#vent incoming sorry ik this is probably really annoying

[medicasino]

ive just accepted im just never going to fit cleanly into any label or community ever

#affie txt #vent incoming sorry ik this is probably really annoying #and im also sorry if this comes off insensitive or ''i have it SO hard'' i dont mean to be like that #but just. no matter how my identity rolls out i always feel like an imposter in some way #when i ided as a lesbian i already knew i was nonbinary and despite my yearning to experience it; i never knew and will never experience #being a lesbian and a binary woman. and ofc when i ided as a nonbinary lesbian was during that whole bullshit ''nonbinary people cant be #lesbians'' debate that resurfaced so that didnt fucking help #but im not a lesbian im bi so that was easy i guess. or easier #not being binary or very knowledgeable on queer history (tbh i want to change this im not proud of that) and having not participated in #many pride events and queer spaces irl (due to uh. yunno. Covid lol) #has like really made me feel like an imposter that just doesnt fit in anywhere #and now coming to terms with me being transmasc and having a strong attraction towards men and nonbinary folks has really uh. shaken things #up #and not fully in a good way bc its left me scrambling to put together the pieces #its left me in sooooooooooooo much distress i feel like so sick over it #its. not fun. esp bc im still pre-op so very girlish in appearance and voice eugh #and on top of that im also still nonbinary and do feel more neutral/androgynous some days and also consider myself gnc bc i like feminine #clothes and stuff so like. AUGH! and im also fucking 5'1-2 so no matter if i bind or get top surgery or etc i dont think ill ever pass as #not a girl so . pain! #and even saying all that makes me feel guilty bc its like. is that just internalized misogyny? am i misogynistic for feeling this way? and #IK IN MY RATIONAL MIND THATS BULLSHIT AND THIS IS *ONLY* ABT ME NOT OTHER TRANSMASCS AND NBLMS/MLMS TO BE CLEAR #im just an anxious mess with ocd and anxiety in general that just loooooooooooves latching onto bullshit like this to prove im predatory or #weird. also other ocd themes dont fucking help? #idk ill shut up now i need to be on a call but just like. its painful bc i dont feel like i fit into any queer communities lol #this also applies to disability stuff but im NOT cracking that can of worms open today sorry #ok gopdbye for now . responses are ok btw but also no pressure im kinda just emptying my head lol #vent #rant #ask to tag