#tomorrow its gonna be an intense morning then a chill afternoon then an intense evening

[wings-of-indigo]

So, Waitress is closing and Why I am Happy about that: An Exceedingly long essay Rant about Broadway

Look. Nobody's gonna read this, most likely, but it's 2 in the morning and my brain's been obsessing over Broadway (more than usual, anyway) since communing with my people at intensive this week. So, in the interest of getting some sleep before 8 hrs of dance and shitty high notes tomorrow, here goes.

I love classic, high-school-and-community standard musicals. I love new and experimental musicals. I love Disney film-to-stage musicals. I love institution musicals like Chorus Line, Cats, and Wicked; I even have a soft spot for Phantom. I am eagerly anticipating West Side Story next Christmas (seriously, I have a calander).

BUT.

As I said to one of my fellow dancers during post-class stretch (after noting his insane flexibilty and making yet another resolution to stretch more) I am Sick to GoDAMnEd DEATH of revivals, franchise adaptions, and restagings taking up the Broadway and greater theater markets.

I get why it's happening; I do. Musical theater, even shows that never make it out of Regional productions (Be More Chill, btw, I'm so proud of you bby :'-D ) are REALLY FREAKING EXPENSIVE, not just to stage, but also to develop. Broadway productions nowadays regularly go upwards of TENS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS in costs.

Those costs are more and more frequently being met through funding by large groups of wealthy investors, who can expect basically little to no return on that investment. Only a select few shows that make it to the Great White Way do well enough to turn a profit (let alone the kinds of numbers that Hamilton, DEH, and Wicked continue to make), and more and more shows are closing in defict or once they break even. (Coincidentally, this is probably why we're seeing more and more straight plays on Broadway, especially in limited engagements. They're quicker, cheaper, and still have the same level of prestige.)

It makes sense then to assume that a show linked to an already successful property has a better chance of reaching that break-even mark, or perhaps generating a small return, than a more original idea. It's a surer bet, and we've seen it a lot these past few seasons. Anastasia, Beetlejuice, Pretty Woman, Moulin Rouge, Mean Girls... we get it. We promise. Investors want some security in an extremely and notoriously insecure market before they're willing to lay out the dough.

I get it. Everybody gets it.

And, to be fair, some of those shows are and continue to be GOOD. Tony nominees and award winners, even. But here's the problem: it's boring.

And not because I know how Act 2 ends without getting spoilers on tumblr. Unless they're younger than ten, the population of Broadway-and-musicals fans generally has a good handle on where a show's relevant plotlines are going. It's really not the wanting to know the end that keeps your butt in your overpriced red velvet seat and your eyes on the stage. It's the score, the words, occasionally the choreography, and most importantly the magicians on, off, and backstage bringing those things to life in a new and interesting way.

The antithesis of this, then, is having to watch slavish recreation of iconic scenes, lines, and characters from iconic films, presented Onstage! (TM), now with Bonus Songs! for your reconsumption. (Yes, Pretty Woman, I'm looking at you.)

Hey, I love Pretty Woman the Movie, slightly dodgy messages about feminity aside. I love it as a movie, and I really don't need to watch the knock off version of it, even if it comes in a shiny Broadway package.

Anastasia, and Beetlejuice, on the other hand, work extrodinarily well as musicals because they are NOT carbon copies of the original, somehow miraculously transplanted onto the stage.

Ironically, musicals based on original ideas are actually some of the most successful and well reviewed recent productions. Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, Come From Away, and Hadestown this season are all original works, and well, look at them. (Fishy, huh? Coincidence, I think the fuck not.)

Recently I got to see The Prom on Broadway, the day after I saw Pretty Woman. The contrast between shows and my enjoyment of them was well defined. I couldn't look away from The Prom, despite many of the major story beats being as obvious as our Cheeto-in-Chief's spray tan. I and the entire rest of the theater were completely engaged by what was going on onstage, both comedically and dramatically. At Pretty Woman, I found myself checking the Playbill to see how many songs were left for me to make it through and anxiously comparing the size of my thighs to the dancers onstage to pass the time (ah, pre pro Body Issues, welcome back! We all thought you'd retired!)

Three guesses which show I'd choose to see again.

