#watch out nor that man’s gonna fuck your nine ways to thursday and not in the sexy sense of the word

[cat-with-a-tie]

DenNor, traced from that scene in Princess Mononoke bc it’s a crime this hasn’t been done before.

You’re beautiful.

(first meeting, circa 800 AD)

Norway about six centuries later: ‘Damn really should’ve just killed him then and there huh.’

#dan’s hair is a nightmare and i’m not even bothering with historical accuracy anymore #i am once again asking anyone with a smidge of artistic talent to please colour the line art for me #warning: personal hc ahead #to an onlooker it may seem like dan was the one who fell in love with nor at first sight #but really it was the other way round #dan was just saying what he meant with no ulterior motive #like he saw something pretty and just went ‘oooh pretty’ #nor on the other hand #oh he was down BAD #watch out nor that man’s gonna fuck your nine ways to thursday and not in the sexy sense of the word #hetalia #aph #aph norway #aph denmark #dennor #hws norway #hws denmark #aph nordics #hws nordics

[all-things-skam]

Jens’ season | Chapter one

Tuesday, January 7th

Winter break had quickly gone by and school was already starting again - much to the boys' displeasure. The return to school was tough for some, their sleeping schedules being messed up from staying up late after partying all winter break.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t so cold that morning. Jens and the boys stood outside the building, chatting as they waited for the first bell to go off. Moyo was kinda falling asleep, and Robbe had this huge, bright hickey peeking out of his hoodie.

''Nine times? Don't you think that's a little bit exaggerated?'' Jens said, not quite believing Aaron’s story.

''I'm telling the truth. We fucked all night long. It was... wow. Orgasm over orgasm over orgasm ove-''

''Okay, okay. We get it,'' Robbe interrupted, putting a stop to Aaron's detailed night with Amber.

Aaron scoffed. ''You're just jealous you and Sander have never had a torrid night like us.''

Since getting together with Amber, Aaron didn’t seem to be able to stop talking about her. It was all he talked about now: her - and what they did together in bed. Jens got him. Truly. Losing your virginity is a big moment - more so when your first time was with the girl you've been after all year. However, the boys didn't need - nor want - to hear every little detail of his and Amber's sexual life. The curly haired one had always been an oversharer, but now that he was dating Amber, it was worse - if that was even possible.

Robbe's cheeks flushed, flashing back to his night at the penthouse. If only they knew...

''Girls bodies are different, Robbe.''

''Are they? I didn't notice,'' the brunet responded, light sarcasm out

Moyo laughed. ‘’And you? What’s going on with Jana? You two were quite cozy on Saturday,’’ he said, raising his eyebrows knowingly, because everyone had seen the two making out in a hallway at the party.

Jens shrugged, having not much to tell. ‘’I don't know. We're letting things flow and seeing where it'll go, I guess,’’ he replied, brushing it off. ‘’We don't want to go too fast and make the same mistakes.”

He had kinda got back together - if you could even call it that - with Jana at Robbe's Christmas party, sharing a kiss again for the first time after months of flirting and dipping toes around each other. It took them a long time to want to try again, kiss again, but they were glad to have waited.

Even though breaking up had been hard as hell, it was the right thing to do. Their relationship had become toxic; Jana's guilt and paranoia had to stop. They had reached a state where staying together was only causing pain and although it broke their hearts to come to this conclusion, sometimes, love wasn’t enough.

‘’If you and Jana get back together, we could all go on a triple date. You, me, Robbe, Sander and the girls,’’ Aaron suggested, already looking forward to the non-agreed date.

Robbe shook his head, not on board with this idea. ‘’Sander and I are not going on a date with you and Amber.’’

‘’Jana and I are taking things slow. We’re not going on a date anytime soon,’’ Jens reminded him.

Dates had never been their thing either, being barely fifteen when they started dating - and, like, very broke. The closest to a date they ever had was watching movies on a laptop. The freezing screen and adds for pornographic websites weren’t what you’d call romantic.

Aaron furrowed his eyebrows. ‘’Sander is practically a part of the Broerrrs now and Jana and Amber are friends, so why not-’’

‘’Because Sander can't stand Amber,’’ Robbe blurted out, having enough of walking on eggshells concerning the two. Sander had made it clear the day they met at Seaside that he didn’t like Amber. He found her too bossy and annoying for his taste.

Between them, Moyo made ‘oooh’ sounds, adding drama to the on-going spat.

