#uh.......................... sorry i think i feel chatty today gskbfjbjf

[dragqueenpentheus]

You haven't watched every spn episode? That's crazy!

i hope for all my fanfics sake this means you CANNOT tell because my characterization is so on point <3

insane rant below the cut about..... my relationship w media and spn specifically??

but YEah...... i was a huge obsessive fan back in 2011/2012 and gobbled the whole thing up repeatedly over and over. i can not TELL you the number of times i've watched the first five seasons. absolutely unholy. i have a top 28 episode list of my life changers that i will rewatch regularly and did back after i ragequit the series as well because it was crossing over from??? hm. not answering questions for mystery and tension reasons and doin it just for FRUSTRATION and because of the massive number of writers just..... forgetting what the other was doing lol

im truly.....a pretentious bitch with my media........ i love when its been CRAFTED (the terror, les mis). i also adore just feel good idiocy (austenland, mama mia, the proposal). because they hurt me on purpose to say something and make me think OR its just a stupid joyful feel good time!

spn got to and ...... frankly stayed in a space that just. frustrated me and hurt me for.... no gain and no reason.

like...................... janurary of 2012 i made a bet with a friend that if destiel didnt get together by the end of the season they could smack me across the face. i lost and they DIDN'T but. i had totally given up hope and just felt JERKED around. ((also i never got smacked lol))

i had fallen behind and then heard about kevins fate and !! all the pain just added up and up and up and it wasn't worth it anymore, as much as i loved and DEFINED myself by spn i was getting so torn up every week that i just. dropped it.

and smash cut to ten years later when cas confessed and my brainworms awoke from their slumber. i remembered all the LOVE i have for cas and dean and !! its been and AWFUL year and so hard so i let myself slip back in but!!! my RULE for myself is only engage in ways that i know will fulfill me and make me HAPPY. i have no faith the actual text will do that. i have EVERY faith the smart talented marginalized people will present the BEST most creative most evocative version of that narritive

my fic-- if it's set post mid-season eight-- is pretty genuinely fanfic for the reams of meta i read and bits i like and harvest into my own internal narrative of spn.

THAT being said ive rewatched the confession scene TOO many times and did go ahead and watch tombstone and it autoplayed a few episodes after that and this freak named ketch started lying about being his own twin-- which!! hilarious. but not really what i'm after media wise. i also do watch throughs of all my fav minor characters episodes!! so i've done clairenatural but for wayward sisters bc its gunna break my heart bc itll slap so hard. someday i wanna do rowenanatural and garthnatural..... probably also gabriel! but ill likely stay cozy in my first five seasons home for a while lmfao

this is not a statement on my fave shower runners bc i literally dont know them all i swear to you im not a kripke supremacist/purist-- i just already KNOW the ways the early seasons will disappoint me.... im aware inside OUT of how it will break my heart and frustrate me. so ... easy rewatch content

SO ANYWAY here's way too much info about me and also an explanation of why i get nervous around fandom creators i respect-- in my head THEY are the spn writers

#reply #anon #irl #spn #uh.......................... sorry i think i feel chatty today gskbfjbjf