When I read that Waitress was closing, the first thing I did was panic and start marking pre January weekends where I would both be free and possibly have disposable income (I've never gotten to see the show, and frankly I would like too). My second reaction was, yes, to mourn the closure of a wonderful show, but it was mixed with hopeful anticipation. Waitress had a good long time in the sun, and just like a well lived life, eventually it must and should end. It's better, in my humble student opinion, to live with memories and cast albums (and regional productions) than the stodgy life of a show that's jealously clung to its Broadway berth through the tourist-and-date-night trade (*cough*Phantom*cough*). It's sort of like your 40 something mother taking selfies in booty shorts in an effort to prove she's still 'hip' and in her twenties. Cringe.

Ephemera is the nature of live performance, and probably part of its allure. And just like in the natural world, old things have to end so that new things can become. Waitress closing is a vital part of this cycle.

Broadway has a limited number of theaters. That's a hard and absolute fact. Maybe a quarter of them are effectively taken off the market for new shows by productions apparently cursed with immortality. Waitress has just opened up another spot both physically and creatively for a new project- hopefully something we haven't seen before- and I hope to God, Satan, and Sondheim that it doesn't get filled with another franchise spinoff, celebrity jukebox musical, or -Lin Miranda forbid - yet another revival.

Why the revival hate, though? Aren't revivals an major way to revisit the landmark and important musicals of the past and bring them to a new audience?

Well, yes. They are, especially when they're staged and presented with the emphasis on letting the music and words speak for themselves and giving the actors leeway to work with the material, without the typical levels of Broadway Extra (TM) and creative meddling from the producers. (The recent Lincoln Center staging of A Chorus Line is a good example of the stripped down style I'm talking about.) But even if they have their place, once again, revivals (while valuable and cool and all that) are Something We've Already Seen.

Let's take Newsies for example. A show with a huge fan base (mostly teen, mostly girls) who I frequently see wishing for a revival.

Now, I am a raging Newsies fan. Newsies is the show that got me started on attempting to make a profession out of dance and theater. I can sing both the OBC and Live albums back to front. I may or may not have had embarrassing crushes on certain cast and characters that I will take to my grave (I'll never tell and you'll never know, mwahhaha). So, do I love and worship ever iteration of this show? Yes. Do I wish I had been able to see either the Natl Tour or Broadway productions? Hell yes, with all my heart. Do I wish the Gatelli choreography was in any way accessible for me to learn? More than I want Broadway tickets to cost less than my soul, kidney, and hypothetical but unlikely first born combined.

But do I want a Broadway revival? Hell FUCKING No.

It's over, it's done, and it lives on in reinterpretation in regional and junior productions. Good. That, to be quite honest, is where it should belong.

It doesn't need to be rehashed on the biggest stages, and to be frank, neither do most of the ultra popular revivals that have been happening. (Yes, Ali Stoker is awesome and deserves the world, but Broadway does not need Oklahoma. If you need to see it that bad, go find a high school production somewhere. I recommend the midwest.) Broadway does not need 1776 (even though I am looking forward to it). Broadway does not need a Sweeney Todd revival (even though I want one like I want ice cream after suffering through jazz class in an un-air-conditioned studio on a 90 degree afternoon with no breeze. Seriously, I might be making sacrifices at my altar to this cause in the back of my closet).

Broadway needs musicals that are at least nominally original, and if not, come from something obscure enough (Kinky Boots, Waitress, Newsies) that they can make their own way. Barring that, investors, writers, and directors, please have the courage and decency to take established content in a new direction. Please, I'm begging you. I'd honestly-and-truly much rather sit through something that didn't try to shove the better version of itself down my throat even as it bored and annoyed me to tears. If I'm going to pay $80+ to sit through two hours of something terrible (and less engaging than my dancer body image issues) at least let me get my money's worth in unique horribleness.

