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#what hve i done today.....done some face studies!! very helpful!!
obsob · 1 year
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autism 2 autism communication
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frywen-babbles · 5 years
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Sounds of Silence pt6
"They shouldn't send you messages like that. You've done nothing wrong."
"It's okay. It'll die out soon enough when they realise I won't make any of this public. I just want to move on with my life." She shoved some cake into her mouth before she continued. "Enough about me. How have you been?"
"Studying," he replied before he thought of something. "I'll visit mother tomorrow... I thought... maybe you'd..."
"I'd love to come. Just tell me when and where and I'll be there."
He nodded in response and took a sip of his tea. Why was the situation suddenly so... awkward. What did people talk about in dates... non-dates anyway?
"Um... What's the new job you got?"
"The same old. Shelving in a grocery store, just in a different one than before."
"That must be... interesting."
"Please, it's boring as fuck. But it's a job."
Mitsunari regarded her carefully. Once she had talked about wanting to become a teacher and he couldn't but wonder what had become of those dreams. Now she seemed content at working in a grocery store, her dreams seemingly forgotten. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but he remembered how fondly she had talked about her dream. Had she given up on it completely? She wouldn't, would she? He worked so hard to achieve his dream and proving himself it seemed almost unthinkable someone would just give up.
"Earth to Manju-boy, are you even paying attention to me?" Mitsunari was woken from his thoughts when she tapped his arm gently.
"Just thinking about my studies."
"How are they going anyways?"
*****
Miraculously, their non-date had ended well and way less awkwardly than he had feared. They had ended up talking about his studies for way longer than he had planned, but she hadn't seemed to mind.
He was just about to go to sleep when his phone blinged with a message.
<i wntd 2 apologise> <i hd no rght 2 b that mean 2 u>    <What do you mean?> <thse mssgs i swd u> <i thgt ud say th same> <thnk u> <it rly mns a lot ur on my side>    <Of course I am.>
She didn't reply so he put his phone down and closed his eyes ready to sleep. But just as he had drifted off his phone blinged with a new message waking him up.
<it tk me 2 long 2 admit wht ws gng on. nd aftr thn i wnted 2 stay bc i lved him. i blievd it ws nly once. twice. i thght if id jst chnge myslf he didnt hve any rson 2 gt angry at me. i trd so hrd 2 be the prfct wife i feel like i lost myself. Ths isnt how I thght my life wld be.> <im scred> <i have no1 I cn rely on> <im sorry im blathering u must be thinking abt ur mom> <i shldnt cmplain evrythng is fine im sry>    <No, it's okay. It's understandable to be scared.> <sry> <im jst so lost> <nd scard> <all of ths is nw 2 me> <we gt mrried whn i finishd hgh school. i rlied 2 hm on evrthng> <nd nw its jst all gne> <sry 2 nght evrthng jist cmes rshing dwn> <ill go 2 bed now night>    <Don't apologise. Being scared of the unknown is part of human nature.>    <Good night.>
***
The next day he waited for her in front of the hospital. He had come way too early so his thoughts turned into the previous day and to his... non-date. She had looked very pretty. Beautiful. He looked at his watch when he felt a light tap on his arm and turned around to find her standing next to him.
"Are you sure you want to come?" he asked.
"Of course! I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't want to."
Mitsunari sneaked into the first bathroom in the ward and a moment later when he emerged he expected her to laugh or... something. Instead, she looked at him earnestly, her expression serious.
"Are you ready?" she asked before she reached to straighten out a hair on his wig. He gave a firm nod before he headed out towards his mother's room.
"Mitsunari!" He stopped when he heard his name and sighed before he turned around to greet one of the nurses. "I see you brought your girlfriend today, how nice of you. Why haven't you told us before you have a girlfriend?" the nurse winked at him and he resisted the urge to either roll his eyes or facepalm.
"We're friends," he said at the same time she bowed.
"Thank you for taking care of Mitsunari," she said aloud. It was the first time Mitsunari had heard her speak. He missed completely when she introduced herself, his mind focused only on the sound of her voice, on the way she slowly pronounced each word, on the melody of her voice and he couldn't help but want to hear her voice again and again. He wanted to hear what she sounded like when she was happy, when she was excited, when she was sad. He felt selfish in his want, but still, he wanted her to show all sides of herself to him.
Mitsunari tugged on her arm and bowed to the nurse, repeating his earlier words of them being just friends, but it didn't wipe the knowing smile from the nurse's lips.
Just when he was about to knock on the door of his mother's room, he felt her take a hold of his hand and give it a firm squeeze. He held her hand a bit tighter too and knocked on the door.
"Mother? It's me, Saki."
"Saki! My beautiful, darling Saki!" He heard her voice before he saw her.
"Mother, I brought a friend with me." He stepped inside and gently pulled her in with him and introduced her.
