#whatevrrr I don’t care anymore. goes to watch videos of apes online.

[apotelesmaa]

& what if your only assigned role is emotional support. & what if your only value as a person is based upon how you can be a rock for other people even when you’re hollow and fragile inside. You can’t crumble you can’t break and you can’t ever let anyone know. If they know they’ll ignore it or they’ll hate it. What then. What’s worse. I think you just do what a rock does best and sit there and wait to be eroded by time and nature until your instability is revealed to the world. Or maybe you get hit by a hammer or some other blunt object. The end result is the same. I’d like to think that one day you can repair yourself on your own and nobody will ever need to know but sometimes that’s just not feasible. Which do you fear more, a yes that leads to a dead end or a no that endangers the last thing you hold dear.

#MAN. (horse photo) dot jpg. #u know when ur engaging in some behaviors and it becomes so incredibly clear that none of the people you see regularly #have listened to the rare instances of vulnerability you’ve shown while knowing them #and so what you’re doing goes over their head? and maybe it’s not obvious. i hold no ill will. #it’s easier to believe someone is happy. because unloading your emotional woes on them is easier. #& I’m not blameless here the behavior will have splash damage. probably. i don’t know. #the problem with someone being invested in you when your attentions are elsewhere is that you deny their behavior and motives until you’ve #inevitably exploded everything around you. but. that’s a problem for the me of uhhh. I’ll give it 6 months. #but maybe if you fake it and lie you reach the point where you’re not doing it for everyone else #you can trick yourself into believing you feel something too. #whatevrrr I don’t care anymore. goes to watch videos of apes online. #obligatory I’m not a danger to myself and others I just use this blog as a diary occasionally.