#broadway #newsies #hadestown #mean girls #anastasia the musical #musical theater #waitress #hamilton #beetlejuice #tony awards

[philester]

Rize Livestream 9/20

im currently at work but imma still take notes for yall 

its ok my work is pretty chill as long as i complete my code by the end of my shift it should be fine

“what is happening” “we are doing a liveshow” “I KNOW WE ARE DOING A LIVESHOW”

phil and his small child daniel say bing KJAHSDKJLASD 

dan’s voice is v high

humidity killed phil’s quiff

phil is back to being emo....this is bad

soft emo

saying hi to a bunch of people

dan and phil both need a haircut

they will be in london on Monday

hi from Mumbai

australia, to manila, to singapore, to hk, to mumbai in a week

traveling is too hard and scary but “we did it!”

phil’s first time in India

dan’s been to India a few times before with his fam but it was his first time in Mumbai

its 31 degrees

went for afternoon tea, gateway of india

“maharaj high tea” dan had the best tea of his life with Indian snacks

phil went for traditional “victorian tea” with macroons and marshmallows

phil feels bad he didnt order the Indian special

Indian food is superior to most other things

Phil always gets chicken tikka masala

Dan likes trying “space paneer from mars”

Dan tried the Indian breakfast 

dan officially apologized for his mouth noises 

dan was like “nunu from teletubies” according to phil

phil had granola and toast

saw the gateway for India 

RANDOM PEOPLE WANTED TO TAKE PICTURES OF THEM (im so embarrassed by that indian people love taking pictures of white people alkjshdjkashdjkaslkjdaskjdhalksjhdklas)

THE BAR STORY

dan is benjamin buttoning

Phil’s hair is a mess--> very eurovision

the bar tender was like “how old is the boy?”

hes not my SONNN???

bar tender didnt even speak to dan directly to phil

phil: “do i look like a 50 year old man???”

dan is JLo cause hes aging well

dan was offended 

question is “what animal represents phil” 

dan said phil is a slimy sea cucumber

yeast show???? (why)

manila was such a passionate audience...v enthusiastic and they felt valid

people were convulsing like a religious healing 

BIG MANILA ENERGY

dan’s facemask is the tears of a new born baby

singapore had the biggest screen ever

don’t leave it on the singaFLOOR

formula1 for mercedes (dan visited them 3 years later)

they got to see the team backstage in the garage 

dan is more into foruma1 than phil

they got to sit in the box behind the garage as they saw them with the cars

phil asked the guy do you play mariokart which was refreshing compared to all the other questions he was asked and he made him laugh

dan said “spray me daddy” in what universe would phil saY THAT (also...dnp are always lurking....)

dan set an alarm to call his grandma (AWWW SO CUTE)

dan’s grandma’s phone only works in the utility room (the place that has the washing machine)

phil is now a fan of formula 1

dnp went to hk and they were scared they would not be able to go because of the typhoon

one of the biggest typhoon

martyn’s flight got canceled

thankfully it all worked out but it was really crazy and intense 

hk had trees knocked over but hk was really efficient and they had cleared all the roads the next day

and now they are doing the mumbai show tomorrow

martyn is just gonna become an australian (hes still there)

they saw han solo on the plane and preferred it to rogue 1

best part of rogue 1 was the darth vader scene

phil didnt care about dan’s opinion about star wars because it was like 4 in the morning

donald glover is an amazing actor as lando 

phil is hyped for the next star wars movie

they havent seen the newest jurassic world

“youll never be readyyyy” phil said in his sensual voice

the sims video lmaooo...a lot happens dnp apologize for it

a good dnp video coming soon...they had a tasty dinner (?)))

the giveaway is still on

TRUTH BOMBS: 1) phil looks like a turtle...wait no not my answer...my real answer is a peacock, phils a seahorse because he is such a daddy ALKSJHDKAJSD, 2) phil reminds of a ferret with an emo fringe, “OMG DOGS”, 3) a penguin....-TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES- 4) they say hi to a girls mum...phil is a koala bear (i couldnt hear the rest of the part xause rize sucks)

koala bear wins 

phil might be allergic to guava

this is the last liveshow on tour :((((

next liveshow will them be back at home

they probably left the oven on 

look forward to gaming videos, tbc

dan’s eyebrows, more breakfast content 

BYEEEEE

#mine #dan #phil #phan

[missjanjie]

Branjie Fic - Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer (5/?)

