking in hushed tongues to one another in a language that she could not comprehend. The sky was quiet and the moon was pale. The sad looking remnants of a village stood nearby, but there were no lights anywhere. It appeared she was alone. Walking further around the beach she began to see thousands of dead shrimp washed ashore as if the sea had vomited them onto the land. The smell of the shrimp hit her and she remembered the dreamlike dinner with her friend a few days prior;

The woman sat at the table. Her friend was seated across from her. A plate of shrimp faced them on the table. They sat there and ate the shrimp. They talked about beaches while they ate.

“You think they have shrimp like this at the beaches we go to?”

“Small like that, and this fresh? “

“Yes. There must be.”

“But I’ve never seen any shrimp at the beaches. I’ve never seen anything there.”

“I’ve only seen what I choose to see and it’s that there are no shrimp.”

That dinner with her friend came back to her as if she was recalling some prophecy that she could not understand. The stench of the shrimp remained stronger than ever and she began feeling nauseous. As she was feeling nauseous, she became dizzy and other distant memories came back to her;

The silent dance of the waves and the clouds working in conjunction with one another and the pale glow of the moon. The deserted ghost town of the beach and the sight of the boy who had disappeared. He appeared out of the quiet ocean wave looking the same as she last saw him. He took hushed steps towards her and when he reached her only mumbled to himself. He was in front of her, yet at the same time he was a great distance away. She could not be sure whether she was still sleeping and this was perhaps a continuation of the night’s previous dream, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not wake up. Then the memory of toothless woman on the bus, toothless, her lips folding over her mouth and the faraway look in her eyes;

“Because you can’t see, it will come back to you.”

The voice of the old woman echoed across the sky, and the body of the boy began glowing like the moon.

“You can be abandoned anywhere.” He said. And he calmly took her hand and led her towards the waves. The waves opened up as they drew toward them and she could not begin to understand what was happening. He drew her towards the waves and the sea swallowed the both of them.

 VIII.

The most isolated of places, the places that people try to avoid are also the places that suggest something. They suggest something of the unknown that we cannot begin to understand or to reach. The distant echoes of spirits that have ceased to be call from them, but we cannot understand. These are the places we do not know exist, but they are also the places which may tell us something fundamental about ourselves.

Someone once suggested to me that spirits are stored away inside of nature, they might be contained within a stone, or a tree, or a leaf. In fact, they are all around us. It is when these things of nature are tampered with that they release a preserved spirit that produces a hypnotic power that captures us and takes us to another world. For this is the reason why nature must rest in peace, there are billions of souls stored away from eras passed, they may contain spirits of our loved ones or people we once knew, but they must be left alone to remain in their sleep, if we wake them they will take us away.

_______________

The woman felt a crunch under her heels. She lifted up her shoe and saw a leaf disintegrated onto the pavement. She continued walking.

#short story