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kissagii · 2 years

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hello hello :> sorry this is so long i wrote half my... damn life story but idk i'm not exactly simple to describe and we're moots so you're chill

may i ask for an attack on titan and my hero academia match-up? if you shall so bless me

i'm a trans dude who has not yet began the medical transition but want to (onceihavemoney), and right now, i don't have any real interest in women. i'm 5'2, almost 5'3, with a spoon figure. my hair is, naturally, a dirty blonde, but it's dyed pink (my favorite color), and i have plans to dye it different colors in the future. i like to experiment with different fashion styles, from grunge to pastel academia. whatever i feel like wearing, i wear, basically. i am a cancer, which will become relatively clear as i go on (jk)

i'm a pretty open person. i like meeting people, though i'm more confident online and a bit shy when first meeting someone irl. but i'm also known for not having much of a filter after only a few days of friendship. i fall in love easily. i guess i'm a hopeless romantic? i do believe in true love, but i've got the "soulmates are made not found" attitude. i've been the therapist friend in a number of groups, insert trickle-down therapy joke here. i like making people laugh, so i have a pretty diverse sense of humor and never back down from cracking jokes. but i also have a decent knowledge of when a joke should and shouldn't be said out loud. my moods can vary widely over the span of a few days. i'm hyper-affectionate even to my friends, after i check boundaries with them. safe to say i would be very huggy/cuddly with a boyfriend, unless i'm going through the anniversary effect. i enjoy learning but high school was not my forte. i dropped out at sixteen and got my hiset before i turned seventeen. for a while i wanted to follow my abuela's blueprint; go to college at 17. but that wasn't right for me, and i also didn't have the money. from a technical standpoint, i'm a troubled kid. i've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, ptsd from various people and situations, insomnia, and some form of schizophrenia (spanning from auditory/visual/tactile hallucinations to paranoid delusions and thoughts). i still have therapy three times a week. never really had a dad or a (proper) mother figure, so we are double-wielding the mommy and daddy issues in this house. mental health is a big thing in my family; so as you can tell i'm not scared to talk about it. most of the time. and i'm also cool with people talking to me about their struggles with it. i've lost a lot of people, to death itself and to the death of bonds. so when i give people advice, it's usually because i had some experience with it. i started smoking weed as a form of escapism when i was 16. i don't smoke or eat edibles often, so i'm not a full stoner or anything. but i have experience with it and use it for times of high stress.

music is a huge thing for me. i sing, my only honors class in high school was honors chorus, i play the electric guitar, and my music taste ranges from slut pop to heavy metal to melanie martinez/mitski/lana del rey and whatever fleetwood mac would be defined as. and father and son by cat stevens for hours at a time. i listen to music or videos or wtv 24/7- i can't even fall asleep to silence. it scares me lol right now my biggest dream is to be a musical artist, write songs about my trauma and invite the world to be a little more okay with the fact that it exists, and that it's okay to ask for help. but my realistic dream is pursuing something in the field of astronomy/astrophysics. i love writing, from stories (and fics as you can tell by my 69 tumblr drafts) to lyrics, and love to experiment with cooking. my favorite cuisine, both to eat and to make, is japanese cuisine. i want to get more into puerto rican cuisine since the entire paternal side of my family is puerto rican, even part native. i do digital and traditional art, i play video games (mostly sandbox games, aka only minecraft) and have a sweet tooth the size of actual jupiter. i play volleyball from time to time and i enjoy high intensity interval training and pilates. junji ito is my favorite mangaka- i absolutely love horror movies and horror books, from the actual scary stuff to modern horror movies.

thank you for humoring me my friend and fully expect me like bombing the items on your masterlist :> xx

of course!! don't worry about the detail in the description, it helps me match you more effectively :)

i match you with...

𝕜𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕞𝕒 𝕖𝕚𝕛𝕚𝕣𝕠

and

𝕒𝕣𝕞𝕚𝕟 𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕖𝕣𝕥

#{🌼 - wildflowers}#mha matchup #mha matchups #bnha matchup #bnha matchups #kirishima #kirishima eijiro #aot matchup #aot matchups #attack on titan matchup #attack on titan matchups #armin #armin arlert

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not-that-blog · 1 year

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I wish I hadn't started dating, not because I don't love my partner but because it brings up all the insecurities around my disability and I'm not coping with it.

I'm currently suicidal, passively, not because of my trauma or ptsd.... or even depression.

But because I'm aware that I'm a financial burden and physical burden on those around me because of my disability and having an abled bodied partner who's also financially struggling while being able to work is really really hard for me.

Also, I wish I'd had time to tell my cousin to say no. I wish I'd thought about it and not been asked while having a panic attack. I did the maths for him paying rent bc we needed it to be more realistic than mine and I had to redo the numbers several times to see how much the bills were and allow for a safety net, and then got told by him that he couldn't afford that, but he hadn't told me that, he'd told me what his housemate and him were looking at and idk her income and apparently it's a lot higher than his because he was like 'I can't afford more than $250, I'm currently paying $200' and I'm here like '...250 barely actually covers the bills especially not with inflation and your level of power usage'.

Bonus points: it highlighted how much I can't afford. Because I can't afford $200 a week, I was literally going to be scraping by fortnight to fortnight to try and save my money.

Also he owes me like $200 that I really need back for my bed.

He's pouring money into a vintage car atm that regularly needs repairs and has a lot of work that needs to be done to it.

And idk his salary, but I know his last relationship left him with several debt's he's paying off because his ex was financially fucked as well (we're both disabled and they had pets that had vet bills and he was responsible for them) and I'm just here like... what the actual fuck.

Like I can't tell if I've just grown up so dirt poor that I'm here like 'how do you not make a wage stretch when you're not even paying for the things that actually provide you with financial security.'

Like I don't think the car's insured because it doesn't meet road worthy, so he's financially fucked there if something ever happens because it's an expensive af car and he doesn't have enough savings for that.

And I'm here; looking at my money, my disability, my health, my life and how I might be able to be of actual benefit to my cousin and not be a financial burden....

And he made me look at the numbers of exactly how much I couldn't pay my way through being a support, while being added stress on my cousin and I because neither of our parents like the idea of us being the person he crashes with while they find a rental in this market...

And I just really really don't want to lose my cousin to this and there's a part of me that's genuinely like 'This could break my relationship because actually when you're not here, it's all I can think about and it kinda kills me and makes me not want a future because all I can see are red flags.'

But I don't want to say that and add stress but I'm also ready to void scream about it.

#mine #personal

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