"It is nice to meet you, Mrs Ishida." She bowed and his mother beamed at them. He didn't even remember when he had seen her looking so happy.
"I'm so happy Saki brought a friend with her! Come here, sit." His mother patted the bed beside her. She glanced at him and when he nodded she sat beside her.
"Thank you."
She paid close attention to his mother, turning every now and then to him for clarification. He felt like his mother recited every embarrassing thing he had ever done, his face burning hot with embarrassment under the makeup. A small (well, a big) consolation was hearing her laugh aloud, something he hadn't heard since the day after he had rescued her from her ex.
When his mother started to look tired he got up and nudged her arm.
"I think we should go now, mother. I'll come back soon."
"Please bring your lovely friend again too! It warms my heart to know you have such a good friend."
"I'll have to ask her..." he mumbled giving his mother a hug.
When he took her hand to lead her outside he could feel her hand tremble. He glanced at her, but her expression was a calm, calculated mask. As soon as they were outside of the door he let go of her hand.
"Your hands are trembling."
"You're imagining things," she replied with a smile which didn't quite reach her eyes.
"But-" he started, but was cut off when she turned away from him.
"Excuse me..." she hurried to the nearest bathroom leaving him to stare after her. He was still staring at the door when she emerged a moment later her eyes red and puffy.
“Sorry...” she forced a smile and as much as he wanted to ask, he decided not to pry was probably the best option.
“I’ll go change. We could... You could come for tea... if you want.” How did people ask others to hang out? It was apparent he was terrible at it.
“I’d love to.” This time the smile she gave him was genuine.
Their trip at his place was mostly filled with comfortable silence. She leaned against his shoulder on the train, dozing off every now and then. He concluded she must be tired but didn’t want to pry the reason why. She would tell him if she wanted to.
When they reached his apartment, Hideyoshi was already there, half asleep watching YouTube videos in the living room.
“Oh, heeey... I didn’t think you’d be back yet, you okay?” he mumbled waving his hand at his general direction without turning around.
“We came to make some food.”
“We? I thought you went to- oh hi!” Hideyoshi turned around to look at them and as soon as he saw her he waved at them awkwardly.
He laid over the handrest of the sofa looking at them while they unloaded the groceries and prepared the food.
Mitsunari sighed and turned to look at Hideyoshi, who had a bright smile on his lips as soon as he looked at him. “Do you want something? If you don’t, stop staring like a starved puppy. The mutt next door does a good enough job on that already without your help.”
"I thought you'd never ask me to join! It smells so good."
Hideyoshi made the table and they sat down to eat.
"So, what were you up today?" Hideyoshi asked filling his bowl with food.
"None of your business."
"So it was a secret date!"
Mitsunari was just about to reply when she coughed and reached for a glass of water her face starting to turn an adorable shade of red.
"Are you okay?" he asked her when she managed to gulp down some water her face still bright red.
"Why does Monkey think we went on a secret date?"
Mitsunari felt his cheeks start to burn out of embarrassment too, her embarrassment only increasing his own.
"I don't know! Stop inventing stupid nicknames to my friends."
"Shut it Manju-boy! You better tell Monkey-boy he has it all wrong. We are friends, nothing else."
Mitsunari translated her words to Hideyoshi who had been grinning knowingly at their mutual blushing, but he couldn't help the pang in his heart at her flat out refusal of them being on a date.
It must be so terrible to her to even think him as a man after what she had seen of him today. After all, she knew of him.
She would never see him in any other way than as a friend and realising that hurt way more than he thought it would. It hurt so much for a while he couldn't even think straight, yet alone be a part of the conversation.
"Mitsunari, did you hear what I said?" Hideyoshi's words brought him back to himself and when he glanced at her, even she was staring at him with a small frown between her (very beautiful) brows.
"No, my mind was elsewhere."
"In the gutter, I imagine?" Hideyoshi winked at him but all he could do was roll his eyes.
"You had *something* to say, so spit it out."
"Um, yeah, Nobu wants us to go play Wii next Sunday, why don't you two come too?"
"And he expects us just happily spend a Sunday dealing with utter torture?"
"There will be free food! Nothing beats free food."
"Fine..." he grumbled and turned to her, but her eyes were already sparkling. "A friend of ours wants us to go play Wii at his place on Sunday. Do you want to come?"
"Only if I get the promised free food you were talking about!"
***
The next Sunday they found themselves in front of a grand downtown building where Nobunaga's personal apartment was. She was staring at it her mouth agape.
"Your friend lives here?"
"Yeah."
"Wow..."
She held onto his sleeve when they entered the building, her eyes wide at the sight of the doorman and the security.
When the doors opened at the top floor she was stunned. He had to nearly drag her forward to meet their host.
Not that that went any better. As soon as she saw Nobunaga, she yanked at his sleeve until he was sure it would rip off.
