#we are absolutely going to layer someone’s car in glitter and suran wrap

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at work:

Two weeks ago I went downstairs for a cigarette break and accidentally walked in on the Prank Coordinator Lady “celebrating” the company president’s birthday with those confetti grenade canisters. She bought an entire case of them, and I came out right at the exact time to be handed a canister, march in a line, crowd into his office, and fire! Then we all sang happy birthday. Apparently the president has OCD and the only reason that his car wasn’t targeted was because he has some back issues and couldn’t reasonably or comfortably get his car free of suran wrap.

Any way! Today I deliberately sought out the Prank Lady, and our conversation went something like this…

Me: Hey, so, April Fools Day is l as than two weeks away, what do you have planned that I could help with?

Prank Lady: Oh, fuck! Holy shit! Dude, I’ve got nothing right now, but give me a couple of days and I’ll let you know!

Me: Well, I was planning on picking up some glitter the day before, since it’s a Monday, and the warehouse guys have all that industrial plastic wrap, but I don’t have a target.

Prank Lady: *insert evil joyful laughter here* oh, we need to do a company car! (Only upper management has company cars) Oh! oh! WE’RE DOING WAREHOUSE MANAGER! Oh, we haven’t done him in a hot minute! Fuck his stupid moving the toilet award around prank, we are gonna show him how it’s done!

Me: if we weren’t both already happily married I’d get down on one knee right now.

#humans are space orcs #i found my people #I FOUND MY WORK SISTER #things that happen at work #i’m not a nice person #I am fun #but not nice #we are absolutely going to layer someone’s car in glitter and suran wrap #i’m not sorry