#ttpoilog

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[Made the mistake of allowing myself to be softened up and added in a group chat where resentful discourse emerged only a day after I joined. I had nothing to do with the discussion, but even just being within the group itself and knowing there are people who become easily riled up and act acrimoniously towards others over literally the smallest and inane matter is extremely irritating. Fools make me sick.]

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@endworldbroadcast He’s on the CEO grindset.

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[Friend from university asked if I could help design the psychology merchandise this year and I had to send them examples but because I literally only have Sayaka fanart I’m frankly embarrassed. ]

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[I should joins club in my school, but most of the clubs are boring. I’m still bothered by the fact that it doesn’t have an art club - and people told me I should open one myself, but the problem is that I hate responsibilities and I’m really not that good at drawing to begin with to qualify as a leader for said club. I just find the idea of a space where all the secret psychology art nerds and stem misc people can participate in drawing at their own leisure appealing.]

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Today is the blog’s official anniversary. One full year of Sayaka posting and etc. Some blog fun facts:

[1] The most interesting thing about this blog is that its name was ironed down by a friend of mine, who at the time kept parroting the “I’ve gone past the point of insanity” cat meme to himself. When I asked for naming suggestions he misquoted it as “to the point of insanity” instead, which was what I stuck with.

[2] I shortened the name to “ttpoi” for conventional referral purposes, but also because I was thinking about turtles [?] and bubbles at the time of doing so. It’s supposed to be pronounced like “te-te-poi” instead of “tee-tee-poi”. It’s still a mouthful all around in any case.

Thank you to everyone that viewed my gallery. I am grateful for the support and kindness that everyone has shown towards me and my works.

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Ah! There are a lot of people now. Thank you everyone for the support 🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️ While I am aware I sound like a broken record, I’m grateful for all the support and kindness that people have shown me. Σ（・□・；）There are now more than 2000 Sayaka likers!!

#wasn’t expecting to get…that many followers actually #the[perception] is still tolerable for now so I’m not running away just yet #ttpoilog

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Recently, I have been looking into the surge of Minecraft horror mods in the community. Specifically the trend of “-dwellers” that are characterised by lanky monsters with sharp teeth and white eyes, spawn in the middle of nowhere to stalk you, and are mostly accompanied by strange sounds of their presence. Some are not even labelled as “-dweller”s, but their characteristics are pretty much the same. Loud music blaring the moment they see you, or flashing five hundred PNGs on screen.

I find it rather odd and…not scary. It would make me jump in the game, surely, but after a while it would be more irritating than anything to follow some arbitrary rule just to avoid it. And in some mods, they are a one-shot on the player and spawn anyways in conditions you wouldn’t expect. Working hard, or hardly working?

#ttpoilog #people can continue making them I literally could not care less but it’s really silly more than anything #I’m very particular when it comes to horror so whatever #Game Archives

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[I do all of my coloured drawings on one layer, but all my sketchy drawings have layers instead.]

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[There are many things that are anti-art and thus detestable to me as a result. Saying that “experimenting purely for the sake of experimenting instead of using it as a technique for your works will always fail, so you shouldn’t that”, for example, is one such sentiment. The narrative that art can fail and must always be presentable is what discourages most people from trying. It’s true that you can feel immensely frustrated with your own works for not fulfilling your initial vision, but that is not the same as failure, nor does it mean that experimentation has to rely on some arbitrary guideline whenever you’re trying to draw something new.]

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Season’s greetings.

I initially wrote a long introspective paragraph on how I feel about drawing new things moving forward, but then I remembered that this is my blog and a great mutual once told me I should do whatever I wanted with my own space.

Tldr: I don’t purely draw pmmm content and cannot guarantee that I will continue to consistently post about it. But if you somehow want to stick around for reasons beyond to me, then feel free to do so. Even if not, that’s fine - may we meet again as fish in the ocean. (*ﾟ▽ﾟ)ﾉ Madokami bless this fandom.

#ttpoilog #Sayaka Archives #I’m not saying this and then just running away lmao #I’m just at the point where I have enough people who follow me for this one specific content #that I might not always make in the future #this girl is my blorbo she always will be #I want to try making more original content next year #maybe even get back into traditional art #we’ll see but I’m excited #regardless of what happens I’m happy because I got to have a fun time for once #thank you for everything. #I will be back in a week ☝️ because I want to see my family again

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[The disconnect between each self is immense. Every time I write an entry I have to make sure future Me understands it. I need to start incorporating self language into my this digital diary so I don’t end up alienating whoever takes my place down the line. <- The technique of which is arbitrary and will probably still read offensively to them.

Anyways. I thought about this since I found screenshots of Modus Interactive’s Iketsuki game in my gallery from 2019. That logically “tracks” since the game came out during that year. What does not track is that I have zero recollection of ever having seen that game during that year. Not the aesthetics, not the name…nothing! And yet, the screenshots taken from 2019 are exactly the same set as the ones I took a few months ago (specifically including the fish and Anahel), like it appealed to the me even from the past. I don’t remember this, and if this isn’t prime evidence that I’m a regurgitated archetype of every last representative, I don’t know what is.]

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I saw a rilakkuma plush I really liked online but for it I need to talk to the seller. Wow. Can’t imagine I need to talk to people to get things I want. Unbelievable.

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[It’s easy for me to lose track of people by the arbitrary presence that they come with. I often have this thought that people shouldn’t leave ‘my line of sight’, because when they do, my feelings and relationship with them reset to zero. Years of friendship can be snipped away like that, and truthfully it wouldn’t impact me in any negative way, if only occurring as a memory that ‘oh, I forgot that I used to be really close with this irl’. When I got in touch with a friend that I haven’t talked to in months because I lost all my contacts when I switched my phone, I told them I missed them, and so I was surprised that they returned the same sentiment. “I miss you” is a statement I wouldn’t simply tell anyone since I can’t be bothered with cementing everyone I meet in my mind, aside from the surface level impressions I have of them. Cardboard rotated in my mind. It’s also interesting that people’s feelings don’t automatically ‘reset’ when they see me when I haven’t seen them in a while. I don’t know how they do it. It’s not that I hate anyone for being attached to me, it is just that I often remember that most of my relationships are fragile and fade much faster since I’m rarely invited out for any actual social events with friends to maintain that level of hashtag girly best friends friendship. Even aside from events, I don’t particularly go out of my way to contact anyone since most of my time is spent on self-sustaining, the act of which is consuming and never ending.]

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[When a person comes on here and writes that they love me, I wonder what they mean by that. You would love me? You would love a stranger you don’t know? Respect is one thing, Love is another. And what if I was evil? Then it becomes a moral debacle for you, and then it wouldn’t be love at all.]

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[I had a dream so long and deep that when I woke up I thought I was in my own home again. In the dream, I would sleep next to a girl my age on the floor, and awake with blood stains all over the curtains, bedsheets and pillows, paired with a frequent, silver shimmer I could not decipher. It seems that the “plot” was that a sorcerer would possess a person very night to carry out his bidding, and the only evidence of this possession was that he kept bleeding zinc [?] wherever he went.]

#which is strange because I don’t think zinc in its liquid state is silverish #ttpoilog

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[I dislike how volatile my own emotions are. T’was having a fine day, blue skies and having fun speaking to my companion, looking through comics, but then the unbearable weight of Existence and People and The Sounds and The Idea Of It All crushes you without warning, not even a stinger, and then the anger becomes a front for complete apathy. I don’t remember what happened for the past few hours, but in a way things have “reset” again.]

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