Title: Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer Summary: Brooke Lynn is a graduate student anxiously embracing her new position as her favorite dance professors’ new TA. Vanessa is a sophomore dance major who just might make her way into being more than the teacher(assistant)’s pet. (lesbian/university AU) Word Count: ~2.5k (this chapter)/~13.4k (total) Relationship: Branjie (Vanessa ‘Vanjie’ Mateo/Brooke Lynn Hytes) Rating: E

Read on AO3 | Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4

At nine-thirty on Sunday morning, the alarm Brooke Lynn set on her phone went off, jerking her awake from her peaceful sleep. She untangled herself from Vanessa just enough to shut it off, fighting the strongest urge to fall back asleep. It was too cozy, even if they were both sweaty and still smelled vaguely of sex. It was much more difficult to push herself up this time, grunting softly as she rubbed her eyes. “We have to get ready,” she finally announced.

Vanessa groaned and hit her with a pillow. “Like hell we do,” she retorted, rolling over and burying her face in the pillows.

Brooke rolled her eyes and yanked the blankets off of her. She looked down at her for a moment – her naked body sprawled across the bed a vivid reminder of the night before. She didn’t quite know how she was supposed to feel in the wake of that – there wasn’t regret, which is what she expected. Maybe it was some sort of tentative hesitation, an uncertainty of what was to come next. “The bus is leaving at eleven whether you’re on it or not. Now, I’m taking a shower, you should start packing,” she instructed before exiting into the bathroom.

About five minutes into her shower, Brooke heard the bathroom door open. At first, she figured Vanessa was just going to brush her teeth while she showered, then she felt skin brush against her own. “May I help you?” she chuckled and glanced down at her.

“Only if you want to,” Vanessa winked and leaned over to kiss her shoulder. She lathered up her own hair with shampoo, then squirted shower gel into her hands before rubbing them up and down Brooke’s body.

“Baby, we’re on a schedule,” Brooke said in a half-hearted attempt to dissuade her from continuing. She rinsed out her hair, still not doing anything to deter Vanessa’s wandering hands.

“Exactly. Saving time this way. Plus, we’re being like, environmentally friendly and shit, conservating water,” she reasoned, tilting her head and kissing at her neck.

Brooke smiled and rolled her eyes. “Fine, but keep it above the waist,” she relented, cupping her face to kiss her properly. She turned Vanessa around and rinsed her hair out, a tender affection in every touch. There was a peacefulness between them, a calmness that outweighed the potential sensuality. There was beauty in the simplicity of just enjoying the feeling of each other’s hands against their skin.

“Alright, let’s get going,” Brooke turned off the water and playfully smacked Vanessa’s ass as she stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a hotel towel, knowing they had to get ready a little faster, because one long shower was just as time consuming as two short ones, if not more. “Besides, don’t you have that competition coming up?”

Vanessa nodded as she blew her hair dry. “Aren’t you going? I thought you’d know all about it,” she remarked offhandedly. When she saw the confusion in Brooke’s expression when she looked up in the mirror, she followed it up with “Aren’t you doing like…a paper or whatever on it? I heard a bunch of TAs’ were invited to write it up,” she explained.

Brooke frowned with her brows furrowed. “No, I don’t actually know what you’re talking about…” she would have to ask Katya about that, she decided. She had been doing so well in her classes, shouldn’t she have been invited too? “But I’ll come and support you either way,” she offered.

“Shit, I didn’t wanna make drama or hurt your feelings,” Vanessa frowned. “I’m sure they just fucked up, don’t sweat it,” she assured as they both finished getting ready.

----------

“Aha!” Brooke held up a sheet of paper and slammed it down on Katya’s desk.

“Okay, so, why are you in here going through my papers? Did we plan for this? Because this feels like something I would forget,” Katya remarked, having spent the past five minutes watching her assistant rifling through a stack of papers.

Brooke tapped at the page to draw her attention to it. “Why didn’t I know about this competition? Vanjie said a bunch of TAs’ were invited to it.”

Katya exhaled deeply. “First of all, your girlfriend got some exaggerated information, because like, two were picked,” she told her. “Second, I did nominate you but…some allegations were made that your interpretations could be skewed with a certain bias…”

The flyer crumpled in Brooke’s fist as her gaze narrowed at Katya. “How many people have you been calling her my girlfriend around?” if her career wasn’t on the line, she could have strangled her.

“No one! I don’t think I did, anyway. Listen, I got shitfaced at the dinner and—”

“You got drunk and outed me?!” Brooke started pacing back and forth across the office, grinding her teeth to keep her mouth shut, otherwise she just might have screamed. “Oh, I’m gonna fucking kill you. You better fix this. Fix this or I swear to god I will not let you hear the end of it.”