Their conversation was drowned and ignored as Jens looked away, eyes falling on a boy with dark blond hair and a denim jacket. Jens didn’t know why, but he couldn’t help looking at him. There was something on this unknown boy that drew his attention and gave him an odd sensation he couldn’t quite explain or understand. What the fuck?

''Who is that?’’

As if on cue, the unnamed teenager looked back at him, giving Jens a good look at his face. He was all angular jaw and tousled, curly fringe.

‘’Some new kid that just moved here from the Netherlands. I think his name is Lucas,’’ Aaron responded, for once being aware of the latest gossips. ‘’Why?’’

Jens shrugged, tearing his eyes from Lucas, turning back to the boys. ‘’Curious. Hadn’t seen him here before.’’

.

Wednesday, January 8th

Hood on, Jens stood outside Lotte's school, waiting for her to get out. His mom had messaged him, asking to pick up his sister after school because she replaced someone at the hospital and couldn't pick her up. Jens didn't mind - and it helped ease his mom's mind. Lotte was only eight, still a bit young to walk by herself.

There was ten minutes left before Lotte would be released, so Jens pulled out his phone, seeing new messages from the Broerrrs group chat.

Moyo: BOYS!! We need to find an idea for the next vlog. We haven't put anything up since the start of exam week…

Robbe: The vlogs... I forgot about those

Moyo: Maybe if you’d stop sucking face with Sander for a minute

Robbe: We’re NOT always kissing…

Aaron: That’s all you two did on break! I even saw Sander wiping his mouth at a party 😏🍆💦

Robbe: WHAT?!

Jens: As if you and Amber were any better

Moyo: So? Anyone has ideas for the vlogs?

Aaron: What about a mukbangs? Can we do mukbangs?

Moyo: No mukbangs

Aaron: Why not? They’re cool to watch

Moyo: Maybe, but it’s fucking expensive, man. Do you have any idea how much food we need to buy to do mukbangs?

Jens: Yeah, you could barely afford McDonalds last friday 😂

Aaron: Fuck you!! Unlike you, I had a Christmas present to buy for my girlfriend

Moyo: We could do a twister? Have you guys seen the painful twister challenge?

Robbe: Painful twister?

Moyo: It’s like twister, but when you fall, you do a ‘painful’ challenge like eating a hot pepper or going in an ice bath or even waxing a leg

Jens: My sister has a twister mat, I’ll bring it

Moyo: We’re doing it?

Jens: Fine with me

Robbe: Same

Aaron: We’re not gonna do too painful things, right? Please no electric shock

Jens: Electric shock it is!

Moyo: Sunday 2pm at mine?

Robbe: Can’t. Sander and I are having lunch with my dad

A bell went off and the gates opened, freeing everyone. Then, a huddle of kids hurried out of the school, accompanied by a hubbub of voices and laughters. They ran toward their busses while others walked on the sidewalk, heading home by themselves.

‘’Jens!’’ a cheery voice called in the distance.

He looked up from his phone and smiled as Lotte ran in his direction, happy smile on her face. Her beanie was pulled down too much, almost covering her eyes. Jens let out an ‘oof’ as his sister collided into him, hugging him by the waist.

The brunette pushed up her beanie so she could see better. ‘’Where’s Mama?’’ Lotte asked with a frown, not seeing her around.

‘’Someone was sick and she had to replace them at the hospital. It’s gonna be just the two of us tonight.’’

Lotte pouted, her sad face tugging at Jens’ heart. ‘’She’s always working.’’

‘’I know... What do you say we watch Frozen 2 tonight?’’ Jens offered, knowing how much his sister wanted to see it since it came out in theaters.

Her eyes brightened and face lifted immediately at the mention of the Frozen sequel. ‘’For real?’’ Jens nodded. ‘’All my friends saw it during Christmas break and I’m the only one who didn’t. I have to plug my ears every time they talk about it because I don’t want to get spoiled. Mom said she’d take me, but never did.’’

Jens chuckled, easily imagining Lotte trying to block the spoilers. ‘’Well, you can tell them all about it tomorrow.’’

‘’Yes! You’re the best brother.’’ She went for a second hug, jumping excitedly.

Most siblings who are on opposite ends of the age scale have trouble getting along. Having this much of an age gap means having very different interests. Teenagers tend to need space and don't like their stuff to be touched while children are always in the mood to play and a bit invasive - or curious.

It wasn't the case for Jens and Lotte. Jens loved being an older brother. He took his role very seriously and fully embraced the protective big brother role.Sure, she was annoying at times, always asking questions about everything - but she was eight years old, what could one expect?

