#we were about to hang out for our weekly discord call (which 60% of the time they bail on bc they're too fried from work)

[slippery-minghus]

ough. just more or less laid a boundary with my best friend and it feels really bittersweet. good because i did it instead of taking the passive route that would make me uncomfortable, but bad because i don't want to hurt their feelings... but good again bc maybe if i start having better boundaries with them, they'll realize there's some stakes to continuing the shit they're doing..?

#i love them but there's just not a solid piece of motivation in them to take any initiative towards bettering themselves #like. i get that they're struggling and that's real and valid #but there's struggling and trying to do something about it and then there's struggling and wallowing in it #and they're so caught up in learned helplessness that they just keep making bad decision after bad decision #and even though they know that it messes them up they keep getting high #and i'm pretty sure they're due to get drug tested by their doctor soon exactly for this #and they keep getting high bc it's the only way they can cope with the hellhole job they refuse to leave #and even though there are things being handed to them to find other options they won't take them #and i think today they crossed a line #we were about to hang out for our weekly discord call (which 60% of the time they bail on bc they're too fried from work) #and they were like wait. i'm still high. didn't think i still would be by now. #and they asked if i was okay still hanging out #and my first instinct was of course as long as they wanted to #but i couldn't do it. i'd either wanna be high with them which i can't do or it would just be kinda awkward #and it's bad enough being their vent board for work drama when they're sober #i couldn't say yes. so i gently said we'll hang out next week with a heart and #some lighthearted texting back and forth. but. going with the flow with them does wear on me #i know they're time blind but i also know the time blindness is worse bc they're always high. i know they don't intend to hurt my feelings #but them always being late to our hangouts when they do show does really feel like they don't value my time or ours together #especially bc our schedules don't line up well and i always end up staying up an hour late when we hang out #i really wanna have a candid talk with them about it and i don't think they'd ditch me over it or get mad at me but... #i just don't want to hurt them. even if a lot of it is their own doing they have a lot on their plate #it puts me in a tough spot which isn't fair. theyir best friend shouldn't hurt them but who else should call them out on their bullshit? #maybe in a day or two. i'll start with something small. i'll refresh my memory on DEAR MAN and stuff #fuck. bc who better for me to test my own challenges at having better boundaries on than my friend who's also struggling #having better boundaries is one of the few things i really have stagnated on and won't take initiative to heal so if i want them #to do the same i need to set an example #personal #and. well. guess i get to play halo tonight after all