Katya got up and tried to steady Brooke to get her to calm down. “Listen, I’ve got this. Reel in the mental breakdown. I’m sure it’s nothing serious, or someone would have said something outright. It’s all rumors,” it took a few moments, but she did finally get her to take a few deep breaths and de-escalate the situation. “Wait, so did you guys—”

“Yes! Okay? I wouldn’t be freaking out if there was nothing to freak out about,” Brooke let out an exasperated sigh. “So, fight your natural instincts and keep your fucking mouth shut, and maybe I’ll actually tell you the dirty details. Are we good?” she waited for Katya to confirm with a nod before she fully relaxed. “Good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

----------

At two in the morning, Brooke was fast asleep. That was until she heard a knock at the door. Sleepy and confused, she haphazardly tied a robe around her waist and opened the door. “Vanjie? Are you okay?” she gently ushered her inside and shut the door behind her. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“This competition got me fucked up, that’s what’s wrong,” Vanessa replied, walking right through the apartment and flopping down on Brooke’s bed. “Some of these hoes been dancing since birth or got that classical training you’re so proud of. I don’t know if I can compete with that,” she was shaken, doing her best to avoid being on the verge of tears. It was finally hitting her how intense the competitive world could be, and it was a lot to take in.

Brooke was quick to rush to her comfort, getting into bed and pulling Vanessa close, cradling her in her lap. She placed gentle kisses over her head and forehead, rubbing her back soothingly. “NYU hit an all-time low acceptance rate this year. That means only the best of the best were accepted – they chose you out of thousands of dance students across the country. If that doesn’t prove you belong here, I don’t know what does,” she cupped her jaw, making their eyes meet. “You, Vanessa Mateo, are talented, smart, beautiful, and if whoever’s judging this competition sees half of what I do in you, there’s nothing stopping you,” she saw a single tear slip down Vanessa’s cheek and kissed it away, then pulled back to gently run her thumb across the spot. “Do you want to stay here tonight?”

Vanessa nodded sheepishly, shifting so she and Brooke could both get under the covers. “I’m sorry for waking you and whatever,” she mumbled, face buried in the crook of her neck. “I know I’m a lot to deal with, plenty of people say so, that I’m too messy and extra,” there was a pang of guilt in her voice. Just because she wasn’t the most well-spoken didn’t mean she was stupid – she knew how people saw her – someone that was loud and brash, that didn’t know when enough was enough. While she often wore it as a badge of honor, she didn’t want to scare off people she cared about – people like Brooke Lynn.

“You are, but that’s what makes you the Vanjie I’ve grown so fond of,” Brooke tilted her chin up and pecked her lips. “You’re unpredictable and over the top, but sometimes people need a little spice in their lives. I know mine would be far too boring without you in it, and as fucking crazy as you are, you still manage to win over everyone around you. Not a lot of people can do that,” she told her, kissing her once more.

“How d’you always know what to say to get me outta my head?” Vanessa asked. Her fingers aimlessly twirled around the strings of Brooke’s robe, occasionally pushing the fabric to the side to let her fingertips run across the exposed strip of skin that went from her navel to between her breasts. Even after finally knowing her body intimately, she still savored each and every time she got to touch her.

Brooke beamed affectionately, laying back onto the bed, allowing Vanessa to lay on top of her. “Because I want you to know that I’m in your corner, even if it’s us against the world,” with the exchange she had with Katya earlier in the week, she worried that might be the case, but she didn’t want her to see her sweat. The girl on top of her, who had come to her in distress in the middle of the night, didn’t need to be burdened with the potential damage their relationship could have on her own future, she had so much on her plate. “Now, do you think you’ll be able to get some sleep tonight?”

Vanessa looked up at Brooke and puckered her lips expectantly. After receiving another few kisses, she nodded. “I can now.”

----------

With October in full swing, a gentle chill had made its way through the New York City air. Gone were the sweaty afternoons and the bug-filled nights, and the rooftop track on top of one of the many NYU buildings was significantly less populated than it was only a week before. It was, however, occupied by Brooke and Vanessa, who took advantage of their down time to take a stroll, arms linked with their hands shoved into their sweatshirt pockets.