Despite that, Jens loved spending time with her whether it was helping with homework or watching movies in their pajamas during the weekend. Nothing made him happier than seeing a big smile on his Lotte’s face - except maybe knowing he was the one that made it appear.

.

Thursday, January 9th

''Left hand on blue,'' Robbe called, being the first to spin the wheel.

Instead of playing the classic way, they decided to all move for every spin. It was more fair to measure everyone's flexibility and endurance. So far, Aaron was losing sorely, having chosen a farther blue circle than necessary.

Jens snickered, seeing his friend's move. Had he ever played Twister?

''Right hand on red.''

This one was easy, at least when you started the right way. Now, Aaron was already struggling, thanks to Moyo, who purposely picked the red circle closer to Aaron.

''I was going to use that one!''

Moyo shrugged. The two others laughed. ''We never agreed to play fair, did we?''

Robbe spun the spinner, watching as Aaron attempted to slide his hand under Jens's chest to reach the other red circle. ''Left foot on green.''

Jens carefully elongated his leg back, putting the asked foot on a green circle, succeeding. Robbe gave him a thumbs-up, but when he turned back to the boys, Moyo's ass was right in his face. He grimaced. ''No... Move away! Get your ass out of my face, man.''

''I can't. It's Aaron's fault. He messed the whole game up when taking the wrong circle,'' Moyo justified.

Guilty, Aaron laughed. ‘’What, how am I supposed to-’’ He was cut off, losing balance when he moved his leg and ended up falling on top of Jens. ‘’Fuck.’’

Robbe snorted. ''And you said you had gotten more flexible now that you’re having so much sex.''

‘’I am. It’s just- The mat is slippery, okay? It wasn't my fault,'' he tried to defend, but it didn't matter because he had fell anyways. First loser.

“That’s what happens when you don’t take off your socks, man.” Moyo laughed, gesturing to everyone else's bare feet.

Standing from the mat, Jens went to grab the wax strips he bought for the video and held them high for the camera. ‘’Wax time!’’ he and Moyo declared at the same time.

He warmed the wax strips with his hands as Aaron rolled up one of his pant’s leg, revealing a very hairy limb. Jens shared a look with Robbe, looking forward to see their friend suffer. He put the wax strip on Aaron’s leg, smirking. There was no going back, now.

‘’Want me to pull it slowly or one shot?’’

‘’Go slow-’’ He was cut off as Jens didn’t listen and pulled it one shot, making Aaron’s leg throb in pain. ‘’Ow!’’ Aaron curled on himself, holding his - now hairless - leg as if it would lessen the pain. ‘’Holy fuck! Why do girls do that to themselves? That shit hurts.’’

Once Aaron had semi recovered from his waxed leg, Moyo took Robbe’s place and spun the spinner, going for a second round.

‘’Okay, Broerrrs, let’s start.’’ Moyo rubbed his hands together excitedly, watching as the arrow circled around and stopped on a color. ‘’Right foot on yellow.''

Again, Aaron didn’t seem to get the rules of the game and used the yellow in Jens’ part of the mat. ''Aaron, what the fuck? This was my yellow,''

Robbe and Moyo laughed as Aaron removed his foot and chose another one. Someone,please, help this child...

After a couple rounds, their asses were in the air, resembling the downward-facing dog position. While it was semi-comfortable position, the next move wasn't.

''Left hand on green.''

Jens, being taller than the other two, was able to reach the green circle. He grinned as he watched Aaron and Robbe struggling. By some miracle, they reached a green circle as well and the game continued.

The next to fall was Robbe, toppling over and causing everyone to join him on the floor. A hot pepper was presented to him and he had to take a bite. There were tears pooling in Robbe’s eyes at how spicy it was. He was not able to feel his lips for the next two rounds.

Moyo managed to crack his pants in the third round, making a move he probably shouldn't have. Despite the clothing casualty, it was gonna be good laughing content for the vlog.

Then, Robbe accidently put his foot on Jens’s hand and Aaron was caught cheating. He swore he wasn’t aware of the ‘only hands and feet are allowed on the mat’ rule, but the boys decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, not wanting to start an argument.

This was, certainly, a memory to tell.

.

Friday, January 10th

Jens’s bedroom door creaked open, pulling him from his sleep. As he woke up, the echoes of his parents' screaming match became clearer, informing him that his dad was home. It’s been like this since December. Jens’s dad had been working at the same office for over fifteen years and, when his boss felt the company’s sales going downhill, he was one of the unlucky employees who got fucking fired. Fired.