"That's- that's O-da No-bu-na-ga!"
"I know. Now stop pulling my sleeve!"
"But... how?"
"Blame Hi-de-yo-shi, he always wants to drag me along..."
"Wait how does Monkey know him?"
He was about to reply when Nobunaga seemed to get bored of not being a part of the conversation.
"The least you could do was to introduce her."
As soon has he had managed to introduce her, Hideyoshi, who had come at the same time with them leant towards Nobunaga with a conspirational grin.
"You know, she's Mitsunari's 'special friend'"
"Oh, is she now?" Nobunaga had an amused smile on his lips when he eyed her.
"Stop making it sound so dirty," he huffed at them and took her hand to lead her away from the two men determined to misunderstand their relationship.
They found Hanbei huddled at a corner already, his nose deep in a book. He didn't pay any attention to them so they sat on the sofa next to him. She was tense, eying her surroundings like a caged animal before she turned to him.
"Just... how? You do know he's very famous, right?"
"Yes. But Hi-de-yo-shi keeps dragging me along every time..."
"You're playing Wii with the famous O-da No-bu-na-ga..." she repeated it to herself as if to make sure she understood correctly. Suddenly, she lifted her head and grasped his arm. "How did he know who I was?"
"It was him who offered to let you stay in the guestroom in the house. It's only used when someone in the Oda family has important guests over."
"Wait what? I thought that was where miss Oichi lives?"
"No, she was just staying over so you wouldn't have to be alone."
She buried her head in her hands for a while before she looked at him again, a hints of despair in her expression.
"How can I ever repay them?"
"You don't have to. Everyone wanted to help."
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
Even though it ate him alive he’d had to ask for their help there was no way he would tell her that. He would repay them as soon as possible.
The atmosphere relaxed as more people showed up. She didn’t leave his side until her gaze shifted to all of the snacks Nobunaga had brought out.
"What a nasty little piggy you have found for yourself."
There were people he’d be glad if he never had to see ever again. Tokugawa Ieyasu was one of them. Even the existence of him made Mitsunari’s skin crawl with disgust, let alone hearing whatever hideous thing he had to say. Why Nobunaga kept inviting the man was beyond him.
"Shut your mouth, filthy tanuki!" he spat back at Ieyasu, his eyes on her. She kept happily showing a snack after snack into her mouth until she glanced at him.
She froze, her eyes travelling from him to Hideyoshi and back at him.
"What happened?"
"It's nothing."
"Why won't you tell me?" She looked around the room, at everyone staring at them and she shrank back, averting her eyes to the floor. She made a quick bow and fled the room.
He followed her to the entrance hall, where she was desperately hitting the button to call the elevator, her face turned away from him so he couldn't see her expression. She cast a quick glance at him before she averted her eyes again and dug out her phone.
<i dnt blong hre ill jst go> <tll evry1 im sry>
The doors slid open and she took a step towards the elevator, but he took a hold of her arm to stop her. He needed... wanted to know what was wrong with her. Why did she suddenly decide to run away from him.
She froze, standing completely still. He slowly let go of her arm and she quickly hugged herself. He was at loss at what to do. He followed her to the elevator, but she kept her eyes on the door, completely ignoring his presence.
Had he done something wrong? If he had, he had no idea what it might be or why had she reacted the way she had.
When they reached the ground floor he followed her out of the elevator but reached for her arm again, this time just to gently touch her. She turned to look at him, tears glistening on her cheeks, but she quickly wiped them away, her lips pursed to stop the quiver of her lower lip.
"What happened?" he asked. She took her phone and fiddled with it for a moment and soon he heard his phone alert him of a new message.
<i dnt blng>
She turned around to walk out of the door, but he reached for her again.
"What do you mean? Explain." She was just about to look at her phone again when he tapped on her arm again. "Talk to me."
She turned her head away from him and he was just about to reach for her arm again when the security guard interrupted them.
"Is everything alrigh, miss?" he asked. She jumped a bit and looked at his face, a small frown between her brows.
"...sorry...?" she whispered.
"Is everything alright, miss? Is this man bothering you? Do you need a taxi to get you home?"
"Thank you, we're fine," Mitsunari interrupted.
"I was talking to the young lady, sir." The security guard gave him a stern look. She looked from him to the security guard, her expression guarded.
"...fine... no... taxi..." she mumbled.
"Could we talk somewhere a bit more private?" Mitsunari asked the security guard, who pointed them at a bench at the side of the entrance hall, hidden from the view by a large plant. He guided her to sit down and sat next to her touching her hand gently to get her to look at him.
"Talk to me, please?"
"This... everything was a bad idea. I should have listened to Yoshi, I’ll never fit in..."
@masamunesmistress @han-pan @you-mass-effect-my-dragon-age @honeybeelily @dreamfar628
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