“You have to admit, competing on the roof is pretty cool,” Brooke remarked. It was only three days before Vanessa’s competition, and working through her nerves and her own frustration hadn’t been easy, but they liked to believe they had finally gotten to a point of comfortably coping.

“I could knock one of those other bitches off the ledge when no one’s looking,” Vanessa mused, looking out at the city skyline. “We’re pretty high up, you never know.”

Brooke sighed and let out a soft chuckle. “I don’t know how many times I’ve got to tell you that sabotage isn’t the answer,” she cooed. “Can you promise me you’ll be on your best behavior until this whole thing is over?”

“Absolutely not.”

That was what Brooke expected, if she were being honest with herself. “Alright come on, let’s get inside before it gets too cold,” she shifted and got Vanessa on to her back, piggybacking her until they reached the main level of the building, giggling the whole way down. She carefully placed her back on the ground, holding her hand as they started towards the door.

That was, until, a girl crossed their path out of seemingly nowhere. “Hey, you’re Vanessa, right?” her gaze was fixed squarely on her with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m Lily, we’re in the same competition on Friday,” she told her, holding her hand out.

Vanessa looked her over – ginger hair, cerulean eyes, a light dusting of freckles on particularly pale skin – she recognized this girl instantly. She had watched her performances online, and already considered her stiff competition. But she swallowed her anxiety and shook her hand. “Yeah, think I saw your name on the list or something. This is Brooke, she, uh, has been helping me practice,” this was technically true, and covered her ass, still unsure of how public to make their relationship.

Not that it mattered, apparently, as Lily hardly acknowledged Brooke’s existence beyond an “Oh, hi,” without taking her eyes off of Vanessa. “Anyway, I wanted to wish you good luck! Also, I’m having a party afterwards to celebrate, win or lose, you should come,” she then added “Your friend can come too,” with disinterest.

“Uh, yeah…” there was hesitation in Vanessa’s voice, glancing between Lily and Brooke. “We can stop by for a few. I love a good party,” that was a satisfactory answer, at least that’s what she concluded when neither of the other girls had a change in facial expression.

“Cool! See you at the competition, unless you’re practicing here before then, I’ll be around,” her voice was almost cloyingly sweet, but she hugged Vanessa before walking off.

Vanessa scratched the back of her head with her free hand, looking sideways as the girl left. “Huh, usually my competition’s a lot bitchier but she seemed pretty—ow! Are you trying to break my hand?” she asked, suddenly becoming aware of the death grip Brooke had on her.

“I don’t like her,” Brooke said flatly. It was the first time she had verbalized a negative opinion towards anyone to Vanessa, and her tone was devoid of any humor or sarcasm.

“Well shit, if she bothers you that much, I won’t practice here,” Vanessa shrugged. There were other gyms, and it was an easy choice between location and Brooke’s comfort as far as she was concerned.

There was a beat of tense silence, Brooke’s lips pressed into a thin line as she seemed deep in thought. “Oh no baby, you’re practicing here…but not til I’m done with you,” her stoic expression cracked into a smirk, bringing a sense of relief to Vanessa.

And when Vanessa found herself pinned to her dorm room wall, her head pressing firmly against the wood, she was much more than relieved.

Brooke was attacking Vanessa’s neck, leaving hickey after hickey on every clean spot of skin she found, moving from the edge of her jaw to the base of her collarbone. One hand kept Vanessa’s shoulder pinned to the door – as if she would’ve gone anywhere – and the other pushed haphazardly into her yoga pants, thrusting and scissoring two fingers inside of her and using her thumb to stimulate her clit. She didn’t breathe a word until she knew she had gotten the other off, then everything slowed to a halt. Brooke released the hold she had on Vanessa, then placed a chaste kiss on her lips – one that had felt so out of place after what had taken place. “Let’s see her try to ignore that,” she said out loud to herself, admiring the handiwork she’d completed.

“God damn, Brooke Lynn! You came outta left field with one, I love it,” Vanessa remarked as she caught her breath, padding after Brooke, who had already made her way on to the bed. She would have never anticipated such jealousy out of her, but if that was the result, she didn’t mind it one bit.