Sighing, Jens rubbed his eyes, prying them open, and saw Lotte's standing figure at the foot of his bed, waiting expectantly. It was dark, but he could see the purple giraffe plushie she was holding to her chest. He glanced at the time on his phone: almost 1am.

Sitting up, Jens scooted closer to the wall and lifted his comforter, making room for Lotte. She quickly crossed the floor and crawled under the covers.

‘’Are mama and papa getting divorced?’’ she asked in a small voice.

Jens’s heart sank at her question. He shifted and wrapped his arms around her, fuzzy pajamas tickling his skin. He didn’t know what to say, what to do - he didn’t even know where she’d learned that word. At her age Jens didn’t know what divorce was, less wonder if it was going to happen to his parents.

“Don’t worry Lotte, everything’s going to be okay.’’ His arms hugged her tighter, hoping it would reassure her a little...hoping he was right. He knew that hearing their parents fight so frequently was affecting her more than him, but he didn’t realise just how much more.

.

His skilled hands were under Jana's top, thumb grazing over her unpadded bralette, making her nipple harden. She arched her back as they kissed, trying to create friction between their bodies.

They had escaped to a free bedroom minutes ago, seeking the intimacy and proximity that they couldn't allow themselves in the middle of the party.

This bed wasn't near as comfortable as Jana's, but it did the job for their mid-party make out session. A better choice than the bathroom, at least. In here, no one would bang on the door and yell about needing to use the toilet.

A moan left Jana's lips as Jens kissed down her neck, her bitten fingernails scratching at Jens's back under his tee shirt - why was it still on? Jens smiled smugly, remembering his ex-girlfriend’s body and its reaction to his touch like they never broke up the year prior. Some things just can’t be forgotten.

The loud music echoed inside the room, Travis Scott’s latest hit playing. It wasn’t really a song to bang to, but they weren’t the ones in charge of the playlist, were they?

Jana hooked her leg around Jens’s waist, fingers grasping the sheets as he kissed his way down her stomach, knowing exactly where this was going. ‘’Jens…’’

.

Readjusting his hoodie, Jens ducked out of the bedroom he was in. His hair was probably still messy from Jana running her fingers through it. He pulled out his phone, texting Moyo to ask where they were, in the mood to smoke a joint. Nothing tasted better than a blunt after a blowjob.

At least, at the moment.

‘’Got lucky tonight?’’

Looking up, Jens recognized the new guy at school. Lucas, was it? He was standing in the hallway, red cup in his left hand, leaning against the wall as he raised his eyebrows suggestively, a smug grin on his lips.

Jens frowned. ‘’Uh?’’

‘’I saw your girl leaving the same room and adjusting her shirt a minute ago. Not that I was stalking you. I was just...there, I guess,’’ he explained, bringing his cup to his lips, taking a slow sip.

‘’Oh, you mean Jana?’’ Jens shook his head, correcting him. ‘’She’s not my girl. Not anymore.’’

Lucas hummed, interested in the new information. ‘’So, you’re the kind of guy who fuck with his ex?’’

The question took Jens by surprise. He blinked. Did he hear him right? Who was this guy to assume things about him?

‘’What? We didn’t-’’

‘’Clearly, something happened in there and, by the look of your lips and messy hair, no talking was involved,’’ he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively again before holding his hand out. ‘’I’m Lucas.’’

‘’Jens,’’ he replied, shaking the other boy’s hand.

Before they could carry on with their party small talk, someone hooked their arm around Jens’ shoulder. ‘’There you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Robbe disappeared with Sander and Aaron is sucking faces with Amber.’’

“Here I am,” Jens said, laughing at Moyo’s comment about their friends. “Did you get my text?”

Moyo shook his head, a questioning look on his face. ‘’No…’’

“Do you have the weed?”

“Ah, yes.” Moyo replied, pulling a joint out of his pocket and handing it to Jens, who took it gratefully. ‘’Want some?’’ he asked, nodding at Lucas.

‘’Normally I’d say yes, but I actually should be heading home now.’’ Lucas raised his eyebrows, blue eyes on Jens. ‘’See you around, Jens.’’

Moyo was distracted by someone behind them talking and Lucas took the opportunity to wink at Jens, before walking off and leaving the other boy baffled.

What. The. Fuck.

#jens stoffels #jens's season #wtfock #lucas van der heijden #vds #van der stoffels