#what to say: i studied extremophilic soil communities. learned stats coding. loved cyanos.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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#the agony of writing personal statements. or statements of purpose #why is it so hard? bc i dont kno how to balance listing things i can do vs waxing on abt bullshit i like #idk i just feel v pretentious when i write things bc i also kinda talk that way when i can get a sentence out straight. when i can figure #out what im trying to say. so i just sorta talk kinda weird. or i say weird stuff #its not a bad thing really. but idk how much i should let it out on these statements #or what i should focus on #what to say: i studied extremophilic soil communities. learned stats coding. loved cyanos. #but also: i enjoy science communication? sort of. i like talking abt things and hearing other perspectives but u gotta kno what im saying #1st so i gotta teach u. and i want to help ppl understand things in a way that makes sense to them bc everyone learns differently #but also im too tired and depressed to do thst lmao #sigh... its just hard bc my interests seem frivolous. like theres an academic justification but im not actually interested in being useful #thats just a side effect. so i dont wanna talk abt that stuff #ugh. annoying i wanted to finish writing thrm today but then i got invited to go hiking #and going on a 3hr hike sounded like a better idea than sitting in ny apartment having a breakdown #and then i ran around in the rain a while. so not a bad day as it turned out #but a very unproductive weekend :-/ #ok but the annoying part abt the personal statement writing is that i know im agonizing over it more than i should #bc i kno some jackass out there is applying to the same school and just slapped one together and im wasting hours and hours #on 1 to 2 pages. annoying. and i might mot even get in idk #uuuuuuugh. and it looks like i might have to share a room with my boss for thurs thru Sunday night on our sampling trip #itll b fine i just might wilt being around ppl too much #also have like a streight up 11hr car ride with my lab mate. which will b ok hopefully bc we r friends #but like idk i feel like i kinda gotta pull the conversation with him so blah well see what happens #blah. i fluctuate between: im so burnt out im not having fun anymore #and then remembering: oh wait i am passionate abt things. i wish i had the energy. and then slumping over again #idk @ thr Universities im applying to: u should accept me bc i said so. there. end of statement #unrelated #university: what do i wanna b when u grow up? #me: fuck it i guess a professor? i just wanna do cool research. i dont actually want to work for a uni bc fuck that #i also dont wanna talk to ppl. just habe my own office and do cool science stuff rip