#branjie #branjie fic #branjie fanfic #branjie fanfiction #rpdr rpf

[solasulad]

November Update Mo’de.

November 9th I don’t even know what’s going on. I thought I wanted dick tbh. Like thought I was okay with fucking with him cause I didn’t feel anything for him. Turns out I play myself and etc you already know how this goes...

So I’ve been talking to mode on and off lately mostly weekdays for like 2 weeks we been texting. Was supposed to see him Sunday or something but said fuck it and he never replied back. So he says he has a phone issue okay I get it cause he downgraded to a iPhone 6. Kinda make sense but idk if I even wanna believe his phones been acting up since February.

So.. we had talks of plans on meeting up. Come Monday he’s been very friendly with me via text. Even when I give him half ass replies he takes it and says something else. Told me me missed me again, I said yah sure should’ve ghosted your ass he’s like why? I told him he’s like sorry we can chill this week. This week ended up turning into a w/e feeling tbh. Like I was horny mad horny i was even down to fuck him and not say anything either. Just go there fuck and leave nothing else. Maybe even end it the feeling was just trash tell him I moved on or something and that I want to focus on my self. Sound like a white bitch but it’s true. I really wanted to end it at some point. Everyone I know says he’s not worth it. Damn even my mom says he’s not worth it. He challenges my insecurities. He isn’t that good looking but he makes me feel like I’m just average at best.

Nov 20th So cont. he sends me a message on Tuesday asking about my bday and that I should let him know if anything changes. I said I would, then he finishes the text sentence for me with one word & I reply back like you finishing my sentences he’s like yah real one I’m like cringing rn he’s like boo I’m like don’t.

Lol^ but he never texts me affectionate stuff so that was a turn off since I was already tryna distance myself from that.

So come to Wednesday we still talk via text only** I was horny too 😭 so I messaged him asking if he was busy after work. Then replied back he’s with his homie.. asked me if tomorrow was okay I was like okay.

I just wanted some dick tbh nothing else maybe a little cuddle that’s all 😰

Come Thursday, we text during the morning was still replying late the other day. W/e but we did have plans to link up that night. - we link up Thursday night. He pulls up to tim hortons in my area and I get into his car. We’re just talking for like a bit suddenly out of nowhere my younger brother pulls up, him and his friend in my step dads car. I see him get out the car smoking a cigarette and just standing there.

I’m shook at this point. I lean back in mode’s car because I don’t want to be seen. I confused because I don’t wanna expose myself but I want to approach him and smack him across his head. So he goes into Tim hortons, mode tells me that I should go and just say I saw him pulling out of the drive way. Once he goes inside I quickly run in the store and approach him. I look at him and can tell he’s high. His eyes red, smells like shit & can’t even focus.

So I talk to him and tell him fix up. That’s not the kinda path he’s gonna wanna be on when he’s older.

Long story short, I told him go home and I’m see him there.

I leave the area call mo’de to link up again and he follows me to another spot near by. We talk for a bit I can’t even remember what cause it was two week ago. But we talked for a bit then started making out. He pulls up to another spot, we get in the back and he’s so horny. My intentions that night was to fuck. But the whole seeing my bro thing fucked me up. Like my mind wasn’t there. I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t fuck knowing what I saw. And he was really horny too. I recall him kissing my neck down to my breast and me feeling sad. Like I felt like crying. I even shed a tear but wiped it away. I was just looking at him rubbing his chin, and asking him if he missed me he’s like he does. But I ended that night. Told him I had to go, it was getting late he’s like what, come on Im super H’d. My whole Mode just changed man. Like I felt like crying, felt so bad and sad. Just wanted to be held nothing more. I realized it he can’t love me and that hurts. He can’t love me how I want him to love me. Made me even cry harder that night. So I left it as that. Messaged him later that night when I got home saying I was sorry & that shit just caught me off guard. Didn’t mean it. He’s like he understands. Texted him Friday morning also and then he said he could see me later on after work. I said that was cool, yah cause it’s Friday why not. So I ended up agreeing for 8:30 ish. My friend was buggin so I invited her over and went to the mall together to do a little outfit  shopping for Marisa’s bday. So... times getting closer and he’s not hitting me up. I message him at 9 and ask busy? He’s like yah i say it’s okkk. I leave it as that. From Friday to next week Thursday I never hear from him.  Whole week last week I was like when’s he gonna text me. Check for me? Send me snap? Nothing. Anyways I literally left it as it is, & see a text from him Thursday afternoon asking what’s up. I reply back and so we make plans to link again. He asks about my mtl plans and that’s a flop. Says he’s still going so I’m like lol have fun, he’s like why don’t you come. Awww he’s such a lair I love it. Like tell me to come with you and you gonna hurt my feelings. That’s what niggahs do.

November 22nd cont. He texted me Thursday we talk about the basic shit and kinda make plans to link up but the doesn’t happen. Friday night we say let’s met after work, okay bomb so it’s planned. I get home and have to deal with my older bro getting him a rental under my name. Smh so I’m running back and forth in traffic in the city with him. Let mo’de kno what’s going on. Text him he’s like it’s cool, after works still a go. I get back to the house around 8pm perfect timing. Tell Hoyo I’m about to step out for a bit then bam. He hits me with “his friend got into an accident this is his second accident in two weeks” damn I said. Alright.

Next morning he asked what I was up to I was busy dealing with family wedding planning that weekend so I wasn’t really checking for him like that. I send a text asking if he could visit me and he’s like yah around after the wedding and he’s like yah that’s okay. I’m at the wedding waiting for a text back from him kinda, cause it was an early wedding dinner. By 9:30 I was out that place back home. Didn’t want to stay home but I tried to see what he was up too. No reply back I just left it as that. Texts me in the morning Saturday now asking what I went when I texted him. Convo continued, it was kinda dry. But never really cared. Just wanted dick at that point but also was on my period :(..

He still messages me Monday and we agree to see each other after work. The time comes to see him and I’m already ready at this point. I’m home I leave without telling anyone just out the house Start the car and wait to text him.

We met around his ends a plaza parking lot. I arrived at the plaza around 8:10 maybe waited till 8:40 for this guy. So I was just in the car playing music crying going through emotions while waiting for him.

He comes, I get in his car and we drive off to the back of the plaza... I’m on my period so nothing could even happen. But he parks the car and we talk. We didn’t talk about my bday or the Mtl trip, we didn’t talk about us and how we wanna go from here, we didn’t talk about texts and how we waste each other time. Instead we talk about stupid shit that won’t even matter. I just called him names that whole night. Made fun of him jokingly but seriously. But I did kiss him when I got into the car at first.  

Woah, my train of thoughts everywhere. Shit probably doesn’t even make sense but I’m tryna sum it up. So we talked for a bit then made out. Jumped into the back seat to make out further. Took my jacket off and had him kissing all over me. His soft ass kisses, shit got intense cause I felt his boner through my pants and pad. I had him screaming, moaning telling me he’s coming don’t stop. My jaw got fucking tired but it ended he came so much cum holy. But to end that night, he told me to text when I get home, I told him hit me up if you wanna go out, aka niggah I’m tryna go out..

So fast forward next day Tuesday I’m still calling him names via text. Convo doesn’t really go anywhere but I wanna see him again 😔😔 I just wanna cudddle it’s so cold outside :(

Wednesday I tell him I wanna cuddle then says come then said I’m wild for leaving in the cold. W/e I just want dick and to cuddle not a big deal.

Don’t have plans with him to see him but once my period ends I’m gonna fuck.

- Friday November 23rd. 

So i thought. 

Thursday evening around 7pm the convo was going. Mostly all Tuesday and Wednesday was kinda sex talk. But thursday night he messages me asking if i was home told him yah he's like lucky I'm like nah i wanna be cuddled up with you.... That was around 7pm.. 

i don't get a text back until 9am friday morning aka tonight.. He messages me like so come through.. Im like damn. its a little to late now, then he follows up with a confusing ass convo talking about how he always fucks up things.. Im like L o L have a good weekend talk to you monday.. He's like where you going? I'm like dead at this point because nothing he's saying makes sense and is confusing as fuck. So i sent a text around 6 or 7pm once again and get no reply now its 11:30 just ending off the night. 

Well i know what we are and know we won't be anything more. I don't want a relationship no matter how much my tummy feels for it. 

I can't deal with that that type of fucked up ness in my life. 

Either you with me or you aren't.